Deadly Teen Pranks

Stupidity Squared...Unintended Consequences


I did some stupid stuff when I was a kid. Heck, I’ve done some stupid stuff as an adult (some stock market losses and my not one, but TWO ex-wives come to mind in this instance.)

As I’ve admitted earlier, I used to make things that could fly around under their own power--model airplanes and rockets. I also used to make things that blew up. Then I discovered that I could make a few things that flew around and then blew up when they were done flying.

Now don't start calling the NTSB, the ATF, or the FBI, because I've seen the writing on the walls and given up those hobbies years ago.

The one thing that I never did was direct my self entertaining pranks at other people or other people’s property. I was not that stupid, and possibly I was also afraid of the punitive consequences, or a little of both.

My current problem is that we have some local kids (I assume) that could use a few lessons in exercising similar restraint.

You see, we have an egging problem here on St. Simons Island.

Twice in the past six months we’ve had automobiles decorated with the paint-damaging remnants of eggs. The absentee owner of a black Mercedes 300SL parked in our building’s carport is going to be extremely distressed when they find the yolk that’s been cooking on the right rear quarter panel since this summer.

Last week our Mustang GT was one of the dozen recipients of a lovely egg decoration. Fortunately I found the results of our presumeably young intruders’ evenings’ entertainment and was able to wash it off early the next morning prior to it becoming permanantly attached to our paint.

This kind of crap really pisses me off--the children of "rich people" going out and egging other "rich people's" cars. For one thing, we're actually not rich; and most of my neighbors are elderly, even if they are "well-to-do" and have a hard time washing egg off of their Cadillacs, Lexus, and Mercedes.

Besides that, throwing anything at or on anyone's property, regardless of socio-economic status is wrong, and is typically against the law.

Regardless of the legal statutes, I’m thinking about buying one of these, an Ariakon SIM-4 R.I.S. Elete paintball gun to use as a deterrent of future antics :

Talk about an expensive toy--it costs nearly $1,000 customized with a laser sight. It has threaded interchangeable barrels, and can even be fitted for "night vision."

This aught to do the trick quite nicely...don't you think? It might cause the necessity of a few changes of underwear just by pointing at a potential tresspassor or vandal.

I can't decide if I would actually have the guts to shoot an egger, but I'd damn sure fire a round at their Daddy's SUV and let them explain the incident to Dad and/or the Police.

There are at least two teens in Indianapolis that wish that Donald E. Ware had shown restraint similar to my own:

A jury convicted a man of murder for fatally shooting a 15-year-old boy who threw eggs at him.

The Marion Superior Court jury in Indiana deliberated for seven hours Thursday before finding Donald E. Ware guilty of killing Brandon Dunson-Taylor.

Ware, 37, of Avon, Ind., showed no emotion as he looked at the jury while the verdict was read. He faces 79 years in prison and was scheduled to be sentenced on Dec. 15.

Dunson-Taylor's great uncle, Charles Russell, said the incident was a lesson for teens to avoid the actions that led to the shooting.

“A child's prank can have consequences that no one could anticipate," Russell said.

…

Prosecutors portrayed Ware, who is white, as a racist motivated by more than anger when he fired a rifle toward the group of black youths throwing eggs at motorists including him on July 24 on Indianapolis' west side.

"I can't stand that the prosecution made it racially motivated," Fiscus said. "Everyone needs to know it was not racially motivated."

Ware's mother, Donna Ware, said her son was innocent.

"He's done a lot of dumb things, but he would never kill anyone unless it was in self-defense," she said.

Prosecutors said Ware told police he had yelled racial epithets at the teens after getting struck in the head with an egg.

As is usual with the media, I have a couple of problems with this story...

First of all, wouldn't it be perfectly natural to be inclined to yell a few choice words in the direction of someone that had just hit YOU in the head with an egg?

What was the guy supposed to say?

"Hey you young incorrigible Imps...THAT’S NOT FUNNY”?

"Hey you GUYS, stop that!!"

Or maybe just a simple “OUCH!”?

If the person that hit me was a woman, I’d probably include the B*tch word as the egg yolk dripped off of my nose. If the person was a man, I’d include SOB somewhere in my response, and if the perpetrator of the “teen prank” was black, I’m afraid that I must admit that the “N” word might slip from my lips in my retort.

But calling this a HATE CRIME is complete bullshit.

Yes, the guy shouldn’t have shot a kid for hitting him with an egg, but INCREASING his prison sentence based on what they assumed that he was thinking or based on what he said at the time is ludicrous.

And regarding “egging” as always being a HARMLESS prank, try having an egg explode on your windshield while driving at 55 MPH down a crooked two lane road on a freezing night.

Is that harmless?

The egg immediately sets on the windshield and cannot be washed off with the washer/wipers. I know, because it happened to me on a cold night in 1995, in my shiny 6 month old Chevy Surburban, and as a result I had to immediately roll my window down and drive with my head leaning out the window in order to negotiate slowing down and safely stopping off of the roadway.

I’m quite sure that the imbecile that lobbed that egg that night knew exactly what they were doing and probably knew the risk of causing an accident as a result, but I don’t care what color their skin was or what they were actually thinking at the time, IF I could have turned around and caught them, I might have blown their stupid brains out myself with my pistol.

Fortunately I had to stop and clean my windshield and had time for the rationality to temper my response.

I feel sorry for this little negro, black, African American youth, but he should have let his loving Mama fry those eggs for him, instead of using them ruin the lives of two families.

If people would just learn to THINK before they ACT...