Saturday, February 07, 2009

Amish Miracle Heaters

I Want A Guy With A Beard & A Funky Hat To Deliver Me A Fake Fireplace...


and while they're at it, maybe his young wife or teen daughter can teach me a "5 minute Abs" course in my living room...

Friday, February 06, 2009

If We're Going To Hell In A Bucket...

At Least CONGRESS Is Apparently Enjoying The Ride


The Senate trimmed $1.86 a few billion smackeroos out of the "Stimulus" package and passed it tonight.

Three idiot "moderate" Republicans-two from Maine and one from Massachusetts--crossed over to give them the 60 vote majority.

Next it goes back to committee to work out the details with the House.

I bet everyone who reads this a dollar of my "stimulus" payment that the final numbers meet or exceed the $900 billion plus cost they started out with Yesterday.

Dammit...

Silence Being Golden

You Don't EVEN Want To Hear What I'm Thinking About Our Government These Days...

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Liberals Love Passing New Taxes

As Long As They Don't Have To Pay Them...


Check out this 1980's campaign ad for Tom Daschle:




Hey Tom...not only is a "penny saved a penny earned...but it's worth about TWO CENTS at my house if I don't have to pay taxes on my transportation expenses..."

BTW...there's a news conference on right now talking about his resignation from consideration to the Secretary of Commerce position in the Obamarama White House.

So much for "transparency" and "Change"...I say its the same old bullshit from the usual sources--Democratic horse's asses.

(can you actually get "bullshit" from a horse's ass?)

Things I Didn't Know About All These New Designer Prescription Drugs

Then I Watched TV The Past Week...


I hate getting old and having to take pills every day.

I guess the worst part is having to put the aforementioned pills in a stupid plastic box with letters on it so I don't take a thousand milligrams of Coumadine and bleed to death with the rats in my yard down in Brunswick.

Seriously, I've never asked for a single drug (at least those in tablet form) in my entire life, so it freaks me out that the drug companies advertise on TV and in print ads so the general public--some people that can hardly get dressed in the morning and who's lives revolve around reality TV--can go to their so-called overpaid, over priced "health care providers" and ASK...or demand...a drug be delivered to solve some symptom or perceived inadequacy in their lives.

Got a smart active kid?

Medicate that little bastard with Ritalin so he'll set down and shut up asking questions.

Got a husband who knows more about weenies on the grill than in the bedroom?

Pfizer and your MD's got you covered.

Got babies squirting out every orifice of your body?

...ditto.

Know the names on the bathroom stall and the color of the wallpaper in every restaurant bathroom within a ten mile radius of your house?

...ahem...


The problem for me is, why would anyone voluntarily take any of these things when you read the fine print and the "CURE" causes stuff like they say happens to happen?

What could possibly be wrong with your body that would cause you to want to put up with things like:

Anal Seepage

Rectal Bleeding

Drug induced Impotence

Erections lasting longer than 4 hours (especially when you can't pay attention for five minutes)

High blood Pressure

Low Blood pressure

Glaucoma

Incontinence

Heart attack

Ventral fibrillation's

Over-pressure of the eyeball

Eyeball flying out of eye socket

Screeming heebejeebies

Thrashing your wife, children, and dog

Uncontrolled Urination

Defecation in Public or in Public places

Beating your local politicians with various large cuts of pork and beef

Running around your property Naked

Compulsive Gambling

Unusual sexual desires (things like having sex while holding a weedeater and a live chicken)


I think I'll just settle for dying a dignified death--hopefully after a brief illness--and leave the rest of you to fight over your stimulus checks and try to elect politicians that will pay their taxes on time and give everyone the "Universal Healthcare" that's inevitably coming our way.

...dammit

Monday, February 02, 2009

Confusing Headlines

Me & My Imagination Photoshop


The article headline says : US Seamen are being Trained to Fend Off Pirates (click to read)




I'm not sure that's such a good Idea or not...

Obscene Vista

Someone Send Up A Flare...


Well, I reluctantly let my computer wander all by itself out onto the Internet last night.

I told it to go to the Microsoft Website because I was tired of the machine crashing every 22 1/2 hours and otherwise unexpectedly rebooting in the middle of the night and sometimes at the worst possible moment before I hit the send button on a three page E-Mail.

So it did, and I waited like I was waiting for my sixteen year old daughter to come home from the senior prom.

Then it came back saying Mr. Gates was wanting to give us a bad dose of "Vista Service Pack 1."

Hummmmmm...I thought for a moment, then replied.

I said that I already had luggage, but it turns out this "Pack" wasn't actually of the "backpack" variety, and since God Bill Gates' company said we really needed it here in our house I reluctantly said go ahead and get it.

After all...IT'S FREE.

By the way, so's the Flu and several of Miss Pelosi's dreaded STD's, but this was supposed to be different.

It's an OFFICIAL MICROSOFT PRODUCT, by God.

So things proceeded to whirl and bang and clank and spin and vibrate for a while with unexpected messages popping up with progress bars and such, and I wandered around the house looking at yesterday's unread newspaper and FOX News and a couple of engineering texts I had laying around the office, then after a half hour and a couple of warm boots...

here I am again on the Internet this morning.

Just in case, I got out my Abacus and my stone tablets and chisels, and if you don't hear from me within the next 24 hours...

somebody please call 911...

Sunday, February 01, 2009

SUPER Bowl


Sorry...But I Think The President Is a Dangerous Idiot

Thus Why Should I Care What His Hallucination Vision Is?


Repeating the term “nonpartisan” on more than one occasion in describing the bill, the Speaker said her goal was to put President Obama’s vision on paper for the good of the country regardless of the type of support it garnered.

--Nancy Pelosi
(Head Bitch What Be In Charge...California)

Weekend Meditation

Chant Along With Me...


Mobach Bobama...Bobach...Mobama...Barach...Youmama...


(sorry if it seems like a bad example of attempted non-partisan patriotism...)

Where Education's Value Has Fallen To...

Super Bowl More Important Than Learning & Grades


In an effort to properly educate and raise the next generation of dumbass pro union Democratic voters, the Pittsburgh School systems will delay the opening of schools on Monday by two hours.

The Pittsburgh Public Schools will operate on a two-hour delay Monday because of the Super Bowl, Superintendent Mark Roosevelt said today.

Noting that Sunday's big game means a "late night," Mr. Roosevelt said the delay should cut down on student and staff absenteeism.

He said the district operated on a two-hour delay the day after the Steelers won the Super Bowl three years ago.

Continuing the "celebrity and sports hero worship" mentality, so called "educators" and "administrators are caving to dumbass parents and their booger eating video game cell phone toting instant messaging prodigy by changing the rules so discipline takes a back seat to watching a stupid sporting event.

I guess it's just a matter of time until every American city will have to put their police and fire departments on standby if there's any chance of any local team from little league to the pros winning anything considered a "big game" lest the population run out and burn entire neighborhoods like the "minority" populations of Detroit do after a Pistons NBA win.

Then what about the rioting in Europe over football soccer games?

What really bothers me is that the Pittsburgh school system really isn't accommodating the kids--its the so called ADULTS--the walking ovaries and sperm donors otherwise jokingly known as PARENTS, and the TEACHERS and other EMPLOYEES--that are the real problem.

Since the game starts at what...6:30 PM, why is it that after a 4 hour event the kids can't be counted on to get themselves to bed, awake in the morning, dressed and off to school at the usual time?

What kid over the age of two twelve actually has their head on a pillow before midnight five days a week these days?

Because they're all pablum eating, whining DUMBASSES...the variety today found sitting around waiting for the next government bailout and "stimulus" check.

BTW...I'll actually be happy if Pittsburgh wins, but Monday morning life goes on regardless of the outcome of the game (after 31 years of practice being a Georgia Tech fan) and I don't see being late for work or school as an option personally.

dammit...

Even Pond Scum Not Immune From Economic Downturn

LA Times Continues To Bleed...


LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Amidst parent Tribune Co.'s struggle to emerge from bankruptcy protection, the Los Angeles Times said Friday it is cutting 300 positions and will shrink the number of daily sections to four from five.


You can read more here:

http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/090130/na_us_tribune_la_times_cuts.html?.v=1