Remember that I consider myself—politically—to be a libertarian?
That said, then you probably won’t be surprised that I have more than a little problem with things like our ever expanding traffic laws.
Take seatbelt laws for instance.
Not for laws protecting kids here, I’m talking about laws that require that GROWN ADULTS protect their own lives else pay the government a fine—what I call a FEE FOR STUPIDITY.
I’m against it…I’m against them…seat belt laws…that is.
I think that seat belt laws force us all to continue to be assaulted by stupid, careless people that God would have otherwise eliminated from our population years ago.
For me personally, it is a no brainer that I should want to strap myself tightly inside when I am hurling down a ribbon of concrete or asphalt in a two or three ton wad of steel and plastic, surrounded by wild eyed morons that on a GOOD day can't do their multiplication tables past 7 x7=48. (hah... it really equals 49.)
These same people will get on a Delta jet and sit with their toddler unrestrained in their lap to save the price of an extra airline ticket, and their beloved government officials allow that practice to remain legal.
If these people were Zebras or Thompson’s Gazell, all of the smart lions and Hyenas would have chased them down (or waited for them to trip over their own hooves and fall down) and chewed up their miserable carcases at the first opportunity years ago.
Think of all of the extra oxygen and real estate that could be available here on the planet for the rest of us to use as a result when it was all said and done?
Any howwwww...
Out here on St. Simons we have an ongoing conflict relating to traffic accidents, and some of the solutions that are being proposed are absurd, actually bordering on rediculous.
You see, our island’s population is exploding, on an exponential basis, and all of the Yankees and many of the Rednecks that live here or visit here on vacation are starting to bitch and complain because we have…
Gasp…Traffic.
No, make that TRAFFIC!
On our little island where 20% of the roads are still dirt (what you call “unpaved” in NY City), our population bulges from about 16,000 in the “off season” to somewhere over 30,000 in the summer and on holiday weekends.
The roads that are paved are barely two lanes wide, the maximum speed limit is only 45 MPH, and most of the roads have giant live Oak trees situated two inches off the roadway.
These ancient Oaks bear the scars of the effects of morons driving into them, bouncing off of them, or attempting to slide their 50’ Winnebago past decapitating their mother-in-law in the process.
The only road connecting mainland Georgia with St. Simons is called the Torras Causeway, named for a prominent local engineer that surveyed the route for the road back in the 1930’s. Until the original two lane Torras Causeway was completed back in the dark ages, two Ferry Boats—The Emeline & Hessy—provided the service bringing visitors and supplies to and from the island.
Today the Torras Causeway is four lanes wide, and the speed limit has been raised to
In the past 90 days there have been three head on collisions that completely closed down the Torras Causeway in both directions for several hours during the morning rush hour. Teachers were late for class, most of our legal and illegal Mexican construction workers were late to their job sites, and several city councilmen were tardy for important functions like pedicures and TV interviews.
So now our local rocket scientists, working in conjunction with state and Federal officials, have decided to invent a solution to our traffic problem on the Torras Causeway.
Are you ready?
Do you want to know their proposed solution to help improve driver safety on a road where the average driver exceeds the speed limit by 20 MPH and TWO of the three recent accidents were caused by illegal Mexican immigrants operating a company vehicle without a valid Georgia drivers license?
(May I have a drum roll here please?)
A BAN ON CELL PHONE USAGE.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, if people will just stop talking on their cell phones while traversing the marsh on their way to and from St. Simons island, the motoring public of Georgia can rest better at home each evening knowing that their public officials are earning their pay.
Here's what they say:
Motorists crossing the F.J. Torras Causeway between St. Simons Island and the mainland could soon face new restrictions designed to improve traffic safety.
A group of city and county officials will meet Tuesday with Georgia Department of Transportation staff members in Atlanta and propose such measures as a prohibition on cell phone use and installation of rumble strips and video cameras to monitor traffic.
"This has been needed a long time," said David Carswell, a Brunswick police lieutenant who helped put together a plan of improvements.
He said the plan, which will be presented to the county commissioners at a regular commission meeting Thursday, would greatly reduce the number of accidents on the causeway. Last year there were 72.
County Commissioner Uli Keller said the restriction of cell phone use on the causeway would help drivers pay attention to the road.
"A majority of inattentive driving is due to cell phones," he said. "They're probably concentrating on the conversation more than the traffic."
Bull f**king Shit. (sorry Mom and Pat, but no other words adequately cover this situation…)
FIRST of all, if the Glynn county police department started busting ass, 24/7, enforcing the speed limit on the Torras Causeway, 99% of the problems would be eliminated. As I’ve said before, I used to be a wild eyed speeding moron with TWO radar detectors and a cinder block foot on my car’s throttle, but I’ve put that part of my motoring experience behind me.
Today I drive like my dad did in his day…speed limit...
cruise control...
no problem.
I spend my time here on St. Simons playing a game I call “Train.”
For my part, I’m the train's engine in my car, driving along EXACTLY at the speed limit, and ALL of the other idiots on the road behind me are train cars and the last one speeding along that comes roaring up on my ass gets to be “the Caboose.”
I have a great time because by thinking of this game I avoid bursting a blood vessel shouting at the asshole that is driving so close to my bumper that I can't see his/her grill and headlights.
Life might suck because of drivers like me for some people, but I didn’t leave the insanity of Atlanta, Georgia after 27 years of losing my mind in commuter traffic to come down here to the Georgia coast and be in a hurry.
I’M NOT IN A HURRY. You got that?
I...
AM...
NOT...
IN A....
HURRY...
This damn island is only 11 miles long and 4 miles wide, and by my calculations if I drive 20 miles an hour over the speed limit I can get home 15 seconds faster than if I obey the speed limit.
It's not worth it.
It’s a no brainer for me here people.
WE DO NOT NEED YET ANOTHER LAW TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.
DAMN THE GOVERNMENT, and Uli Keller is my County Commissioner and he will be hearing from me (again) this week.
Now what is that E-mail address???
1 comment:
Uri Geller is your county commisionner? Did he bend a key to get into office?
Seriously: If you're a lousy driver, a cellphone may make it worse, but not using one ain't gonna make it any better.
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