Bush Offers Unlimited Aid

I just can't believe this has happened. Look at this excerpt from today’s edition of the Washington Post:

Crawford, TX - President George Bush, in a uncharacteristic display of emotion, ripped most of his clothes off in front of reporters today while running around hysterically in circles foaming at the mouth, finally dropping to his knees, tilting his head back, looking to the heavens, and screaming “Good Gawd Almighty, what have all us mean old Republicans done to cause such suffering and death.”

When the president had regained his composure, he continued the news conference wearing only boxer shorts. Mr. Bush was quoted as saying that he was "taking full responsibility for the recent earthquake and Tsunamis in Asia."

In anticipation of the impending Congressional investigation of the events leading up to the failure of the Bush administration to anticipate and stop the earthquake, the president announced the establishment of a new cabnet level position, appointing Mr. Idont Knowhatodo, Nancy Reagan's former psychic, as Tzar of Avoiding Natural Disasters.

Mr. Bush further indicated that he had recently issued an executive order instructing the Treasury to load every single US dollar on a massive fleet of Air Force C-130 and C-17 aircraft which would be issued flight plans commanding them to fly to the areas affected by the disaster to conduct an airdrop of their cash cargo along the beaches over the heads of the surviving victims. "We can't wait any longer to start relieving their suffering. Didn't that French lady years ago say something about letting the people eat cash? That was cake? Oh well, they can buy a whole bunch of cake with the cash we're sending."

The president announced that he would be cutting his vacation short in order to personally pilot an aircraft in an additional special fleet of aircraft scheduled New Year's day to dump all of the gold currently contained at Ft. Knox over the UN headquarters buildings in New York City and in Geneva Switzerland.

Democratic leaders indicated that this response was “a bit insensitive” and that they saw the president's actions as "unnecessarily using the massive international suffering for political gain."

UN Emergency Relief Coordinator Jan Egeland said the offer was “too little too late…”

It’s a joke, get it?