Self-Induced Home Improvement Insanity

What Ever You Do...Don't Listen To The "Professionals"...


So there I was, sitting around all comfortable on my sofa some time last Summer--I think it was in June or July of 2009--when I put down my beer and I said to my self...I said:

"Self...you need get up off of your butt, drive down to Home Depot, and get the stuff needed to replace that old crappy 48 year old painted carport door you have there in the Kitchen with a nice stained wooden French door with lots of windows."

Then in an extended conniption fit of mental malaise, I said..."and while you are at it, why not cut a hole through the wood and bricks in the back wall of the dining room and put in another Painted French door with a bunch of glass..."

And then, for the grand Finale...

"If you do all of that stuff, you're just gonna have to buy a another 6'-8" high by 3'-0" wide 100 pound slab of wood and replace your front door, but this time make it solid and just drill a little, itty, bitty hole, in it and put in one of those peep-hole thingies so you can spy on who ever is at your door rather than just looking out the giant picture window two feet away."

And so I did.

BUY all of that stuff needed to do all of those projects last summer.

Problem is, by the time I got the hole pounded through the back wall of the house through the bricks and the associated new deck finished...

and did I mention the new Turbo Pup door in the wall, also cut through solid brick?

It was all I could manage to do to get the old carport door taken down and the new bare door slab cut to match the existing hinges and door strike positions in the old hand built, vintage 1963 wood door frames.

Thus through last winter and all of this spring and summer until about three weeks ago two of my three new doors (not counting the Turbo Pup door) hung un-stained/un-painted in their openings.

And the new front door slab?

It's a random piece of art still today out on my carport (hoping to be installed next week.)

And any way, recently I opened up the year old cans of wood grain sealer and Maple colored stain and Spar Polyurethane and proceeded to slather a new color and finish on the bare wood of the Carport door.

Problem was, instead of using blue painters' masking tape to cover the glass of TWELVE GLASS PANES, I listened to an acquaintance's father who is a self proclaimed "professional" house painter and he told me to just slap the finish on the door and then use a razor blade and mineral spirits to clean the stain and paint off when I was finished.

I'd like to just write the word "W R O N G" here and be done with the subject.

But...

I my considered Redneck experience the guy just wasn't  W R O N G, he was freaking stoned or hallucinating.

I've just gotten through with three days working part time dealing with the biggest clean up mess ever seen since a buddy's wife decided to give her dog an enema  (don't ask.)

At first I swore that dynamite wouldn't get the crap off of the glass panes of my new door.

But then finally, using  a combination of razor blades, a chemical called "Goof Off" (Imagine that), and some 000 steel wool along with a pint of Vodka (internal operator lubricant) and some massive personal determination as of about three PM today I have a fairly nice looking new French door.

And all I know is my "Professional" painter might have suffered a good cursing out if I had seen him this past week while I was suffering (and twenty five years ago there might have been black eyes and broken noses involved in the proceedings.)

But any way, one and one-half doors installed (paint on the rear French door going on tomorrow), and then next week I hope to get the front door cut in and installed before the first snow storm.

Wish me luck...If you will...

Will Work For Food Beer Money ...

I'm Too Busy To Blog???
















Sorry...More ramblings later...

My First You Tube Submission

Blackwater Grill Rocks...

I mentioned a couple of times here on the blog that back this last spring my buddy John down on St. Simons Island, Georgia had the pleasure of having his restaurant--Blackwater Grill--featured on Food Network's "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives."

We caught the show when it was broadcast but missed Mr. Howton's viewing party because we were stuck up here in East Tennessee when the show aired (and we were invited to the filming but again we were 8 hours away and couldn't do the trip at the time.)

So any way, here's the You Tube video I sent out last night from the DVD I received in the mail yesterday:




The head Chef Jamie and I have cooked together in the SSI Chili Cookoff the past two years and I've been asked to do the event again next year with this wonderful group of people.

If you have never been to our little island St. Simons you really are missing a beautiful unique destination, and if you've been there you know I know what I'm talking about.

I'm Supposed To Be At The Beach Now?

This Working For A Living Crap Sucks...


OK, I'm not quite sure what is happening but for the third time in as many months we've had to cancel a trip away from the Turbo Pup Compound here on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River.

This most recent malfunction was due in part to Pat having a a slight illness causing Vertigo, and then I came up with a fit of new work which had to be done by the middle of next week. Thus leaving town for ten days or two weeks was just out of the question since the trip was supposed to begin last Wednesday.

Pat's still taking a week off and just hanging around with me and the Turbo Puppy, but I have an erratic work schedule and am also trying to get some lingering home improvement projects finished--like the year old wood door stain and polyurethane on the carport project, and the new front door slab installation project and so on ...

...and...well, you get my drift.

I really, Really, REALLY would rather be at the beach right now but other more important things prevented that from happening, and what drives me crazy is how the government treats people that work for themselves and earn a living without actually getting a regular paycheck from some evil rich business owner or the government.

You see, I don't get paid unless I work, and I can't just run off on vacation and still have money coming in the door in the form of sick leave or vacation pay, and yet the government--local and national--acts like every single dollar I manage to bring into the mail box is their money until I can prove that I have some reason to claim it for myself.

Doesn't that suck? And next year or the year after if things go as planned our family could actually be one of those evil groups of people with an apparent income of over $250,000 because I own a Subchapter S business and all of the money earned passes to the owner(s)and Pat makes a nice living at her job.

It's a sad day when class and wealth envy created by the government and the government education system and associated programs make a large part of the population believe that people don't deserve to keep a substantial portion of the money they earn by working and sacrificing and doing the things that it takes to make above "average" income.

I guess you could understand why there might be an incentive to not make any money if all the government is going to do is step in and claim 39% or 50% of it at the end of the year.

Maybe I'm just dense or stupid, but still, here I sit this morning, 600 miles away from the ocean, processing invoices and purchase orders and worrying about having to beat the idiots at the local Machine Shop into getting some finished parts back to me next week....

...and worrying about how I can afford to hire an accountant this year to keep me out of trouble with the IRS next year.

It's amazing that I'm trying to throw money at vendors and having trouble getting them to do anything in the process?

I guess that the good news is that apparently there is some business being conducted out there somewhere, and the few people that still have jobs are busy so I just have to wait for their services.

Speaking of busy...time for me to get back to work I guess...

Y'all have a LOVELY Sunday...If you will...

Age Old Old Age Paranoia

Am I Getting Ready To Hunker Down Or Just Bug Out?


I just realized today that looking at me and my stuff from the outside, one could easily accuse me of becoming paranoid in my old age middle age.

For instance, ever since I moved to Florida back on September 12, 2001 (I was supposed to leave Atlanta on 9/11 but the dang Saudis got in my way), and continuing over to St. Simons Island, Georgia and now the past few years up here in Knoxtown at the Turbo Pup Compound I've spent more and more time and money on stuff that I don't need yesterday or even today, but that I might need in the event of an emergency next week or next month or next year...

...or the year after that.

Stuff like gallon jugs of drinking water sitting around in the bottom of hall closets.

Or the 1.5 KW electric generator that's still shrink wrapped in it's original cardboard box.

How about dozens of candles and matches and lighters and the two antique oil burning lanterns and wicks and fuel in the Dining room Sideboard cabinet?

And then there is the kerosine heater likewise sitting in it's original packaging unopened in the basement beside the generator.

Now it's come to my attention that not only do I need to worry about living past a Hurricane when residing on the Ocean or a snow/ice storm here in Knoxtown, but now with Obama and the Democrats' lax attitude toward the production of Nuclear weapons by North Korea and now Iran...

I'm still short of some other critical components in my ultimate dooms day inventory.

Things like extra charcoal for my grill to be stored in the basement for future use.

Or some additional canned non-perishable food stuffs--possibly some military style MRE's (meals ready to eat)--to cover a few weeks if not months,and now I want to build something to protect a few pieces of electronic equipment in the event of an Electro Magnetic Pulse (EMP) attack by some wild eyed towel headed morons.

I have an extra laptop PC and a AC/DC radio and some other stuff that would be valuable in the event of an infrastructure breakdown and I've learned that in order to keep a giant blast of electrical noise from frying everything that it is possible to build what is called a "Faraday Cage"--basically a metal screen enclosed storage box, area, or even an entire room...which is connected to a dedicated ground wire and grounding rod.

The idea is that through the laws of physics (which I understand but won't bore you with Gausian surface theory this morning) the system will collect the burst of energy from a lightening strike or nuclear EMP bomb and short it around the shielded area and into the ground in an effort to protect the delicate chips in modern electronic devices so they won't fry themselves.

So any way, now instead of spending time blogging further this morning, I'm going to go back to my research efforts and hopefully in the next couple of weeks I'll add this feature to my ever growing basement bunker complex.

Meanwhile, don't be a stranger. Just call before you stop by, and knock before you enter, because until after the November election my trigger finger is a little twitchy for some reason.

Regards Y'all...

Nothing To Say...

...So I'll Say (Write) Nothing...













(Stay tuned to this channel for a good rant shortly.)

Retarded Television

If You Wonder Who's Voting...


I don't know, but does anyone but me lose their mind when they try to watch TV during the hours between about 4 AM and 7 AM?

Apparently the demographic is either pimple faced kids seeking acne cures, middle aged men with sexual "performance" issues, vain women looking to cover up their "skin imperfections" so they can catch a man buying the "performance" enhancing drugs (and hoping for an erection which lasts longer than four hours) else they are people who want to sit on the sofa watching videos about "cash flow" systems and buying real estate with no money down.

Then of course there are the people that want to lose 257 pounds, 3 ounces in eight weeks using some sort of exercise machine which hides conveniently under the bed or in the closet while eating some sort of food shipped to their door in little freeze dried packets which tastes like something prepared by a professional chef in a five star restaurant.

But I have to ask...what about ME?

Old slightly past middle aged guys who have survived our Acne years, given up on things like sex and making much money and not really caring about losing the weight gained while consuming pounds of butter and bacon fat?

All I can say is thank GOD for the Internet and YouTube and important videos like this one:



Gnuck...Gnuck...Gnuck...whoop whoop whoop...

(MORE...a half hour later)

Then there is stuff I still have like this on VHS Video Tape:




"Looks like this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship..."

Home Repair Yields Cooking Revelation?

Here...Try This Recipe...


So when we moved into this old house in April 2008, while it was in pretty good shape for something made of bricks and wood which was only three years younger than I was, there were still a few nagging little details which reared their ugly heads every now and then...

...and over the past 2-1/2 years I've been playing "Whack A Mole" with them on an individual basis based on the priority and reality of the consequences should they be ignored.

Things that might fall on my head or electrocute me or cause me to drown were top priority, but as the days and months on the calendar have passed us by the list has gotten shorter and now we're down to silly details like replacing Kitchen Oven vent hoods and also most recently, the "Lazy Susan" or "Lazy Susie" or "Lazy Mildred" or even "Lazy Bob"---that turntable thing commonly found under the base cabinets in the corner of the kitchen.

Apparently the old couple that owned our house before we moved in stored a used Datsun Pickup Truck under the counter or allowed their kids and/or grand kids to use the devise as an amusement park merry go round or something...

because the darned thing was cracked and broken several ways and as a result prone to flinging 24 ounce cans of tomato sauce out of the cabinet onto your bare feet or else losing things like raw potatoes back in the neither regions behind the round shelves only to rot and produce lovely odors better relegated to the basement or bathroom than the kitchen.

So any way, a couple of weeks ago I bought a new one on line and managed to cut the old mangled one out of the cabinet and cram the new one into it's place, but the top shelf seems to want to refuse to stay locked to the vertical shaft/pole so early this morning I found myself sitting in the kitchen floor disgorging all of the canned goods out of the cabinet so I could lift the shelf and take a monkey wrench and a sledge hammer and crush the bolt holding the shelf into it's final position.

I'm proud to report that as of this morning it's going to take either a stick of dynamite or a Muslim Suicide Bomber to remove that shelf from my kitchen.

But I digress...

while going through all of the crazy cans of stuff I'd forgotten I'd bought I was stuck with an idea for a late night snack--actually a soup concoction--which worked out pretty dang good if I do say so myself.

Here's the recipe for Virgil's "Creamy Mushroom Chicken Spinach Tarragon Mushroom Soup."

(OK...I have to work on the name a little, but you get the idea...)

Ingredients:

(2) tbsp Bacon Grease
(2) hands full of baby spinach
(1) 7 oz Can Sliced Button Mushrooms
(1) 12 oz Can Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup
(1) 5 oz Can premium chicken Breast (or diced chicken breast leftovers)
1/2 14 oz Can Chicken Stock
1/2 Cup white Wine

dash of sea salt
couple of dashes of white pepper
couple of sashes of black pepper
1/4 tsp of your favorite hot sauce


Putting it all together...

Dump your bacon grease into a two or three quart boiler and get it hot over medium heat.

Drain your canned mushroom slices and toss them in the hot bacon grease.

Give them two or three minutes to heat up, then throw in your baby spinach and cook until the spinach wilts.

Turn the heat down and reserve the mushroom/spinach mixture on the side in a bowl and spoon out your cream of mushroom soup into the boiler and add the chicken stock and kick the heat back up.

Open and drain your chicken breast pieces and pull the leaves off your Tarragon and dice them up real fine.

Add the Tarragon and salt/peppers to the mixture and keep stirring.

When things start steaming and bubbling a little, add back in your mushroom/spinach mix and dump in the white wine and the chicken chunks.

Take a big swig of white wine for yourself now if you want to.

Hey...take two swigs...I'ts your wine...

Simmer everything for about 15 or 20 more minutes, then grab yourself a napkin and bowl and spoon and EAT.

Regards Y'all

The Redneck Gourmet

(For those that don't read my terribly neglected cooking Blog--The Redneck Gourmet -- I will cross post this recipe and thus it is written in the style I use in/on that forum.)

Construction Progress

Diggin' Holes And Makin' Sawdust...


Fortunately for me and the American Healthcare system I'm the Architect/Engineer on this adventure, and as a result younger, stronger, more flexible and resilient men are making good progress on my Neighbor's sun room addition project.

Here's a look at the first 10 days (16 days on the calendar) of work.

A ditch full of re bar waiting on concrete:

A Cement truck load slopping in the ditches:

Footers and back fill in place ready for the slabs:




Walls framed up, waiting on a roof:






Ridge beam in place and rafters set...






It will have a roof skin and shingles by the end of the day Wednesday...

...and it sure is easier to stand around taking pictures and pointing at drawings rather than running a saw and climbing scaffolding.

And of course I get some credit for the design.

Government Tax Break For The Dead?

Gee...Thanks Uncle Sam...


I haven't mentioned it here on the Blog before, but right now I'm arguing with the IRS over my 2008 tax return.

I've already submitted a revised return which at first they accepted along with a plan for me to pay off the additional taxes owed over the next few months in installments instead of in lump sum.

So far so good...

Then this past weekend I got ANOTHER package of information from them challenging my revised/amended return and rehashing my options including offering yet another payment plan, and this time the amount I owe is less than I said even though they screwed up my moving expense calculation.

Any way, I was wading through the IRS website trying to figure out whether to just accept their calculation or continue the argument--because based on their logic I owe even less if I press a few points--or just sign the agreement and mail a check when I found this little passage...
Get this...if you die in 2010 and your employer continues to pay you for the calendar year because of how your contract is structured...THE IRS GETS TO CONTINUE TO COLLECT SOCIAL SECURITY AND MEDICARE TAXES EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE D E A D...


Deceased employee's wages. If an employee dies during the year, you must report the accrued wages, vacation pay, and other compensation paid after the date of death. Wages that were constructively received by the employee while he or she was alive are reported on Form W-2 as any other regular wage payment, even if you may have to reissue the payment in the name of the estate or beneficiary.

If you made the payment after the employee's death but in the same year the employee died, you must withhold social security and Medicare taxes on the payment and report the payment on the employee's Form W-2 only as social security and Medicare wages to ensure proper social security and Medicare credit is received.

...snip...

If you made the payment after the year of death, do not report it on Form W-2, and do not withhold social security and Medicare taxes.

Isn't that total crap?

Unless you have little kids or a wife who can collect suvivor benefits when you die, the government still swoops in in every case and continues to steal money from dead people...money which they know that they will never have to pay back out because the person is DEAD...all in the name of "Fairness" and "income redistribution."

I guess it really is like they say...nothing is certain except for death AND taxes...

Kids Like This Will Save Us All

A Young Patriot...




If I were about 45 years younger...

Put This In Your Pipe...

And SMOKE It...


I have a copy of the Qur'an on the way to my house via Amazon for the purposes of lighting my Webber Kettle reading the words directly, but over the past five or so years I have personally read a good deal of the passages referenced in this video from pages on the Internet and find it to be a valid reference:




Doesn't that make you shudder in your stocking feet?

I believe that we need to extinguish the lives of many of these Bastards following this radical form of Islam, and anything else short of victory...unlike the pussyifcation of America found during the Korean and Vietnam War, will result in our ultimate demise.

For this reason I am completely happy that I never had any children (because men like me knew better than to take on the responsibility and then not fulfill the promise), but I worry about my Sister's young boy--my Nephew Reagan--and the other Children and Grandchildren of friends and relatives and an infinite number of other kids and grand-kids and young adults which are threatened by this ever expanding, ever growing threat.

I'm just happy I'm 51 rather than 21...

This is serious SHIT in my opinion, and you can call me a racist or a bigot or just a stupid old, mean old, ever greying ever balding moron or whatever, but understand this...

I know how to aim a gun and shoot it.

I can tell the difference between shit and shineola.

I don't give a damn what you or your mother or Congress or the Supreme Court thinks.

At some point my life is worth less than the value of the idiocy I can stop in the process of giving up the few years left over in the name of peace and justice and the American Way.

It's just that simple...

Crazy On A Ship Of Fools--Part MCMXXXI

If I Had The Money I'd Be Out Of Here...


Just in case you haven't been paying attention here on this blog, the bottom line these days is that if it weren't for two women--my mother and my girlfriend Pat--I'd be living somewhere other than the United By-God States of 'Merica in the near future if not for the past several years now.

OK...cash on hand and cash flow also being considerations, but still...

And where exactly I'm not sure...probably Belize or Costa Rica...but anywhere else in this hemisphere other than the place this nation is being transformed into by America despising Morons and other breeds of generic Socialists/Liberals/Progressives in recent years.

I guess I'll sit back and watch the continuing disintegration of the country I grew up in for a while longer and see what the results of the November election produces.

And until then...expect further complaining in my usual eloquent but politically incorrect form...

"Clydesdale Respect"

They Only Played It Once On TV...







A comment I found on Snopes.com from Anheuser Busch about the 2002 Super Bowl commercial commemorating the 9/11 attack and showing the vacant NYC skyline said:

We truly appreciate your interest in one of our Super Bowl 2002 commercials, "Clydesdale Respect."

As you have heard, this commercial aired only once. However, we continue to be overwhelmed by the positive response. Anheuser-Busch is proud to be an American beer company and we wanted to express ourselves in respectfully honoring those affected by the events of September 11th We are pleased that the Budweiser Clydesdales were able to deliver our sentiments in a way that has resonated with many Americans.

At this time, we have no plans to air this commercial again. Although it was available for a period of one year on our Web site, we have since chosen to update the site with fresher ads.

Looking at the attitude of many of the voters and most the politicians today...with minds made of mush and memories shorter than their next text message...I felt like reminding everyone of where we are and where we're coming from and where we're going to end up again if we don't stay vigilant.

You know?






(Thanks for remembering Rodger.)

Qur'an Bar-B-Que Recipies

A Redneck Invitation For My Own Personal Jihad...


Is anyone but me tired of the so-called "news stories" involving some slack jawed moron/self-described preacher down in Florida's much ballyhooed public intent to burn some copies of the Qur'an (or Quaran or Koran or however you choose to spell the book)???

He couldn't just go out on E-bay or Amazon or down to the local Muslim Propaganda Book Store (Jihad-R-Us) and buy a few dozen copies and toss them in a bonfire while singing Kumbaya with his fellow in-bred parishioners...

NoooooOOOO...had to call the local news and then the ASSociated Press picked up the story and ran with it and here we all are today red faced with Generals and Senators and Secretaries of State all tossing in their two cents worth on the issue.

I've had it up to here...pointing to the top of my ever greying, ever balding head...with this insane media attention to total non-events which 100 years ago(or even 25 years ago for that matter) would slide past on the calendar without even so much as a whimper in the local news papers.

Back then we were all worried about the KKK and the Catholics fighting Baptists in Ireland and the Simbanese Liberation Army and the Unabomber and Pet Rocks and Mood Rings and other important stuff like that.

Yet today this idiot's possibly well intended and sincere announcement that he's going to burn a couple of books WHICH ARE HIS PROPERTY AND HE HAS PAID FOR has caused half the planet to go into an uproar and all of our elitist "better" governing class to come out and comment on the non-issue.

Let me remind everyone hyperventilating about this subject about a couple of things.

The American Flag is burned almost every day by "activists" in our own country and over seas.

And the Holy Bible is confiscated and desecrated by the Saudi's and Sunis and Shias as a mater of law and political tradition and we don't miss a beat chewing our TV dinners watching the 6 O'clock evening news.

And the "Code Pink" Lesbians and Trans-sexuals run around in churches splashing fake blood on old Catholic ladies and then plead to misdemeanor charges of disturbing the peace, at worse, and the folks in the state houses of NY and San Francisco and up in Washington DC simply, "tolerantly", turn their head and start talking about blaa blaa blaa "Amendment Rights" and freedom of expression.

And what's the real difference when it comes down to dotting the "I's" and crossing the "T's" except how the idiots which are insulted by the gestures respond?

You know?

Well, I have THIS to say about THAT (Qur'an burning) if you feel Americans should get all worked up about the subject after sitting through everything which has happened around here since the Vietnam War.

SCREW YOU and YOUR POLITICIANS' sniveling, self-important, introspective, sensitive, pompas attitudes.

If you insist on telling the guy he can't burn SIMPLE THINGS LIKE BOOKS which are his property because you ARE AFRAID that the radical towel headed islamofascists will hate us even more and want to kill us any more than they already do...you are CRAZY and UNINFORMED.

Many of these people are either so ignorant or so crazy they believe that their Allah--God--is actually embodied in the Qur'an just like Christians believe that Christ was our God in physical form embodied on the earth. (And while I'm at it I'll mention that my old ex-grandfather-in-law believed that the King James Version of the Bible was the literal word of God and that it was originally written in English and not Hebrew and Greek and Arabic...)

Religion makes people crazy...only here in the good old US of A a lot of people do things like frown on drinking whisky and dancing too close and adultery and cutting the grass on Sunday.

But if you want to get totally shit-faced and dance your way across your front yard naked having sex with your next door neighbor's wife while pushing your lawnmower on Sunday afternoon you might turn a few heads or cause a few fingers to wag, but we won't come over and set off an explosion with a 1000 pounds of TNT in your garage the next morning.

Understand?

Yet we all already know that these wild-eyed Muslim terrorists will use any excuse up to and including things like "it's Tuesday" or "he was wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt" or anything else they can find to explain their actions when the smoke clears and the shrapnel lands on your Prias' hood.

And I say that there are much more serious things going on in the country and in the world to debate rather than spending 12 hours a day broadcasting news and commentary about mouth-breathing, sloped forehead people like this looking for their 15 minutes of fame.

Got it?


OK...

I'm glad we got that straightened out, and now I have to go and light my Webber Kettle using a couple of copies of the Qur'an and some hand draw cartoons of Mohammad.

I want to smoke some Hams and Pork Butts for this weekend, and Allah and Mohammad will hopefully enjoy the gesture and unique Muslim religion inspired flavor imparted therein...




(what? so sue me or come over and blow up my Redneck ass...dammit...)

Liberals Progressives On Parade

More Insensitive Observations...


It kills me every year when inevitably, at the end of a hot dry summer, the fruits of the labors of the sniveling, booger eating, tye died, patchouli stinking tree hugging eco-friendly liberals progressives comes to bear and most of the western United by-God States of 'Merica spontaneously burst into flame.

Generally all of the loud mouthed Hollywood asshats that live out in Malibu and up in the hills overlooking downtown Los Angeles are the main ones affected, but this year the Weather Channel just showed me a bunch of Colorado Tree Huggers near Boulder lamenting the latest round of fires destroying their homes and businesses...

aided and abetted by their very own policies and programs preventing the cutting of underbrush and making controlled smoke using prescribed burns to get rid of the very kindling fueling the fires incinerating their possessions today.

These people are, by and large, the very same people which vote to pass laws and resolutions trying to keep the canyons and other wild areas they are invading for millions of dollars each in what they consider to be a "pristine" condition, while at the same time driving land costs up and the indigenous populations of wildlife and historic "poor blue collar" occupants out of the area under the guise of "zoning" and "beautification" and "conservation."

Of course millions of taxpayer dollars are being spent in hiring the services of fire fighters and air tankers, but the liberal lamestream media insists on ignoring the underlying realities of these people's conscious risk taking behavior in locating in these historically fire prone areas and the civic and government mandates which further enhance the probability of disaster.

And of course since the people look like this:




...instead of this...



and further since they aren't relying on this guy to run things:


(that would be former New Orleans' Mayor Ray Nagin)

where are the cries for FEMA assistance and the partisan blamers getting on George Bush?

Just wondering...

Hey Bill Gates...

Pay Me For My Time?


Well, here I am this morning, looking at the calendar, and reminiscing about being on about day 1001 of my love hate relationship roller coaster ride from hell living with Windows Vista on my Server.

Looking back to November 2007, there I was, with a pocket full of cash some semi-surplus funds in our checking account, looking pretty much like this guy:

when I wandered over to the Hewlett Packard website a couple of times and was finally seduced into purchasing a new "custom built" server PC with all of the bells and whistles and whirly-gigs I wanted to handle our personal and business needs for the foreseeable future...

...except...

HP had sold their soul to the devil knuckled under to Gates/Microsoft and ten days later I had a living breathing spastic metal box running...

"Windows Vista Home Premium Edition."

D A M M I T.

So now for the past nearly three years I've felt like this gentleman:




...and in spite of my best efforts and consultations with people like this young fellow:



and this guy:



and this dude:



and even this man:



...this morning after great effort and expense it seems I will have to live with the realization that I still can't shake the curse of Windows Vista.

Worst of all, just like the "Borg" on Star Trek Next Generation, me and my computer have apparently been assimilated into some sinister Microsoft Network, because I even VOLUNTARILY RE-INSTALLED VISTA last week because I couldn't get Windows 2000 XP Professional to work on the intentionally designed and corrupted machine.

And so now this morning, after doing extensive file restorations and back-up, I'm now forced to sit in my shop in my basement on my old reliable HP 17" wide screen laptop (running Windows 2000 XP Professional Media Center Edition by the way) doing my news reading and blogging because the "Server PC" is busy installing "Service Pack 1" and whatever other crap Microsoft wants to force me to download to correct the screwed up software they sold me in 2007.

And of course I'm inundated with ads trying to get me to "upgrade" to the latest and greatest product--"Windows 7"...

...a product named "Windows 7" because everyone with any sense knows that "Vista II" or "Vista 2" would have sold like a new version of the Chevy Corvair or the Ford Edsel.

So any way...I love being an American, I love growing up free until about 20 years ago, but right now I hate the state of our economy and the idiots running Adams and Jefferson's and Franklin's government and the way things are going in the computer department around here I might just buy a Macintosh in 2011.

I have to go now and soak my head in ice water before it explodes...

...and Y'all have a LOVELY day now...if you will...

Hey...YOU There...

GET BACK TO WORK!


I know, I know I KNOW...

it's a sad day because the 90% of working Americans which actually have a job have to go back to work today.

And of course all of the kids have to go back to school (parents taking a collective sigh of relief.)

And the Summer weather is rapidly changing to fall and the Turbo Pup pool will soon be too cold to use--probably within the next two weeks.

But the seasons are changin' and I've already got leaves falling out in the yard and I guess that I'm looking forward to the cooler weather and the fall colors coming back.

We're planning a trip to the beach down on the Gulf coast in the middle of this month in order to prolong my suntan just a little longer, then I guess I'll buckle down and try to get some real work done and do some end of the year planning professionally.

Y'all have a lovely week...

"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"

...Knowledgable Words On Getting Old...


Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

--Dylan Thomas (October 27, 1914 – November 9, 1953)



(doing the math...Mr. Thomas was only 39 when he went into "That Good Night")

Hurricane Near-Miss Elicits Whimpering

There's Still Hope For A Politically Convenient Disaster...


I've set back this week and watched with some humor the reaction of the national lamestream media and the sniveling, booger eating, tye died, patchouli stinking tree hugger eco friendly greenie weenies to this season's first real Hurricane...Earl.

These Man-made Global Warming zombies appear to me to be morbidly gleeful with the approach of this first real storm on the Atlantic Seaboard.

It's understandable that NBC's "The Weather Channel's staff is finally happy to put on a colorful raincoat and hold their hat while standing around broadcasting live on location on the Outer Banks of NC, but even FOX News can't resist sitting around offering near non-stop wild eyed coverage of what is going to end up being pretty much a non-event in spite of their best efforts.

Of course, as is usual, I feel that I can genuinely comment with this type of disdain and contempt for this current generation of government educated idiots' hysteria every time a blip forms on the radar and satellite picture...

because me and my family have been living with the effects--potential and actual--of hurricanes for the past 170 years as residents of the near gulf coast region of southern Alabama.

Long before there was anything like "The Weather Channel" and NASA's and NOAA's Weather Satellites, we were pounded every five or ten years with storms with virtually no warning, and without the demands or expectations of FEMA assistance.

Further, in my lifetime spanning 51 years as of today, my immediate family has been pounded with a half dozen storms with names like Eloise and Opal. And I, personally, have spent a half dozen years living within a mile of the coastline in Mexico Beach, Florida and on the Georgia Coast.

I absolutely for the life of me cannot understand the current mentality of the media, politicians, and general public over something which has been going on since Noah built the first wooden cruise ship and loaded it full of animals.

The only explanation I can give is that people have been raised, conditioned, and educated over the past twenty or thirty years to believe that they should be allowed to build a house--vacation or otherwise--and then under the umbrella of Federally subsidized flood insurance and political gifts like FEMA emergency housing and Debit Cards expect to be left unharmed and made whole when the inevitable happens...as it probably will several times again this season and again every year from now until long after the North Koreans and Iranians have blown up the civilized world.

Does anyone but me not understand that until the Johnson/Nixon congress passage of the National Federal flood Insurance program in 1968 THERE WAS NO INSURANCE AGAINST FLOODING?

Until then, if you wanted a house on a beach or sand dune or island, you had to be able to not only pay CASH for the structure, but then if it blew or washed away every five or ten years you had to be prepared to pay CASH again to rebuild it else enjoy your water front property sitting in a tent swatting mosquitoes and sand gnats and roasting weenies on a campfire.

Let's call government flood insurance what it is...

a taxpayer funded incentive for stupid, ill advised behavior.

I'm too lazy to Google the details right now, but I'm pretty sure that there are at LEAST four or five times as many people living on the Atlantic and Gulf Coasts of the US today than there were in 1968.

Why?

Because people want to enjoy the benefits and glamor of living there, and today they only can afford to live the lifestyle because the Federal Government is subsidizing their poor personal decisions on the backs of everyone else that lives away from the reach of Hurricanes in Atlanta and Chicago and North Dakota.

Don't get me wrong, I've also taken advantage of flood insurance when I could so I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite by writing this rant, but still...

I WISH THAT THEY WOULD GIVE IT A REST ALREADY and focus the news on things which really matter and even then do accurate and fair reporting on the lunacy happening in every State Capitol building and in Washington DC.

You know?

"ID Hell"

Dealing With the Government and Government Employees...


"Joy, Joy, Please Lord keep me from killing someone..."

My prescription "Drivers License/Government ID" which currently allows me to do things like cash a check or get on a commercial air liner under the auspices of the FAA and the so-called Homeland Security Administration's expert airport "security screeners" expires on my birthday.

That would be...

T O M O R R O W.

So this morning about 6:30 AM I'm heading over to the local Department of Motor Vehicles office to stand in line in anticipation of their opening at 7 AM, and hopefully I'll be home sometime between then and next Thursday.

Isn't it amazing that people will hand over important tasks to the state and federal government--things like retirement and medical benefits--to a group of people which can not design an infrastructure to handle a known quantity of "customers" and simply take their money?

When they have a MONOPOLY on providing the services which they are supposed to provide?

I mean...it's not like I can drive down the road the other direction and come home with a drivers license from Lowes or Home Depot or possibly Kroger...you know?

The local Rooms To Go Store doesn't have a special selling a sofa and love seat with two end tables and a coffee table with a free government recognized identification card thrown in...all purchased under a contract with "six months same as cash" terms.

So I have to go now and shave and shower and practice biting my tongue so I can come home without a felony charge of ripping someone's arm off and beating them to death with it...either some idiot standing in line with me or one of the insolent government employees I expect to encounter in the next four hours.

Regards Y'all...

Drainin' The Swamp

Cooking Gator Tail...


Well, I have Good News...and I have Bad News...

(and of course there is also just the usual blogger type blitherings)

First of all, the GOOD NEWS is that I have a fairly reasonable semblance of a functioning computer back in our Server PC position here at the Turbo Pup Compound on the Banks of the Mighty Tennessee River.

It took probably twelve or fifteen hours to accomplish over the past week and one-half, but still...

The BAD NEWS is I'm still stuck using Windows Vista as my operating system because of the scheme or schemes of collusion or contempt shown to computer users by companies like Hewlett Packard and Microsoft.

The way things work as I understand it is that Microsoft, in their efforts to continue to earn record shattering profits every single year, maintains a program of forcing computer users to buy whatever product it is that they want to sell at any given time on the calendar.

To that end, they force users that know better--people like me which have been dealing with Microsoft since the inception of DOS 1.0...

People like me that know that all Microsoft products have been flawed...intentionally or unintentionally..through the ages since the early 1980's...

People like me that know that virtually the minute you turn on a computer and boot any given Microsoft operating system the people out at Microsoft in Washington State are planning on making you download an X.1 or X.2 version of the program while at the same time ultimately planning on SELLING you yet another and Another and ANOTHER properly working version of the product which they already sold you a year or so earlier...

So any way, in late 2007 when I ordered what I call our "Server PC" from HP and had it built, the only operating system available at the time was an incarnation of Windows Vista.

"But What if I want Windows XP Professional..."

"No...its Windows Vista or nothing...you'll have to go buy some stupid crappy computer from the local computer shop smelling of exotic incense...staffed by people wearing strange clothing with red dots on their foreheads..."

So I took a big breath and bought the HP computer I wanted and closed my eyes as I clicked the little button that said "OS Windows Vista Home Premium Edition."

And so here I am almost three years later still not only suffering from the decision to let HP install the Vista Virus on my computer...

...but also finding myself WILLFULLY INSTALLING the exact same software back on my own computer because the way HP and Microsoft have it worked out...

...previous versions of Windows...

...stable operating systems like XP Professional...

...won't work on my Server PC because there are no XP compatible drivers for half of the accessories like the Lightscribe DVD/CD drive and other important crap.

So after about ten days I finally gave in and drank the Coolaid and here I am this morning happily typing away with a catatonic stare of a Vista Zombie.

I got the TV tuner card software re-installed and MS Office and AutoCAD and PhotoShop CS3 and another zillion things I use on a daily basis, and I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE because...

...I REFUSE to pay Microsoft for Windows 7 which is apparently the only way I can "Upgrade" my computer operating system.

Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...you Know?

And in other news, my back up external hard drive...the only hard drive in the/ON THE ENTIRE FREAKING PLANET which held all of the crap I lost when Vista lost it mind...

...the hard drive which also decided to stop driving or writing or reading or whatever it is that hard drives do...

...the hard drive that decided last weekend that it didn't want to talk to or listen to my Server PC any more...

...is sitting at the local computer shop getting an haircut and pedicure and possibly an enema but they tell me that the problem was in the case of the external drive unit and that the drive itself was preliminarily A-OK.

So I ran out to Staples and picked up a new 1 Terrabyte Segate external drive for the low, low price of $79.00 plus tax and later this morning they are supposed to let me have 34 months worth of photos and data and business correspondence back into my office.

I may just have to take a shower and go to bed and sleep with it...I'll be so happy to have the information back.

Needless to say, if you understood HALF of the past million words of rambling, I'm one tired but happy middle aged Redneck Injuneer this morning.

And on that note...Regards Y'all...

Up To My ASS In Alligators

Don't ask...


News continues to break here at the Turbopup Compound on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River.

The kind of news which starts out as rumors and fears about things out of my direct control, but which could end up having some aggrivating consequences if and when things come true in the next couple of weeks...

But...

In my normal devil-may-care manner, I'm forging ahead because I have no other choice.

Unfortunately the situation makes me mentally uninterested/incapable of writing a whole lot here on the blog for the time being.

I'll wander around the Internet and see what else is going on besides the liberals bashing Glenn Beck and get back to y'all later I guess.

A Year Of Living Dangerously Day Of Doing Not Much Of Anything

Successful Smoking and Cooking...


I'm pleased to report that I had a pretty good Saturday here at the Turbo Pup Compound on the Banks of the Mighty Tennessee River.

If yours was half as good as mine was you should have already had a pretty good weekend.

I was just worn out and tired and mentally out of steam and worst of all I knew that I had yet another busy week ahead of me...a week critical to the ongoing progress of building my new business enterprise...and I had to get my attitude adjusted in order to face the tasks before me.

Of course there was the obligatory trip to Home Depot to pick up some odds and ends needed to finish the installation of a new range hood vent fan over the oven in my kitchen, and for dinner there was the preparation of some Prime Beef and Sea Scallops for dinner which didn't get finished until nearly 9 PM last night.

I came up with a new recipe using, in addition to the Tenderloin and Mollusks, sliced fresh mushrooms and wilted baby spinach which ended up laying in a nice satisfying pile on a couple of plates.

I'm too lazy to write down the recipe right now, but will probably cook it again later this week and then publish it here on the blogs.

Any way...while I was sitting around outside on the deck smoking my weekend cigar, little Missy the Turbo Pup spent a couple of hours lounging around in her pool...




and resting in the shade on her personal beach...



At this point in life I'd gladly swap places with that little dog, because she is definitely spoiled rotten and doesn't have a care in the world most of the time.

I miss my old cats which have gone on to Kitty heaven over ten years ago, but as Canines go I'm blessed to have the company of such a fine little animal.

The Calendar Says It's Saturday?

So I'm Taking The Day Off


I'm just mentally worn out after living through the week I just went through.

If it could go wrong it went wrong, and as fast as I had one fire put out or a given problem fixed another half dozen things seemed to pop up and need doing.

That's when it really sucks being a one man company...you have to delegate everything to the same person...

and here at the international headquarters of Plastics Engineering Technologies, Inc. that person would be ME.

So right now I have my bathing suit on and a bandanna wrapped around my ever greying, ever balding head in anticipation of going outside and smoking a cigar and doing the past couple of days worth of newspaper crossword puzzles on the deck while little Missy the Turbo Pup floats around in her swimming pool.

And then I have about ten pounds of Beef Tenderloin to butcher down to steaks and puppy sized tid-bits before putting a couple of the aforementioned steaks on the grill along side of some bacon wrapped giant Sea Scallops. There will also probably be some asparagus spears and possibly a few new potatoes on the side for dinner.

And other than that I'm not going to do a darned thing between now and midnight.

Unless the world blows up or something, I'll talk to y'all tomorrow.

Living In Computer Hell

Where's My Really Big Hammer?


Have I mentioned that I live in a household with two adult humans, one tiny little long haired miniature Dachshund going by the alias of "Missy...the Turbo Pup", and...

FOUR COMPUTERS?

ok...six computers if you count the back up scraps laying around in various stages of construction, and EIGHT computers if you count the two PLC's (Programmable Logic Controllers) sitting in my shop right now.

Any way...

Only one of the machines is acting completely sane right now--Pat's corporate machine--on which I only handle the Internet and networking operations there of because her company does the security and VPN work remotely.

Then there is my old HP 17" laptop which has been relegated to the workshop and that's served me well over the past four or five years before I bought the "server PC" which currently occupies space in my office upstairs.

Since the "Server PC" has lost it's mind over the past couple of days and I've been wrestling with getting it converted backwards from Windows Vista to Windows XP Professional, a little Dell laptop that I rebuilt has served my needs in working a few feet from the sofa and my bedroom when I'm too lazy to walk down stairs to the shop.

So any way...with my menagerie of machines sitting around here I have more problems with computers farting and belching and barfing right now than any single human should have to put up with, and in my old age and chronological incompetence having lost the urge to stay on top of every single detail and development in the computer business (I let my subscriptions to Byte Magazine and PC World expire long ago) I'm not sure if I can weather the storm before me.

Right now I'm about ready to gather everything up, put it in a pile in my wheelbarrow, and haul it all outside to the compost heap.

I guess if it was easy everyone would be doing it, but managing a real network of computers designed to do something besides blog and goof around on Facebook and Twitter is a damn hard proposition from my perspective.

WhuaaaaaatttT?

"If Thy Right Hand Offend Thee..."


OK, Now I have Windows 2000 professional on a computer (formerly a Vista robot) that won't recognize the internal sound card to make beeping and burping sounds, and even more aggravating is that it doesn't have an Ethernet connection or any other network connections because it wants to go to the Internet to download the drivers but it needs the drivers to go to the Internet.

Or in layman's terms...

"now I can't get to the Internet without going to the Internet to get the stuff I need to go to the Internet."

Somebody better come collect my sharp knives...

...and it's a good thing I don't own a bridge or the Eiffel tower else I'd be considering jumping off of something right now.

Dangit...

"Out Damned Spot...Out I Say"

I Gave Myself A "Digital Enema?"


As my regular (and irregular) readers know by now, I've been suffering with the Cancer known as "Windows Vista" on what I laughingly call our "Server PC" since I let HP build us a custom machine in late 2007 and ship it down to our little Island on the Georgia Coast.

Giant hard drives and 22" monitors aside, the so-called Vista "operating system" delivered by Bill Gates et. al. at Microsoft, in my considered Redneck opinion...

TOTALLY SUCKS.

Not only does Vista TOTALLY SUCK, but it TOTALLY SUCKS harder than the gravitational forces of the largest black hole in the entire freaking universe/solar system/infinity.

All of that blithering aside, our so-called "server PC" finally coughed up a liver and a spleen and possibly a couple of kidneys yesterday afternoon and evening, and I ended up having to sit through doing a "restore your PC to Factory conditions" ritual complete with incense and sitting cross legged naked in the floor on the skins of a Bear and Cougar bowing down in front of a human skull with a burning candle sticking out of the top....

and when I got done with the process a week a couple of hours later I realized that AutoCAD and PhotoShop and my Microsoft Office Suite and my TV receiver card software and my Cannon Digital Camera software and EVERY F**KING THING I had installed since buying the computer was...

G O N E.

Fortunately I have an external back up copy of all of the data files, but it is a few weeks old because I was intending to move the 500 GB drive down to the laptop in the shop and never got around to it so Norton is a little behind on my archiving.

But any way...

As I set there looking at the then "restored" computer that was now dumb as a brick and asking to connect to the Internet with America On Line's free trial services, a little tiny light bulb lit up in my ever greying, ever balding head.

What began as a little trickle of thought rapidly surged to a torrent of emotion, verily a tidal wave of sparks and lightning bolts of mental electrical currents, as I had the liberating experience of realizing that I was now free to break the shackles, rend the bonds, and struggle free from the slimy mucous dripping grasp of the Microsoft Vista Home "Premium Edition" and crawl on my knees back to my beloved Windows XP Professional haven of safety and digital security.

I owned a legal copy of the Windows XP Professional 2002 edition which I had bought in my efforts to restore the little Dell laptop Pat's company abandoned in our posession when the hard drive failed back in 2006 (and on which I'm blogging right now beside the sick former Vista machine), and when I purchased a new hard drive I also bought an OEM copy of XP on E-Bay for something like $99 and I still had one legal install available.

So you know what I did?

I flushed Vista down the toilet without a second thought and within the next day or two, after a few dozen hours of work and a littany of curse words, I will hopefully have a squeeky clean Server PC running XP Professional, with AutoCAD and Photo Shop and my other programs all residing comfortably in a new and improved directory structure.

Companies producing crap like "Vista" which is so obviously flawed that they have to deliver the next generation of software and change the name (Windows 7) in hopes of keeping idiots from knowing it's the same thing slightly modified would be stoned to death in Iran/Iraq or Afghanistan, but here in the By-God United States of 'Merica their biggest fear is being called up before the Senate for a "hearing."

And on that note, I'm "hearing" my Server PC calling wanting me to push the "next" button and keep on installing software.

Regards Y'all...

Ebonics Translator Jobs?

Channeling Your Inner Negro...

This story is really too much by it's self, so I'll withhold any commentary and just let is stand here on its own.

Click on the link and see the news about the US Justice Department wanting to hire people to translate the language used in surveillance tapes:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/justice-department-seeks-ebonics-experts


I first saw the story last night on Drudge and somehow avoided writing about it, but then my blog Buddy Rodger over at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical picked up the item and went a step further, finding this on-line "Ebonics Translator" which could save the government idiots a few taxpayer dollars in the process.

Type in some phrases and sit back and laugh at the results...





I like the conversion of the phrases "Where is my calculator?" and "I forget how the toilet flushes"


Heh...

Why I Didn't They Apparently Vote Democrat

Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself...


10. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

8. I voted Democrat because Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

7. I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

5. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies through abortion so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

4. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

3. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the democrats see fit.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

1. I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.


Thanks Rodge

My Attention Deficit Disorder

Like I Don't Already Have Enough To Do...


So we were sitting around at dinner a couple of weeks ago and my neighbor told me that they wanted to add a sun room addition on the back of their house.

Then one thing lead to another and I got my tape measure out and fired up AutoCAD and the next thing you know he's going down to the Knox County building permit office later this morning with SEVEN SHEETS of drawings including these two elevations I produced...





I love doing Architecture almost as much I enjoy Injuneering, but now it's time to get back to some paying work I guess...

Y'all have a LOVELY Monday...

Cats

Good Intentions...Gone Bad...






(Thanks for the link Rodge)

Trash Talking On Sunday Morning

Read My Lips...


I've pretty much had it up to here, Ladies and Gentlemen (pointing to the top of my ever greying, ever balding head), with BS news stories about " waist waste recycling."

For instance...consider this news story about the idiots in government up in Cleveland, Ohio putting in "high tech" trash cans.

CLEVELAND, Ohio -- It would be a stretch to say that Big Brother will hang out in Clevelanders' trash cans, but the city plans to sort through curbside trash to make sure residents are recycling -- and fine them $100 if they don't.

The move is part of a high-tech collection system the city will roll out next year with new trash and recycling carts embedded with radio frequency identification chips and bar codes.

The chips will allow city workers to monitor how often residents roll carts to the curb for collection. If a chip show a recyclable cart hasn't been brought to the curb in weeks, a trash supervisor will sort through the trash for recyclables.

Yeah, I can't wait to turn in my two weeks notice to quit my job as a professional Prison Guard, Tollbooth Fee Collector, or Interstate Rest Area Toilet Maintenance Technician and apply for the position of "Trash Supervisor" in Cleveland so I can spend my days sorting around in batches of used feminine hygiene products intermixed with poopie baby diapers and banana peels looking for un-recycled plastic water bottles and diet soda cans.

Boys and Girls, shit stories like this (excuse the pun) are a PERFECT example of not only the stupidity of government "officials", but also the inability of the so-called professionals in the lamestream media to do an accurate, serious, analytical analysis (heavy on the anal) of any given story.

Therefore the task of breaking this story down to understandable terms is left up to I (as in Me and Myself), your lovely and talented Internet Blogger, to tell you how much sense this whole program makes and how the government of Cleveland ill-advisedly spends their hard earned taxpayer's money in their quest to appear to be a "Green City."

First let's look at the cost of the "high tech" garbage cans they call "carts."

Doing the math, $2,500,000.00 for 25,000 carts equals $100 per cart.

OK? So good so far.

Next, they say that the city pays $30 per ton to put trash in the landfill, where they "earn" $26 per ton for "recyclables" they collect and deposit somewhere.

They also say that the 15,000 "smart carts" last year saved 5,800 tons of material from going to the landfill.

That's 0.387 tons of recyclables per household every 12 months, yielding a savings of $10.05 per cart PER YEAR ($21.65 per year if you include the total avoided landfill costs.)

And nowhere does anyone mention the administrative costs of of managing and operating the tracking and enforcement arm of the system on a day to day basis.

I guarandamntee you that there will be at least 30 Government employees making an average of $50,000 per year involved in issuing "tickets" and "citations" and running around digging through fetid piles of used Tampons and empty beer cans...

so you have to include the $1,500,000 per year administrative costs to the program and...

Anyone else see where I'm going here?

This system is NEVER, ever, EVER going to yield a realistic return on the investment.

And by adding 25,000 new "smart carts" to the system each year it will take them until 2015 to get everybody into the program, and if Herbie Curbies "Smart Carts" follow the path of abuse that local grocer shopping carts have to live through the replacement of lost and stolen carts will further drive the program's value into the basement.

But Owl Gore and all of his sniveling, booger eating, tree hugging, tie died, patchoouli stinking, eco-friendly, Mother earth loving, Global Warming fearing commie socialistic progressive democrats will smile and nod knowingly because we're all just a little bit better off than we were yesterday as a result of the City of Clevelands good faith efforts at "going Green."

Now you will have to excuse me while I go dunk my head in a cooler full of ice water before it explodes....

Wrandom Wramblings And Curmudgeonly Cogitations...

Getting My Part-Time Bitchin' Career Out Of Moth Balls...


So I see where the President and "First Lady" are heading off on another vacation to Martha's Vineyard.

Ten days this time.

You know what?

I don't really care if Obamarama, the professional community organizer come Prezbo, is on vacation, because when he's on vacation he can't screw anything up (as long as he keeps his stupid yap closed and locks Biden in a closet in the White House for the duration), and since the US Congress is also on vacation that means that my wallet is safe for another few weeks before the idiocy and spending of other peoples' money resumes.

You know what else?

I'd be willing to let the president and the whole damn congress fly off somewhere on Air Force One and in a fleet of Gulfstreams to parts unknown and not come back until January 2nd, 2011.

I figure that would save the taxpayers two or three TRILLION DOLLARS in the process and I wouldn't have to watch the news and wipe the spittle off my chin and computer screen as a result of listening to that silly hippy bitch Nasty Pelosi talk about the "progressive" topic du jour.

On the local injuneering front, I'm in the process of firing a couple of vendors as a result of their ineptitude this week, basically costing me five days waiting on them to do nothing but delay my progress.

How can you talk on the telephone for an hour on Monday with a "Customer Support" person, fill out a "Material Return Authorization" form, and then find out on Thursday afternoon that they have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to follow up on their offer to replace the defective sensors I have in my shop?

It all defies logic, and I'm stuck dead in the water until I receive new sensors because the ones I have don't work for some reason.

I'm ready to just go buy a big bottle of Vodka, a couple of cans of Pineapple, Orange, and Cranberry juice, some Ice, and an Intravenous bottle with a large bore IV needle and go on vacation my self...

Without leaving the farm Turbo Pup Compound.

Is it just ME???

1970's Saturday Night Live Clip

Blast From My Past To YOU...


Everyone over the age of about 45 probably remembers seeing this clip of Jane Curtain and Dan Aykroyd live when it first aired in about 1976...




(and while you're at it, when you have the time...check out Dan's new "Crystal Head" Vodka bottle design...)





My local package store has several in stock...I just haven't ponyed up $50 for a half liter of clear liquor yet.


Heh...

Someone Crushed My Toilet Paper...

Middle Aged Consumer "Quality Control" Issues


OK...dangit...somebody has apparently been squeezing my Charmin Scott TP.

I've had it up to here (pointing to the top of my ever greying, ever balding head) with coming home from CVS or Eckerds or Big Lots with my monthly load of four big bails of toilet paper on sale for half price, only to find when I open the package and mount said toilet paper on the little "roller thingie" (conveniently located where I have to stand up to reach it behind my left shoulder...

when I pull on my toilet paper roll--mounted so the paper comes off OVER rather than UNDER--(because only Democrats and Georgia/LSU graduates mount toilet paper any other way...)

When I pull on my toilet paper in order to dispense it for use...

it wobbles and bangs and goes "ker-thunka-ka-thunka" or even locks up thereby only giving me a single sheet sufficient to wipe the spit from my mouth or a tear from my eye...

...because that little cardboard tube on the inside of the roll has been crushed nearly flat due to mishandling or outright vandalism.

Thus I have two solutions to this problem this afternoon ladies and gentlemen.

The first would be a steel or aluminum or possibly carbon fiber tube designed to slide inside the aforementioned crushed cardboard tube in the toilet paper roll, thereby yielding a smooth and satisfying delivery of this restroom necessity.

Heck, If I had my way I'd mount the whole thing on super lubricated ball bearings and one single tug would result in the entire roll spinning off of the roller into the floor if you weren't paying attention.

Then the second idea is this...




A roll of toilet paper designed to last at least a month which is so inherently strong that during shipment or storage on store shelves it could not possibly be damaged so as to perform in a manner in my home while not delivering any "ker-thunka-ka-thunka" type sounds.

I know many people out there are as excited as I am with these new developments, and I'll let you know as soon as possible when one or both products are available on Amazon.com.






Heh...

"Those Voices Don't Speak For The Rest Of Us..."

Where Are Men (And Women) Like President Reagan When We Need Them?





It's frightening how words spoken almost fifty years ago ring so true when listening to the "Enlightened" Progressive Democrats blitherings today.

I Want One...

Mercedes SLS Gull Wing






Unfortunately I'm a couple of dollars short of the $200,000 price tag...but still...

Hummingbirds

Nature's Little Wonders...


I have to admit that until we moved down to St. Simons Island in 2003 I didn't know much about Hummingbirds other than they were out there in exotic locations like the Bahamas and Jamaica...because I had actually seen them down there.

Then on a whim while wandering around the local Ace Hardware I bought our first "Hummingbird feeder" and within a few weeks my eyes were opened to an entire new world occupied by these little amazing flying bundles of feathers and energy.

Today we maintain two feeders--one on the front porch and one in the back yard outside the kitchen window--and we enjoy the hilarious antics of the Ruby Throated hummers and an occasional few other species from about April to October each year.

That said, take a look at this short video clip of a new film shown on PBS about Hummers:



There are infinite websites now on the Internet giving information on the different birds indigenous to North America, and I've actually caught and held in my bare hand an errant bird which got trapped in my Mom's garage a few years ago.

If you've never had a hummingbird feeder you are missing a real treat.

We constantly laugh at their antics as the rival clans of birds put on aerial shows featuring daily "dog-fights" over dominance of our feeders, and we probably use as much sugar feeding our little clan of birds as we use cooking for humans in our kitchen.

Simple things...you know?