Weird Beard Stupidity

Those that know me know that I’ve had a moustache and some form of beard for most of the past 28 years. I actually let the beard come and go—usually it is closely cropped and sits low on my cheeks and chin.

Back in the days when I was a frequent scuba diver I had to trim down my moustache and shave off my beard so that my scuba mask wouldn’t leak. The guys that had thin scraggly beards or those that wore the small format masks could get away with the facial hair, but I have what’s called a “sweater face” and can grow a beard right up to my eyebrows so I made the facial hair sacrifice to support my sports endeavors.

I’ve only been completely clean-shaven once in this time, that being a three week period last year while I was playing the part of Hannibal, a self-committed mental patient in the play “The Curious Savage.” I disagreed with the director, who also made me cut my ponytail off and for some reason thought that everyone in the early 1950’s (the period the play took place) had short hair and were clean-shaven. I thought that he (the director) was an idiot and he has subsequently proven his management ineptness in subsequent dealings.

Speaking of idiots, here’s a story about a firefighter that’s going to court to keep his beard. His reasoning is based on religion—the idiot is A MUSLIM.

“PHILADELPHIA -- A Muslim firefighter who refuses to shave his beard on religious grounds cannot be fired while his legal case unfolds, a city judge ruled in a test of the state's religious freedom law.

The Philadelphia Fire Department, like most big-city departments, prohibits beards and mustaches, citing safety reasons. Facial hair, the department says, can prevent firefighters from getting a seal when they wear respirators.

Firefighter Curtis De Veaux agreed to shave when he joined the department two years ago. But as his faith deepened, he decided he was no longer willing to, he said Wednesday.

De Veaux also said he has a skin condition that makes it painful to shave. He added that he can get a proper seal on a respirator despite his beard.”

The next sound you hear is me inhaling in order to supply air to issue my Sam Kinnison like scream:

Ohhhhh Ohhhhhh, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

This idiot can NOT possibly be serious.

OK, a couple of points here, speaking from my infinite experience…(in diving, not firefighting)

A. I could get a proper seal on my scuba mask when I was diving with a heavy five o’clock shadow, but the rest of my dive party wasn’t implicitly relying on me to fight a fire and save their lives in an emergency. It was between me and my dive buddy to decide what was safe, and you never dived alone. Likewise, firefighters work as a team and rely on each other for their own safety. If someone were sick or otherwise incompetent, I wouldn’t want to enter a building with them in tow while fighting a fire.

B. When scuba diving, I was diving in water, not toxic smoke, and I could generally see the surface and make an emergency ascent if I had a mask or regulator problem. I could see where it would be nearly impossible to successfully exit a burning building full of smoke with a Quran in one hand and a leaky mask, clouded with fumes, strapped loosely to my face.

C. I didn’t wear a full-face mask like firefighters do, so if my mask leaked water I could close my eyes or leave them open and let the salt water burn them for a few minutes while I breathed through the regulator that was still clenched firmly in my teeth. If the firefighter’s mask leaks, it not only compromises his vision, but also his air supply.

D. And finally, WEIRD BEARD knew the rules when he joined the fire department. He should just suck it up or move back to Iran, or Iraq or wherever and join the fire department there--they certainly could use his training and assistance.

Leave it to this moron to hide behind Pennsylvania’s religious freedom law to cover his own selfishness. I bet his lovely Muslim mother and the rest of his family would sue the city's and the fire officials' asses off if he managed to get hurt or killed sporting his symbol of Muslimity.

If he wins the lawsuit and insists on staying with the fire department, someone aught to accidentally break both of his knees and see if the Americans with Disabilities Act can help him keep his firefighting job working from a wheelchair.

Can't we all just get a GRIP here?