Crazy For You

Ok, it’s time for my monthly political correctness rant, and this one involves perhaps the stupidest thing I’ve heard of yet.

It seems that a self proclaimed “mental health advocate” has a problem with the “Crazy for you Bear” offered for Valentines Day by the Vermont Teddy Bear Company.

“Mental health advocates consider the bear "a tasteless use of marketing that stigmatizes persons with mental illness," Jerry Goessel, executive director of the Vermont chapter of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, wrote to the Shelburne-based company.”

"A straitjacket is not a symbol that we want to associate with sales of a teddy bear for loved ones over Valentine's Day," Goessel said. "And the use of commitment papers, legal documents committing an individual to involuntary treatment, is not something to be taken casually."

The Vermont Teddy Bear Company says that they appreciate their concerns and will discontinue the bear, but not until after February 14th. I don’t blame them one bit.

In an effort to prevent the potential mental anguish and harm to other social groups, I am hereby appointing myself as the “OFFICIAL ADVOCATE OF EVERY POSSIBLE SENSITIVE IDIOTS’ TENDER FEELINGS” and I’m going to address the rest of the selection of Valentines Day Bears in an effort to ensure that no one can possibly be offended. Check out the web site and I think that you will agree that there are some real problems here…

For instance:

“Fool for Love” bear--complete with a jester hat, I’m personally offended because everyone that knows me knows that I am a fool. I often travel to parties with my own lampshade to wear on my head…

“Love Bandit” bear—complete with a black bandit mask. I must protest on behalf of raccoons everywhere…

“Love Handle” bear--complete with “Keep on Lovin’” ball cap, work boots, denim jeans, and a red T-shirt that says “I’m in this for the long haul.” I’m also personally protesting this bear on behalf of rednecks everywhere—where do I call to get my class action lawsuit check?

“Burnin’ Love” bear--complete with fireman’s hat and fiery “love” tattoo on left arm. What an insensitive insult to our public servants… Oh the Humanity!

"Horny Devil" bear—ruby red bear in naughty outfit. Need I say more? Jerry Fallwell and the Southern Baptists will possibly be damaged for life and never get over this one.

Could someone please send Mr. Goessel and the rest of the so-called “Mental Health Advocates” a few prepaid phone cards so that they can call someone that actually gives a damn?

Or maybe we could all take up a collection and buy them a new microscope or a telescope to assist them in their livelong efforts spent looking for something that truly matters to worry about.