Birthday Preparations

OK...So I'm Busy Right Now...


I haven't had time to get pissed off and write about anything this evening.

Sorry.

We're in mid celebration of two memorable events this weekend.

First and foremost, we have a birthday in the house on Sunday and I'm scrambling around making last minute preparations.

In the interest of safety (my own), I won't tell you how old she is, but hopefully she'll enjoy my efforts.

In addition to getting her car detailed by your's truely, she's also eating an extensive menu of culinary delights that I have planned to serve during the ceremonies over the next couple of days.

We also hope to have our first day at the swimming pool today and start covering up the lilly white body parts we've developed over the winter.

By the way, here's a peek at the front cover of the the birthday card that I PhotoShopped for Pat last night:





She REALLY wants us to get a little miniature Dachshund as a pet and I'm constantly in trouble for resisting her efforts, so I gave her a picture of a Dachshund and hopefully it will serve as a decent (short term) substitute.

The other notable event is the acceptance of my latest entry in the Glynn Arts Association's Coastal National Exhibit that opens April 1st.

Huray for me.

I'm officially elligible to be called a "starving artist" now.

Excuse me, but I'll be right back--I've got to add that qualification to my Resume...

Billionaires

I Ain't One...Are You?


Forbes published its annual listing of world billionaires again recently.

As would be expected, Microsoft's chief computer nerd Bill Gates still leads the listing with slightly over $50,000,000,000 in his bulging wallet. Mr. Personality Warren Buffet trailed along $8,000,000,000 behind.

All in all, there were 102 new billionairs added to this year's 793 total.

Since my name didn't make the list and I'm still a few zero's short of the needed net worth totals, I guess I need to pick up my pace a little.

On second thought...maybe not...

The saddest thing to me about this survey was that Miss. Personality, the delightful Martha Stewart, fell off the Forbes billionaires list. (Couldn't have happened to a nicer person, in my opinion.)

Rumor has it that apparently Martha didn't take the news too well.

I've learned through confidential sources that, in an effort to reverse her financial fortunes, Madam Stewart is rolling out her new "Tammy Faye Baker" line of cosmetics--coming to a K-Mart near you this spring.



Here's a preview of the results...Quite a lovely improvement, don't you think???







EXTRA..EXTRA...EXCLUSIVE NEWS FLASH
(7:00 AM update to the above posting)


Apparently Martha and Tammy Faye have already had problems with their new partnership and the enterprise has been disolved before the first products hit the store shelves.




Some kind of quality control problem, apparently...

(good God I LOVE Adobe PhotoShop)

Plan B

Tempest In A Teapot?


Excuse me while I tilt my ever balding head back, look toward the heavens, and issue a hearty belly laugh--directed toward the Democrats and most of the lamestream mainstream media.

Just in case you haven't heard, DP World, the UAE company that wanted to take over the operational managment of five US ports, tossed a big old bucket of ice cold water onto the roaring flames that were surrounding them and being fanned by the media, the Democrats, and most of the lilly livered Republican Congressmen.

Instead of enduring a witch hunt Congressional hearings, DP World chose to end the growing hysteria by transfering the control and managment of the US port operations to a "US owned entity".

I can't help but wonder what this actually means.

It was unclear how the company would manage its planned divestiture, and Bilkey's statement said its announcement was "based on an understanding that DP World will not suffer economic loss."

Even critics of the deal expressed cautious optimism that DP World's move would quell the controversy surrounding that company's plan to take over some terminal leases at six major U.S. ports held by the London-based company it was purchasing.

US Tax dollars wouldn't be the balm used to smooth over this political wound and to assure that "DP World will not suffer economic loss," would it?

I'll bet you it's going to cost us something in the long run.

This sudden development that was announced late this afternoon, just as the purchase of the rest of the worldwide operations was completed in Great Britian, left Harry Reid and the rest of the Democratic Congress sputtering and blubbering.

They won't say it out loud, but what Mr. Reid and his cronies are really upset about is the loss of this total non-story that they had expected to keep flogging on CNN and on the front pages of the nation's newspapers for at least the next 45 days, if not all the way into the November mid-term elections.

I personally don't believe that this change in the terms of the deal came about accidentally.

Further, it seems to me to make good business sense because the five ports here in the US (Miami, New Orleans, New York, New Jersey, and Philidelphia) only represented about 10% of the total contract value.

I suspect that President Bush and at least a few others well known personalities in the top levels of the Federal government knew that the contract revision was coming or even asked for it to happen well before it was made public today.


Bush is probably laughing is ass off, and would be quite pleased to thumb his nose to his detractors, and possibly quote the words of this lovely lady...(SNL's Emily Latella)


"NEVER MIND"

Mission Impossible Impractical?

Ports Management Deal Gone Bad...


I guess that almost everyone over the age of forty remembers the old TV show Mission Impossible.

I used to love to tune in each week to watch the tape in actor Peter Graves' tape recorder turn to smoke after he had received his latest mission requirements.

"Good Morning...Mr. Phelps...Your mission, if you should decide to accept it, is to..."

Being the God fearing, red-white-and-blue flag waving American TV hero that he was, it seems to me that there was never a single mission that Peter Graves turned down in seven seasons of intrigue ending in 1973.


I wish that I could say the same thing about California Congressman (and so-called Republican) Jerry Lewis seen here.

I've been wondering if Representative Lewis and Peter Graves were not actually separated at birth or something--they look so much alike.

But then I think that we all just got an answer to this rhetorical question, because Congressman Lewis recently acts more like comedian Jerry Lewis than a serious defender of American Freedoms and interests.






Today Congressman Lewis stunned the Republican leadership and President Bush by attempting to outright kill the UAE port managment contract without any further investigation and discussion in the Senate or the House.

Dammit if it doesn't look like the Republican Majority is running scared of the 61% negative public opinion figures resulting from the NY Times and Associated Press demagoguary on the issue.

All I keep hearing Congressmen and pitiful ill-informed citizens say is something like "Can't have no dang foreigners running our port security..."

I've got a news flash for you, ladies and gentlemen...

There is hardly a single port here in the United-By-God-States of America that isn't already FULL OF DANG FOREIGNERS.

They are everywhere.

The ports are overrun with foreign national's, both legal and illegal, just like our construction jobsites are teaming with Mexican carpenters and brick masons.

You can't pick up a container or roll a new Mercedies Benz off of a ship's deck without tripping over a Liberian or Irishman handling the operations managment.

To the NY Times credit, a couple of weeks ago they produced this story about the common practice of foreign port managment.

HOUSTON - In the outcry over who should run America's seaport terminals, one clear trend appears to have been overlooked: American companies began withdrawing decades ago from the unglamorous business of stevedoring, ceding the now-booming industry to enterprises in Asia and the Middle East.

So it is no accident that American companies are not in the top ranks of global terminal operators, who have ridden the coattails of the explosion in world trade. That shift has transferred growing financial clout to a handful of seafaring centers in Hong Kong, Singapore and now the emirate of Dubai.

Indeed, the takeover of the Peninsular & Oriental Steam Navigation Co. of Britain came down to a battle between two foreign, state-backed companies. One of them, DP World, is owned by Dubai's Maktoum family. The other, PSA, the world's second-largest port operator, is part of the Singapore government's investment arm...

Moreover, the international shipping business has evolved in recent years to include many more containers with consumer goods, in addition to old-fashioned bulk commodities, and that has helped lift profit margins to 30 percent, from the single digits. These smartly managed foreign operators now manage about 80 percent of port terminals in the United States. That figure is 90 percent in Britain, a country that used to be the world's biggest shipping power.

Though two American companies now rank eighth and ninth among the world's top 10 operators, it would not be easy for other American companies to get into the business. The retreat began decades ago amid rising labor costs and slow growth, while foreign companies spotted opportunities.

Unfortunately, in their ongoing effort to not be "fair and balanced," the Times buried the story back in their Money/Financial section rather than putting it on the front page with the usual hysteria.

Do yourself a favor and go read the article. If you do read it in its entirety, you'll find yourself knowing more about the ports issue than practically every other American (with the possible exception of ME.)

I took the time to look up PSA international's website and I learned that they already operate nineteen ports in 11 countries--but none yet in the United States. I also learned that PSA is owned primarily by the Singapore government.

So suppose that instead of selling the port operations to Dubai based DP World, owned by the government of the UAE, we let the sale go through to a company in the middle of a region with the SECOND LARGEST MUSLIM POPULATION IN THE WORLD.

That's right, the region including SE Asia, Indonesia, and the Pacific/Indian Ocean Islands is covered up with Muslims, and some of their citizens are not immune to opening a can of "Jihadist whoop ass" every now and then on Australia and the non-Muslims in their region.

What's the difference here?

In wrapping this subject up this morning, I'd like to make two final points to those of you that didn't read the entire NY Times article.

First, the reason that there are few US companies in the business of handling port managment and cargo loading/unloading is due almost entirely to the cost of UNION LABOR. Domestic companies, forced to hire union employees, found that they couldn't make a profit so they got out of the business. Even our imperal Federal Government can't force company shareholders to lose money in the shipping business, or any other business for that matter (remember the recent government induced flu vaccine shortages?)

By the way, the five ports in question were purchased by the British in 1999 and 2000, while the philanderer-in-chief Bill Clinton was still running national security.

Finally, I believe that I have a solution to this problem--IF the media and the politicians will stop collectively slinging mud at each other, settle down, and re-bid the contract like mature adults and businessmen.

As the Times article says, private shareholder owned companies were discouraged from bidding on the contract because of the deep pockets of the UAE and Sinagapore governments.

The bad news was that they (private companies) all dropped out in the last bid solicitation early, leaving only two foreign government owned companies in the competition.

The good news was the price offered for the Peninsular & Oriental Steam Navigation Co. of Britain was about 20% higher than expected. What a nice surprise for the current British owners, but what an expensive potential negative windfall it has turned out to be for American politicians--particularly Republicans.

I say that if the project were simply rebid with the stated exclusion of everyone but privately and publicly held companies that meet Nancy Pelosi's and Harry Reid's partisan standards, we could put this issue behind us and get back to the business of running the country and fighting the war on terrorism.

But of course, as usual, nobody in Washington asked me my opinion...

THE SKY IS FALLING!!!

Much Clucking Ado About Nothing...

The usual hysterical suspects Associated Press and the World Health Organization are at it again—flapping their arms furiously, wrinkling their brows with concern, and making dire warnings about the dreaded bird flue.

The Associated Press’s experts say:

China on Wednesday reported its 10th human death from bird flu, a 9- year-old girl in the country's southeast.

The girl died Monday in the southeastern coastal province of Zhejiang, the Ministry of Health said in a statement carried by the official Xinhua News Agency. It did not immediately say whether she was confirmed to have the virulent H5N1 flu strain.

The cause of the girl's infection was under investigation, but she visited the home of relatives whose chickens died while she was there, the ministry said earlier.

The H5N1 virus has devastated poultry stocks and killed at least 95 people since 2003, mostly in Asia. Fresh outbreaks have been reported in more than a dozen countries since early February.

Most human infections have been linked to direct contact with sick poultry, but experts have warned that the virus could mutate into a form that could be easily transmitted between people, possibly sparking a global flu pandemic that could kill millions.

Why the hell does the Associated Press even bother to write stories like this if they can’t even get “the official Xinhua” people to confirm that this single death in a country with a population of 1.3 BILLION sandal clad residents actually has anything remotely to do with their headline?

The girl was probably constantly sleeping with the chickens in her room or ate a dead chicken or made a new pillow using feathers from a chicken she found laying beside the road or something.

People in China treat their chickens better than they treat their women.

Next the WHO gets in on the bird flue bandwagon with this dire prediction:

Bird flu a bigger challenge than AIDS, warns WHO

By Alexander Higgins, Geneva

THE lethal strain of bird flu poses a greater challenge to the world than any infectious disease, including AIDS, and has cost 300 million farmers over $10 billion in its spread through poultry around the world, the World Health Organisation said yesterday.

Scientists also are increasingly worried that the H5N1 strain could mutate into a form easily passed between humans, triggering a global pandemic. It already is unprecedented as an animal illness in its rapid expansion…

Dr Chan told over 30 experts in Geneva that the agency's top priority was to keep the deadly H5N1 strain of bird flu from mutating."Should this effort fail, we want to ensure that measures are in place to mitigate the high levels of morbidity, mortality and social and economic disruption that a pandemic can bring to this world," she said.

WHO says 175 people are confirmed to have caught bird flu, and 95 of them have died.Global influenza pandemics - as opposed to annual recurrences of seasonal flu - tend to strike periodically. In the 20th century, there were pandemics in 1918, 1957 and 1968.

Bird flu could potentially cause more deaths than those from the global flu pandemics. Because the H5N1 virus is airborne, it is easier to transmit and more contagious than HIV/AIDS, WHO officials said.

Yada, yada, yada…yack yack yack.

You do realize that the WHO has a vested interest in pumping this story for all it is worth, because if they can convince enough people that there is a problem then their budget will get incrementally boosted as they attack the new perceived threat.

Bigger threat than AIDS, huh?

I hope the WHO does a better job with the UN than they’re doing down in Africa fighting AIDS. It is well documented that the UN personnel spend way too much time raping or otherwise demanding sexual favors from young girls in the areas they are working right now.

Chickens everywhere are probably quaking in their little tiny boots…

A Nice Big Steaming Pile

Blogging Reruns...


I wrote this little ditty about a year ago, and my friend Wayne's concern over his little dogs going into a neighbor's yard to "do their business" this evening reminded me of my earlier ranting...

Here it is presented again...slightly edited, for your enjoyment.


Back in the late 1980's early 1990's, I had a really nice yard at my house in Marietta, Georgia.

Being a self committed yard nerd and totally into enjoying manual labor induced muscle pain, I used to spend a couple of afternoons each week and at least one weekend day doing my “yard thing.”

Mowing, aerating, pruning, planting, spreading lime, pre-emergent weed killer, fertilizer—you name it, I had a piece of equipment to accomplish the task and I did it religiously and my efforts showed in the quality of my lawn.

I’m also happen to be a cat person.

I've had a dog a few times before a long time ago when I was a kid, and I’ll have one again--when and if I move back to the farm in Alabama or buy a parcel of land larger than a postage stamp.

My problem is that I like big dogs like Rottweilers and I don’t believe in torturing a good yard dog by keeping them in the house.

Any hooooo...

Our next door neighbors in Marietta had five dogs and a small herd of cats, and a fenced back yard to keep the larger mongrels in. They also had this one little furry mixed breed beast that was an inside pet, except when he needed to visit the toilet late at night.

Then they let him go out the front door of their house unescorted, where he proceeded to walk down their driveway to the street, barked a few times at no one and nothing in particular, turned left and wandered into MY yard to do his business.

It took me a while to figure out what the yellow spots were in my grass because the owners were apparently poop-scooping the poop on a clandestine basis, but the little bastard’s urine must have had a PH of 0.1 because he could kill a 12” circle of grass with one little squirt.

It was driving me crazy because back then I had a real job and had to keep 9 to 5 hours and the sins were committed at 2:00 AM most of the time.

I thought about buying a black ski mask and hiding in the bushes, but instead I settled for quiting my job and beginning the early training required to become the night owl that I am today.

The little mutt's barking was ultimately his downfall because, once I figured out who (or what) was responsible for violating my lawn, I started staking him out with my BB gun, powered by about three or four pumps.

Don't go out calling PETA or the Humane Society here. There wasn't enough power behind the BB to cause injury and leave evidence, but let me tell you...

I could make that little 12 pound mutt do a triple axel figure skate jump or a quadruple somersault and leave my yard with amazing speed with one single shot.

That said, we now live in a very nice area here on St. Simons Island.

Not the best—that’s down at the Island Club or over on Sea Island—but the houses around our condo complex sell from the mid $300K range up to over half a million dollars each.

Although the yards are typically tropical in nature with lots of pine islands and flower beds, EVERYONE has a landscape company do their lawns and the places each look like a botanical garden most of the time.

Which brings me to my point.

Why the hell do all of these snooty homeowners take their $1000 dogs out for a walk to pee and crap all over their neighbors’ curbs, grass, and mailboxes?

Is it a mutual thing?

“Your dog does my yard and my dog does your yard,” or something?

Really, there is a daily parade of fancy dogs ambling along the streets with their owners mindlessly allowing them to ravage an area within ten feet of the curb.

And another thing...

What if I decide to buy a house in the neighborhood?

What do I do if I don’t own a dog and I am not able to reciprocate in the "Mutual Urination and Defecation ASSociation?

Can I eat a few bowls of chili Friday night, drink a six pack of beer, toss on a big ole poncho, grab the newspaper, and wander over into my neighbor’s yard to squat down and take my evening constitutional?

On Saturday morning can I drink a half pot of Café du Monde coffee, toss down a few donuts, and scramble by my neighbors place for a little “business in the bushes?”

If no one sees me, so I’m not charged with public indecency, is leaving a big steaming pile on the front lawn against the law?

Just wondering.

If Fido can, why can’t I?

Is (Almost) Everybody But Me An “Ignorant Dumb Ass”?

If the shoe fits…wear it.


I guess everyone has heard that old saying (If the shoe fits wear it…)

I also suspect that anyone that hasn’t heard this expression most certainly could fall into the category of the “Ignorant Dumb Asses” to which I’m referring.

I feel sorry for them, because…being “Ignorant” can be cured through the process of attempting to gain an education.

Being a “Dumb Ass” is a lifelong avocation, I believe.

I know people that have actually made it (being an “Ignorant Dumb Ass) into an art form.

Some of them have even earned a good deal of financial remuneration in the process.

That doesn’t matter, because they’re still “Ignorant Dumb Asses” in my book.

I know people that have apparently paid money to earn Bachelors Degrees from “Dumb Ass Tech” or some other institute of higher “Dumb Ass” learning.

Others have even spent the cash to obtain qualifications like a Masters of Arts in “Idiotic” and even a few PhD’s in “Futility.” Call it what you will, they’re still just glorified versions of “Ignorant Dumb Asses” none the less. I’m glad that I’m not responsible for paying back those student loans…

Any way, you should beware… they’re out there running around loose in the world, and those of us that have elevated ourselves above or otherwise avoided being “Ignorant Dumb Asses” all know who they are and do our best to avoid them.

Sometimes it is really hard—avoiding “ignorant Dumb Asses”—that is.

Here on St. Simons island, I’ve found that most of our “Ignorant Dumb Asses” are encountered twirling around the grocery store parking lots, so I can carefully elect when I choose to endure my “Ignorant Dumb Ass Encounters” (IDAE’s) to times when I have my maximum level of patience. I sometimes think that it would help if I brought along a handgun, but the punitive repercussions are a bit severe so I limit my responses to chewing on my fingernails when I have a trying encounter with one of our indigenous “Ignorant Dumb Asses.”

It also looks to me like many of these poor afflicted people (Ignorant Dumb Asses) have been sequestered in Washington DC and in the State Houses of all 50 states. That’s one of the reasons I decided to leave Atlanta to move out here in the sticks where the incidence of encountering an “Ignorant Dumb Ass” is much lower.


It almost seems like being an “Ignorant Dumb Ass is a prerequisite for being elected to serve in political office. Just take a look at this bill introduced into the New Jersey General Assembly:

This bill would require an operator of any interactive computer service or an Internet service provider to establish, maintain and enforce a policy requiring an information content provider who posts messages on a public forum website either to be identified by legal name and address or to register a legal name and address with the operator or provider prior to posting messages on a public forum website.

The bill requires an operator of an interactive computer service or an Internet service provider to establish and maintain reasonable procedures to enable any person to request and obtain disclosure of the legal name and address of an information content provider who posts false or defamatory information about the person on a public forum website.

In addition, the bill makes any operator or Internet service provider liable for compensatory and punitive damages as well as costs of a law suit filed by a person damaged by the posting of such messages if the operator or Internet service provider fails to establish, maintain and enforce the policy required by section 2 of the bill.

I have a SERIOUS problem with crap like this, ladies and gentlemen. It is insidious, ill-conceived legislation, and it has far-reaching ramifications when it comes to free political speech on the internet, and blogging like the kind I do here in general.

Who are these pussy footed, tepid tea drinking morons that propose legislation like this?

You see, once again, instead of enforcing existing laws against liable and slander writing and speech, this law attempts to balm and assuage the tender feeling of “Ignorant Dumb Ass” Americans by passing the blame to the innocent operators of Internet websites.

I’ve called four fifths of America “dumb asses” and various other names like closet Democrats, Feminazis, Homophobes, Homophiles, and even Georgia or Auburn football fans here on this blog over the past 18 months

So what is their point?

I also have the ability to moderate comments made here on MY website, but I usually just leave any comments by "ignorant dumb asses" laying there for everyone to see. As a matter of fact, I actually love it when some "ignorant dumb ass" or "barking moonbat' stops by and leaves some ill-conceived lunatic ranting that I can publish and dissect point by point the next day.

The bottom line here is that YOU have the right to stay away from this blog or otherwise avert your eyes and not witness my butchering of the English language and read my rantings placed here in the ether of Cyberspace.

If you don’t like what I say or otherwise disagree with me, then I offer you a hearty GET THE HELL OUT.

That's a nice simple solution, isn't it?

Yes, you…YOU…there with your panty wasted liberal thumb stuck between your pouting lips and the wet diaper…shoo…scat…get…gone…

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAY ABOUT YOU AND JOHN sKERRY and sHRILLARY CLINTON AND ALL OF THE BLACK NEGRO AFFRICAN AMERICAN RACE BAITING WARLORDS LIKE AL SHARPTON AND JESSIE JACKSON.

You don't like what I have to say?

TOUGH SHITSKEY...

BUT, we don't need a new law making it illegal for me to say that Teddy Kennedy can't get it up unless he's in the presence of three midgets, a donkey, two weedeaters, and a small flock of ckickens. (Oh...right...his fantasy involves three one legged TRANSGENDERED midgets and a FEMALE donkey...silly me...)

I guar-an-damn-tee you that this law, if it is passed, will be selectively enforced to the detriment of free speech in New Jersey. It won’t start out being used against little blogs like mine with 50 readers a day on a good day, but it will ultimately have a chilling effect on the dialogue here on the internet.

And it won’t just be used against bloggers and websites based in New Jersey either.

Just like the Porn laws, you can bet the bank that they’ll come after blogs located all over the US, if not all over the world with their torches and legal swords and speers, defending their citizens and lawmakers rights to be "IGNORANT DUMB ASSES.

If this trend were to actually catch on, each and every state will end up having special laws like this and spend infinite sums of money chasing people like me that have the audacity to say that Bill Clinton’s 4 inch penis is larger than John sKerrys pinky finger sized member.

And of course reporting things like that Nancy Pelosi has two extra breasts instead of shoulder blades and two belly buttons (making it impossible to tell if she is coming or going while her head spins around as she walks on her hairy unshaven legs down the California beaches) will be against the law.

I'm telling you, my gentle "non-ignorant non-dumb ass" readers, there are people out there that don't like the access that the internet gives private citizens like me to a large potential audience.

They want things to go back to the way they were when Walter Cronkite and ABC and the Associated Press held the keys to the information superhighway and they were in charge of all of the lies and slander news.

Don't you do it.

Don't you let it happen.

If it does, it's all your fault...because I've done all I can do to inform you.

Liquid Lava

For All Of You That Live Out There In The "Real" World


Here's what you missed a little before 7 AM this morning...



(Don't worry, I soaked it all in and used it all up myself...)

More Fuel For The Fire

Hey All You Muslims...You Listening?


I heard that they were at it again Sunday over in Turkey and Pakistan, rioting over those little bits of colored ink on paper published in Denmark last year.

Good gosh I wish that was all I had to worry about--ink on paper--that is.

Being the brutal, insensitive, ignorant, politically incorrect redneck Rocket Scientist that I am, I found myself unable to resist doing a little photoshopping this morning.

Here's a sample of the results of my efforts:

Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's our old Warner Brothers friend, Yosemite Sam, sitting right there on the top of a camel's hump.

I'm so proud of my work (it took about 20 minutes.)

But...

Allah forgive me...my mind isn't pure...and as a result of being an infidel, I was wondering...

What if Mohammed actually had a red beard rather than a black beard?

Am I guilty of blasphemey?

Or does my depiction of my friendly "Camel Jockey" in this image make a difference?

Better yet...what if I just admit that I'm a crappy artist and that I INTEND the cartoon to represent the Muslim Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him), regardless of the color of the beard?

Does what I was thinking when I drew the cartoon make me guilty of something like a hate crime here in the US?

No?

Well, Suppose I leave the "peace be upon him" (PBUH) off of my reference, something I find strange any way.

Is lightning going to come out of the heavens and strike me on my ever balding head?

Or is a herd of camels likely to over run our lawn tomorrow at dawn and chew up all the shrubs or something?

Yeah...I thought so.

And another thing--why can't all of us Christians and worldly heathens start demanding that total strangers be required to utter a phrase of words behind every written or oral reference to our name?

Sounds like a good idea to me.

Imagine if once you reached the age of 18 or 21 you could have a religous ceremony or go to court before the Magistrate Judge and have him decree your own personal salutation.

Only $29.99 plus court costs...maybe I'll start a do-it-yourself internet site.

Here's a list of words I'd suggest be used if all of us here in the center of the free world elect to adopt this form of respect:


Jack Daniels Be Upon Him (one of my personal favorites)

NASCAR Be Upon Him (for all the true southerners)

Peter O'Tool Be Upon Him (for all the Lawrence of Arabia Fans) (See Richard Simmons below)

Richard Petty Be Upon Him (for old NASCAR fans)

Jeff Gordon Be Upon Him (see Richard Simmons below)

Ted Kennedy Be Upon You (can anyone survive that injustice?)

Richard Simmons Be Upon Him (for all the fat girls and closet gay guys)

Richard Pryor Be Upon Him (for the comedians in the crowd)

Richard Burton Be Upon Her (she knows who she is)

Oprah Be Upon You (for the daytime TV fans)

Dr. Phil Be Upon Her (for everyone that also watches Oprah)

Betty Crocker Be Upon Him (for the guys learning to cook)

Martha Stewart Be Upon Him (actually a curse)

Corvette Be Upon Him (also an accident description)

Harley Davidson Be Upon Him (for all the guys in their second childhoods)

Philip Morris Be Upon Him (for the smoker in the family)

Cruise Missile Be Upon Him (for the Iranian leader)

Smith and Wesson Be Upon Him (for the NRA guys)

His Lawyer Be Upon Him (for the businessman)

Her Lawyer Be Upon Him (for the adulterous guy losing the house and kids)

Her Lawyer Be Upon Her (very Clintonesque, don't you think)

His Mama Be Upon Him (for the middle aged guy that still lives at home)


Have I ommitted any one here?

Oh well...maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.

I'm just an ignorant blogging Redneck (BBUM)

BBUM means Budweiser be upon me...

It sorta has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

What?

You don't think so?

Who asked you anyway...

So Jihad me if you don't like it, dammit.

snap, click, rack...(the sound of the clip being loaded and the bolt on my 30-06 rifle engaging a round...)

Our New Pet

(S)he's Cheep To Own and Operate


Have I mentioned that we live in a second floor condo that has one glass wall in our living room facing out into the adjacent trees?

We love the privacy not being at ground level, and we usually have two hummingbird feeders and two birdseed feeders hanging outside in the summer to attract out feathered friends.

We're having our usual spring bloom on a tree outside that has branches that extend within about five feet of our balcony railing, and here's a picture of the view out of the window most afternoons last week...




Excuse me while I go put on some clothes now...because I think that little critter's looking for some nuts...