Friday, May 18, 2007

I've Got Dog Barf On My Kitchen Floor

And Squirrel Pee On My Patio

And Mt. St. Helen's blew up on this day a few dozen years ago.

I hope that your day is just as fine as mine will certainly be...

Thursday, May 17, 2007

You Have The Right To Remain Stupid...

But Anything That You Say Can And Will Be Used Against You In The Court Law (Life)

OK, I guess that I owe everyone an apology. (Those of you that don't want one or otherwise don't feel that you deserve one...feel free to file your nails or your IRS paperwork or have another cup of coffee.)

At least that's the way it seems this morning as I attempt to step away from things to look at the goings on in the world and what is happening around here on SSI.

Recently my attitudes and opinions seem to be a bit skewed out of their normal eclectic kilter, overtly controlled by some previously hidden Capitalistic Chromosomes which have arisen and kicked into action--driving me into a new found violent state of vibrating productive frenzy.

Also as a result, I feel compelled to give everyone a license to go out and just be really stupid if you want to.

Knock yourselves out, so to speak...on a collective basis.

Just don't come crying to me when you do something that's gonna leave a scar...

Here's some of my own suggestions:

Go ahead and believe that Iran has your best interest in mind as they develop cheep nuclear energy while sitting on top of a sea of oil.

Go ahead and join the "liberal progressives" as they celebrate the death of Jerry Faldwell. (Yes he said some dumb things sometime, but in my opinion he was basically a well intended guy.)

Go ahead and indulge your socialistic instincts. Run out today to yell and scream and hyperventilate because business owners here in the United States of By-God America still only pay employees when they actually work for a living rather than paying wild eyed militant Muslims and various ne'er-do wells to sit on their collective asses for weeks if not months out of the year like the French and most of the other European governments do.

"Relying on businesses to voluntarily provide paid leave just hasn't worked," he added. "It's a national embarrassment that 28 million Americans don't get any paid vacation or paid holidays."

Just think, with a little more government intervention, we too can have 20% unemployment and an extra extra, Extra, EXTRA "gross" domestic product... just like Finland and the Prague...

As for me, personally, I have work to do for a change, before I go back on vacation myself--without government intervention.

After all, it's tough being me...and I intend to keep it that way for the foreseeable future...Global Warming be damned...

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

If All You Have Is A Hammer

Everything Looks Like A Nail…

Well, I’m off to Brunswick later this morning, escorted by a few hundred pounds of my latest acquired tools and supplies, intent on making my own personal dust storm bysometime around noon.

I use the term “dust storm” because today I’ll be doing the easiest form of construction work…

D E M O L I T I O N.

I have to remove the cabinets, appliances, and fixtures from two kitchens and one bathroom over the next few days. I actually hope to finish in one day, but with my luck the previous owners/builder used super glue or atomic powered nails or something else incredibly strong to mount the hideous looking dirty monstrosities to the walls, ceiling, and floors.

Any way, if you have the time take a look at the latest satellite photos on the internet later today--I’ll be the guy in the dirty white tee-shirt standing there under the little poof of clouds seen hovering over the New Town area of Downtown Brunswick.

I’m also undertaking the tedious task of meeting representatives from the local utilities so that I’ll have lights over my head and water (hopefully not under my feet) through the renovation process. Since I have firm appointments for “sometime today,” I’m fairly certain to have a working light bulb by sometime next week if I‘m lucky.

Wish me luck...

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I Bought Myself A Laser

I'm Gonna Level Everything In Sight...

Probably the neatest thing about doing construction and/or home renovation has to be getting to buy new tools.

That, and going to Home Depot just to LOOK at new tools and have mental fantasies.

In my ever advancing age, I find a trip to Home Depot to be more exciting than going to a Nudie Bar.

"...whooooo MAN...look at that Makita 12" compound miter saw...WITH the slide feature...hootie hooooooooooooooo....oh BABY...shake that beautiful hardware...Yeahhhhh"

OK, forget that last comment, but while I'm on the subject, what about those Home Depot print ads and flyers delivered to your door in the mail or as inserts in newspapers? (did I say "insert?")

THOSE are much BETTER than the Frederic's of Hooterville Hollywood Catalogues these days. Who needs Viagra or Cialis when you have Home Depot and possibly Ace Hardware, right Guys?

Getting back to my point, Yesterday I got to make a $500 trip to Home Depot to buy a few little things that I needed for my upcoming sawdust making sessions over at my properties in Brunswick.

I use the word "little" in regard to my purchases because no lumber was involved in the experience. In fact, everything fit in one shopping cart when the dust finally settled.

Well, everything, that is, except my new 50' "ultra flexible" garden hose that ended up riding in Pat's cart along with her flowers and flower pots (concessions to the Queen to balm her agony from having waited while my "quick" trip expanded to over an hour of grinning like a mule eating briars.)

You know your shopping expedition is a success when you have to start buying new toolboxes to hold your purchases.

Mine did...

My favorite new acquisition is my Stanley 77-153 CL2 Fatmax Self Leveling Cross Line Laser Level.

I spent a few minutes after I returned home yesterday installing the batteries and setting it up on my camera tripod, and it's still sitting there doing a "laser light show" on my wall as I write this morning.

I'll never hang a crooked picture on the wall ever again.

You'll have to excuse me now, because my first task is to roam around through the Condo realigning the existing wall hangings, then I think that I'll move it outside and straighten up the trees and the cars in the parking lot.

Well, maybe not...


Monday, May 14, 2007

We've Been Invaded

Nothing's Safe Now From My Knees Down...

Whew...I'm tired.

Yesterday evening I arrived back home to my beloved St. Simons Island having endured a self-imposed extended absence that included surviving a little over three months of fairly interesting existence outside the boundaries of my normal mode of living.

Yesterday's grand finale of my adventure included a three hour stint spent driving back from southern Alabama through the edges of the smoke plume generated by the wildfires currently assaulting south Georgia and northeast Florida.

Various details are bound to leak out here over the next few weeks, but the only things I can tell you right now (without having to kill you) are:

A) Partially as a result of my efforts, almost everyone in central Alaska and the Tar-Sand areas of southern Alberta, Canada now know everything there is to know about the dangers of a phenomena called "waterhammer" (A.K.A. transients in hydronic systems.)

B) I'm in the middle of designing two 115' tall stacks for a customer in California, actually making a little extra cash using a skill I spent much of the 1980's and 1990's perfecting and had walked away from in the year 2000.

C) I start meeting contractors this week while making application for building permits in order to begin major rennovations on my duplex rental property and to begin construction of three new spec houses over on the mainland.

Meanwhile, I'm spending what extra time I have left over trying to not step on or otherwise offend this small yet deadly animal:

That black and tan thing in the middle of the photo is a one pound head and mouth attached to a one pound body a lovely little minature long haired dachshund puppy (photo taken back in March.)

Here's one of her beauty pagent proofs:

And finally, here's what she looked like (all five pounds worth) lounging by the pool at my mom's house this past weekend.

I have to go now and bow down to her majesty's latest whim...I think I hear her squeeking...