Theatrical Misbehavior

Things Are Going Along Nicely


Pat & I attended the GIAHA's performance of "A Christmas Carol" tonight. They put on a darn good performance. We were also invited to attend the cast party afterward at my friend Mayor Thompson's house.

All and all a good evening, I think.

Here's a little peek at what we saw (click on each picture to enlarge):











I really like the looks of the final touch I put on the set last week, the sign there center stage that says "Scrooge & Marley".

What do you think?

Thing's I'd Liked To Have Had

Free Stuff...But No Where To Put It


I came home from my foggy photo shoot this morning with the trunk of Pat's Mustang full of chunks of wood. I just couldn't resist their beauty.

There's also a marvelous chunk of Eastern Cedar stump laying within two miles of our Condo that's headed for the wood chipper or woodpile unless I can find someone to help me pick it up and haul it to some as yet determined location for storage.

Sometimes I hate not owning a house these days because of times like this.

My big "K Street" tree was saved by the City of Brunswick and has been moved and stored at their expense.

Back in the late 1980's when they were clearing land to build the new Georgia Dome football stadium for the Atlanta Falcons a lumber company offered me a working boiler and working STEAM ENGINE that they had used to saw logs, for FREE, if I would come in, dismantle the equipment, and move it off site before they demolished their 100 year old buildings.

I begged and pleaded for help, but everyone just saw a bunch of stinky old iron and steel and I couldn't find a home for the wonderfull antiques.

My ex-wife wouldn't let me put it in my back yard, so I guess it went to the scrapyard.

I sure hope I can save this old stump.

Foggy Morning In Georgia

Here's What I Saw This Morning









Perhaps the only sad thing I found was this old Cedar that was being removed from Gascoigne Bluff Park because of it's poor health. It's about four or five feet across at the bottom and seven feet long.



I want that piece of tree trunk, and I'm calling my County Commissioners to talk about saving it

More Christmas Carols

Yes, I know…I know...I Won’t Let This Idea Go


For your enjoyment this morning, I have a few more selections of my Muslim friendly Christmas Carols available.

How about this old favorite:


Away From The Danger
(sung to the tune of “Away in a manger”)

Away from the danger, some rocks for a bed,
The little Osama, laid down his turbined head,
The Drones in the bright sky looked down where he lay
The little Osama asleep in the Cave.

Cruise missiles are soaring, the satellite phone rings
But little Osama, has already moved his things
The flashes and explosions are over the next hills
But little Osama knows that we’re after him still.


Or how about:

It’s Beginning to look a lot like Jihad
(obviously sung to the tune of “(It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas”)

Feel free to make up your own words


Or maybe this one:

Wreck the Walls
(sung to the tune of “Deck The Halls”)

Wreck the Walls with blocks of C4
A la la la la la la la lah
Make every thing just like here before
A la la la la la la la lah
Don we now our desert apparel,
A la la la la la la la lah
Troll the ancient Muslim carol,
A la la la la la la la lah.

See the blazing Hummer before us
A la la la la la la la lah
Strike the infidel, bomb the tour bus
A la la la la la la la lah
Follow me to meet our Virgins
A la la la la la la la lah
While I tell a Jihad story
A LA LA LA LA….La La La La Lahhhhhhh

I could go on forever, but I think that the novelty has worn off now.

Unless I come up with something else special, I think I'll move on...besides, I've got to get to work mailing out the rest of my Christmas cards.

A Muslim America Preview

Oh God, My Face Hurts From Laughing...


For those of you out there that don't own a TV or have been living under a rock for the past twenty years, let me tell you that if and when Speaker Pelosi, John Murtha, and the rest of the appeasers peace advocates get their way and the US finally pulls out of the middle east, things will likely change a good deal here in America.

You see, the zealous idiots that we are currently fighting over there in Iraq and Afghanistan aren’t likely to just lay down their guns and bombs and go back to farming olives and herding sheep....No Siiiiiirrrrrr.

I’m pretty sure that as soon as they get all of their women wrapped back up in black cloth and finish killing all of the othe tribes that aren't related to them that they will be stopping by your or your kids' front doors in the next twenty years and they won’t be there selling Amway products or Girl Scout Cookies.

If that’s OK with you, I guess that it will have to be OK with me because I’ll probably have moved on back to my home planet of Meepzorp by then, but in the meantime I thought that I’d make a little money getting you prepared for the transition.

In addition to my Muslim Christmas Carol translations, I came up with this idea for a Christmas card that you might need one day when the time comes:

(original osama image from Here)


Then for all of my Jewish friends I have this offering:

(Original image from here)

And finally, can you imagine how media ads will probably have to change? Something like this will come out:

Original Image frome Here

I'll be continuing on this topic for a while because it's just too damn fun, so you can let me know if you want to order any of my products and we'll see what we can work out.

And by the way, if you don't like it, just go the hell away and I'll be just fine entertaining myself.

(Damn I'm smart, funny, and insensitive, aren't I?)

More Muslim Terrorist Christmas Carols

I'm Writing a Song Book...


For the second installment in my translation of traditional Christmas carols, I offer this Children's favorite


Abdul the Bomber
Sung to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman"

Abdul, the bomber, was a zealous miserable soul,
With RPG and explosive vest, and two eyes as dark as coal

Abdul the Bomber, was an Iranian they say

He made quite a show, when his body did blow
And he lost his life that day.

The must have been some dynamite in that old
Linen prayer shirt he wore

For when they finally found his head, it was
Fifty yards away or more!

Oh, Abdul the Bomber, was as dead as he
could be;

But the Imams say he could blast and pray,
About the best in the middle east.

Boom Pow Bam Bam, Boom Pow Bam Bam
Look at Abdul go

Boom Pow Bam Bash Boom Pow Bam Bash
What else could he blow?

(feel free to make up your own second verse)

.

Multicultural Christmas

Please...Somebody Stop Me...


In the spirit of the Christmas Holiday Season, I'm extending an olive branch to our Terrorist friends in the Muslim world by translating some common Christmas Carols to be more Islam friendly.

My first selection this evening is one that is a favorite of my old friend Rusty. I actually started singing a version of this one back in the mid 1990's:

Walking in Desert Battlefield
Sung to the tune of "Walking In A Winter Wonderland"

Camel bells ring, are you listening?
In the oasis, the Palm Trees are glistening
It’s a beautiful sight,
We praise Allah tonight
Walking past the bodies of the infidels we killed last night.

Gone away is civilization
Here to stay a conflagration
We’ll bomb and we’ll blast
Kick some Sunni ass
Walking past the bodies of the infidels we killed last night.

In the morning we can build a car bomb
Pack it full of nails and TNT
Drive it into town to the market
And see if we can kill a family

Later on, we’ll conspire
Launch a Mortar, burn some tires
To face unafraid
The plans that we made
Walking past the bodies of the infidels we killed last night.


(If anybody thinks this is stupid or "insensitive"...TOUGH! Go somewhere else on the web...)

DON'T MESS WITH ME

I Outsmarted Myself


Last month, in anticipation of traveling out of town for a week, I elected to activate one of those 60 day free America Online accounts that they bombard everyone with in the form of CD's in the mail.

I gave them my credit card number, contact information, and it turns out that I never made a single call through their service.

Yesterday I remembered that I needed to cancel the membership else beginning in early January AOL would start carving about $25 out of my card each month.

After spending about an hour on the telephone over the past TWO days, making six phone calls that were mysteriously cut off after announcing my intention to cancel their service, and after allowing my blood pressure to drop a couple hundred points, I just faxed out THIS missive using the instructions from the AOL website as the outline (my comments are in blue):

December 13, 2006

AOL LLC
FAX NUMBER : 1-703-433-7283.
PO Box 65100
Sterling, VA 20165-8800

To Cancel Your AOL® Membership

We hope you've enjoyed being an AOL member and that we can help you again in the future.

“NO, YOUR SERVICE ENDED UP BEING OF NO USE TO ME BECAUSE I HAVE BROADBAND AT HOME AND ONLY SIGNED UP FOR YOUR FREE OFFER ANTICIPATING BEING OUT OF TOWN FOR A WEEK AND POSSIBLY NEEDING DIAL-UP SERVICE. IT ENDED UP WORKING OUT THAT I DIDN‘T USE IT.

I REALLY RESENT THAT YOU COULD SIGN ME UP ONLINE IN TEN MINUTES AND THEN YOU TORTURED ME WITH ENDLESS PHONE MENUS AND KEPT CUTTING ME OFF FOR SIX CALLS OVER THE PAST TWO DAYS WHEN YOUR USELESS EMPLOYEES FOUND OUT THAT I WANTED TO CANCEL”

For security reasons, AOL accounts cannot be cancelled either online or through e-mail. You can get your AOL account cancelled either through phone, U.S. mail or fax.

“WHAT TOTAL, UNMITIGATED, INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH BULLSHIT.

I SIGNED UP ONLINE WITH A CREDIT CARD.

IS THERE A MASSIVE EPIDEMIC OUT THERE CAUSING PEOPLE'S AOL ACCOUNTS TO BE TERMINATED WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION?

AND YES, I’LL BE DOING MY CANCELLATION BY BOTH MAIL AND FAX, BECAUSE YOUR PHONE CUSTOMER SUPPORT AND ONLINE SERVICE SUCKS (SEE ABOVE)”

To cancel your AOL account over the phone, all you need to do is call AOL® Member Services at 1-888-265-8008. You can speak to our representatives to get your account cancelled. This service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

“IF I HAD 24 HOURS OF EACH DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK TO TALK TO YOUR COMPUTERS AND YOUR MORONIC EMPLOYEES I WOULD CONTINUE TO CHOOSE THAT OPTION, BUT I ELECT TO DO OTHERWISE.”

You can also request the cancellation of your AOL account through the U.S. mail. Just send your request to:
AOL LLC
PO Box 65100
Sterling, VA 20165-8800

“OK,HERE I AM YOU USELESS CLERKS & ROCKET SCIENTISTS, PRESENTING TO YOU AND YOUR COMPANY IN WRITING, DELIVERED BY THE US MAIL AND FAX, TELLING YOU TO CANCEL MY AOL ACCOUNT.

FURTHER, IF YOU CHARGE MY CREDIT CARD ONE THIN DIME, I AND MY LAWYER WILL LAND ON TOP OF YOUR COMPANY’S BANK ACCOUNT AND THE COST OF THE CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT WILL ALLOW ME TO OWN WHAT IS LEFT OF YOUR MISERABLE OPERATION WHEN EVERYONE FINALLY FIGURES OUT HOW TO USE THE INTERNET AND ISN‘T WILLING TO PAY FOR YOUR SIMPLE CONTENT AND WATCH YOUR ADS."

If you prefer sending in your request through fax, please send it to us at 1-703-433-7283.

Notes:

If you choose to write or fax us, please include a brief note stating the nature of your request, the primary billing contact's full name, phone number, address, and handwritten signature.

In addition to that, for account security purposes please provide any one of the following:

The master screen name of the AOL account

The last four digits of the current method of payment (for your security, please include only the last four digits)

The answer to the account security question of the master screen name

Cancellation will take effect within 72 hours of receipt of your request and AOL will send you e-mail confirmation. Please note that AOL LLC reserves the right to charge and collect fees, surcharges or costs incurred before your cancellation

OK, JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T UNDERSTAND THE “NATURE OF MY REQUEST”, LET ME REITERATE THE FOLLOWING:

CANCEL

Vrrogers3d@aol.com

Born in xxxxx, xxxxxxx

CARD NUMBER xxxxxx5119

And by the way, y’all have a nice day up there in Virginia…

I signed it, dated it, wrote my address and phone number on it by hand, and I'm going to mail a couple of more copies out separately and see what happens.

All I have to say is...

Don't screw with me...dammit

Original Thoughts--One More Time

I’ve Written Most Of This Stuff Before…


OK Ladies & Gentlemen, as we approach the end of 2006 and the media prepares to bombard us with highlights and lowlights of the past 12 months, including their gleefully anticipated reporting of the 3,000th death in the War in Iraq, I feel compelled to remind you of a couple of things.

Fact, the US population crossed 300 million this year. You probably saw that statistic on the front page of your local fish wrapper Newspaper and heard it blasted out on the evening news a couple of times.

Fact, over 40,000 people lost their lives in automobile accidents since January 1st of this year.

Did you know about that annual tragedy?

Actually, the death rate has declined slightly from nearly 45,000 in the mid 1980’s due to the increased use of seatbelts, air bags, and increased drunken driving prevention efforts.

That's a rate of 1 person dead in and around autos for every 7,500 members of the US population.

Next, let me report that currently there are about 1.4 million Americans serving as Active Duty members of our Armed Forces today. About 1000 were killed in Iraq this year (including members of the Reserves and National Guard.)

I can't find the website, but I've read previously that more members of the military die each year in non-combat related and training accidents than in actual combat. You'll just have to take my word for that as I continue to look for the numbers and a link.

Any way, now here’s my point…

Since the start of the war in Iraq in March 2003 (46 months), using the above numbers it would be safe to say that over 153,000 people have died crashing things made by General Motors and the other auto manufacturers into each other and roadside trees.

ONE HUNDRED FIFTY THREE THOUSAND DEAD PEOPLE!!!

I have to ask, “Where’s the daily Associated Press front page Newspaper Stories on that little insignificant (apparently) statistic?”

Where’s the daily running total in the national newspapers?

Yes, I know that locally the more spectacular accidents and casualties are often reported, but I’m thinking about starting a website and attempting to consolidate the carnage on a daily national basis and selling the numbers to the media.

IF I could actually sell the results of my efforts, I doubt that it would end up anywhere but in the back pages of section B in the papers because the anti-war crowd all drive SUV’s and my hideous statistics don’t support their political agenda (except possibly that while killing the environment with SUV’s they ignore the enhanced occupant safety they provide.)

I’d probably starve to death trying to make a living doing that kind of stuff in the current political climate.

With a little more than 1 in every 214 people of the total population in the military, it’s really amazing to me that everyone is brainwashed into freaking out over the TRULY LOW LEVELS OF MILITARY CASUALTIES we’ve experienced thus far in our efforts.

Almost as many members of the military died IN ONE DAY during the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941 than have died in the entire effort in Iraq.

A greater number of GI’s were killed in the invasion of Utah and Omaha Beaches in Normandy, but all the media can do today is scream “O MY GOD, ANOTHER DEAD SOLDIER…”

Get a GRIP, people.

As I've written at least a half dozen times before:

WAR INVOLVES BREAKING THINGS AND KILLING PEOPLE

Don't just read the headlines and first paragraph of the story each morning.

And for God's sake, read something and watch something other than just the lamestream mainstream media.

(And before you start commenting and e-mailing me with complaints, let me state that I consider the death of any human being, regardless of their station in life, to be a tragedy, but then again--better kill our country's enemies in their homes overseas than to have to fight them on my patio and in my front yard.)

You'll have to excuse me now, but I have to go clean my guns...

MORE

Gosh, my math was off on my calculator, so the vehicular deaths is 1 in 7,500, not 1 in 75,000. I thought that sounded low but I was bleary eyed at that time of the morning and failed to check my calculations and transcription.

It also assists my argument that living in the modern world is inherently dangerous, because using that same mortality rate 200 out of our 1.5 million troops would have been killed stateside this year in auto accidents.

Where's the headlines about That?

See, EVEN WHEN I'M WRONG--I'M RIGHT!!
.

Poof, the Manic Shiite

More Political Incorrectness


Here's a little ditty I wrote tonight. It's sung to the tune of “Puff the Magic Dragon”


Oh, Poof…the manic Shitie, Grew up in Basrah,
And Frolicked in the desert sand with his home made IED

Well little Donnie Rumsfield, hated that rascal Poof,
He sent him planes and Abrams Tanks, and other fancy stuff…

(Chorus)
Oh, Poof, the manic Shiite, grew up in Basrah
And frolicked in the desert sands with his home made IED
Oh, Poof, the manic Shiite, grew up in Basrah
And frolicked in the desert sands with his home made IED

Together they would travel on a Camel with big old teeth,
Rummie kept a lookout from thirty thousand feet
Arab Kings and Princes would cowtow wheneer they came,
Toyota Vans would go “Kaboom” when Poof roared out Allah's name!

(Chorus)

Mohammad lives forever but not so for little Poof
Navy wings and two ton bombs are pretty deadly stuff
One grey night it happened, Don Rummie came out no more
And Poof the Manic Shiite, up to Allah he would soar

His head, it flew off one way, fingers fell like rain,
Poof no longer was a threat , they couldn’t find his brain
Without his life-long enemy, Poof made his final play
Poof the manic Shiit was heard to say...

"Hey, you guy’s ain’t no VIRGINS”

Oh, Poof,, the manic Shiite, grew up in Basrah
And frolicked in the desert sands with his home made IED
Oh, Poof, the manic Shiite, grew up in Basrah
And frolicked in the desert sands with his home made IED



Offered with sincere apologies to Peter Paul and Mary

Plagiarism

I've Been Erroneously Accused!!!


Oh No, I just got an Anonymous comment on my Posting entitled Dead As A Doornail.

Here, check their complaint out...

Anonymous said...

I think you should at least state the website you copied this from. you know this is plagiarism? the original website is http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-dea1.htm
Thank you.

9:51 AM


I just answered as follows in my own comment:

The Head Web Bastard Master (that would be me) said...

The above reader was hopefully sincere and just limited in their Internet skills, because I did post the link to the website, IN RED TEXT, just like I always publish copied text in blue italic text.

10:13 AM

Hey everybody, let's get a couple of things straight here regarding the rules of my website...

I want to emphatically state that I always link to the source websites IN RED TEXT (no link here--just an example), just like I always publish copied text in blue italic text like this.

You see, when I started out I just settled for sticking the little link thingy into the body of my writing like this--http://coastalcompanion.blogspot.com/--rather than doing a little classy word editing to make things read better like saying Coastal Companion.

Also, I find that when I am quoting things like news articles that are already full of quotations, everyone gets confused if I try to put more quotation marks into the process, so I just settled for the colored text like some of my other fellow bloggers do.

I'm a writer, photographer, and artist and am sensitive to ownership issues, but every now and then I might miss a link for an attribution. Let me assure you that it is usually an oversight or technical error rather than an intentional effort to use other people's work and call it my own.

But I'm also not going to get all Anal Retentive now in my writing because, after all, you don't see any ads on this website, so any perceived crime definitely doesn't pay for me here in my efforts...

Partial Success

One Down, One To Go


Picture me sitting out in the street...

Barefoot...

In my pajamas...

With my computer in my lap writing this message...

Now picture me buck nekked with my computer on the pool deck...wait a minute...no laughing or throwing up...maybe I've gone a bit too far in my jubilation.

I'm not actually doing any of the above things (although I considered it), but I just changed one stupid little field on an obscure form in my router configuration file and I'm pleased to make the following announcement.

I'M WIRELESS AGAIN.

Since I've been awake since 11:30 PM, and since I've determined that our other computer's problem seems to have something to do with Pat's corporate office security settings, I believe that I'll relax and go take a nap now.

Damn I'm good lucky...

.

I Need A Tape Recorder

Or Possibly Just Hire An Assassin A Computer Nerd


I swear that just when I think that I know what I’m doing when it comes to computer networking, everything manages to go to heck in a handbasket.

I think that my problem is that I only fool around with our network once every three or four months when I add new hardware, and it seems that I always manage to forget some little tiny detail in the time in between my efforts.

As the old saying goes: "The Devil's In The Details..."

You see, not one but two new computers have come into our home in the past couple of months, and I’ll be darned if I can get the wireless network to work properly with either of them.

I had my new HP working almost as soon as I brought it home, but when it crashed and I had to reinstall everything it’s since been able to see the network but refuses to allow me to install the 128 bit WEP encryption info.

Thus I’m still running around with a 50’ CAT5 cable attached to my belly button the side of my machine.

Ditto for the new machine that arrived from Pat’s company last week. I installed the PCMCA wireless card and cranked through the installation process on the CD, but it still won’t let you walk around and surf the internet without a cable hanging out of your armpit the back of the Dell Notebook.

I took a pretty good set of notes last year when I sat the network up for the first time, but I guess that I’m going to have to tape record step by step instructions when I finally manage to get things going again.

I know what I‘ll do…

This time I’ll video tape the process for posterity.

If anyone wants to come to St. Simons and stay for the weekend for free, just bring your network skills and come on down.

More Public Mischief

I have an opinion on everything…


Last Wednesday some ignorant moron lovely local citizen had a letter published in our local newspaper, The Brunswick News, expressing his belief that our little island airport should be closed.

His basic argument was threefold.

(1) The airport is unsightly.

(2) Airplanes are noisy. (duhhhhhh)

(3) Finally, given the validity of reasons (1) and (2) above, it was abvious that the County owned land the airport occupies could be put to better use as a park and green spaces.

Within five minutes of reading the letter, I wrote the following missive which was published last Friday in the letters to the editor section:

I would like to take this opportunity to offer my rebuttal to a recently published letter promoting the closing of the McKinnon St. Simons Airport.

First, I want to remind everyone that, void the actions of some supernatural or extraterrestrial forces, Glynn county’s land area hasn’t changed much since the early 1900’s when the airport was built for the US Navy.

I assert that, since all of Glynn County is not already covered with concrete, the idea of closing the airport to regain land for other public uses is dubious and renders mute the argument that the size of the airport property “detracts from the natural beauty of OUR island.”

I invite the people that want to complain about living around the airport to put their own money where their mouths and keyboards are. If they don‘t like the airport, let them buy the entire island, thereby truly making it “THEIR Island.”

I would be remiss to not remind them that, upon closing “their airport,” that they will then also have to subject themselves to the risks of not being able to get a ambulance jet or helicopter to come to their assistance when and/or IF the time comes.

Finally, while complaining about “the increase in air traffic…especially the large rent-a-jets”, I again remind the public that the airport was here first. If you didn’t want to vacation around or live in a building next to a lively operational airport, then you, your ego, and your checkbook should have gone elsewhere.

Instead of closing the airport, why don’t we all just vote to buy dump trucks and fill in the marshes and creeks?

After all, there’s a bunch of extra land out there for “public use” if you look for it hard enough…

Maxwell Raymond
SSI


I don't actually recall the name of the muttering old Curmudgeon the mis-informed gentleman that wrote the original letter, but I'm fairly certain that my response made his head spin around.

(By the way, I write my letters using my Nom de Plume “Maxwell Raymond” not because I'm afraid of public opinion, but because of personal differences which I have with the newspaper’s editor…and I believe that he probably wouldn't publish anything I wrote if he knew it was me holding the pen.)

.

I’m Dragging

Is It Illness, Or Just Old Age?


I hated to do it, but I had to cancel cooking dinner for our friends and Pat’s brother Saturday night because apparently I’ve contracted some kind of creeping crud that makes me feel physically weak and mentally light headed and “semi-stoned.” Maybe I have the same list of ailments that my computer has contracted.

Not only did I miss out on part of the tourist style sightseeing trip this afternoon, but I also missed a cocktail party at a friends house and sat out dinner by laying in bed fitfully sleeping-thus the lack of Saturday writing.

Time to go back to bed…