Saturday, June 24, 2006

Puting Politics Ahead Of Business

The Proof Is In The Pudding...

I know that some of you are tired of me endlessly blasting the NY Times and it's moronic imbecils highly educated journalists, but this morning my blog idols over at Powerline pointed out the powerful influence that printing biased, unmitigated, useless CRAP can have on your financial bottom line when you're supposed to be in the business of printing actual NEWS.

I pulled up my own version of the NY stock exchange chart--a seven year version that begins with the NY Times stock at about $50 a share just before President Bush took office, and ends this month, and hundreds of employee layoffs later, with the value reduced to about $24.

Now picture me, tilting back my ever greying, ever balding head, and laughing hysterically...



The Media's At It Again...

The NY Times Eric Lichtblau and James Risen, along with their editor, should be in jail:

WASHINGTON, June 22 — Under a secret Bush administration program initiated weeks after the Sept. 11 attacks, counterterrorism officials have gained access to financial records from a vast international database and examined banking transactions involving thousands of Americans and others in the United States, according to government and industry officials.

Funny thing, but not only is this an old recycled story from 2002, but there is nothing illegal about what the government is doing, and the Times knows it.

The Times is simply continuing the drum beat of anti-American and anti-Bush rhetoric that has become their journalistic mainstay.

By the way, while I was at it, I'd put the "leakers" responsible for this story under the jail with "Bubba," but I'm just a professional beach bum, and not in charge.

The Apple Dumpling Gang Jihadis

The Stupid “Brothers” In Miami Should Stick To Rapping

As my regular readers know, I’m a HUGE music fan.

If there is an instrument out there, even ones I’ve never heard of, and you can play it well, I’ll sit down and listen for a while.

The only singular exception to my broad musical taste is “Rap” music.

“Rap” music isn’t actually music, it is just noise—featuring generally profane and often unintelligible lyrics—uttered by a collection of no-talent punks and thugs, generally marketed by corporations with a vested interest in the retardation of a substantial portion of our society.

I am, thankfully, not in that segment.

It looks like these guys are, however.

MIAMI, Florida (CNN) -- Seven men concocted a plot to "kill all the devils we can," starting by blowing up Chicago's Sears Tower, according to charges in a federal indictment revealed Friday.

But the federal grand jury indictment also painted a picture of a group that had no weapons or other supplies for an alleged "jihad" that was intended to be "as good or greater than 9/11."

Narseal Batiste, considered the recruiter of the group, according to the document, tried to reach out to al Qaeda by contacting someone who was an FBI operative posing as a member of the terrorist network

No weapons or supplies?

No money?

Maybe they plan on injuring us by hurting our ears. The media is reluctant to point out that these guys are not just "Muslims"...but they were "black Muslims."

Not only should they just stick to "Rapping", but someone should call Don Knotts & Tim Conway to plan an organizational meeting...

Friday, June 23, 2006

I Told You That They Were Crazy

Iranians...Can't Live With 'Em, Can't live without 'Em

I'm Tempted to go off on another rant just to keep my head from exploding, but my time here at the keyboard is limited as I have a date with a swimming pool, so I'll let you fill in the blanks yourself.

Look at this story about Iran having to STOP IMPORTING GASOLINE and beginning rationing.

Iran will halt gasoline imports from September 23 and start rationing gasoline supplies to motorists because of budget constraints, Iranian Oil Minister Kazem Vaziri-Hamaneh said on Friday.

Parlimentarians in the OPEC producer approved a budget for the year to March 2007 that cut the amount to be spent on gasoline imports to $2.5 billion from $4 billion.

This meant President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's populist government, which draws its support from the poor, was faced with an unappetising choice of hiking petrol prices or rationing, both potential sources of social discontent.

"Next week will be time to decide when we start rationing. Because there is no budget for importing gasoline in the second half of the year, naturally imports will be stopped and gasoline will be supplied by rationing," he said on state television.


Iran, the second biggest producer of crude oil in OPEC, has to IMPORT GASOLINE?

Isn't that like Mexico running out of illegal immigrants or Cuba running out of Cubans or something?

They should rename Iran something else like INSANE, perhaps.

See the advantages a totalitarian dictatorship has when it comes to quality of life, ladies and gentlemen?

Do YOU want to live somewhere like that?

Well, just a few more years. and a few more stupid votes, bouyed by the liberal media, and we here in the good old USA can be there too.

More Public Stupidity

I Rest My Case…Your Honor…

OK, maybe it’s just me being dense or stupid, but I have to ask you a few questions this morning.

How good of a financial deal are you looking for to let someone put a filthy set of pliers on a dental “appliance” that you are going to spend the next few years putting into or “wearing” in your mouth?

And once you decide to let someone draw on your body with needles filled with colored ink, what is there not to understand about worrying about sterilization and general cleanliness when sitting or lying there with your private parts exposed through the process.

I mean, after all, you are PRESENT when the dental “appliances” are being manufactured and installed and/or the body art “tattooing” is taking place, aren’t you?

I, personally, would slap the smile off of the face of any fool that approached my mouth or skin with something that wasn’t soaked in 50 gallons of alcohol and heated to at least 212 degrees while I was watching the process.

Well, OK, at least I would expect to see it packaged in plastic or steel and have some reasonable expectation of cleanliness while undertaking the “body modification” process.

That said, I have to wonder what these people were thinking:

Palm Springs, Florida --Detectives had been watching the Blue Diamond Jewelry shop for a month after getting reports that its workers were fitting customers with gold teeth caps using filthy equipment.

Some clients had no problems with their shiny new "grills." Others were not so fortunate and suffered severe infections.

Police said the amateur, unlicensed dentists cast the grills using filthy tools stored in a cluttered back room amid trash and debris and even adjusted customers' teeth plates with dirty pliers before reinserting them, unwashed, into clients' mouths.

And then there are these silly bitches and stupid bastards buying tattoos:

Atlanta--A worrisome superbug seen in prisoners and athletes is also showing up in people who get illegal tattoos, federal health officials said Thursday.

Forty-four tattoo customers in Ohio, Kentucky and Vermont developed skin infections caused by methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA), according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The infections occurred in 2004 and 2005, and were traced to 13 unlicensed tattoo artists, according to an article in the CDC's Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report.

So I suppose that now the government is going to step in, pass a few new laws, and implement or increase fines for practicing dentistry or tattoos without a license.

Funny thing, but I don’t need a law to keep an unqualified, unsanitary idiot out of my mouth or away from my body. I may be getting a bit feeble in my old age, but I am certainly still capable of opening up an industrial sized can of “whoop-ass” and applying it liberally to anyone that threatens my health, and the only the thing I expect the Government might do is the DNA sampling necessary to identify the remains and notify the next of kin.

I getting to be a mean old bastard...aren't I????

Reader’s Question

And I Answer

One of the main advantages of writing a blog is that of being able to put your thoughts and opinions out there in the ether of the internet for public consumption. If I’m crazy or stupid, my readers are definitely the first to know it; and the feedback which I get allows me to follow along behind in a close second place.

What most people don’t understand is how hard it is to develop what I call a “voice” in writing style—a personality delivered in words that is consistent with what is going on in my head when I think about a given subject.

My friend Tripp, whom is responsible for my initial dive into the blogosphere back in late 2004, says that he can almost hear me talking when he reads my writing—so apparently I’ve succeeded when it comes to the literary “voice” department.

I guess that I’ll have to leave it to YOU to decide if you agree or otherwise like what you hear and see…

What I do know is that I enjoy writing about obvious public wrongdoings, government stupidity, and the insanity of the lamestream mainstream media. Almost daily I offer a challenge to the so called “professionals” to come by and compete with my intellectual and logical skills delivered in my commentary.

Thus far it has been a truly a rare occasion when a reader challenged me with a genuine thought provoking question. Usually I can just publish their ravings and point out the flaws in the comment and then sit back and enjoy the resulting ridicule.

A couple of days ago I was pleasantly surprised when reader/commenter named Jake Mathieson offered this challenge relating to my one of my earlier postings:

"Oops...I forgot that it's supposed to be the GOVERNMENT, not GOD, that is responsible for the success of our population."

Read a bit of your blog and I am curious as to your opinion on how America's sense of responsibility has changed. I hold that we have lost much of our sense of personal responsibility for our government and that the very vocabulary we use to discuss our government reinforces that lack of responsibility. What would you say that and to the following?”

We the People” has almost complete lost any meaning beyond rhetoric. People I speak with nearly always refer to “the government did this” or ”the government that”. Not WE did this or WE did that. “We the People” carries implicit responsibility. As a group, have we always felt powerless or is this a recent development? Have we always been powerless and simply know it now? I am repeatedly struck by a sense of paralysis that cuts across party and philisophical lines. Americans do not believe that our government is capable of executing/creating a plan with honesty, efficiency and fiscal responsiblility . Truth or convenient excuse? Is our machine of governance so choked with its own preservation that it can't get anything of true substance accomplished without a national/global tragedy first?

I think it is interesting that we changed our country's motto from "e pluribus unum " (one from many) to "In God We Trust". One motto is about diverse peoples building a common people though strength of will, morals and purpose. The other is about doing what you are doing, guided by morals, and hanging tough until someone shows to lift your fat from the fire. Do changes like this effect the sense of national responsibility by altering the perception of who bears the ultimate responsibility? How much easier is it to handle if we dump the blame on God? How easy it is to be the victim. Are entire paradigms of thought/thinking built on small changes like this?

This seems like a decent jumping off point, answer if you will.


First I’d like to thank Mr. Mathieson for tendering his question in such an eloquent, civil tone. I usually only get head nodding agreement in my comments, else I receive venom spewing irrational insanity which I have to edit and delete to prevent offending my Mother and my other gentle readers.

Jake asks an interesting series of questions, and in the process he has caused me to focus on a topic that I often dance around yet never quite strike a full blow to here on my blog…so here goes…Jake.

First of all, I’m a firm believer in what is known as “Civil Liberties”, the right of a person to determine their plight and destiny in life. The only problem is that in the past two hundred years or so the concept of “civil liberties” has been transformed or morphed into what is now known as “Civil Rights.”

You know about civil rights, don’t you?

You know Civil Rights…

You know CIVIL Rights…

Of course you know…CIVIL RIGHTS…

Those so-called Civil Rights, the ones that are always talked about on the radio, TV, and written about in the newspapers every single day.

Yes, THOSE “Civil Rights,” those rights and freedoms limited granted to the individual not by God or whatever or whoever they believe their creator is, but instead delivered by government via the LAW—usually at the expense of other citizens.

Jake writes that “I hold that we have lost much of our sense of personal responsibility for our government and that the very vocabulary we use to discuss our government reinforces that lack of responsibility.”

Jake is damn right, and I wrote about this very subject (vocabulary) some time ago in a posting called “When Words Have No Meaning…Meanings Have No Words.

Things like calling “tax and spend” policy an INVESTMENT. Things like calling "cutting taxes" an EXPENSE to government.

Isn’t that wonderful, when the government takes my money under threat of going to jail, and then the government INVESTS my money into someone else’s pocket that didn’t actually do anything to earn it, except possibly vote for a given political candidate.

Or maybe they didn’t vote—that’s a real problem too.

In answer to Jake’s question regarding the personal responsibility shared by our citizens, my answer is quite simple. Jake, wouldn’t you agree that over half of our population has no voice because THEY DON’T VOTE, they just sit around and complain about the results of their inaction?

Further, the half of the voting aged population that does manage to show up at the polls on election day treat politics like they’re going to watch a high school or college football game. They don’t have a clue what is going on out on the field, they just cheer for the players wearing a certain color jersey and look at the scoreboard (other wise known as the "opinion polls" and the lamestream media) to see who’s behind.

In the case of politics, these colored jerseys represent the Democratic and Republican party. Of course there are a few wild eyed Green Jerseys running around on the field—lets call them the Ralph Nader party and the Libitarians, but they can’t possibly make much difference because they are so outnumbered. I guess the singular exception in recent years would be H. Ross Perot’s elimination of a second term for George HW Bush and the corination of The Philanderer In Chief Bill Clinton’s first term.

Getting back to the original point of personal responsibility for the actions of our government, you’re damn right that I feel responsible, and right now much of what is happening in Atlanta, Georgia and Washington DC makes my face red and chaps my ass cheeks.

I’m not embarrassed to be an American any more than I’m not proud to be a white southern American male, but gosh darn it if it doesn’t seem that once I walk out of the voting booth and get my guy/gal elected, all deals are off.

I’m a “walk softly and carry a big stick” sort of guy when it comes to international politics, and I’m damn tired of all of the limp wrested pansy assed America haters doing their soul searching in public and blaming our military for everything from hurricanes to hemmoroids.

A bigger, stronger military kicking in the skulls of idiots like the Iranian president and that little dog eating troll running Korea would make the world a better place.

And while we're at it, I'd make a strong case for bombing the top off of the UN building in NY City, then forcibly moving everyone that survives and insists on retaining their status as a "diplomad" to some place like Haiti where they can see first hand what true poverty and government corruption looks like.

Finally jake asks: ”As a group, have we always felt powerless or is this a recent development? Have we always been powerless and simply know it now? I am repeatedly struck by a sense of paralysis that cuts across party and philisophical lines. Americans do not believe that our government is capable of executing/creating a plan with honesty, efficiency and fiscal responsiblility . Truth or convenient excuse? Is our machine of governance so choked with its own preservation that it can't get anything of true substance accomplished without a national/global tragedy first?”

Jake, I have two words that will clear the corrupt, self serving log jam in Washington DC and every single state capital in our great nation.


Two terms in a given office in a row, and a maximum of three terms lifetime.

Get elected, serve your constituants (not the "special interests") then get the hell out.

It’s just that simple.

And while we're at it, and since you're asking, I have a couple of other suggestions that would greatly improve our political landscape.

Major Improvement #1. If you are running for political office, or you’re holding a political office, and you take more than $50 from any one individual or corporation, I would have your crooked ass thrown UNDER the jail. For a year. Your cellmate would be a big, hairy, hulking, sweaty man named Bubba that thinks that you have a pretty mouth.

Major Improvement #2. If you are on the government dole…you know, taking welfare or WIC or any other form of support, including things like earned income credit, YOU CAN’T VOTE. When you stand up and get your lazy useless ass off of the sofa and into a JOB, and your tax burden exceeds your tax refund, then, and only then will you be allowed to cast a vote in an election.

Major Improvement #3. Once you finally legally get to enter a polling place, you would have to take a TEST, and if you don’t know the name of your senators and congresspersons, and possibly who the vice president and secretary of state is, then YOU CAN’T VOTE.

After all, how the hell can you be trusted to elect a new member of congress if you don’t know the names of the candidates and who is already sitting in office in the first place?

Most people don't know shit about who they're voting for, they just look for the big old "D" or "R" behind the names and then clumsily "hang their chads" on the candidate. I, personally, don't want people like that near a ballot box.

And don't get me started on STUPID PEOPLE--they not only shouldn't be allowed to vote, but they should be forbidden from REPRODUCING, but I don't see getting that law passed any time in the near future.

Well, at least an insensitive Redneck can dream, can't he?

There's probably a few other things I could say to piss a few more people off, but...

Jake, I guess that about wraps up this evenings rant, and I sincerely hope that I've come close to answering your questions.

Feel free to contact me if I’ve left any issues unresolved, and until then..keep on keeping on.

1,000 Postings

Has It Really Been That Long?

For those of you that haven't been paying attention, about 22 months ago I decided to become a "Blogger." So many words, from a guy that absolutely hated English class in High School and College.

At the time I knew absolutely ZERO about blogging and I hadn't read many blogs before I started, so I just wandered out onto the world stage with my pants down around my ankles my head exploding because it was so full of ideas and opinions, and started publishing my writing.

That was mid-August of 2004, and here I am today publishing my 1,000th posting on my "Coastal Companion/What I'd Liked To Have Said" blog.

Looking back, I've only missed writing and posting something new on about two dozen days, and almost half of those days were when I was forced to hang around a hospital last year when I was sick.

By the way, my other blog, The Redneck Gourmet just had it's 100th recipe posting this week also. I really hope to figure out how to turn my cooking exploits into a hard cover book later this year...we'll just have to wait and see.

I'm also rapidly approaching the 20,000th "hit" milestone and should make it before the blog is two years old. I don't really have a clue where things will go from here other than I refuse to make my readers endure any form of commercial advertising on my site.

As long as Blogger is provided for free from the people at Google, I'll pass the savings on to you, my much appreciated readers.

Now...let me see...what can I bitch about this morning?

IF I Were President...

There'd Be A Whole Bunch Of New Ocean Front Property

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Sorry, But I'm Quite Tired

Tightening Up My Ship...

OK, take your favorite subject, close your eyes, and have at it within your head--let that substitute for my normal ravings this morning.

There you have it, now you're writing your own blog...

Isn't that easy?

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Why I'm Still Here

Torturing My Neighbors...Introducing Miss Tewpee Tewpee

Have I mentioned that we have an active relationship with our local birds?

Well, we do.

We have three bird feeders and the Robins, Ruby Throated Hummers, Chickadees, Nuthatches, Wrens, and a variety of other feathered friends spend a good deal of their time outside our living room window each day.

In spite of my best efforts, this little lady...(shuuuuush...she's sleeping)

built her nest downstairs in our outgoing mailbox

We're all tippy toeing around her but she seems to have gotten used to us walking past her little abode.

There are three little tiny speckled eggs under her that we hope will hatch into three little tiny Wrens.

More photos will follow as our little family develops.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I Say We Punch The Slanty Eyed Bastards Square In The Nose

Yet More Political Incorrectness

These days I think that the US should feel a bit like Mohammed Ali would if he were forced to fight with his hands tied behind his back.

Yes, in his day, Cassius Clay could run his mouth, and yes...Cassius Clay could probably beat you to death with his forehead with his hands tied behind his back...BUT...

I am totally embarrassed by the US position on the world stage as we sit around on our hands worrying about what the UN, the French, and our domestic piecenicks Democrats think about our nation as we watch the stupid little crazy bastards that currently run Iran and North Korea develop nuclear bombs and fuel intercontinental missiles.

Of course I chose Cassius "Mohammed Ali" Clay instead of Mike Tyson as my example because I want to illustrate where things started going wrong here in the good old USA in the first place.

Remember that Cassius Clay was one of the original 20th century “America Haters”?

Remember Cassius Clay’s disrespect for America in the 1968 Olympic Games?

Cassius Clay is, as I said, an “original America Hater”—one of the people that enjoys living in the shadow of the security and freedom provided by America’s values and virtues, while at the same time using that expensive freedom to attack the people and processes by which his beloved liberties were attained.

When will the public learn?

When will the hippies and peacenicks Democrats figure out that it’s not about right and wrong, left and right, liberal and conservative.

What we’re facing is EVIL.

Poisonous, horrible, terrible men that don’t respect women’s rights, children’s rights, and rights of other humans in general to live and prosper and execute their lives in a manner ordained by God.

Oops...I forgot that it's supposed to be the GOVERNMENT, not GOD, that is responsible for the success of our population.

Excuse me, Please...

All I have to say is, I guess that it's a good thing that I'm relegated to sitting around our little island playing the part of professional beach bum, because if I were president or secretary of state...

Iran would be a sheet of nuclear bomb induced glass.

And North Korea?

Let's just say that South Korea would be an island and what was north Korea would be a giant pot of Korean Cold Slaw filled with Cruise Missile casings.


Monday, June 19, 2006

Survival Of The Fittest

A Sure Cure For Stupidity

Somewhere a long time ago I got the idea that I had a fairly high IQ—140 or something, I don’t care to remember the exact number nor is it my point this morning.

In spite of my innate intelligence, I’ve also done some really STUPID things in my day. A couple of ex-wives and an ex-business partner come to mind as being some of the most expensive, but it’s actually the little stupid things that nobody else but me knows I’ve done that perhaps should stand out in my own personal “hall of shame.”

In spite of my insanity stupidity, I’ve somehow made it through almost 47 years here on the planet, and I’d like to think that it was my own good horse sense, not the efforts of our lawmakers, that actually got me to where I am today.

Take seatbelts, for instance.

I’ve always worn one--a seatbelt, that is--even back in the days when seat belts were options on cars. Does anyone but me remember old VW beetles that had not one but TWO buckles on each seat—one for the seat belt and one for the shoulder harness?

Although I haven’t had an auto accident in about 20 years, I ran my car into everything in sight when I was a teenager. I’ve probably been in at least a half dozen accidents, but I’ve never been hurt because they all occurred at low speeds and I ALWAYS HAD MY SEATBELT ON.

I didn’t need a law to tell me that it is easier to stay in the seat and hold on to the steering wheel when things go wrong if your strapped in to position while hurtling down the road at 4840 feet per minute (55 MPH).

Back in the early 1990’s when I was learning to fly airplanes, I was really serious about learning how to LAND the airplane first, because in spite of spending hours and hours in the air, landing at the end of the journey was infinitely more desirable than ending the trip with a crash.

I got really good at landing—it seems like I landed twice for every time I took off—well…maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but any way…somehow I always managed to return my rented airplane to the owner on time, and in one piece.

I got involved in scuba diving in the mid and late 90’s, and again I always studied my ass off in classes and never attempted to dive alone or in situations over my skill level. I always dove with a backup secondary air regulator and I never dove after drinking or when in poor health. My maximum dive depth was 120’ and I did several dives in the Walker’s Cay Shark Dive Rodeo, but I never did anything considered unsafe while under water.

In addition, I’ve spent hundreds and hundreds of hours in boats on lakes and offshore water skiing and fishing, but I was also a strong, expert swimmer so hanging around in/on water that was hundreds if not thousands of feet deep wasn’t a serious risk.

Like every other Georgia Tech Student in the late 1970’s I had taken a class they called “Drown Proofing” that taught me to swim in dangerous emergency situations. After mastering all of the standard swim strokes like the backstroke and the butterfly, they made you learn how to spend an HOUR in a pool with your hands and feet tied with ropes.

They should have called the class “Mafia Proofing”, but I managed to eek out a grade of B in the end. It kills me to hear news stories about people drowning after falling off of boats because THEY CAN’T SWIM.

How stupid is that?

Sort of like dieing in orbit because you can’t breath in a vacuum, I guess...Any way...

In spite of my experiences, there are certain activities that are considered “recreation” that I feel go beyond what I consider to be reasonable risks. Take skydiving, for instance. While I always thought about doing a couple of jumps just to get familiar with the process, it seemed easier to me to learn to actually LAND the airplane rather than regularly jumping out of a perfectly good one.

Motorcycles are an other fad that I’ve avoided. When I was a kid, only bad boys and daredevils rode motorcycles, had tattoos, and wore more than one earring.

Today, debutants have tattoos and multiple piercings while Lawyers and CPA’s buy Harleys and park them in their living rooms—displaying them like artwork.

Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger got the ball rolling on the helmet debate again last week when he used his head as a wrecking ball in a car accident.

Activists and our elected politicians are second guessing the intelligence of “helmet laws.” It seems pretty strightforward to me, and the data in Florida seems to accurately tell the story for anyone with an IQ above room temperature.

A Florida Today analysis of federal motorcycle crash statistics found "unhelmeted" deaths in Florida rose from 22 deaths in 1998 and 1999, the years before the helmet law repeal, to 250 deaths in 2004, the most recent data available.

By comparison, Florida logged 270 deaths of riders without helmets during the 1990s, when riding without a helmet was illegal, according to National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports.

What about this story is there to not understand?

Do we actually need new laws to protect IRRESPONSIBLE, STUPID people from themselves?

I say not.

All I would do if I were in charge of Florida motorcycle laws is to demand that anyone buying a new or used motorcycle sign a waiver.

What would my waiver say?

That they and their estate waive the right to sue anyone in the event that they are injured or killed as a result of a head injury and, if they don’t have enough health and life insurance to cover their expenses, that they allow the state to take a backhoe, dig a hole, and bury them where they fall.

Forget shoving tubes in their nose and throat and up their ass and allowing them to fester and shrivel away for years in a hospital at taxpayer expense.

Forget about letting their crying mother and widow and kids hire some scumbag lawyer to sue the pants off the motorcycle manufacturer.

In fact, if were up to me, I’d start a charity and give away motorcycles to stupid people if they promise not to wear a helmet when they ride.

Humans are the only animals that go out of their way to protect the imbecils in their midst...I say that we start acting smarter like lions and wolves and let the laws of NATURE run things rather than falling back on stupid manmade laws.

You can just call me insensitive, I guess...

Sunday, June 18, 2006

If Assholes Were Airplanes…

This Place Would Need A Control Tower

Aaaaahhhhhhh, another weekend in paradise. I can hardly stand it.

If the weather got any better we’d probably have to start paying taxes on it—highs in the eighty’s, and LOW humidity.

What’s up with that? After all, it’s June for God’s sake…In Georgia…within inches of the beach.

I should have drops of sweat stinging my eyes and forming a puddle in my bellybutton while lying on a lounge chair poolside by now. OK, too much information…but I digress…

The Condo Nazis homeowners had their little poolside soirée Saturday afternoon and we wandered by for a few minutes.

Can you say B-O-R-I-N-G?

What kills me is how the very same people that have kicked and screamed for the past 27 months every single time that I complained about conditions at the swimming pool can move heaven and earth when they decide to have a party.

For instance, last week about ten new chairs suddenly showed up poolside. I was quite happy with their appearance, but I also realize that we’ve needed new chairs for two summers now. Isn’t it funny how when the mean old Condo Nazis my lovely neighbors decide to drag their wrinkled bodies themselves out of their thick curtain enshrouded bedrooms into the sunshine, improvements are made for their benefit?

What about both all of us regulars that continuously live hang around poolside the other 364 days out of the year?

And then there was all of the cleaning and polishing and overall sprucing up that was done in anticipation of the most boring party ever held their little soirée.

While I’m happy for the improvements, I was also pissed off that only when the “powers what be” decided that they wanted to use the pool that the funds were made available for improvements.

That’s when the bad Karma took over.

Well, possibly bad Karma, assisted by a little sabotage.

Does anyone but me know that an algae bloom in the pool water can be accurately simulated with a quart of dark green latex paint?

Well, it does…

Does anyone but me know that a piece of paper clip, inserted in a restroom door lock, can temporarily cause the ladies room to be unaccessable?

Well, it will…

And finally, does anyone one but me know that a can of Bushes Chili Starter, a half can of corn, and three giant Baby Ruth candy bars will stop up a men’s room toilet, thereby forcing the soirée attendees to “walk back to their condos to use the restrooms”—a solution that was insisted on being employed by the condo Nazis my lovely neighbors for the past two summers until I got them to reopen the facilities?

Well, it did…

Good God it was a pleasure watching them spinning around in circles all afternoon when they found the pool green, the restroom locked, and the other toilet stopped up.

I just sat back and enjoyed the festivities.

Gee, I sure hope that they catch those mischievous teenagers that messed with the restrooms...