Onward and Upward on the Map
Well, soon it will be time to jump into the shower, grab our free bagle and coffee down in the lobby, then hit the road into the Palmetto State, risking life and limb as today is also the Democratic Primary in SC according to the morning TV news.
My bellybutton has been puckering and unpuckering in anticipation of the event for days now (stole that one from Alan Alda on M*A*S*H.)
I hope our route doesn't intersect with any convoys of pandering candidates and their gawking supporters. With our luck sHrillary or Obama will land on the interstate in Air Force 1-1/2 (a giant helium filled Blimp that looks like a hand shooting a "Bird") and we'll be stuck in a three hour traffic jam as a result.
I'd hate to have to slap a Secret Service guy while on vacation because he got between me and the bar.
At least we're not in Las Vegas running from hotel fires
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
River Street Beckons
Dinner Ensues
Well, we made it.
It's chilly here, but it's still Savannah, one of the oldest cities in the Southern US, and I know my way around pretty well having spent a great deal of time here on business and vacation over the past thirty years.
We're across Bay Street from the main "tourist district" down on River Street in a nice little Pet Friendly Suite, and now it's time to settle Missy The Turbo Pup in with some treats and wander out onto the cobblestones.
If you don't hear from me by 10:30, somebody send up a flare.
Well, we made it.
It's chilly here, but it's still Savannah, one of the oldest cities in the Southern US, and I know my way around pretty well having spent a great deal of time here on business and vacation over the past thirty years.
We're across Bay Street from the main "tourist district" down on River Street in a nice little Pet Friendly Suite, and now it's time to settle Missy The Turbo Pup in with some treats and wander out onto the cobblestones.
If you don't hear from me by 10:30, somebody send up a flare.
We're Off To See The Wizard
So Much Fun I Can Hardly Stand It
I woke up this morning with a song in my heart, and an eager desire to avoid all forms of productive enterprise whenever possible.
To that end, I decided it's time for a ROAD TRIP.
Well...not exactly.
We already had the road trip planned last week, then postponed it due to weather. Then we had recycled and rescheduled and as of yesterday we had intended to leave for Greenville, SC tomorrow morning, continuing on to Knoxville on Monday before sliding back down I-75 to my second home town--Atlanta--on Wednesday, then back to our little Island next Friday.
The itinerary has hereby been amended as of right now.
A couple of hours from now, we'll be heading out to Darien Georgia for a late lunch, then on to Bay Street in Savannah to spend the night and consume some Seafood, possibly inflict myself on unsuspecting patrons by singing some Jimmy Buffett and James Taylor at Karaoke somewhere, then picking up the original itinerary ending up in Greenville at the Prince Hotel and Massage Parlor Saturday afternoon.
It's yet another beautiful day here on the Georgia coast, but it's still only 45 degrees F with wind chills in the upper 30's , so I can balm my conscience with the concession that the low temperature wasn't conducive to working outside at my advanced age installing windows.
I won't tell anyone if you won't.
I woke up this morning with a song in my heart, and an eager desire to avoid all forms of productive enterprise whenever possible.
To that end, I decided it's time for a ROAD TRIP.
Well...not exactly.
We already had the road trip planned last week, then postponed it due to weather. Then we had recycled and rescheduled and as of yesterday we had intended to leave for Greenville, SC tomorrow morning, continuing on to Knoxville on Monday before sliding back down I-75 to my second home town--Atlanta--on Wednesday, then back to our little Island next Friday.
The itinerary has hereby been amended as of right now.
A couple of hours from now, we'll be heading out to Darien Georgia for a late lunch, then on to Bay Street in Savannah to spend the night and consume some Seafood, possibly inflict myself on unsuspecting patrons by singing some Jimmy Buffett and James Taylor at Karaoke somewhere, then picking up the original itinerary ending up in Greenville at the Prince Hotel and Massage Parlor Saturday afternoon.
It's yet another beautiful day here on the Georgia coast, but it's still only 45 degrees F with wind chills in the upper 30's , so I can balm my conscience with the concession that the low temperature wasn't conducive to working outside at my advanced age installing windows.
I won't tell anyone if you won't.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I'm Wasting Time
At least It's Mainly My Own...
I let another day slip by without hitting a lick at a snake today. It's getting to be a trend I'm afraid.
Everything was going fine until lunch after doing some shopping in the morning, when I ate a Gyro filled with chemical laced lettuce that proceeded to tie by digestive track into knots.
I hate places that insist on using this stuff-- Sulfiteing Agents -- to keep lettuce and other vegetables green for a MONTH, rather than cutting fresh ingredients each day and risking throwing out the left-overs.
I'm generally careful not to eat a salad at places where I know or suspect they sell "Franken-lettuce", but this place caught me with my guard down today and I'm still paying for it.
I'll probably not be going back, and that's a shame because otherwise the food is good.
I let another day slip by without hitting a lick at a snake today. It's getting to be a trend I'm afraid.
Everything was going fine until lunch after doing some shopping in the morning, when I ate a Gyro filled with chemical laced lettuce that proceeded to tie by digestive track into knots.
I hate places that insist on using this stuff-- Sulfiteing Agents -- to keep lettuce and other vegetables green for a MONTH, rather than cutting fresh ingredients each day and risking throwing out the left-overs.
I'm generally careful not to eat a salad at places where I know or suspect they sell "Franken-lettuce", but this place caught me with my guard down today and I'm still paying for it.
I'll probably not be going back, and that's a shame because otherwise the food is good.
I Don't Know
Shopping...Construction...Travel...
Battling physical lethargy and mental dullness this morning, I'm heading over to Brunswick as the weather channel threatens morning rain and drizzle that has yet to materialize.
Would somebody slap some sense into me, or at least strike me hard enough to wake me up?
Battling physical lethargy and mental dullness this morning, I'm heading over to Brunswick as the weather channel threatens morning rain and drizzle that has yet to materialize.
Would somebody slap some sense into me, or at least strike me hard enough to wake me up?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Good News
I Just Ordered My Own Personal Prayer Package Off The TV Preacher Show
I also requisitioned the GREEN Prosperity Cloth.
Details To Follow...
I also requisitioned the GREEN Prosperity Cloth.
Details To Follow...
More Thoughts On Fred Thompson's Plight
No...I Won't Let This Rest Until I'M Finished
Sorry Folks, but I think that this is it for me as far as this season's National election picture is concerned.
It's just not worth pissing off three quarters of the people that stop by here when I write something meaningful, and for me it's not worth bursting a blood vessel or having some kind of ventricular fibrillation moment trying to explain things to a universe full of people that would rather watch Oprah or Jerry Springer while waiting until the idiots running the editorial page of their local ten page newspaper tell them who to vote for.
Too many people out there also treat politics like clannish family issues or allegiance sporting events. Once they align themselves with a sporting team, they refuse to reconsider the performance of the team, or the prospects for the future if the team achieves their goals. Consideration of past performance (win or lose on a short term versus long term basis) is out of the question because that would require:
A: A knowledge of history
B: Critical thinking ability
C: Using the aforementioned Knowledge and critical thinking, the ability to project past next year to where things would be going using the new performance criteria necessary to manage the largest business in the world.
Now on to my point:
In my considered opinion JFK started the process of electing a "Rock Star" President , but a rifle bullet caused the trend to be interrupted by LBJ and then Nixon and Ford by default (again assisted by a SOB shooting George By God Wallace in the spine in Maryland), then Carter gave everyone a little taste ofold fashioned ignorant southern communism modern Democratic Liberalism full blown socialism in 1976 before I could vote.
Since then, I've made a point of being late for work to stand in line at the local precinct polling place in Cobb and Glynn County Georgia to make sure there was at least one more "hanging chad" in the booth when I was finished.
Yes, I even voted for some Democrats and Republicans on the same ballot. In Georgia politics, like my home state of Alabama, you can run a "yellow dog" on the ballot and people will "punch" their ticket by any name with a big (D) next to it until the early to mid 1990's.
It's just occurred to me to ask myself a question as I look at the cost of running for President, and the idea that HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS have to change hands to get someone the use of the mailbox on Pennsylvania Avenue tenders this realization:
The media is Polling us into Oblivion, and constantly beating us with statistics about who has raised the most money and who is spending the most money, but something that they never ever point out is this fact that should be obvious to you and me:
THE $#@% MEDIA IS TAKING IN MOST OF THE MONEY THAT THE CANDIDATES SPEND SO MUCH ENERGY AND TIME RAISING, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME AUTHORITATIVELY TELLING YOU AND ME WHO'S CAMPAIGN SUCKS!!!!
They tell us who is raising money, and by default who is losing support, yet they do it while paying for their own salaries and utilities using money from the candidates???
How self serving is that?
Isn't that somehow strangely convenient?
Oh...Oh...Oh...OHHHHHHH...Fred Thompson's running out of money, but by the way, but never mind that this might be even though we've (the lamestream media) spent 99.5% of our time covering Obama and sHrillary and Mitt and the former prisoner of Dia Nang.
I'm telling you people, in spite of the Internet and the Bloggers, the MEDIA is still flexing their muscles by ignoring conservative candidates like FRED which they are scared to death of in favor of zombies like McCain and the usual suspects.
I think that the Liberals/Democrats this season are indirectly using the lamestream media to assist in diluting the Reagan Conservative Movement (not the bible thumping Pat Robertson crowd) to electe a pseudo-Republican if sHrillary and Obama burst into flame and manage to lose what is otherwise a rigged event.
GOD HELP US ALL, REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME.
Sorry Folks, but I think that this is it for me as far as this season's National election picture is concerned.
It's just not worth pissing off three quarters of the people that stop by here when I write something meaningful, and for me it's not worth bursting a blood vessel or having some kind of ventricular fibrillation moment trying to explain things to a universe full of people that would rather watch Oprah or Jerry Springer while waiting until the idiots running the editorial page of their local ten page newspaper tell them who to vote for.
Too many people out there also treat politics like clannish family issues or allegiance sporting events. Once they align themselves with a sporting team, they refuse to reconsider the performance of the team, or the prospects for the future if the team achieves their goals. Consideration of past performance (win or lose on a short term versus long term basis) is out of the question because that would require:
A: A knowledge of history
B: Critical thinking ability
C: Using the aforementioned Knowledge and critical thinking, the ability to project past next year to where things would be going using the new performance criteria necessary to manage the largest business in the world.
Now on to my point:
In my considered opinion JFK started the process of electing a "Rock Star" President , but a rifle bullet caused the trend to be interrupted by LBJ and then Nixon and Ford by default (again assisted by a SOB shooting George By God Wallace in the spine in Maryland), then Carter gave everyone a little taste of
Since then, I've made a point of being late for work to stand in line at the local precinct polling place in Cobb and Glynn County Georgia to make sure there was at least one more "hanging chad" in the booth when I was finished.
Yes, I even voted for some Democrats and Republicans on the same ballot. In Georgia politics, like my home state of Alabama, you can run a "yellow dog" on the ballot and people will "punch" their ticket by any name with a big (D) next to it until the early to mid 1990's.
It's just occurred to me to ask myself a question as I look at the cost of running for President, and the idea that HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS have to change hands to get someone the use of the mailbox on Pennsylvania Avenue tenders this realization:
The media is Polling us into Oblivion, and constantly beating us with statistics about who has raised the most money and who is spending the most money, but something that they never ever point out is this fact that should be obvious to you and me:
THE $#@% MEDIA IS TAKING IN MOST OF THE MONEY THAT THE CANDIDATES SPEND SO MUCH ENERGY AND TIME RAISING, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME AUTHORITATIVELY TELLING YOU AND ME WHO'S CAMPAIGN SUCKS!!!!
They tell us who is raising money, and by default who is losing support, yet they do it while paying for their own salaries and utilities using money from the candidates???
How self serving is that?
Isn't that somehow strangely convenient?
Oh...Oh...Oh...OHHHHHHH...Fred Thompson's running out of money, but by the way, but never mind that this might be even though we've (the lamestream media) spent 99.5% of our time covering Obama and sHrillary and Mitt and the former prisoner of Dia Nang.
I'm telling you people, in spite of the Internet and the Bloggers, the MEDIA is still flexing their muscles by ignoring conservative candidates like FRED which they are scared to death of in favor of zombies like McCain and the usual suspects.
I think that the Liberals/Democrats this season are indirectly using the lamestream media to assist in diluting the Reagan Conservative Movement (not the bible thumping Pat Robertson crowd) to electe a pseudo-Republican if sHrillary and Obama burst into flame and manage to lose what is otherwise a rigged event.
GOD HELP US ALL, REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME.
A Little Internet Maintenance
I Think I Cleaned Everything Up
There was a time in my life when I promoted myself as a competent computer programmer.
That would be something like over twenty years ago, and it didn't involve the language this web page is written in.
Today I prefer to sit in front of the computer and spit at the images and story's I see, so all I need is Kleenex and limited typing ability most of the time to get through a session.
Any way...tonight I got tired of looking at my withering blog template that Blogger had screwed up when THEY made some changes I refused to pay attention to, so now after a little fiddling around things look like....
THIS
(you can feel free to slap me on the back in congrats or go the heck somewhere else...)
There was a time in my life when I promoted myself as a competent computer programmer.
That would be something like over twenty years ago, and it didn't involve the language this web page is written in.
Today I prefer to sit in front of the computer and spit at the images and story's I see, so all I need is Kleenex and limited typing ability most of the time to get through a session.
Any way...tonight I got tired of looking at my withering blog template that Blogger had screwed up when THEY made some changes I refused to pay attention to, so now after a little fiddling around things look like....
THIS
(you can feel free to slap me on the back in congrats or go the heck somewhere else...)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
More Construction Day Dreams
"For Sale" Sign Presses Issue
I can't remember if I mentioned here that I signed the papers last week to get the renovation project on the market. Bruce, my friend and real estate broker, thought that it wouldn't be a bad idea to go ahead and get it in the MLS listings and test the waters.
The idea is to quickly get the face on the building in the next week or so and then see if we can get it under contract, thereby letting the buyer pick the paint colors and help make the final decisions if they want to.
To this end I managed to get the new front door installed this week and have completed a bunch of detailed design for interior and exterior finish trim work.
Unfortunately, today was a loss because of administrative work and some other nagging personal details that had to be handled here at home and from our litttle Island, but I've left Pat orders to have my butt kicked out of bed or off of the sofa by 9 AM tomorrow.
Hopefully we can get five or six hours of work done on a couple more windows in the front half of the house so that I can shift gears to installing external siding and trimwork before heading out of town this weekend for Greenville and Knoxville.
Time to do a little reading and some more drawing now...talk to Y'all later.
I can't remember if I mentioned here that I signed the papers last week to get the renovation project on the market. Bruce, my friend and real estate broker, thought that it wouldn't be a bad idea to go ahead and get it in the MLS listings and test the waters.
The idea is to quickly get the face on the building in the next week or so and then see if we can get it under contract, thereby letting the buyer pick the paint colors and help make the final decisions if they want to.
To this end I managed to get the new front door installed this week and have completed a bunch of detailed design for interior and exterior finish trim work.
Unfortunately, today was a loss because of administrative work and some other nagging personal details that had to be handled here at home and from our litttle Island, but I've left Pat orders to have my butt kicked out of bed or off of the sofa by 9 AM tomorrow.
Hopefully we can get five or six hours of work done on a couple more windows in the front half of the house so that I can shift gears to installing external siding and trimwork before heading out of town this weekend for Greenville and Knoxville.
Time to do a little reading and some more drawing now...talk to Y'all later.
Fred Quit
Good Guys Always Seem To Finish Last...
Here's the link to the story: Fred Thompson Quits Presidential Race
I just reluctantly took his donation link off my sidebar. I'll call when I arrive in Costa Rica tomorrow.
We're doomed Doomed DOOMED...I tell you.
Here's the link to the story: Fred Thompson Quits Presidential Race
I just reluctantly took his donation link off my sidebar. I'll call when I arrive in Costa Rica tomorrow.
We're doomed Doomed DOOMED...I tell you.
The Weather Is Here
Wish You Were Beautiful...
Missy The Turbo Pup and I just came back in after hanging outside in the back yard in the sun for about an hour.
I smoked a nice cigar while sitting in a lawn chair as she repositioned herself on top of various "stinky" spots in the surrounding grass and dirt. We had to move a couple of times to stay out of the shadows cast by the overhanging Live Oak Trees, but all and all it was a very satisfying experience.
Pat thinks we're both crazy because it's only in the high 60's here, but regardless I opted to sit there in shorts and a pair of flip flops with no shirt getting started on the 2008 signature sun tan.
When people start getting interested in tanning in May and they see my early season tan, they always ask me what tanning salon I use.
I'm proud to answer "God's"...I've never been to a tanning salon in my entire life.
If I die of skin cancer, it will be of the organic variety...thank you very much.
Missy The Turbo Pup and I just came back in after hanging outside in the back yard in the sun for about an hour.
I smoked a nice cigar while sitting in a lawn chair as she repositioned herself on top of various "stinky" spots in the surrounding grass and dirt. We had to move a couple of times to stay out of the shadows cast by the overhanging Live Oak Trees, but all and all it was a very satisfying experience.
Pat thinks we're both crazy because it's only in the high 60's here, but regardless I opted to sit there in shorts and a pair of flip flops with no shirt getting started on the 2008 signature sun tan.
When people start getting interested in tanning in May and they see my early season tan, they always ask me what tanning salon I use.
I'm proud to answer "God's"...I've never been to a tanning salon in my entire life.
If I die of skin cancer, it will be of the organic variety...thank you very much.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Crumudgeons Gone Wild
New Late Night Video Product...
Picture video footage of middle aged guys laying around on their sofas wearing nothing but old faded Pink Floyd T-shirts and their draw string cinched "lounge pants", falling asleep in front of the TV and dreaming about the days when they had a full head of hair and actually had to concentrate on trying to keep from having an erection lasting longer than four hours because they were ALONE...
Naahhhh...wouldn't sell.
Picture video footage of middle aged guys laying around on their sofas wearing nothing but old faded Pink Floyd T-shirts and their draw string cinched "lounge pants", falling asleep in front of the TV and dreaming about the days when they had a full head of hair and actually had to concentrate on trying to keep from having an erection lasting longer than four hours because they were ALONE...
Naahhhh...wouldn't sell.
Hot Is Hot
(But My Job Site's Not)
I'm lambasting myself this morning for my poor performance over the past week in the "making sawdust" department of my life over on the renovation job site.
I'd like to blame everything entirely on the rainy weather, but I ended up laying around all day yesterday on a sunny Sunday instead of making the obligatory Home Depot/Lowe's run and getting some work done.
The good news is that I have made some good progress in the design department, finalizing most of the details on the front building trim elevation and coming up with the design of a new Barge Rafter on the front and possibly the rear for the building to be installed in the near future when we put on the new metal roof.
The overall architectural scheme is a Craftsman Bungalow feeling, with the wood work being budget priced and self installed. The interior details also continue to grow as I'm considering the possibility of installing a window seat in the dining room and a faux column and knee wall to assist in separating the living and dining areas.
Best laid plans aside, there are still four windows and a new replacement replacement front door (see my earlier posting where I destroyed the new front door) to be installed in the exterior along with a thousand or so square feet of siding, then the new plumbing and electrical systems have to be in and inspected before the final interior finish and trim work is completed.
I guess it's time to start looking at things to do for TOMORROW, in the correct order of completion.
I'm lambasting myself this morning for my poor performance over the past week in the "making sawdust" department of my life over on the renovation job site.
I'd like to blame everything entirely on the rainy weather, but I ended up laying around all day yesterday on a sunny Sunday instead of making the obligatory Home Depot/Lowe's run and getting some work done.
The good news is that I have made some good progress in the design department, finalizing most of the details on the front building trim elevation and coming up with the design of a new Barge Rafter on the front and possibly the rear for the building to be installed in the near future when we put on the new metal roof.
The overall architectural scheme is a Craftsman Bungalow feeling, with the wood work being budget priced and self installed. The interior details also continue to grow as I'm considering the possibility of installing a window seat in the dining room and a faux column and knee wall to assist in separating the living and dining areas.
Best laid plans aside, there are still four windows and a new replacement replacement front door (see my earlier posting where I destroyed the new front door) to be installed in the exterior along with a thousand or so square feet of siding, then the new plumbing and electrical systems have to be in and inspected before the final interior finish and trim work is completed.
I guess it's time to start looking at things to do for TOMORROW, in the correct order of completion.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
I Need A Lawn Comb Over?
Bosley Hair Systems To The Rescue
As a young man, there was a time when I was what our home builder called a "yard queer."
You know, one of those guys that comes home in a suit after work and stops to pull the single weed by the sidewalk that popped up into view over night?
I had the $2000 (in late 1980's dollars) Snapper Rear Engine riding mower WITH the high lift deck and the front mount dethatcher. I shared ownership in a giant water filled drum type aerator, and I spent all of time when I wasn't at work or at the lake water skiing staggering around the yard pushing a spreader full of lime or fertilizer or fungicide when I wasn't mowing two days a week.
My male friends and neighbors secretly hated me because their own wives/girlfriends demanded they achieve similar results, but since they only wanted to work a couple days a month the outcome was obvious.
They stopped handing out the yard of the month award and I'd have retired it to my office if a murderous mob of beleaguered "lawn wimps" bearing torches hadn't threatened to burn an old push mower in effigy on my front lawn if I kept gloating.
My divorce allowed my exit from the situation years later, and I enjoyed watching the decline of the grounds in my absence.
Things are pretty different today. After living in a condo and watching our beloved lawn guy "Ozzie" work five days a week on the little 48 unit property, I found myself moving into a rental house with a small front and rear fenced yard that had obviously suffered under the neglect of twenty years of renters and by default "non-yard queer" type personalities.
The strange thing is that while I've managed to toss out a few dozen bails of pine straw and do some substantial pruning and raking, when you pull the weeds there's hardly enough grass to mow.
Last night another late night TV commercial got me to thinking about the possibility of installing a synthetic lawn in a fashion similar to the "hair replacement systems" offered to men frightened by the prospect of God having a sense of humor and giving them a reason to wear a hat in the sun. This situation strikes at least half the male population sometime between the ages of 18 and 98, so I don't understand what the the big deal is once you accept the situation.
(I am proud to say that I am one of those "follicular deficient" individuals that just doesn't give a damn, thus the tone I'm taking here in this discussion.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah...Eyes and Minds off of my Head and back to my lawn...
(and don't get started talking about hair on backs)
I already know about AstroTurf, but man does it ever look fake.
I guess you could call it something closer to a "Lawn Toupee" rather than a real "lawn replacement system", right?
Maybe the closest current thing going that's a "hair replacement system" for your yard would be sod, but everybody already knows about that also.
I'm not advancing science here by installing sod, and think of the cost.
No, what I want is some kind of synthetic fiber which they stick into the ground...something similar to "hair plugs" and that looks like individual blades of grass, but doesn't actually grow so I don't have to mow it.
Also, since the government water Nazi's have even put water restrictions on people like us that are surrounded with water and can't dig a hole two feet deep without hitting a gusher, with a "lawn replacement system" I wouldn't have to worry about getting up at 3AM on my weekly allotted "outdoor water usage day" to run around with a garden hose and sprinkler.
That would be a real benefit, wouldn't it?
Gee, I really think that I'm on to something here folks, and if the guys over at Bosley or the Hair Club for Men would do some work in theirboiler rooms labs and get back with me, I'd consider having their prototype "lawn replacement system" installed not only in my yard, but also on my head.
Think of it, even at the risk of looking like a Chia-Thug, with the green sprigs sticking out of my ever greying, formerly ever balding head, I'd also have the proper look to start a Punk Rock band and be lead Harmonica player and back up vocalist.
Then again...maybe not...
As a young man, there was a time when I was what our home builder called a "yard queer."
You know, one of those guys that comes home in a suit after work and stops to pull the single weed by the sidewalk that popped up into view over night?
I had the $2000 (in late 1980's dollars) Snapper Rear Engine riding mower WITH the high lift deck and the front mount dethatcher. I shared ownership in a giant water filled drum type aerator, and I spent all of time when I wasn't at work or at the lake water skiing staggering around the yard pushing a spreader full of lime or fertilizer or fungicide when I wasn't mowing two days a week.
My male friends and neighbors secretly hated me because their own wives/girlfriends demanded they achieve similar results, but since they only wanted to work a couple days a month the outcome was obvious.
They stopped handing out the yard of the month award and I'd have retired it to my office if a murderous mob of beleaguered "lawn wimps" bearing torches hadn't threatened to burn an old push mower in effigy on my front lawn if I kept gloating.
My divorce allowed my exit from the situation years later, and I enjoyed watching the decline of the grounds in my absence.
Things are pretty different today. After living in a condo and watching our beloved lawn guy "Ozzie" work five days a week on the little 48 unit property, I found myself moving into a rental house with a small front and rear fenced yard that had obviously suffered under the neglect of twenty years of renters and by default "non-yard queer" type personalities.
The strange thing is that while I've managed to toss out a few dozen bails of pine straw and do some substantial pruning and raking, when you pull the weeds there's hardly enough grass to mow.
Last night another late night TV commercial got me to thinking about the possibility of installing a synthetic lawn in a fashion similar to the "hair replacement systems" offered to men frightened by the prospect of God having a sense of humor and giving them a reason to wear a hat in the sun. This situation strikes at least half the male population sometime between the ages of 18 and 98, so I don't understand what the the big deal is once you accept the situation.
(I am proud to say that I am one of those "follicular deficient" individuals that just doesn't give a damn, thus the tone I'm taking here in this discussion.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah...Eyes and Minds off of my Head and back to my lawn...
(and don't get started talking about hair on backs)
I already know about AstroTurf, but man does it ever look fake.
I guess you could call it something closer to a "Lawn Toupee" rather than a real "lawn replacement system", right?
Maybe the closest current thing going that's a "hair replacement system" for your yard would be sod, but everybody already knows about that also.
I'm not advancing science here by installing sod, and think of the cost.
No, what I want is some kind of synthetic fiber which they stick into the ground...something similar to "hair plugs" and that looks like individual blades of grass, but doesn't actually grow so I don't have to mow it.
Also, since the government water Nazi's have even put water restrictions on people like us that are surrounded with water and can't dig a hole two feet deep without hitting a gusher, with a "lawn replacement system" I wouldn't have to worry about getting up at 3AM on my weekly allotted "outdoor water usage day" to run around with a garden hose and sprinkler.
That would be a real benefit, wouldn't it?
Gee, I really think that I'm on to something here folks, and if the guys over at Bosley or the Hair Club for Men would do some work in their
Think of it, even at the risk of looking like a Chia-Thug, with the green sprigs sticking out of my ever greying, formerly ever balding head, I'd also have the proper look to start a Punk Rock band and be lead Harmonica player and back up vocalist.
Then again...maybe not...
Another Simple Question
I just bought some of this stuff called "Extenze" that they sell on late night TV, and as soon as it gets here I'm gonna run out and smear it all over my mailbox in the front yard because the US Postal Service has been a little slow lately down here on our little Island.
Think of the savings in FedEX and UPS charges I'm gonna realize within a few days.
Stay tuned to this channel for an update...
(I really wish they'd take this crap off the airwaves, but I guess it is a free enterprise system and there are people out there which are interested.)
John McCain's Face
Like A Bottle of Aspirin...
I was just watching TV and wondering, will someone please remove the cotton ball(s)?
(get it?)
.
I was just watching TV and wondering, will someone please remove the cotton ball(s)?
(get it?)
.
Global Warming Weenies Get Dose Of Own Medicine
Sauce For The Goose...Sauce For The Gander...
I tilted my head back and laughed out loud when I read this story about an electrical blackout out in Utah at the "Sundance film Festival" this weekend.
It's a short blurb, so check the story out here in it's entirety
Lights go out at Sundance Film Fest
BY JO PIAZZA
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
Saturday, January 19th 2008, 4:00 AM
PARK CITY, Utah – The Sundance Film Festival has plenty of star power, but Friday night it ran out of the electric kind.
Park City’s Main St. went dark about 10:30 p.m. because of what officials said was an overuse of electricity. They blamed the blackout on the clubs and lounges that pop up during the movie festival and host parties for the flicks.
Chaos ensued when the lights went out at Harry-O's nightclub, where more than 1,000 guests were hearing Maroon Five play. People ran for the doors.
Main St. became packed with confused festival goers.
But at the Sky 360 Delta Lounge down the street, party planners lit candles and kept the bar open despite the blackout.
Authorities worked feverishly to restore power, and 40 minutes later the lights were back on Main St.
Anybody hazard to make a guess regarding how many of these people are what could be categorized as fervent"eco-weenies" "enviro-fascists" "Global Warming Activists?"
Can you say ALL OF THEM?
And can you also guess how much $3.50 gasoline and $5.00 Jet fuel has been burned in limousines and private jets to move their butts into and around a city in Utah named "Park" which probably doesn't have a single actual public park in the city limits because of real estate values?
I'd say zillions of dollars regarding the liquid fuels, and ZERO regarding the parks in Park City, Utah.
I swear people, if we let the "Global Warming" crowd get control of our national infrastructure, YOU are going to be sitting in the dark and cold/hot wondering what has happened, just like the people out in Utah and California are doing the past few years.
I don't know about you, but I'm happy that mean old polluting places here on the east coast like Southern Company (Alabama Power, Georgia Power, Gulf Power, and a few others), Duke Power, and the Tennessee Valley Authority each year burn tons of coal, have dams stopping spawning fish, and own millions of glowing rods of uranium.
And I challenge any bunch of Hollywood freaks and their adoring fans to feel welcome to come here to our little Island any day as long as they stay out of my yard, but unless a thunderstorm or something else weird happens I have every confidence that even they can't make any part of our infrastructure fail...
except possibly the SEWER system.
That will be all for now...
.
I tilted my head back and laughed out loud when I read this story about an electrical blackout out in Utah at the "Sundance film Festival" this weekend.
It's a short blurb, so check the story out here in it's entirety
Lights go out at Sundance Film Fest
BY JO PIAZZA
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
Saturday, January 19th 2008, 4:00 AM
PARK CITY, Utah – The Sundance Film Festival has plenty of star power, but Friday night it ran out of the electric kind.
Park City’s Main St. went dark about 10:30 p.m. because of what officials said was an overuse of electricity. They blamed the blackout on the clubs and lounges that pop up during the movie festival and host parties for the flicks.
Chaos ensued when the lights went out at Harry-O's nightclub, where more than 1,000 guests were hearing Maroon Five play. People ran for the doors.
Main St. became packed with confused festival goers.
But at the Sky 360 Delta Lounge down the street, party planners lit candles and kept the bar open despite the blackout.
Authorities worked feverishly to restore power, and 40 minutes later the lights were back on Main St.
Anybody hazard to make a guess regarding how many of these people are what could be categorized as fervent
Can you say ALL OF THEM?
And can you also guess how much $3.50 gasoline and $5.00 Jet fuel has been burned in limousines and private jets to move their butts into and around a city in Utah named "Park" which probably doesn't have a single actual public park in the city limits because of real estate values?
I'd say zillions of dollars regarding the liquid fuels, and ZERO regarding the parks in Park City, Utah.
I swear people, if we let the "Global Warming" crowd get control of our national infrastructure, YOU are going to be sitting in the dark and cold/hot wondering what has happened, just like the people out in Utah and California are doing the past few years.
I don't know about you, but I'm happy that mean old polluting places here on the east coast like Southern Company (Alabama Power, Georgia Power, Gulf Power, and a few others), Duke Power, and the Tennessee Valley Authority each year burn tons of coal, have dams stopping spawning fish, and own millions of glowing rods of uranium.
And I challenge any bunch of Hollywood freaks and their adoring fans to feel welcome to come here to our little Island any day as long as they stay out of my yard, but unless a thunderstorm or something else weird happens I have every confidence that even they can't make any part of our infrastructure fail...
except possibly the SEWER system.
That will be all for now...
.
