Sorry Folks, but this session of bitching and complaining and imparting armchair quarterbacking advice came out of nowhere this evening, and it is directed at the pseudo-government run national passenger train service known as "Amtrak."
I've had it up to here this morning (pointing to the top of my ever greying, ever balding, pony tail adorned head) with "Amtrak."
Let me tell you about what "Amtrak"'s done that's gotten my Spleen in a knot this weekend.
I guess that I missed it to begin with, and that even before you make a phone call or visit their website the name--"Amtrak"--should give you some clue that things are amiss in the United By God States of America's passenger rail service.
Regarding said name, one could be reasonably expected to guess that the "Am" portion of the moniker stands for "American" possibly, but what the heck is up with the "Trak" portion of the trademark?
Will be be riding along on on our journey guided and protected by train tracks...or Train Traks?
Maybe it's because if we buy a ticket we'll be taking a "Trek", and that's where it comes from (and the word is amazingly prophetic as I'll reveal later...)?
I think that, even though I spent twelve long years in government schools with government English teachers, that I'm going to add the word Amtra(c)k to my blogger lexicon (going along with sHrillary Clinton, John sKerry, and my other originally coined and shamelessly stolen references to things that piss me off.)
Any way...hang on...I'm just getting started here, it gets MUCH better.
I have to admit that I've never ridden an Amtra(c)k train to my knowledge, although I have jingled around Stone Mountain Park and Six Flags in Atlanta on a train, and I've whizzed around the monorails at Disneyland and Disneyworld back in the late 1960's and early to mid 1970's.
Then there was also the time me and my sister and parents plowed through a few feet of snow on a train from New Jersey to NY City a hundred years ago when I was in kindergarten, but that doesn't count because I don't believe it was Amtrak either. It was some form of otherwise efficient commuter rail that serves real cities in the Northeast and makes Amtra(c)k look like a giant system of those little miniature trains that haul toddlers around roadside Alligator Farms and fake Indian Settlements in Georgia, always running in circles and never actually going anywhere.
In addition to riding Chicago's El network and the extended commuter line in the Chicago metro area (and of course the trains in airports around the country and world) I've also owned a few dozen yards of HO and N gauge model train track and the associated accouterments, but I guess that experience doesn't count when it comes to writing critical reviews of railroad companies, but I'm going to do it anyway, and to that end, I digress...
Here's my real question and beef with Amtra(c)k this morning:
How the %$#@ can anyone go anywhere on Amtra(c)k, when Amtra(c)k hardly goes anywhere, and the few places they go take most of a week if not a month of your time in transit, at least according to what I've seen over the past half decade that I've been trying to use them on pleasure trips?
You simply can't get from here to there on Amtra(c)k, as far as I can tell.
The other thing is that when they do happen to go where I might want to end up on many of the trips I've tried to take--3 and 4 hours by air--Amtra(c)k costs 95% of the cost of the air fair and they try to make you die of deep venal thrombosis from sitting in one of their chairs for 25 hours.
No wonder they (Amtra(c)k) are almost always losing money and are constantly coming to Congress with their hat in their hand asking for more money or threatening to waste the rest of the US taxpayers' investment by further limiting service or closing down entirely.
And never mind that because of their ineptitude many people would rather ride a subway through Watts or Harlem than get on an Amtra(c)k train today--I've heard indirectly that things look like a scene out of the Star Wars bar on the run from Atlanta to New Orleans.
Any way, here's some specific examples of things I've tried to give Amtra(c)k my money to do in the past five or six years.
One winter when we still lived in the Atlanta Suburbs and Pat was working in Chicago each week, I thought about making a short economy trip down to Miami, then taking the bus on to Key West to stir up some trouble and get some sun.
Sounded like a plan, but Nooooooo...not with Amtra(c)k
In order to go from Atlanta to Miami, you have to ride an Amtra(c)k train waaaaayyyy north to Washington D.C., then turn around and ride a different Amtra(c)k train wayyyyy back south through Savannah and Jessup, Georgia, THEN on down the Florida coast to a station a few miles from South Beach.
I'm too lazy to do the search because the Amtra(c)k website keeps crashing this morning (see the next set of gripes about that), but it cost something like $300 round trip and took three and one half or four days out of my life to get there and back.
There was no time to enjoy a stay in a hotel in the sun, and besides...I could fly round trip for $450 and spend four hours in the air and a couple more hours in and around the airport and at least walk on the beach before it was time to turn around and head back to DC.
How the heck would anyone do something like that unless they were STUPID, or mortally afraid of flying?
There's a train track from Atlanta to Savannah and Jacksonville, but the
Now let's talk about my latest revelation.
From what I can determine, Amtra(c)k is an island unto itself beyond a few selected bus connections here and there which they own and operate one way or the other.
Imagine if you went to the Delta Airlines website or called Delta reservations and all you could do was buy tickets to EXACTLY where Delta flies with their own airplanes?
No connections with "Partner Airlines" or "commuters", just Atlanta to St. Louis...
Delta Agent: "You're on you're own getting to Moline buddy."
Me: "Does someone rent horses or skis or roller skates?"
Delta Agent: Don't know...don't care...Next in Line...
That's the way it is with Amtra(c)k.
These idiots go to tens of dozens of cities like NY city and Philadelphia that have extensive commuter rail and bus systems, but do they provide any of that information like cost and itinerary coordination in their maps and web site based ticketing?
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
This morning, in addition to the Amtra(c)k website locking up every time I got close to planning a March trip to NY city and into Eastern Pennsylvania to visit some of Pat's family, they left me on my own when it came to finding which station I had to disembark at in order to connect with the commuter rail.
How the Hell can we continue to allow a so called "modern" "taxpayer funded' company, in the year 2008, surrounded by investor owned airlines employing sophisticated software to support things like seating capacity control and the coordination with connecting flights, to not have any idea how to jump off their train and get on another train in order to get to your final destination.
While Delta makes a few dollars selling Continental and American seats in addition to their own flights, evidently Amta(c)k's too stupid or egotistical to work with the "competition" riding over and around the exact same rails...
AND LOSING MONEY DOING IT.
And while I'm at it, it just came to mind to say this:
Go ahead all you Independents and Democrats. Hire yourself a new President in November, and then look over your shoulder in a few months at Amtra(c)k for a business model. Then a few years later, I'll point out Amtra(c)k as prime, brutal evidence of Government success when you cheer as they start up your new "Universal Health Care System."
Idiots... At least you can drive or fly and stay off the government trains, but try hoisting your butt into the stirrups or turning your head and coughing in a government run doctor's office five years from now.
I bet that will serve to wipe the ignorant bleeding heart liberal smirk off your face and add a new pucker to your ass.
(taking a big breath...where's my twelve step program when I need it)
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