Hurricane Prepairdness Checklist

It’s hard to not be serious when something as dangerous as a hurricane is approching your house. What puzzles me is how crazy people can get if they happen to live in a given hurricane’s “cone of death” and some of the insane things they do in the name of “Hurricane Prepairdness.”

The grocery store is a good place to observe this insanity. Take bread, for instance. When the TV says a storm is coming, what appears to be perfectly normal people will jump in their cars, drive to the grocery store, and buy an entire shopping cart full of loaves of bread.

What are they going to do with all that bread, make toast for two hundred?

Afterwards, the bread isle in the store will be empty, except posibly for one package of stale hotdog buns or a tray of smashed English Muffins that excaped the hoard’s attention.

Lowes or Home Depot is another place to witness unusual behavior. Everyone knows that generators and plywood are hot items with an approaching hurricane, but the savy store manager can sell anything if they place it on a special “Hurricane Display.”

People will buy rubber gloves and suppositories if you market them properly with 100 MPH winds bearing down on the nearby coastal areas. “Hey Mildred...snap... bend over…what?...I don’t know why, they were on sale…we can't waste them... com' on...just bend over darn it.”

As a public service, last fall I put together my own “Hurrican Prepairdness List” and published it here in the blog. Since I only had about three readers back then and virtually no one saw it, I thought that I would dust it off and offer a new and improved list for your use. Here it is:


PRIOR TO THE APPROACH OF A HURRICANE…

Do listen to local radio and TV weather broadcasts every few hours in order to stay up to date on the storm's location, forecast storm track, and any evacuation orders that may be issued.

Don't go to the local bar a few hours before the storm roars into your neighborhood and get shitfaced drinking beer and Kamikaze shots or a half dozen Long Island Iced Teas before heading home to tackle hanging that truck load of plywood you just bought at Home Depot over your windows and doors.

Do put together a basic hurricane supply kit including drinking water, prescription medicines, first aid kit, canned foods, flashlight and spare batteries, battery powered radio, etc.

Don't think that you're prepared when your hurricane kit simply includes a twelve-pack of warm beer, a fifth of tequilla, a few half burned candles from the last storm warning , an old Bic lighter, and an inflatable raft with one broken oar.

Do go to the grocery store to purchase enough non-perishable foodstuffs to support yourself and your loved ones for three to five days.

Don’t go to the convienance store and spend all of your available cash on scratch off lottery tickets and beef jerky.

Do gas up the car or SUV and move it to high ground prior to the local roads being closed.

Don't venture out during the storm onto flooded roads in high winds at break kneck speeds in an attempt to recreate Lt. Dan's hurricane scene in the movie "Forrest Gump."

Do move your boat onto it's trailer and secure it in a safe storage area. Relocate larger boats away from docks, pileings, and other boats and double/triple anchor them in place.

Don't think you are going to weather out the storm on board your boat with your warm twelve-pack and fifth of tequilla. (You will end up dead or be seen on CNN by all of your friends and family--you'll be the one hanging by a cable underneath a Coast Guard helicopter.)

I think that just about covers everything.