Saturday, April 30, 2011

It's Not Racial...It's "Cultural"

Where Is This Information When We're Doing Important Stuff Like VOTING For President?

I know that it doesn't really matter because the country elected the son, not the father, for the office of President, but Imagine if something like this ASSociated Press story via about Obama's father had come out about the parents of candidates during the election efforts of Bob Dole or Newt Gingrich...or even Ronald Reagan or George Bush?

"BOSTON--President Barack Obama’s father was forced to leave Harvard University before completing his Ph.D. in economics because the school was concerned about his personal life and finances, according to newly public immigration records.


Harvard administrators, the memo stated, “were having difficulty with his financial arrangements and couldn’t seem to figure out how many wives he had.”


The immigration memos, contained in the elder Obama’s Immigration and Naturalization file, were given to a Boston Globe reporter in 2009 through a Freedom of Information request. The papers were first made public Wednesday by The Arizona Independent, a weekly newspaper. The Associated Press obtained copies of them on Friday.

Concerns about Obama’s personal life while he had been studying in the U.S. had been raised previously, according to the INS documents.

In 1961, while he was an undergraduate student at the University of Hawaii, the school’s foreign student adviser called an immigration official and said Obama had recently married StanleyAnn Dunham - the president’s mother - despite already having a wife in Kenya.

According to a memo written by an INS official in Honolulu, the adviser said Obama had been “running around with several girls since he first arrived here and last summer she cautioned him about his playboy ways.”

Obama told the adviser that he had divorced his wife in Kenya.

He told the president’s mother the same thing, though she would later learn it was a lie.

Obama worked for an oil company and as a government economist after returning to Africa, but his personal and professional life would later deteriorate. He died in a car crash in 1982, when the future president was 21 and a student at Columbia University."

See, the guy we have supposedly running the country has been proven to be a liar and a poser and a fraud on so many levels that it really frightens me not that he ran for office but that our country full of apparently useful idiots with voting rights actually elected him to office.

He even comes from a family of shadowy dysfunctional out of the mainstream--black or white--people which would hardly be considered normal today let alone in the early/mid 1960's.

And I don't give a flying crap if his skin color is white or black or green, he's still a dangerous socialist that hates the American way of life because he never actually lived it until he rose to power and started having other people pay for his lavish lifestyle.

And that's all I have to say about that...

Time To Mow My Grass?

Reaching New Heights In Lawn Maintenance...

Thanks for the link Rodger

Friday, April 29, 2011

Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery

My Blog Idols Over At PowerLine Have It Right...

I wrote a fairly testy posting earlier this morning while I was feeling all cranky about the "Royal Wedding" and the amount of time the TV Networks and apparently a large portion of our population was wasting watching the proceedings.

Don't get me wrong here...

As a devout Libertarian (for lack of a better qualifying political moniker), I believe that you should be allowed by society and our government to endlessly expend your time (i.e. waste your fleeting seconds of life on this planet) worrying about Wealthy Celebrities out in Hollywood or the marriage of the offspring of ancient family members of dysfunctional former out of date Feudal European governments....

...or playing Playstation games...

... or just spending a comfortable afternoon picking your nose while sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheese Puffs looking at MTV.

As Internationally famous Atlanta Talk Show Host Neal Boortz says... (and I paraphrase):

"If whatever you do or want to do doesn't interfere with or infringe upon the life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, or property rights of another person or persons, feel free to continue to do it and resist with great vigor any government action or mob (We're a REPUBLIC...not a DEMOCRACY) effort to stop you and like minded people for pursuing your endeavors.


If you are interested in the private affairs of idiots that happen to be good looking enough and/or smart enough and/or lucky enough to make a fortune by having people like you buy tickets and throw money at them to appear on TV or film is your thing, GO FOR IT!

But then again, when you step back and realise that YOU don't figure into the fame and fortune equation in any way other than expending your capitol...mental and physical and the process...

...and that in the end you don't really own anything as a result of wearing a T-shirt with a sports team name or other capitalistic product brand logo or image...

...other than the actual market value of an over priced T-shirt...

then I guess that you get what you deserve in the end...just don't come crying to me or start voting for some politician to come pick my pocket and take some of what little money I've managed to earn ignoring such folly and actually working for a living and paying attention to more important matters at hand.

(remember the aforementioned Neal Boortz quote about infringing on my rights as owner of my property and God given freedoms)

And now I digress...

John Hinderaker, one of the fellows that writes over at Powerline Blog was having basically the same feelings I was having this morning because his wife was going to get up to watch the whole pompous wedding extravaganza in England or Great Briton or whatever they call it these days, and in the process in his writing he pointed out these two YouTube videos:

This one is a real wedding video sequence I missed when it was first published on YouTube but has had something like 65 million hits to date:

Then T-Mobile proceeded to produce this knock off recently of this similar video featuring the "Royals" with some surprising look alikes playing the parts:

And with this about that, all I have to say is...


At The "Royal" Wedding--Would They Call Me "The Duke of Fillibuster"?

Somebody Just Kill Me For Not Giving A Flying %$#@?

I've just spent an hour in my basement vacuuming about five gallons of water out of the carpet in little Missy the Turbo Pup's Mom's office.

Then I finally managed to get into the shop and get the computer workstation back in order and in the process I turned on my shop TV for a background distraction and within five minutes FOX News had lulled me into a catatonic stupor.

Sort of like being forced to watch the all day build up on ESPN of the coverage of the Super Bowl.

Can't they just show the event and get it over with for God's sake?


For some silly reason I don't give any more of a crap about a wedding in England than I care about the latest exploits of Brittany Spears or any other stupid freaking celebrity bimbo here on this side of the Atlantic Ocean.

Let's admit it...our country is going to hell in a hand basket financially...

We have wild eyed, towel headed Islamic Jihadist Terrorists wanting to kill us...

...and yet it seems that the entire planet is all caught up in a stupid wedding ceremony that at best will last an insufferable lifetime and will probably not change England's plight in leading Europe down the toilet of "Communism/Socialism Lite."

With England and France and the rest of Europe kow-towing and kissing Arab Islamic Butts at every opportunity, I wouldn't be surprised if some stupid "shoe bomber" or "underwear bomber" trying to use today's event as a way to make another "statement" about the conflict between the western civilizations and the middle eastern islamo-fascistic-idiots.

(I admit that it's not easy being a professional mean old angry curmudgeonly asshole...but somebody has to do it and I find myself particularly adept at it this morning...)

...and you're welcome...

"Their Is No Cure For Birth Or Death Save To Enjoy The Interval"

"Those That Cannot Remember The Past Are Condemned To Repeat It..."

OK Ladies and Gentlemen...I open this morning's blog dissertation amid the Chaos which describes the conditions here at the Turbo Pup Compound on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River with a couple of quotations from philosopher/essayist George Santayana, an often quoted (and misquoted) gentleman which has come to my attention recently.

This guy thought and wrote and said some pretty profound stuff in his day, in my considered Redneck Opinion.

Take these additional dittys as a for instance:

"It is not society's fault that most men seem to miss their vocation. Most men have no vocation."

"Happiness is the only sanction of life; where happiness fails, existence remains a mad and lamentable experiment."

"The world is a perpetual caricature of itself; at every moment it is the mockery and the contradiction of what it is pretending to be."

Or how about these two sayings?
"The living have never shown me how to live."

"Religion in its humility restores man to his only dignity, the courage to live by grace."

Pretty good simple sentences, wouldn't you say?

Now with all of that in mind, and moving on proceeding past the distractions of philosophy and literature this morning...

I have to admit that I don't know whether to laugh or cry because my little world is basically upside down and everywhere I look there is something new to do or that begs to be done, and all of the new stuff falls on top of a giant list of things I was already planning to do in the month of May.

The interesting thing is the composure and peace the good Lord has blessed me with in moving forward and dealing with stuff which would historically elicit a hysterical reaction from me.

You see, my problem is that I know what needs to be done, and I generally know how to do it, and the Devil is in the Details of deciding what to try to do all by myself versus hiring someone--possibly a well intended idiot or outright thief--to do any given task.

But for some reason I'm cruising along this morning--possibly heading with the other Lemmings and Sheep to my demise falling over the cliff...

Or maybe I'm just starting to mellow out in my old age, sort of like a old rooster stops crowing and fighting or an old stud bull past his prime decides to stop stomping and snorting and just hang around the pasture eating the sweet clover while letting the other younger bulls fight it out over the territory.

OK...Enough rambling already, I have a date in my basement with some wet carpet and a new box fan I bought at Home Depot yesterday. 

If you don't hear from me in the next 24 hours...somebody organize a search party...


Thursday, April 28, 2011

Lucky To Be Alive

Counting Our Blessings...

This morning and early afternoon finds me on an emotional roller coaster attempting to keep things moving professionally, while at the same time trying to assess the damage from last night's rain/hail storms and get a few things cleaned up after the furry subsided.

The basement floor is a mess but pretty much dried out except around the edges and in corners, but Pat's carpeted office floor is most likely going to be a total loss because the carpet and pad was a bit old and stinky to begin with and the water I'm pulling out of it with a shop vacuum is the color of swamp water.

Outside, I still have a few tomato plants standing but the hail and water onslaught probably killed half of them and even my new Azalea plants had the blooms beat off of them and stems broken completely off by the hailstones.

Just when I start to get all cranky and feel sorry for myself I catch another news story on TV about the things which went on over in Alabama and down in Georgia and in places nearby here in Eastern Tennessee yesterday afternoon and evening.

We were within a few miles of at least two separate funnel clouds last night, so I guess that I should be happy I still have a roof over my head...all-be-it a damaged set of roof shingles

I have three roofing companies scheduled to come look at my roof in the next few days, and in the mean time I guess I'll go climb up there myself and see what's going on.

No leaks as far as I can tell so far, but I can't believe that my shingles weren't torn up based on the other damage I see on the ground.

Regards Y'all...

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"Batten Down The Hatches Captain..."

...And Full Speed Ahead...

I'm sitting here in the dark in my basement shop this evening working on the Old HP Laptop computer running on batteries...

by the light of a flashlight...

...fortunately with the internet Cable modem and router powered by my UPS in the upstairs office.

Right now I'm surrounded by a puddle of water about 1" deep in places around my feet.

You see, we have been POUNDED not once...but TWICE this evening with powerful thunderstorms which I'm sure at one time or other each contained a tornado, and while we missed the tornadic winds we did get excellent examples of pingpong ball to golf ball sized hail for five or ten minutes in each storm.

Then the second storm finally managed to inundate my gutters with torn leaves and other debris, and pile a two foot high dam of hailstones up against my basement door causing my floor drain to stop up and inundate half of my basement including my shop and storage area with about an inch of standing water in some places.

Now the problem is that there is more rain I can see coming on the internet radar, but it's still raining and lightening so much I'm afraid to go outside and try to stand on a ladder and to clear the gutters in the dark.

Maybe I'll get a new shingled roof out of this adventure, else go the path I'm taking with my bank and fire the insurance company and find someone that actually gives a damn in the process.

I knew I should have been working on the roof cleaning gutters rather than chasing a lawn tiller around the back yard last weekend.

Am I getting too old for this crap, or is it just me being lazy?

Firing My Bank?

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow...

Right now I've had it up to HERE...Ladies and Gentlemen (pointing to the top of my ever Greying, ever balding head)  with my Bank.

OK...actually my "Credit Union" to be more specific, but still...

What a bunch of ignorant, mealy mouthed, cross eyed buffoons they have over there working in the so-called "managment" positions at the University of Tennessee Federal Credit Union.

Seriously, I don't use the bully pullpit of this blog and the Internet randomly to take undeserving shots at people and things which I don't provide ample notice and time to correct any mistakes or problems I have with a person or group or organization, but THIS MORNING...

THIS MORNING I've pretty much had it with UTFCU and the inept people in charge over there at my local branch.

The silly bitch that sits in the chair with the lable of "branch manager" on the office door acts like she could care less if I ever did anything but have Pat's salary direct deposited along with the proceeds from my business coming in the door however I manage to get there, and then she will happily hand me a big old shovel full of "shut the f**k up" flavored cereal along with a puppy treat for the Turbo pup and consider our "banking relationship" complete.

What really pisses me off is a couple of things...the least of which is that I've wasted four years building a non-relationship when I really need a good working relationshp with a banker.

I drove into this town about four years ago with a five figure casheer's check wanting to set up a bank account to support buying the house we currently live in.

By default I picked UTFCU because they had a branch down the road between my new house and the building my new employeer's offices were in.

Pretty simple.

Since then we've never bounced a check with them except one time when some stupid rules about debit card holds at hotels caused them to want to charge us a bunch of "fees" and we had to come in and make them give us most of our money back.

Then when I started my corporation a couple of years ago it was a no brainer to just wander in and open a business account with UTFCU.

That event was the beginning of the end of my relationship with the aforementioned silly bitch running the branch, because in matter what the "branch manager" says, the UTFCU is not really in the business of business banking.

That day I handed her a check that day for a little over $5,000.

She proceeded to sit on and hold the funds from the aforementioned check for TWO WEEKS after promising me that she would release the funds as soon as the check cleared the issuing bank.

Then the aforementioned silly bitch--the "branch manager"-- proceeded to act like I was crazy and that she had never heard of the idea of releasing funds when a check clears rather than making everyone wait on the bank's "hold policy."

So now without boring you to death with other minutia and details let's just say that it's been one thing after another that I've put up with...little things like screwed up signature cards, and never ending oddesys to try to get into online banking, and not to brag here but after putting several hundred thousand dollars through their doors and into their coffers to have and to hold at my expense...

I'm DONE with my "relationship" with UTFCU this morning...

The problem I have now is not making the same mistake again.

How do I carefully consider and choose a bank, credit union, or other "financial institution" in order to not waste time and get the best service for my $$$?

I was hoping to apply for a credit line for the company this year to support our growth and cash flow needs.

I guess all of that is out the window, but UTFCU's financial health sucks as I've learned doing some research because they made a bunch of bad loans on houses and commercial real estate before the bubble burst so the odds of them opening a credit line for my little Sub S Corporation is nill...thus me making the executive decision this morning to move on to another "financial institution."

I swear I'd just like to go through an entire week without some kind of stupid bullshit rearing it's ugly head and confronting me with trouble and problems I have to address.

Or maybe if God would just have made me STUPID so I could just sit around grinning and not worry about the stuff I worry about most of the time...would that be the answer?

Probably NOT...and on that note...that will be all...FOR NOW...

Monday, April 25, 2011

Lawn Tiller Induced Coma--Part Deaux

I'm Officially A Yard Whimp?

There was a time about a hundred years ago about 20 years ago when I did 99% of my own yard work and generally had one of the best looking yards in our little neighborhood of new houses.

I had a Snapper "high vac" riding lawnmower and a Snapper self propelled walk behind, and a weed eater and a leaf blower and a de-thatcher and a drum aeriator and a gas powered chain saw and just about every hand yard tool known to man.

If something needed cut or chopped or trimmed or killed or planted or otherwise maintained, I was your man and had the knowledge and tools to do it.

Fast forward to the year 2011, and I'm not quite sure what happened (except the ex wife took everything but the little Snapper and the weed eater and the leaf blower in the divorce,) but somehow I've turned into the biggest Lawn Whimp in the annals of recorded history I think.

Today all I have in the way of lawn tools at my disposal is a crappy push mower I resurrected from a neighbor's curb side junk pile (I did rebuild the motor however), a couple of garage sale weed eaters, and a (gasp) ELECTRIC chain saw.

Where I come from no self respecting country Redneck would ever be caught DEAD using an ELECTRIC chainsaw. But I'm a City Redneck now so I can balm my conscience a little...that, and I keep it (the electric chainsaw) hidden in the basement most of the time so family and visitors won't see it and only bring it out to use in emergencies. (Things like a tree or tree branch sticking out of my own forehead and such...)

I was thinking of starting a support group for guys that were raised using a real manly GASOLINE powered chain saw and are forced through age and/or circumstance to use the electric powered toy models like I'm forced to operate these days.

So any I reported on Saturday, being lacking in the home lawn tool department these days, I ran out and rented a Lawn Tiller from Home Depot for a 24 hour period to use getting my garden plots into order.

Twenty four hours would seem like plenty of time to most people, but for me it's in effect a bit of a rip off considering I can only manage to hang on to the thing for about 15 minutes of each hour.

Then if you deduct the time while I'm hanging onto the handles and the engine is actually running (I'm hanging on the rest of the time to keep from falling down), and you'll find that on average I managed to operate my rented lawn tiller for about 5 minutes each hour.

Doing the math, 5 minutes per hour x 24 hours yeilds a grand total of operating time equal to 120 minutes.

In other words...


Of course I didn't actually come outside after dark and run my rented lawn tiller for five minutes each hour...I was real brave and stacked those minutes up for efficiency sake.

Then I started the motor and plowed around in the dirt until one of two things happened.

A. The tiller ran out of gas...only managed to live that long once.

B. Something broke. Since the tiller was a pretty new Honda model, generally whatever broke was inside of or attached to ME.

Going down the list of aches and pains this morning, besides feeling like my brain has sloshed around inside my cranium like I was a Rodeo Rider on a Bull named "Tornado," I guess that the number two area of damage would be my shoulders around my neck, followed in a close third place with my callous-less hands which are puffy and don't hurt but actually have no feeling in them right now as I try to type--presumably from the nerve damage.

So after going back to WalMart to buy a quarter ton of "Manure" in neat little 40 pound bags, and some more $1 sale tomato plants (I have a dozen now), I grabbed the tiller motor starter rope and got started about noon yesterday and by about 3:30 PM I was ready to surrender the infernal machine back to it's owners in the Rental Tool Department at Home Depot.

Then we stopped by the local hole in the wall Mexican Restaurant and after consuming an order of Pollo and Carne Fajitas and a couple of Jumbo Gold Margaritas on the Rocks with Salt, I came straight home and landed in my bed.

I woke up about Midnight in a stupor, and I swear I could feel EVERY SINGLE MUSCLE IN MY BACK, LEGS, AND ARMS. 

That is, if you can call what I have in my body these days Muscles. 

The way my body is declining I think that even the word "Flab" would be an overstatement. 

If I used the words "my flab is hurting" I think that I'd risk insulting  Richard Simmons and his swarm of "Sweating to the Oldies" followers.

Hold on...wait...oh no...I think that the top of my head even hurts right now, but I can't feel it because my hands are numb.

OK, I have to go now and see if I can find a position in bed which doesn't make me want to call 911...

Pray for my recovery...and regards Y'all...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Clean Copper Clappers

Kept In my Closet...

"An Older Head Can't Be Put On Younger Shoulders"--Batman

My Calculator Died...

I was just sitting here at my desk this morning fooling around with some stuff when I reached for my old cheap TI-30XA calculator.

I thought I was noticing that the display was a little dim yesterday, but now?


It's apparently DEAD.

And there's not a little snap close removable panel on the back to access the battery?

I guess I'll get my tiny phillips head screwdriver out and see if I can access it's internals, and if not I'll go back to Walmart and and spend another $19.99 and get a new one this morning.

Like I always say..."if it's not one's another..."

Lawn Tiller Induced Coma

...A Machine Kicks My Ass...

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I went to bed before dark yesterday and just got back up in the last hour.

You see, yesterday afternoon, in a fit of homeowner induced insanity,  I went out and rented a lawn tiller.

I've committed this same crime before, so I knew what I as getting myself into.

But I did it again anyway.

This time I rented for 24 hours, although as usual...

After about the first 15 minutes I was ready to take the darned thing back to Home Depot.

So any way, I managed to get one of the tomato plots tilled up pretty good, and the squash/zucchini bed area is in pretty good shape, and then I wandered over to the other tomato bed and found the ground there to be as hard as a concrete parking lot. 

Then I remembered that I didn't do as good a job last year tilling that area and apparently it didn't soften itself up by itself in the off season.

I reluctantly scratched around with the tiller bouncing around on top of the ground for a little while and only managed to get a couple inches into the dirt, and by then I made an executive decision that it was break time. 

Then I poured myself a fresh drink and sat down with my neighbor Danny to catch up on the local gossip (My neighbors who are ten years my senior do all of their own lawn work and, because I hire a "lawn guy" to do my lawn they like to watch me when on the rare occasion I actually attempt to do anything in my yard.)

Turns out we were sort of starring in the local tongue waging banter because of Pat's trip to the hospital last week. 

Meanwhile, back in the garden, after fooling around making very little progress I made another executive decision.

I took the rest of the afternoon off.

Some people might consider it sacrilegious to spend part of Easter Sunday working in my garden, but the way I look it things the Bible says the Lord helps those that help themselves.

And eating one of the quality tomatoes I grew last year could be considered by some if not many as a Religious experience...thus I balm my conscience with that realization.

So instead of "fishing for men", I'm "tilling for tomatoes" this Easter.