I just opened Yahoo to take a look at my E-mail, and here were the evening's headlines:
• British foil plan to blow up jetliners
• U.S. posts code-red alert; bans liquids
• Passengers can expect double screening
• New Orleans residents frayed by stress
• More Indian states ban colas over pesticides
• 'Night-eating syndrome' risky for diabetics
• Dixie Chicks skip Deep South on latest tour
Go read each of the stories, then come back and let's have a little chat if you have the time.
Are you back so soon?
I'm sorry, but I think that finally, after years of threats and predictions, upon reading these stories, that my head may actually EXPLODE.
Why?
Well, let’s examine this listing of so-called “News Stories” for a moment…shall we, and let me show you what I mean.
First there is “British foil pan to blow up jetliners”
Simple enough, we’ve all been bombarded with the story and its details all day Thursday.
Then things go down hill from there, however.
“U.S. posts code-red alert; bans liquids…”
Like I’m going to jump on ASA (the Delta Connection) going from here to Atlanta or from Jacksonville to Orlando with a specimen bottle full of nitro, jump up, yell ALLAH BE ‘DA MAN, and ignite myself and the aforementioned bottle with my cigarette lighter.
What kills me is the next headline…”Passengers can expect double screening”
Yeah, Riiiight, let not one…but two mindless morons that are prevented by the PC police and government mandate from double checking young towel head clad Muslim males have me touching my toes and doing endoschopic exams along with my middle aged girlfriend and my MOTHER, before we all board the airplane.
What a complete and total waste of time and energy.
Try stopping this maneuver…I’LL be the bottle…I’ll turn myself into a human flamethrower.
I’ll just drink the nitroglycerin, rip out a box of ‘strike anywhere matches”, and pee a giant flaming stream into the aircraft’s cockpit and onto the boarding ramp as a personal expression of my lack of respect for the entire process that the Anglo/American public is being put though while our government officials should be spending time and money looking for YOUNG ARAB MEN THAT HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED INTO BECOMING TERRORISTS.
"Just leave your breast pumps and infant children at home and everything will be AOK"
Next we have the “New Orleans residents frayed by stress…” story...take a look at that BS....
I say Screw the New Orleans residents...at least the ones that are still complaining on the evening news--we’ve tossed billions in cash and wasted tons of newsprint and ink on their sorry asses, it’s time that they stood up and got on with life.
Now we come to “More Indian states ban Colas over pesticides…”
Three states previously imposed bans similar to the one in Karnataka after the Delhi-based Centre for Science and Environment (CSE) said it had found an average pesticide residue of 11.85 parts per billion in 57 samples of Coca-Cola and PepsiCo drinks produced in 12 states.
Those pesticide levels are 24 times higher than limits agreed, but not yet enforced, by the Bureau of Indian Standards.
"There are lots of reports which prove that these drinks have certain ingredients that are harmful to the human body," Kerala's chief minister, V.S. Achuthanandan, told reporters after a cabinet meeting approved the ban.
Last week, the Indian units of the two beverage companies said their drinks were safe and they held consumer safety paramount.
I don’t know about you, but I personally have a tolerance level of 0% pesticide in the soft drinks which I drink. In fact, I add alcohol as a disinfectant to almost everything I drink—just to be certain that when I die, that I’ll die of something that I chose to die from.
Now we come to “Night eating syndrome risky for diabetics.”
I think that this headline single handedly proves that not only is the media stupid, but most readers are stupid.
“Night Eating Syndrone?”
What the heck Is that…and how the heck does one get it…let alone diagnosis it?
When I was in my twenties, I guess that you could say that I had “Tail Chasing Syndrome.”
Then, in my thirties, I had “cash chasing syndrome” or possibly “running away from the tail that I had caught syndrome.”
Now I have “Syndrome syndrome.”
I guess that you could say that I'm my own worst enemy.
Finally, the last headline mentions that the Dixie
Isn’t that sorta like a Professional Hockey team skipping cities in Canada during their season?
Yes, I thought so....so like I said earlier...
AHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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