Things I Wish I'd Said

I was looking around the web and found these wonderful quotes from Mark Twain:

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

First, God created idiots. That was just for practice. Then He created school boards.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

And Finally...

The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.