Saturday, May 22, 2010

Train Versus Tornado

Nature's Fury...

All in all a bad day "workin' on the railroad" I'd say...

Friday, May 21, 2010

Awkward Family Photos

There Go I...(But For The Grace Of God)

If this gets your attention...

You'll want to go to the web site Awkward Family and see even more.

...and you're welcome...

"I Wanna Go To Miami"

A Famous Jewish Whine...

We're back on the road again tomorrow, heading west across the states of Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, over to the city of Liberty outside Kansas City, Missouri.

"Give me Liberty, or give me Death"...or something like that I think I've read somewhere before.

A little business meeting with a client, a high school graduation ceremony for a Grand Daughter, and the associated pre-graduation party...then a two day drive back home Wednesday and Thursday.

It seems we're driving our butts off this summer, but most of the trips are business/family related and many are to destinations WAY too far away from the ocean and tropical sunshine.

As my posting title says..."I wanna go to Miami."

Or Mexico Beach.

Or Santa Rosa Island.

Or Cedar Key.

Or St. Simons Island.

Or Key West.

Or even Jamaica...and feel a little Irie...

My Turbo Pup needs some sunshine and wants to run around on the beach, and her dad is quite willing to go with her if she can come up with the funding and a destination.

And in the mean time there's Missouri this weekend and then Pittsburgh in July and probably Maryland in August and I guess we'll have to wait until September to make it back south to the shores of the Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic Ocean.

Who's idea was this any way?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Sunshine & Cigars

Lethargy Sets In Again...

Between raining most of the first part of this week since we've been back home from Lower Alabama, and with low temperatures creeping into the upper 40's last night, I've basically spent most of my time the past three or four days goobering around here in front of the computer or sleeping trying to catch up from missing most of my daily naps last week.

Then yesterday afternoon I made a half hearted effort to install a couple of new downspouts on my rain guttering system--getting one cut to size and half way hung up into place but not ending up being in a satisfactory condition by happy hour time yesterday evening.

I left the ladder standing against the house and the semi-finished run of pipe dangling there in suspended animation, so now I'm trying to force myself out from in front of the computer screen with a burst of energy sufficient to finish that effort and then duplicate it on the other side of the carport on the front of the house.

And then of course the deck and deck chairs are calling to me because it's warmed up into the mid 70's and it would be easy to ignore all of the "homeowner crap" that needs to be done and just pour a mid afternoon drink and go sit and squint in the sunshine for a couple of hours listening to Rush Lindbaugh spit on his microphone.

OK...taking a big breath...I'm going out to the jobsite driveway and see if I can get something done now.

Regards Y'all...

More Government BS Insanity

Publicly Kissing The Mexican Dictator's President's Butt...

Unfortunately I caught part of the joint press conference yesterday morning with Obama and Mexican Presidente Felipe Calderon.

I tried to miss it but it just came on the TV while I was doing some stuff and I couldn't help listening.

I thought that my head would explode as I watched our candy assed idiot president tip toe around the "undocumented worker" issue and basically directly apologize for the new Arizona law making it illegal on a state level to invade our country by crossing the border without permission.

If I were the President of the United By-God States of 'Merica I would have said something like this...

"Hey have twenty or thirty MILLION of your people up here costing us a buttload of cash in the form of housing, medical benefits, and 'social' something or we're going to start shooting and asking questions ever heard the sound a cruise missile makes before it flys into your living room?

Now...can I get you another drink?"

Maybe that's the reason I'll never be elected Mayor or to City Council or even Dog Catcher, but you get my drift.

Obama and his administration are experts at snubbing and insulting the leaders of places like Israel and England when they come to visit, while at the same time dropping their pants and bending over when any petty Communist/Socilist dictator/leader from third world countries comes wandering by asking why we don't hand out more taxpayer money and lower our "Carbon Footprint."

I can't decide if I need more alcohol or Geritol in my diet these days because I spend most of my time muttering to myself and foaming at the mouth when I'm not asleep.

I almost wish I were STUPID because at least then I wouldn't know any better and would just watch the 6 PM news and read the front page of the USA Today newspaper every day and be sure it's all Rush Lindbaugh and Glen Beck's fault.

As it is I see us teetering at the point of falling into a great dark Abyss...but then again based on Tuesday's elections maybe there is still hope.

Time will tell I guess...

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Arlen Spincter Spector Dismissed

One Hand Clapping...

Sorry for the light posting this week, but I'm distracted getting caught up from being out of town most of last week and getting ready to leave town again this weekend for most of next week to be spent in Kansas City, Missouri.

That's a tough trip by car--air being cost prohibitive for two adults and one Turbo Pup-- thus we're spending the night in St. Louis on the way out and in Paducah, KY on the way home in order to break things into shorter manageable segments.

It's tough being me...but any way...

For some reason I've got a good head of steam up to do some ranting this here goes...

For the past couple of months I've tried my best to keep my mouth shut and my hands off my keyboard when it comes to predicting the outcome of this fall's "mid-term" US House and Senate elections, thus you'll just have to excuse me now when I erupt in commentary on yesterday's primary results and do some well deserved gloating in the process.

It seems that I have a hard time not insulting the 25% or so of the population that votes and isn't gullible if not just plain STUPID, but then again with the quantity of candidates of poor quality out there running for office I understand when people make crappy choices in the voting booth when "none of the above" isn't an option.

We have to elect "somebody" every two or four years, even when unfortunately the only options are true "nobodies" most of the time.

Primarily my disdain and sophomoric giggling mirth is directed toward the Pennsylvania electorate's decision to send eighty year old pantie waist, sniveling, booger eating, political turncoat former Republican come Democrat Arlen Spector out to pasture.

Just in case you've been living in a cave or under a rock not paying attention, this asshole survived changing from Democrat to Republican in 1965 in order to win the Pennsylvania District Attorney seat, and after 45 years of sabotage and espionage hiding in various positions with a "R" behind his name while actually "reaching across the isle" hiding in plain sight as a Democrat in Republican suits, then decided to change back to publicly professing his closet Democratic leanings in April of this year when he realized he'd be destroyed in the primary running against the current Republican opponent.

Fortunately he got his butt beat any way, and Senator Spinchtor will hopefully take his saggy jowls home and fade quietly into history sitting in a rocking chair on his front porch looking at naked pictures of Owl Gore and Nasty Pelosi sitting in a hot tub full of their own urine stained water.

(Dang I'm mean this morning...)

And speaking of nice, friendly, God fearing Pennsylvanians making poor electoral decisions...I see where in the special election to fill the seat left by the death of PA Representative Mad Jack Murtha they chose as his replacement his own former aide Mark Critz (as opposed to former Olympic swimmer Mark Spitz.)

What's weird to me is that the Penn voters will be forced back to the polls again in November to decide between the same two candidates...Critz and Republican Tim Burns for the exact same seat.

Isn't this a perfect example of government waste?

Spend the money to conduct political campaigns and print ballots and program voting machines in mid May, knowing that only six months later you're going to have to spend money to conduct political campaigns and print ballots and program voting machines for the EXACT SAME SEAT IN THE US HOUSE in November of the same year...with the EXACT SAME IDIOT VOTERS AND THE EXACT SAME IDIOT CANDIDATES.

What can possibly happen between now and November that will change the election outcome and justify the expense of two elections...unless Critz gets killed in a Zeppelin Explosion or he gets caught by the National Enquirer wearing women's lingerie while having sex with a black transvestite hooker in a drug sting smoking crack laced camel dung or something.

You know?

And another thing...while I'm bitchin' about "poli-ticks" this morning...

I was Googling around on Mad Jack Murtha and found this map showing the shape of Pennsylvania's "12th Congressional District."

Just look at this crap...

What in the world were the "authorities" and "leaders" and other professional morons thinking when they drew those lines on a map...other than some sort of self-serving demagoguery by excluding giant chunks of voters in order to get their "demographics" right and pre-determine an outcome in future elections.

By the's a look at the other "pieces of the puzzle" showing the 9th and 18th congressional Districts that surround and fill in the holes in Mad Jack Murtha's little piece of heaven in Penn:

What...did they hire a snail to crawl around the perimeter? Or possibly they used a drunken band of civil engineering surveyors to wander up and down hill and dale and vale and valley?

Didn't anyone own a ruler or a compass in the past 100 years in Washington DC or the state house in PA?

...where they could manage to draw a straight line or a uniformly curved piece of ink or pencil lead on the page of the map without looking at the voting habits of the people living in the area and try to Gerrymander the masses into voting in a predictable fashion?

(...taking my own pulse and blood pressure here boss...)

I swear to God people, if it weren't against the law, I say our situation would be greatly improved if we were allowed to grab at least half of the population of elected officials by the hair and neck and proceed to summarily stomp the air and feces right out of every convenient orifice.

But then again I'm just a mean old ever greying, ever balding, angry white middle aged Redneck.

What do I know about anything?

Monday, May 17, 2010

Funky Polynesian Chicken Pizza

Yet Another Original Flavor Masterpiece

Just in cace no one noticed, I pretty much took the day off yesterday after spending about six and one half hours Saturday herding Pat and the Turbo Pup back northeast across Alabama and home into Eastern Tennessee.

I did manage to make some interesting home-made rosemary hash browns with onions, Portabella mushrooms, and a splash of good Balsamic Vinegar to go with eggs and bacon at breakfast, but when it came time for dinner preparations to start mid-afternoon I knew pizza was on the menu but I wanted something different in the topping category.

Looking at my options, I ended up settling on a combination of sweet and savory based on the old standard "Hawaiian Pizza."

You know..."Hawaiian Pizza."

Pizza covered with Ham and green bell peppers and onions and pineapple and some sort of sauce.

Problem was, we didn't have any ham and green bell peppers in the house and I didn't want to get dressed and go to the grocery store, so after a little Goggling for other ideas I dug around in my pantry and Fridge and came up with the following ingredient list.

For my standard crust:

Starter Dough
1 pack dry yeast
1/4 cup 100-110 degree F water
3/4 cups King Author Bread Flour

Main Dough
3/4 cup room temperature water
1-1/2 cup King Author Bread Flour
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp white pepper

For the "Polynesian" Sauce:
2-8 Oz cans Hunts Tomato Sauce
1/4 tsp powdered ginger (or fresh grated ginger root if you have it)
2 tbsp Hosin Sauce
1 tsp Teriyaki Sauce
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
1/8 tsp Oriental Five Spice Powder

1/2 pound of good whole milk Mozzarella Cheese, cubed/chunked
4 strips of bacon, fried crisp
1 boneless chicken breast, cooked medium and cut into 1/4 strips
1/2 red bell pepper, course diced
1/2 yellow bell pepper, course diced
1/4 pound good feta cheese, cubed or crumbled
1/2 of a 20 Oz can Pineapple slices, cut into 1" segments

When making a good pizza crust, I like to let my dough have plenty of time to rise and more importantly--to get a good rise regardless.

Years ago somewhere on the Internet I came across the idea of doing a pre-rise of a small batch of dough. By mixing the yeast with 1/4 cup of warm (but not hot) water and allowing it to react with a smaller quantity of flour for about 20 minutes, then adding another 3/4 cup of room temperature water to the pre-rise mixture you get a more uniform distribution of the yeast through the entire mass of dough. You add your diluted pre-rise mixture to the 1-1/2 cup of flour/salt/white pepper mixture and you have enough dough for one 15" pizza

I don't know if it's worth the effort to everyone, but I've been doing it this way for six or eight years now and I think I make a better crust than 90% of the Pizza restaurants out there...I'll leave it to you to decide I guess.

So any way, the point is, make yourself a mass of dough--however--and then kneed it out to a good consistency (I also don't over-work my pizza dough contrary to all of the crap published on the Internet demanding that you spend twenty minutes playing with a sticky ball of goo) and toss it out on to a floured cookie sheet, cover it with a clean towel, and toss it into a cold oven or your microwave to rise for about an hour and one half.

Now fix yourself a drink and contemplate your sauce and toppings.

The sauce is pretty straight forward, dump the cans of tomato sauce into a small boiler, add all of the spices and a splash of your pineapple juice from the can, and simmer everything for a half hour or so until it thickens.

Sauce done...wasn't that easy?

Now as to putting it all together.

Preheat your oven to 550 degrees F (500 deg F minimum if you can.)

Punch down and roll out your dough, toss it into the air and get it in your hair if you want to, and keep fooling with it until you have something resembling a round pizza crust.

If I haven't mentioned it before, I highly recommend the use of a pizza stone but whatever you use toss your finished crust onto it, then spoon your funky Polynesian sauce out onto the center of the crust leaving about an inch around the perimeter uncovered.

Heck, cover the whole dang thing up with sauce if you want to, but I leave a clean edge around my Pizzas.

Now evenly spread you chunked Mozzarella around on top of the sauce, add the rest of your toppings, and once your oven is up to temperature slide the whole shebang in and let it cook for 17 to 19 minutes.

Get yourself a pizza cutter and some plates, wait for things to cool down for about five minutes after you take it out of the oven, and EAT!!

Regards Y'all

The Redneck Gourmet