TIMBER!!!

Another One Bites The Dust...


In spite of the best efforts of the Congressional Black Caucus, yesterday Congressional Democrats removed William Jefferson, Democrat from Louisiana, from the House Ways to be and Means Committee.

All I have to say is…GOOD.

You do remember William Jefferson, Democrat from Louisiana, don't you?

You know...US Representative William "I’m Innocent Until Proven Guilty" Jefferson, Democrat from Louisiana, currently the subject of the FBI bribery investigation.

You know...US Representative William “I’m Being Persecuted Because I’m A Black Man” Jefferson, Democrat from Louisiana, whom was caught on video tape accepting a $100,000 bribe in some sort of African telecommunications deal.

You know...US Representative William "Cold Cash" Jefferson, Democrat from Louisiana, the guy that they found with $90,000 of the aforementioned bribe money sitting in his freezer in Louisiana.

You know…US Representative William Jefferson, Democrat from Louisiana, the guy that had his Congressional office raided with a search warrant to the chagrins of everyone including stupid fat-assed Republican Dennis Hastert.

Yes…THAT US Representative William Jefferson, Democrat from Louisianan.











Hey Congressman Jefferson...Smile...and say Cheese...

Yet Another Day In Paradise

I Was There...Where Were You?










Don't worry, I didn't waste any of it...

Screw The ASSociated Press

The Speedometer Odometer Of Liberal Anti-War Hate


Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Associated Press, the balance of the Lamestream media, and the Washington talking heads can all celebrate yet another milestone in their war on the War on Terror.

The Associated Press reports that the confirmed US troop casualties have reached a nice even 2,500 as of today:

WASHINGTON - The number of U.S. military deaths in the Iraq war has reached 2,500, the Pentagon said on Thursday, more than three years into a conflict that finds U.S. and allied foreign forces locked in a struggle with a resilient insurgency. In addition, the Pentagon said 18,490 U.S. troops have been wounded in the war, which began in March 2003 with a U.S.-led invasion to topple President Saddam Hussein. Tens of thousands of Iraqis have been killed.

That, by the way, is the ENTIRE text of their article, but don’t expect this non-story to stop there.

I GUARAN-DAMN-TEE YOU THAT EVERY SINGLE NETWORK NEWS PROGRAM AND NEWSPAPER WILL PRINT SOME VERSION OF THIS STORY BETWEEN NOW AND NOON TOMORROW.

The network news Sunday "talking head" programs will devote at least one segment to the 2,500 milestone. Why not mention 2,497 deaths or 2,499 dead--isn't each and every one of the losses important to their families and America?

(Remember that I respect the service and losses incurred by every member of the military, but I also hate when the media uses their demise as political fodder, so don't start E-mailing me bitching and complaining about my "insensitivity.")

By the way, why didn’t the ASSociated Press have the gonads and professional ethics to print the last line of their non- story to read like this:

“Tens of thousands of Iraqis have been killed by swarthy, stinking, wild-eyed, bearded, murdering islamo-fascist bastards…” ?

Yeah, I thought so…they'd rather imply that US forces are responsible.

What a totally useless bunch of stupid, partisan, liberal anti-Bush anti-war idiots morons they have employed at the ASSociated Press.

Don't YOU agree?

Digital Clocks

Will Someone Come Over Here And Push My Buttons?


Have I ever mentioned that I have a love hate relationship with digital clocks?

Well, I do…particularly the old ones or the new cheep ones that don’t have a battery back-up to save the correct time when the power goes off.

Appliances with clock displays fall into this same category, and we have several in our home. I know that some people endure the display endlessly flashing 12:00 on their VCR’s, but I can’t stand that situation most of the time in our house

When I returned home to our little island early yesterday evening I was greeted with not one but FOUR blinking displays due to electrical interruptions caused by Tropical Storm Alberto.

Even my good friend “Mr. Oven” was flashing 12:00 angrily at me.

To add insult to injury, after slovenly resetting only our bedroom clock, the power was briefly interrupted again last night and now even it has to be reset again.

I’ve been thinking for years about coming up with an invention that would not only be a pretty cool idea, but would save all of the technically inept and lazy people among us a good deal of heartache.

Imagine if the power company came up with a way to encode the time into the electrical grid so that anything plugged into a wall outlet in your home could read the correct time after a power failure?

For older appliances, I would make a little adapter that plugs into the wall outlet that decodes the time signal, and then get Intel or the Chinese to build a chip that could be included in all new electronics and appliances in the future that could read the power companies’ signals.

In addition to resetting the time after a power interruption, your stove could check the time at least once each day, so that it isn’t a half hour slow or fast or burning your meatloaf while you’re stuck in traffic and it’s busy timer cooking dinner.

Now if you excuse me, I need to go get my really big hammer go reset my clocks...

Two Funerals In Three Months

Not My Idea Of Any Way To Have Fun


First it was my Grandmother’s death in April, and today we had to bury my childhood friend Mike Parker.

What a bummer.

The only good thing that came out of the experience was that I got to see about two dozen of my classmates that have managed to avoid the grim reaper to date. I also got to spend one night with my mom before doing the return trip back to our little island tomorrow afternoon.

You’ll have to excuse my absence from the blog from the past couple of days, but I haven’t felt like waxing poetic and I didn’t have the spirit to rant about anything social or political.

My enthusiasm is also dampened by the limitations of Alaweb dial-up internet service which I’m forced to use this evening.

Please stay tuned to this station for further updates…

Live...From The Cone Of Death

Alberto Approaches


Well, it's that time of the year again, and here's our next tropical guest:

Coincidentally, I'll be driving west into southern Alabama this morning to attend a funeral, so maybe I'll miss most of the fun.

Blogging will be light or non-existent until I get an internet connection.

Wish me luck...

"Butts"

Pick The Dang Things Up...


Have I mentioned in the past that I don't smoke?

Well, there is the occasional tasty cigar that I hang on to every few months, but other than that I don't smoke tobacco, thus my disgust at seeing everyone else’s left over cigarette pieces and parts laying around everywhere.

Actually, our little island is a bit of an oasis when it comes to roadside litter including the aforementioned “butts.” Apparently, people here generally don’t toss out nearly as much trash as all the heathens living on the mainland do, and what does get spread around on the right-of-ways and curbs gets picked up by volunteers and public servants.

What got this rant started is that I’ve noticed that the heavy usage of our pool so far this season is also generating an abundance of little foam filled cylinders that accumulate around the pool deck and shrubbery.

I picked up NINE “butts” this morning.

Most of them (the “butts”) were of the same brand, and two of our newest residents and their visiting friends are suspiciously notorious for chain smoking while hanging around poolside.

I have this simple rule that I follow in life, and it involves bringing back home everything that I walk out the door with in the morning and that I don’t sell, give away, or otherwise properly dispose of by the end of the day.

Seems simple enough to me, right?

It works for money, cameras, clothes, cars, harmonicas…you name it, and in the end it costs a good deal less.

Thus my dilemma with our beloved pool “fools.”

All I have to say is, if you walk outside with it in your hand or pocket, take what’s left over back inside with you if you don’t put it in the trashcan conveniently located in the pool house.

Just don't put the dang things (cigarette butts) down in the first place, and I won't have to bitch and write about you on the internet.

Another Day In Paradise

“Lookin’ For My…Lost Shaker Of Salt”


Good God but its tough being me, because I set such a low high standard being the beach bum that I am.

We’re enjoying yet another fabulous weekend of low humidity weather, although the NOAA web site said that we got up to 97 degrees yesterday afternoon. The humidity was less than 30%, however.

Its 75 degrees outside right now (3:00 AM) and I just got back in from walking out to the pool to check out what our assortment of frogs were up to.

Let’s just say that everything’s just “froggy”…

There’s a full moon and a light breeze blowing, and I wish I had a hammock or some other acceptable form of outdoors bedding because I’d rather be sleeping on the patio tonight.

All of this dry weather has me worried, however.

You see, we’ve gotten about an inch of rain in the past two months, and as a result I believe that we’re going to get pounded because “average” rainfall isn’t called “average” for nuthin’…just ask people living in Albany, Georgia after tropical storm Alberto in the early 1990’s or the residents of Houston, Texas after tropical storm Allison hung around for a few days in 2001.

This latest bit of tropical weather currently wandering around in the Gulf of Mexico could represent the first round of retribution.

The “Pool Guy” came back this afternoon in his ongoing efforts chasing our little Algae bastards around the otherwise clear waters of our concrete watering hole. I hate having to appear to be a petty SOB by constantly complaining about the pool maintenance, but gosh darn it, we pay a premium to live here and if I wanted to swim in dark colored watery murky filth I’d go to the beach every day to swim in tannic stained salt water filled with fish poo.

I have to look forward to enduring yet another day of sunning my hairy body poolside tomorrow, followed by a hearty meal of Moroccan chicken and other delicacies as yet to be stirred together.

Monday I'm jumping into a car with my friend Mark to drive to Alabama to attend the memorial service for my recently departed friend Mike. I hate funerals, but they're an ever increasing reality in my life as my family and peers age around me.

Two funerals in three months...getting old sucks, but it's still better than the alternative...