Blogging Reruns...
I wrote this little ditty about a year ago, and my friend Wayne's concern over his little dogs going into a neighbor's yard to "do their business" this evening reminded me of my earlier ranting...
Here it is presented again...slightly edited, for your enjoyment.
Back in the late 1980's early 1990's, I had a really nice yard at my house in Marietta, Georgia.
Being a self committed yard nerd and totally into enjoying manual labor induced muscle pain, I used to spend a couple of afternoons each week and at least one weekend day doing my “yard thing.”
Mowing, aerating, pruning, planting, spreading lime, pre-emergent weed killer, fertilizer—you name it, I had a piece of equipment to accomplish the task and I did it religiously and my efforts showed in the quality of my lawn.
I’m also happen to be a cat person.
I've had a dog a few times before a long time ago when I was a kid, and I’ll have one again--when and if I move back to the farm in Alabama or buy a parcel of land larger than a postage stamp.
My problem is that I like big dogs like Rottweilers and I don’t believe in torturing a good yard dog by keeping them in the house.
Any hooooo...
Our next door neighbors in Marietta had five dogs and a small herd of cats, and a fenced back yard to keep the larger mongrels in. They also had this one little furry mixed breed beast that was an inside pet, except when he needed to visit the toilet late at night.
Then they let him go out the front door of their house unescorted, where he proceeded to walk down their driveway to the street, barked a few times at no one and nothing in particular, turned left and wandered into MY yard to do his business.
It took me a while to figure out what the yellow spots were in my grass because the owners were apparently poop-scooping the poop on a clandestine basis, but the little bastard’s urine must have had a PH of 0.1 because he could kill a 12” circle of grass with one little squirt.
It was driving me crazy because back then I had a real job and had to keep 9 to 5 hours and the sins were committed at 2:00 AM most of the time.
I thought about buying a black ski mask and hiding in the bushes, but instead I settled for quiting my job and beginning the early training required to become the night owl that I am today.
The little mutt's barking was ultimately his downfall because, once I figured out who (or what) was responsible for violating my lawn, I started staking him out with my BB gun, powered by about three or four pumps.
Don't go out calling PETA or the Humane Society here. There wasn't enough power behind the BB to cause injury and leave evidence, but let me tell you...
I could make that little 12 pound mutt do a triple axel figure skate jump or a quadruple somersault and leave my yard with amazing speed with one single shot.
That said, we now live in a very nice area here on St. Simons Island.
Not the best—that’s down at the Island Club or over on Sea Island—but the houses around our condo complex sell from the mid $300K range up to over half a million dollars each.
Although the yards are typically tropical in nature with lots of pine islands and flower beds, EVERYONE has a landscape company do their lawns and the places each look like a botanical garden most of the time.
Which brings me to my point.
Why the hell do all of these snooty homeowners take their $1000 dogs out for a walk to pee and crap all over their neighbors’ curbs, grass, and mailboxes?
Is it a mutual thing?
“Your dog does my yard and my dog does your yard,” or something?
Really, there is a daily parade of fancy dogs ambling along the streets with their owners mindlessly allowing them to ravage an area within ten feet of the curb.
And another thing...
What if I decide to buy a house in the neighborhood?
What do I do if I don’t own a dog and I am not able to reciprocate in the "Mutual Urination and Defecation ASSociation?
Can I eat a few bowls of chili Friday night, drink a six pack of beer, toss on a big ole poncho, grab the newspaper, and wander over into my neighbor’s yard to squat down and take my evening constitutional?
On Saturday morning can I drink a half pot of Café du Monde coffee, toss down a few donuts, and scramble by my neighbors place for a little “business in the bushes?”
If no one sees me, so I’m not charged with public indecency, is leaving a big steaming pile on the front lawn against the law?
Just wondering.
If Fido can, why can’t I?
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Is (Almost) Everybody But Me An “Ignorant Dumb Ass”?
If the shoe fits…wear it.
I guess everyone has heard that old saying (If the shoe fits wear it…)
I also suspect that anyone that hasn’t heard this expression most certainly could fall into the category of the “Ignorant Dumb Asses” to which I’m referring.
I feel sorry for them, because…being “Ignorant” can be cured through the process of attempting to gain an education.
Being a “Dumb Ass” is a lifelong avocation, I believe.
I know people that have actually made it (being an “Ignorant Dumb Ass) into an art form.
Some of them have even earned a good deal of financial remuneration in the process.
That doesn’t matter, because they’re still “Ignorant Dumb Asses” in my book.
I know people that have apparently paid money to earn Bachelors Degrees from “Dumb Ass Tech” or some other institute of higher “Dumb Ass” learning.
Others have even spent the cash to obtain qualifications like a Masters of Arts in “Idiotic” and even a few PhD’s in “Futility.” Call it what you will, they’re still just glorified versions of “Ignorant Dumb Asses” none the less. I’m glad that I’m not responsible for paying back those student loans…
Any way, you should beware… they’re out there running around loose in the world, and those of us that have elevated ourselves above or otherwise avoided being “Ignorant Dumb Asses” all know who they are and do our best to avoid them.
Sometimes it is really hard—avoiding “ignorant Dumb Asses”—that is.
Here on St. Simons island, I’ve found that most of our “Ignorant Dumb Asses” are encountered twirling around the grocery store parking lots, so I can carefully elect when I choose to endure my “Ignorant Dumb Ass Encounters” (IDAE’s) to times when I have my maximum level of patience. I sometimes think that it would help if I brought along a handgun, but the punitive repercussions are a bit severe so I limit my responses to chewing on my fingernails when I have a trying encounter with one of our indigenous “Ignorant Dumb Asses.”
It also looks to me like many of these poor afflicted people (Ignorant Dumb Asses) have been sequestered in Washington DC and in the State Houses of all 50 states. That’s one of the reasons I decided to leave Atlanta to move out here in the sticks where the incidence of encountering an “Ignorant Dumb Ass” is much lower.
It almost seems like being an “Ignorant Dumb Ass is a prerequisite for being elected to serve in political office. Just take a look at this bill introduced into the New Jersey General Assembly:
This bill would require an operator of any interactive computer service or an Internet service provider to establish, maintain and enforce a policy requiring an information content provider who posts messages on a public forum website either to be identified by legal name and address or to register a legal name and address with the operator or provider prior to posting messages on a public forum website.
The bill requires an operator of an interactive computer service or an Internet service provider to establish and maintain reasonable procedures to enable any person to request and obtain disclosure of the legal name and address of an information content provider who posts false or defamatory information about the person on a public forum website.
In addition, the bill makes any operator or Internet service provider liable for compensatory and punitive damages as well as costs of a law suit filed by a person damaged by the posting of such messages if the operator or Internet service provider fails to establish, maintain and enforce the policy required by section 2 of the bill.
I have a SERIOUS problem with crap like this, ladies and gentlemen. It is insidious, ill-conceived legislation, and it has far-reaching ramifications when it comes to free political speech on the internet, and blogging like the kind I do here in general.
Who are these pussy footed, tepid tea drinking morons that propose legislation like this?
You see, once again, instead of enforcing existing laws against liable and slander writing and speech, this law attempts to balm and assuage the tender feeling of “Ignorant Dumb Ass” Americans by passing the blame to the innocent operators of Internet websites.
I’ve called four fifths of America “dumb asses” and various other names like closet Democrats, Feminazis, Homophobes, Homophiles, and even Georgia or Auburn football fans here on this blog over the past 18 months
So what is their point?
I also have the ability to moderate comments made here on MY website, but I usually just leave any comments by "ignorant dumb asses" laying there for everyone to see. As a matter of fact, I actually love it when some "ignorant dumb ass" or "barking moonbat' stops by and leaves some ill-conceived lunatic ranting that I can publish and dissect point by point the next day.
The bottom line here is that YOU have the right to stay away from this blog or otherwise avert your eyes and not witness my butchering of the English language and read my rantings placed here in the ether of Cyberspace.
If you don’t like what I say or otherwise disagree with me, then I offer you a hearty GET THE HELL OUT.
That's a nice simple solution, isn't it?
Yes, you…YOU…there with your panty wasted liberal thumb stuck between your pouting lips and the wet diaper…shoo…scat…get…gone…
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAY ABOUT YOU AND JOHN sKERRY and sHRILLARY CLINTON AND ALL OF THEBLACK NEGRO AFFRICAN AMERICAN RACE BAITING WARLORDS LIKE AL SHARPTON AND JESSIE JACKSON.
You don't like what I have to say?
TOUGH SHITSKEY...
BUT, we don't need a new law making it illegal for me to say that Teddy Kennedy can't get it up unless he's in the presence of three midgets, a donkey, two weedeaters, and a small flock of ckickens. (Oh...right...his fantasy involves three one legged TRANSGENDERED midgets and a FEMALE donkey...silly me...)
I guar-an-damn-tee you that this law, if it is passed, will be selectively enforced to the detriment of free speech in New Jersey. It won’t start out being used against little blogs like mine with 50 readers a day on a good day, but it will ultimately have a chilling effect on the dialogue here on the internet.
And it won’t just be used against bloggers and websites based in New Jersey either.
Just like the Porn laws, you can bet the bank that they’ll come after blogs located all over the US, if not all over the world with their torches and legal swords and speers, defending their citizens and lawmakers rights to be "IGNORANT DUMB ASSES.
If this trend were to actually catch on, each and every state will end up having special laws like this and spend infinite sums of money chasing people like me that have the audacity to say that Bill Clinton’s 4 inch penis is larger than John sKerrys pinky finger sized member.
And of course reporting things like that Nancy Pelosi has two extra breasts instead of shoulder blades and two belly buttons (making it impossible to tell if she is coming or going while her head spins around as she walks on her hairy unshaven legs down the California beaches) will be against the law.
I'm telling you, my gentle "non-ignorant non-dumb ass" readers, there are people out there that don't like the access that the internet gives private citizens like me to a large potential audience.
They want things to go back to the way they were when Walter Cronkite and ABC and the Associated Press held the keys to the information superhighway and they were in charge of all of thelies and slander news.
Don't you do it.
Don't you let it happen.
If it does, it's all your fault...because I've done all I can do to inform you.
I guess everyone has heard that old saying (If the shoe fits wear it…)
I also suspect that anyone that hasn’t heard this expression most certainly could fall into the category of the “Ignorant Dumb Asses” to which I’m referring.
I feel sorry for them, because…being “Ignorant” can be cured through the process of attempting to gain an education.
Being a “Dumb Ass” is a lifelong avocation, I believe.
I know people that have actually made it (being an “Ignorant Dumb Ass) into an art form.
Some of them have even earned a good deal of financial remuneration in the process.
That doesn’t matter, because they’re still “Ignorant Dumb Asses” in my book.
I know people that have apparently paid money to earn Bachelors Degrees from “Dumb Ass Tech” or some other institute of higher “Dumb Ass” learning.
Others have even spent the cash to obtain qualifications like a Masters of Arts in “Idiotic” and even a few PhD’s in “Futility.” Call it what you will, they’re still just glorified versions of “Ignorant Dumb Asses” none the less. I’m glad that I’m not responsible for paying back those student loans…
Any way, you should beware… they’re out there running around loose in the world, and those of us that have elevated ourselves above or otherwise avoided being “Ignorant Dumb Asses” all know who they are and do our best to avoid them.
Sometimes it is really hard—avoiding “ignorant Dumb Asses”—that is.
Here on St. Simons island, I’ve found that most of our “Ignorant Dumb Asses” are encountered twirling around the grocery store parking lots, so I can carefully elect when I choose to endure my “Ignorant Dumb Ass Encounters” (IDAE’s) to times when I have my maximum level of patience. I sometimes think that it would help if I brought along a handgun, but the punitive repercussions are a bit severe so I limit my responses to chewing on my fingernails when I have a trying encounter with one of our indigenous “Ignorant Dumb Asses.”
It also looks to me like many of these poor afflicted people (Ignorant Dumb Asses) have been sequestered in Washington DC and in the State Houses of all 50 states. That’s one of the reasons I decided to leave Atlanta to move out here in the sticks where the incidence of encountering an “Ignorant Dumb Ass” is much lower.
It almost seems like being an “Ignorant Dumb Ass is a prerequisite for being elected to serve in political office. Just take a look at this bill introduced into the New Jersey General Assembly:
This bill would require an operator of any interactive computer service or an Internet service provider to establish, maintain and enforce a policy requiring an information content provider who posts messages on a public forum website either to be identified by legal name and address or to register a legal name and address with the operator or provider prior to posting messages on a public forum website.
The bill requires an operator of an interactive computer service or an Internet service provider to establish and maintain reasonable procedures to enable any person to request and obtain disclosure of the legal name and address of an information content provider who posts false or defamatory information about the person on a public forum website.
In addition, the bill makes any operator or Internet service provider liable for compensatory and punitive damages as well as costs of a law suit filed by a person damaged by the posting of such messages if the operator or Internet service provider fails to establish, maintain and enforce the policy required by section 2 of the bill.
I have a SERIOUS problem with crap like this, ladies and gentlemen. It is insidious, ill-conceived legislation, and it has far-reaching ramifications when it comes to free political speech on the internet, and blogging like the kind I do here in general.
Who are these pussy footed, tepid tea drinking morons that propose legislation like this?
You see, once again, instead of enforcing existing laws against liable and slander writing and speech, this law attempts to balm and assuage the tender feeling of “Ignorant Dumb Ass” Americans by passing the blame to the innocent operators of Internet websites.
I’ve called four fifths of America “dumb asses” and various other names like closet Democrats, Feminazis, Homophobes, Homophiles, and even Georgia or Auburn football fans here on this blog over the past 18 months
So what is their point?
I also have the ability to moderate comments made here on MY website, but I usually just leave any comments by "ignorant dumb asses" laying there for everyone to see. As a matter of fact, I actually love it when some "ignorant dumb ass" or "barking moonbat' stops by and leaves some ill-conceived lunatic ranting that I can publish and dissect point by point the next day.
The bottom line here is that YOU have the right to stay away from this blog or otherwise avert your eyes and not witness my butchering of the English language and read my rantings placed here in the ether of Cyberspace.
If you don’t like what I say or otherwise disagree with me, then I offer you a hearty GET THE HELL OUT.
That's a nice simple solution, isn't it?
Yes, you…YOU…there with your panty wasted liberal thumb stuck between your pouting lips and the wet diaper…shoo…scat…get…gone…
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAY ABOUT YOU AND JOHN sKERRY and sHRILLARY CLINTON AND ALL OF THE
You don't like what I have to say?
TOUGH SHITSKEY...
BUT, we don't need a new law making it illegal for me to say that Teddy Kennedy can't get it up unless he's in the presence of three midgets, a donkey, two weedeaters, and a small flock of ckickens. (Oh...right...his fantasy involves three one legged TRANSGENDERED midgets and a FEMALE donkey...silly me...)
I guar-an-damn-tee you that this law, if it is passed, will be selectively enforced to the detriment of free speech in New Jersey. It won’t start out being used against little blogs like mine with 50 readers a day on a good day, but it will ultimately have a chilling effect on the dialogue here on the internet.
And it won’t just be used against bloggers and websites based in New Jersey either.
Just like the Porn laws, you can bet the bank that they’ll come after blogs located all over the US, if not all over the world with their torches and legal swords and speers, defending their citizens and lawmakers rights to be "IGNORANT DUMB ASSES.
If this trend were to actually catch on, each and every state will end up having special laws like this and spend infinite sums of money chasing people like me that have the audacity to say that Bill Clinton’s 4 inch penis is larger than John sKerrys pinky finger sized member.
And of course reporting things like that Nancy Pelosi has two extra breasts instead of shoulder blades and two belly buttons (making it impossible to tell if she is coming or going while her head spins around as she walks on her hairy unshaven legs down the California beaches) will be against the law.
I'm telling you, my gentle "non-ignorant non-dumb ass" readers, there are people out there that don't like the access that the internet gives private citizens like me to a large potential audience.
They want things to go back to the way they were when Walter Cronkite and ABC and the Associated Press held the keys to the information superhighway and they were in charge of all of the
Don't you do it.
Don't you let it happen.
If it does, it's all your fault...because I've done all I can do to inform you.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Liquid Lava
For All Of You That Live Out There In The "Real" World
Here's what you missed a little before 7 AM this morning...
(Don't worry, I soaked it all in and used it all up myself...)
Here's what you missed a little before 7 AM this morning...
(Don't worry, I soaked it all in and used it all up myself...)
More Fuel For The Fire
Hey All You Muslims...You Listening?
I heard that they were at it again Sunday over in Turkey and Pakistan, rioting over those little bits of colored ink on paper published in Denmark last year.
Good gosh I wish that was all I had to worry about--ink on paper--that is.
Being the brutal, insensitive, ignorant, politically incorrectredneck Rocket Scientist that I am, I found myself unable to resist doing a little photoshopping this morning.
Here's a sample of the results of my efforts:
I heard that they were at it again Sunday over in Turkey and Pakistan, rioting over those little bits of colored ink on paper published in Denmark last year.
Good gosh I wish that was all I had to worry about--ink on paper--that is.
Being the brutal, insensitive, ignorant, politically incorrect
Here's a sample of the results of my efforts:
Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's our old Warner Brothers friend, Yosemite Sam, sitting right there on the top of a camel's hump.
I'm so proud of my work (it took about 20 minutes.)
But...
Allah forgive me...my mind isn't pure...and as a result of being an infidel, I was wondering...
What if Mohammed actually had a red beard rather than a black beard?
Am I guilty of blasphemey?
Or does my depiction of my friendly "Camel Jockey" in this image make a difference?
Better yet...what if I just admit that I'm a crappy artist and that I INTEND the cartoon to represent the Muslim Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him), regardless of the color of the beard?
Does what I was thinking when I drew the cartoon make me guilty of something like a hate crime here in the US?
No?
Well, Suppose I leave the "peace be upon him" (PBUH) off of my reference, something I find strange any way.
Is lightning going to come out of the heavens and strike me on my ever balding head?
Or is a herd of camels likely to over run our lawn tomorrow at dawn and chew up all the shrubs or something?
Yeah...I thought so.
And another thing--why can't all of us Christians and worldly heathens start demanding that total strangers be required to utter a phrase of words behind every written or oral reference to our name?
Sounds like a good idea to me.
Imagine if once you reached the age of 18 or 21 you could have a religous ceremony or go to court before the Magistrate Judge and have him decree your own personal salutation.
Only $29.99 plus court costs...maybe I'll start a do-it-yourself internet site.
Here's a list of words I'd suggest be used if all of us here in the center of the free world elect to adopt this form of respect:
Jack Daniels Be Upon Him (one of my personal favorites)
NASCAR Be Upon Him (for all the true southerners)
Peter O'Tool Be Upon Him (for all the Lawrence of Arabia Fans) (See Richard Simmons below)
Richard Petty Be Upon Him (for old NASCAR fans)
Jeff Gordon Be Upon Him (see Richard Simmons below)
Ted Kennedy Be Upon You (can anyone survive that injustice?)
Richard Simmons Be Upon Him (for all the fat girls and closet gay guys)
Richard Pryor Be Upon Him (for the comedians in the crowd)
Richard Burton Be Upon Her (she knows who she is)
Oprah Be Upon You (for the daytime TV fans)
Dr. Phil Be Upon Her (for everyone that also watches Oprah)
Betty Crocker Be Upon Him (for the guys learning to cook)
Martha Stewart Be Upon Him (actually a curse)
Corvette Be Upon Him (also an accident description)
Harley Davidson Be Upon Him (for all the guys in their second childhoods)
Philip Morris Be Upon Him (for the smoker in the family)
Cruise Missile Be Upon Him (for the Iranian leader)
Smith and Wesson Be Upon Him (for the NRA guys)
His Lawyer Be Upon Him (for the businessman)
Her Lawyer Be Upon Him (for the adulterous guy losing the house and kids)
Her Lawyer Be Upon Her (very Clintonesque, don't you think)
His Mama Be Upon Him (for the middle aged guy that still lives at home)
Have I ommitted any one here?
Oh well...maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.
I'm just an ignorant blogging Redneck (BBUM)
BBUM means Budweiser be upon me...
It sorta has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
What?
You don't think so?
Who asked you anyway...
So Jihad me if you don't like it, dammit.
snap, click, rack...(the sound of the clip being loaded and the bolt on my 30-06 rifle engaging a round...)
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Our New Pet
(S)he's Cheep To Own and Operate
Have I mentioned that we live in a second floor condo that has one glass wall in our living room facing out into the adjacent trees?
We love the privacy not being at ground level, and we usually have two hummingbird feeders and two birdseed feeders hanging outside in the summer to attract out feathered friends.
We're having our usual spring bloom on a tree outside that has branches that extend within about five feet of our balcony railing, and here's a picture of the view out of the window most afternoons last week...
Excuse me while I go put on some clothes now...because I think that little critter's looking for some nuts...
Have I mentioned that we live in a second floor condo that has one glass wall in our living room facing out into the adjacent trees?
We love the privacy not being at ground level, and we usually have two hummingbird feeders and two birdseed feeders hanging outside in the summer to attract out feathered friends.
We're having our usual spring bloom on a tree outside that has branches that extend within about five feet of our balcony railing, and here's a picture of the view out of the window most afternoons last week...
Excuse me while I go put on some clothes now...because I think that little critter's looking for some nuts...
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Associated Press Still Flogging Katrina
These People Actually Get PAID To Do This???
Did President Bush and the members of his Cabinet stop by your house today?
No?
How about the National Guard?
Did one of their guys in olive drab rap their knuckles on your front door?
No??
Well…they didn’t stop by my home either.
Darn it…
I had trash that needed taking out and both of our vehicles could use an oil change, but the president’s staff must have forgotten about it.
Oh, that’s right—the President has spent the last few days over in India and Pakistan kissing swarthy babies, shaking hands with dignitaries, and rubbing turbin enshrouded heads for good luck.
It seems to me that based on the press coverage the trip has been a success so far.
At least VP Cheney hasn’t shot anyone this week in the President’s absence.
That said, I’ll point out that, according to that same media coverage, if I were Al Sharpton (or almost any other “Race Baiting Warlord” like Lewis Farrakhan); the entire reporting staff of the ASSociated Press; or possibly a Democrat like John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi, New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagan or Louisiana Governor Kathleen Babineaux Blanco…
I should still be sitting around again this morning waiting for my trash cans to be emptied and for my free oil change.
That’s how the government is supposed to work, isn’t it?
The president isn’t just the CEO of the country, he’s an all knowing clairvoyant—a seer of all needs and wants, an omnipotent knower of all that needs knowing, and an inept doer of all things needing doing.
“Hey Pres Bush, did you change that empty TP roll in my bathroom and fill up my ice trays in the fridge last night?”
What about the cat’s litter box?
OK folks…enough silly BS humor…here is what has my boxers all bunched up this morning.
The ASSociated Press.
Specifically, the ASSociated Press’s coverage of the the “leaking” of videotapes of the president’s briefing shortly before Hurricane Katrina struck near New Orleans.
Here are the core paragraphs in the initial reporting they put out on March 1st and that was echoed in an e-mail sent out by the Democratic Party Website and retold on basically every TV station and in every newspaper in the world:
The National Hurricane Center's Mayfield told the final briefing before Katrina struck that storm models predicted minimal flooding inside New Orleans during the hurricane but he expressed concerns that counterclockwise winds and storm surges afterward could cause the levees at Lake Pontchartrain to be overrun [emphasis mine--VRR ]
"I don't think any model can tell you with any confidence right now whether the levees will be topped or not but that is obviously a very, very grave concern," Mayfield told the briefing.
Other officials expressed concerns about the large number of New Orleans residents who had not evacuated.
"They're not taking patients out of hospitals, taking prisoners out of prisons and they're leaving hotels open in downtown New Orleans. So I'm very concerned about that," Brown said.
Just in case you don't understand the point here, let me direct your attention to the fact that there is a HUGE difference between “overrunning” (or “topping”) a levee and “breeching” a levee.
Overrunning and topping involves the winds blowing the water and waves over the height of the levee, thereby causing flooding and potential further failure of the levee structure.
Remember that the New Orleans levees failed due to water saturating the base foundation of the structures, causing them to saturate and collapse from below, not above?
The assumption by the government officials and the engineers was that the levees were STRONG ENOUGH to hold themselves up if the water didn't come over their tops.
The concern was that if a Category 5 storm hit, would these same levees actually be TALL ENOUGH to hold back the waves and storm surge.
Yes we’re talking technical details here, but as the old saying goes—“The Devil’s in the Details…”
Also noticedisgraced resigned "Scapegoat" FEMA director Michael Brown's concerns about the hotels still being open and the hospitals and prisons being occupied?
But I thought that Brown and FEMA were supposed to be asleep at the helm while Bush was drinking Bloody Marys on vacation in Texas?
Right?
I've seen the video's personally, and the concepts in the briefing should be perfectly clear to anyone except the group of highly educated partisan MORONS like those evidently employed by the AP.
Once again this total non-story proves that the ranks of the ASSociated Press are filled with idiots or partisan hacks, or possibly a little of both.
The good news is that enough noise was made by various knowledgeable sources since the story's publication last Wednesday that the ASSociated Press elected Friday Evening to publish a great big old “OOPS” in the form of a "sorta-kinda" correction.
Almost a genuine retraction of the story, but not quite.
Of course they didn’t admit their error very loudly and of course many of the other publications and broadcast outlets that echoed their first story won’t bother to follow up with the correction:
Clarification: Katrina-Video story
ASSOCIATED PRESS
WASHINGTON (AP) _ In a March 1 story, The Associated Press reported that federal disaster officials warned President Bush and his homeland security chief before Hurricane Katrina struck that the storm could breach levees in New Orleans, citing confidential video footage of an Aug. 28 briefing among U.S. officials.
The Army Corps of Engineers considers a breach a hole developing in a levee rather than an overrun. The story should have made clear that Bush was warned about floodwaters overrunning the levees, rather than the levees breaking.
The day before the storm hit, Bush was told there were grave concerns that the levees could be overrun. It wasn't until the next morning, as the storm was hitting, that Michael Brown, then head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, said Bush had inquired about reports of breaches. Bush did not participate in that briefing.
Yea...I know, I know, I know...some of you get tired of me whining all of the time about the media, but I also know that some of you agree with my disgust.
How the hell can these people continue to get things so wrong--time after time after time--unless they are doing it intentionally and hoping that they won't get caught?
I've said it before and I'll say it again to all of the members of thelamestream mainstream media:
The bloggers are everywhere, and we're watching you. We're not going away, and some of us are on a mission--a mission to end media bias and editorializing being disguised as news coverage.
As for me, personally, I remind the members of the exempt media of the words uttered by my movie Idol Clint Eastwood in the film Dirty Harry...
"Go ahead punk(s)...make my day"
Did President Bush and the members of his Cabinet stop by your house today?
No?
How about the National Guard?
Did one of their guys in olive drab rap their knuckles on your front door?
No??
Well…they didn’t stop by my home either.
Darn it…
I had trash that needed taking out and both of our vehicles could use an oil change, but the president’s staff must have forgotten about it.
Oh, that’s right—the President has spent the last few days over in India and Pakistan kissing swarthy babies, shaking hands with dignitaries, and rubbing turbin enshrouded heads for good luck.
It seems to me that based on the press coverage the trip has been a success so far.
At least VP Cheney hasn’t shot anyone this week in the President’s absence.
That said, I’ll point out that, according to that same media coverage, if I were Al Sharpton (or almost any other “Race Baiting Warlord” like Lewis Farrakhan); the entire reporting staff of the ASSociated Press; or possibly a Democrat like John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi, New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagan or Louisiana Governor Kathleen Babineaux Blanco…
I should still be sitting around again this morning waiting for my trash cans to be emptied and for my free oil change.
That’s how the government is supposed to work, isn’t it?
The president isn’t just the CEO of the country, he’s an all knowing clairvoyant—a seer of all needs and wants, an omnipotent knower of all that needs knowing, and an inept doer of all things needing doing.
“Hey Pres Bush, did you change that empty TP roll in my bathroom and fill up my ice trays in the fridge last night?”
What about the cat’s litter box?
OK folks…enough silly BS humor…here is what has my boxers all bunched up this morning.
The ASSociated Press.
Specifically, the ASSociated Press’s coverage of the the “leaking” of videotapes of the president’s briefing shortly before Hurricane Katrina struck near New Orleans.
Here are the core paragraphs in the initial reporting they put out on March 1st and that was echoed in an e-mail sent out by the Democratic Party Website and retold on basically every TV station and in every newspaper in the world:
The National Hurricane Center's Mayfield told the final briefing before Katrina struck that storm models predicted minimal flooding inside New Orleans during the hurricane but he expressed concerns that counterclockwise winds and storm surges afterward could cause the levees at Lake Pontchartrain to be overrun [emphasis mine--VRR ]
"I don't think any model can tell you with any confidence right now whether the levees will be topped or not but that is obviously a very, very grave concern," Mayfield told the briefing.
Other officials expressed concerns about the large number of New Orleans residents who had not evacuated.
"They're not taking patients out of hospitals, taking prisoners out of prisons and they're leaving hotels open in downtown New Orleans. So I'm very concerned about that," Brown said.
Just in case you don't understand the point here, let me direct your attention to the fact that there is a HUGE difference between “overrunning” (or “topping”) a levee and “breeching” a levee.
Overrunning and topping involves the winds blowing the water and waves over the height of the levee, thereby causing flooding and potential further failure of the levee structure.
Remember that the New Orleans levees failed due to water saturating the base foundation of the structures, causing them to saturate and collapse from below, not above?
The assumption by the government officials and the engineers was that the levees were STRONG ENOUGH to hold themselves up if the water didn't come over their tops.
The concern was that if a Category 5 storm hit, would these same levees actually be TALL ENOUGH to hold back the waves and storm surge.
Yes we’re talking technical details here, but as the old saying goes—“The Devil’s in the Details…”
Also notice
But I thought that Brown and FEMA were supposed to be asleep at the helm while Bush was drinking Bloody Marys on vacation in Texas?
Right?
I've seen the video's personally, and the concepts in the briefing should be perfectly clear to anyone except the group of highly educated partisan MORONS like those evidently employed by the AP.
Once again this total non-story proves that the ranks of the ASSociated Press are filled with idiots or partisan hacks, or possibly a little of both.
The good news is that enough noise was made by various knowledgeable sources since the story's publication last Wednesday that the ASSociated Press elected Friday Evening to publish a great big old “OOPS” in the form of a "sorta-kinda" correction.
Almost a genuine retraction of the story, but not quite.
Of course they didn’t admit their error very loudly and of course many of the other publications and broadcast outlets that echoed their first story won’t bother to follow up with the correction:
Clarification: Katrina-Video story
ASSOCIATED PRESS
WASHINGTON (AP) _ In a March 1 story, The Associated Press reported that federal disaster officials warned President Bush and his homeland security chief before Hurricane Katrina struck that the storm could breach levees in New Orleans, citing confidential video footage of an Aug. 28 briefing among U.S. officials.
The Army Corps of Engineers considers a breach a hole developing in a levee rather than an overrun. The story should have made clear that Bush was warned about floodwaters overrunning the levees, rather than the levees breaking.
The day before the storm hit, Bush was told there were grave concerns that the levees could be overrun. It wasn't until the next morning, as the storm was hitting, that Michael Brown, then head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, said Bush had inquired about reports of breaches. Bush did not participate in that briefing.
Yea...I know, I know, I know...some of you get tired of me whining all of the time about the media, but I also know that some of you agree with my disgust.
How the hell can these people continue to get things so wrong--time after time after time--unless they are doing it intentionally and hoping that they won't get caught?
I've said it before and I'll say it again to all of the members of the
The bloggers are everywhere, and we're watching you. We're not going away, and some of us are on a mission--a mission to end media bias and editorializing being disguised as news coverage.
As for me, personally, I remind the members of the exempt media of the words uttered by my movie Idol Clint Eastwood in the film Dirty Harry...
"Go ahead punk(s)...make my day"
Friday, March 03, 2006
This Just in...AGAIN
President Bush's Adventures In India...
I just heard FOX News say that President Bush continued his tour of India today, visiting a farm and receiving a demonstration of the Indian's latest farm technology.
Through sources I can't reveal, I have a photo of the event...
All I want to know is...
Does he know the difference between "gee" and "haw"?
I just heard FOX News say that President Bush continued his tour of India today, visiting a farm and receiving a demonstration of the Indian's latest farm technology.
Through sources I can't reveal, I have a photo of the event...
All I want to know is...
Does he know the difference between "gee" and "haw"?
Thursday, March 02, 2006
BS, MS, & PHD
Bull Shit, More Shit, and Piled Higher & Deeper...
When will it end?
My lovely fellow “blogger” over at Capital Freedom recently did a good job of pointing out the differences between the media’s handling of VP Dick Cheney’s hunting accident and other similar events that carry less political currency.
She pointed out this Washington Post story about a policeman accidentally KILLING an unarmed man being arrested for the hideous crime of illegally gambling on sports.
Fairfax County's police chief said yesterday that one of his officers accidentally shot and killed an optometrist outside the unarmed man's townhouse Tuesday night as an undercover detective was about to arrest him on suspicion of gambling on sports.
Police had been secretly making bets with Salvatore J. Culosi Jr., 37, since October as part of a gambling investigation, according to court records. They planned to search his home in the Fair Oaks area, just off Lee Highway, shortly after 9:30 p.m.
Culosi came out of his townhouse on Cavalier Landing Court about 9:35 p.m. and was standing next to the detective's sport-utility vehicle, police said, when the detective gave a signal to tactical officers assembled nearby to move in and arrest Culosi.
"As they approached him . . . one officer's weapon, a handgun, was unintentionally discharged," said Fairfax Police Chief David M. Rohrer.
Miss Capital Freedom made some very lucid points in her posting. Among other things, she said:
“Perhaps the media is more forgiving of police officers, whose job is to know how to handle weapons responsibly to protect people. While I can choose the people with whom I go hunting, I have no say in whether a police officer in my county is careful when arresting unarmed individuals. While most Americans will probably never encounter Vice President Cheney, let alone go hunting with him, many of them will encounter police officers. If news sources wanted an accident to be truly outraged about, this is it. If news sources really wanted to assert their "right to know," here's where they could do it. Instead, they are happy to drop the story without publishing the outcome of the investigation and without knowing even the officer's name.”
I couldn't have put it better myself...
Likewise, I had pointed out in an earlier posting the media’s desire to protect the identity of a suspectedpervert child molester down in Florida last month. They said since the guy hadn’t officially been charged with a crime that they decided to not publish his name.
Funny thing, how the media was shitting bricks when the VP makes a mistake with a gun and doesn’t send them an immediate E-mail, place a phone call or do an I-pod broadcast with the news, but the police can kill an unarmed man and they withhold HIS name out of some kind of twisted respect in the name of "journalistic integrity."
And of course the media can freak out over "Bird Flue" while at the same time not hyperventilating over the average 100,000 annual deaths in the US from adverse reactions to prescribed medications.
Is that just a inconvienant detail?
They also don’t tend to make much noise over the 44,000 annual deaths in automobile accidents unless someone fameous or drunk does the killing and/or dieing.
What about all of the stupid assholes out there in the world (and you know who you are) that cause accidents and kill beople because they routinely tailgate, pass against the solid yellow line, speed, don't use their turn signals, and otherwise drive like morons?
Can I have a collective yawn here?
And ANOTHER THING...Let me say this about that (the gun issue) again.
I’ve spent a great deal of time on gun ranges with police officers. Just because they have a license to carry a gun doesn't automatically mean that they can actually shoot one safely.
The SWAT team members tend to be competent handlers of all types of weapons. They also show up at the range in shorts and tee shirts and don’t identify themselves as law enforcement until you get to know them.
Then there are the macho “street cop”morons that come to the range in full battle attire—uniform, mace, taser, and crappy factory Glock 9 MM pistol in clunky leather holster, making their once annual appearance to fire a single box of bullets just so they can stay qualified to carry a gun.
I guess that we're supposed to be impressed or something.
No one that knows anything (about cops or guns) will turn their backs on these fools because we know they generally can’t hit the broad side of a barn from fifty feet away.
Did you know that?
Face it folks, you'd be better off going hunting with our VP while drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels and poping painpills, rather than being on the street with at least half of our men in blue when they are inclined to pull their guns out of their pants and point it at someone.
Can you say "collateral damage"?
When will it end?
My lovely fellow “blogger” over at Capital Freedom recently did a good job of pointing out the differences between the media’s handling of VP Dick Cheney’s hunting accident and other similar events that carry less political currency.
She pointed out this Washington Post story about a policeman accidentally KILLING an unarmed man being arrested for the hideous crime of illegally gambling on sports.
Fairfax County's police chief said yesterday that one of his officers accidentally shot and killed an optometrist outside the unarmed man's townhouse Tuesday night as an undercover detective was about to arrest him on suspicion of gambling on sports.
Police had been secretly making bets with Salvatore J. Culosi Jr., 37, since October as part of a gambling investigation, according to court records. They planned to search his home in the Fair Oaks area, just off Lee Highway, shortly after 9:30 p.m.
Culosi came out of his townhouse on Cavalier Landing Court about 9:35 p.m. and was standing next to the detective's sport-utility vehicle, police said, when the detective gave a signal to tactical officers assembled nearby to move in and arrest Culosi.
"As they approached him . . . one officer's weapon, a handgun, was unintentionally discharged," said Fairfax Police Chief David M. Rohrer.
Miss Capital Freedom made some very lucid points in her posting. Among other things, she said:
“Perhaps the media is more forgiving of police officers, whose job is to know how to handle weapons responsibly to protect people. While I can choose the people with whom I go hunting, I have no say in whether a police officer in my county is careful when arresting unarmed individuals. While most Americans will probably never encounter Vice President Cheney, let alone go hunting with him, many of them will encounter police officers. If news sources wanted an accident to be truly outraged about, this is it. If news sources really wanted to assert their "right to know," here's where they could do it. Instead, they are happy to drop the story without publishing the outcome of the investigation and without knowing even the officer's name.”
I couldn't have put it better myself...
Likewise, I had pointed out in an earlier posting the media’s desire to protect the identity of a suspected
Funny thing, how the media was shitting bricks when the VP makes a mistake with a gun and doesn’t send them an immediate E-mail, place a phone call or do an I-pod broadcast with the news, but the police can kill an unarmed man and they withhold HIS name out of some kind of twisted respect in the name of "journalistic integrity."
And of course the media can freak out over "Bird Flue" while at the same time not hyperventilating over the average 100,000 annual deaths in the US from adverse reactions to prescribed medications.
Is that just a inconvienant detail?
They also don’t tend to make much noise over the 44,000 annual deaths in automobile accidents unless someone fameous or drunk does the killing and/or dieing.
What about all of the stupid assholes out there in the world (and you know who you are) that cause accidents and kill beople because they routinely tailgate, pass against the solid yellow line, speed, don't use their turn signals, and otherwise drive like morons?
Can I have a collective yawn here?
And ANOTHER THING...Let me say this about that (the gun issue) again.
I’ve spent a great deal of time on gun ranges with police officers. Just because they have a license to carry a gun doesn't automatically mean that they can actually shoot one safely.
The SWAT team members tend to be competent handlers of all types of weapons. They also show up at the range in shorts and tee shirts and don’t identify themselves as law enforcement until you get to know them.
Then there are the macho “street cop”morons that come to the range in full battle attire—uniform, mace, taser, and crappy factory Glock 9 MM pistol in clunky leather holster, making their once annual appearance to fire a single box of bullets just so they can stay qualified to carry a gun.
I guess that we're supposed to be impressed or something.
No one that knows anything (about cops or guns) will turn their backs on these fools because we know they generally can’t hit the broad side of a barn from fifty feet away.
Did you know that?
Face it folks, you'd be better off going hunting with our VP while drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels and poping painpills, rather than being on the street with at least half of our men in blue when they are inclined to pull their guns out of their pants and point it at someone.
Can you say "collateral damage"?
Walter Concrete Cronkite Gets His Own Moon Rock
"Free Brain Transplant?"
I loved Walter Cronkite when I was a kid.
Specifically, I loved his coverage of the space program.
When NASA was flying something into orbit or off to the Moon and Mr. Cronkite was doing the play-by-play commentary, I got to stay up to all hours of the night to watch and listen to his broadcast on TV.
Since old Walter has been put out to pasture, I understand that he has spent a good deal of time living on a large sailboat and generally enjoying life. He certainly deserves to enjoy a prosperous, graceful retirement.
Unfortunately, like learning that there is no Santa Clause and no Easter Bunny, it’s become obvious to most everybody that Walter’s reporting outside of the fields of science and spaceflight was…shall we say… skewed a bit to the LEFT of center.
Who knew?
Back in those innocent days we thought that the news was delivered by reporters, and political commentary was delivered by pundits and possibly old Andy Rooney.
Today I wish that Walter would take a cue from Johnny Carson and just quietly fade away into his golden years, but he hasn’t so far. The next thing I want to hear personally is that he died peacefully in his sleep when his time finally comes.
Instead, Walter still chooses to sit in front of a TV camera every few days spewing insane ramblings on politics with his faded eyes rolled back in his old grayed head.
Any way, it seems that NASA has elected to give their favorite TV personality his own Moon Rock:
AUSTIN, Texas--NASA is honoring veteran newsman Walter Cronkite.
The space agency is giving him a moon rock in recognition of his decades covering the space program.
Cronkite, who anchored the CBS Evening News from 1962 until his retirement in 1981, is the first non-astronaut and only non-NASA individual to receive the Ambassador of Exploration Award.
The newsman, once named "the most trusted man in America," covered the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo missions, including Apollo 11 and subsequent moon landings.
Cronkite is presenting his lunar sample to the Center for American History at the University of Texas in Austin, which houses the Walter Cronkite papers.
The sample will be displayed in the center's exhibit gallery.
Instead of giving his space rock to UT, I say that he should sell it on Ebay and buy himself some medical assistance or psychiatric care.
And Walter...by the way... please get someone to trim those damn eyebrows…
And while you're at it...take Mr. Rooney with you...
(Sorry Walter...I couldn't resist photoshopping your face a little...)
I loved Walter Cronkite when I was a kid.
Specifically, I loved his coverage of the space program.When NASA was flying something into orbit or off to the Moon and Mr. Cronkite was doing the play-by-play commentary, I got to stay up to all hours of the night to watch and listen to his broadcast on TV.
Since old Walter has been put out to pasture, I understand that he has spent a good deal of time living on a large sailboat and generally enjoying life. He certainly deserves to enjoy a prosperous, graceful retirement.
Unfortunately, like learning that there is no Santa Clause and no Easter Bunny, it’s become obvious to most everybody that Walter’s reporting outside of the fields of science and spaceflight was…shall we say… skewed a bit to the LEFT of center.
Who knew?
Back in those innocent days we thought that the news was delivered by reporters, and political commentary was delivered by pundits and possibly old Andy Rooney.
Today I wish that Walter would take a cue from Johnny Carson and just quietly fade away into his golden years, but he hasn’t so far. The next thing I want to hear personally is that he died peacefully in his sleep when his time finally comes.
Instead, Walter still chooses to sit in front of a TV camera every few days spewing insane ramblings on politics with his faded eyes rolled back in his old grayed head.
Any way, it seems that NASA has elected to give their favorite TV personality his own Moon Rock:
AUSTIN, Texas--NASA is honoring veteran newsman Walter Cronkite.
The space agency is giving him a moon rock in recognition of his decades covering the space program.
Cronkite, who anchored the CBS Evening News from 1962 until his retirement in 1981, is the first non-astronaut and only non-NASA individual to receive the Ambassador of Exploration Award.
The newsman, once named "the most trusted man in America," covered the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo missions, including Apollo 11 and subsequent moon landings.
Cronkite is presenting his lunar sample to the Center for American History at the University of Texas in Austin, which houses the Walter Cronkite papers.
The sample will be displayed in the center's exhibit gallery.
Instead of giving his space rock to UT, I say that he should sell it on Ebay and buy himself some medical assistance or psychiatric care.
And Walter...by the way... please get someone to trim those damn eyebrows…
And while you're at it...take Mr. Rooney with you...
(Sorry Walter...I couldn't resist photoshopping your face a little...)
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
I Almost Forgot To Mention THIS Shit
Sorry Mom, but there is no other way to describe it...
This story has been bouncing around the local newspapers and radio talk show for about a week now. Let me tell you about it.
Some stupid shit morons stole the bronze monument off of the grave of Marine Corporal John Stalvey:
A monument honoring Stalvey – a Marine sniper who died in a roadside blast in Iraq last October – has been returned to his gravesite at Chapel Park Cemetery in Brunswick.
Vandals had removed the sculpture and dumped it in a nearby neighborhood in February.Seeing the life-size rendering of a Marine's boots, helmet and M-16 rifle returned to its rightful spot Monday was gratifying, said Merillat, Stalvey's mother.
"We were really happy that what we had picked for John's grave was there again just like we meant it to be," the Glynn County resident said.
And with more concrete and sealant holding the monument in place this time, it should remain there.
In addition, Glynn County police have established regular patrols in the area.
The search for the parties responsible for the desecration – which left the monument with some broken foundation rods and damaged a small piece of the rendered rifle – goes on, however.
Detective Craig Cupp with the Glynn County Police Department said the department has received pledges for $2,000 in reward money for the arrest of the vandals, whose identities remain unknown.
A reward fund established through United Community Bank has received $465 in donations, according to Ski Vsetecka, a retired Navy veteran who established the fund.
I just sent Sean Hannity this E-mail:
Mr. Hannity,
I thought that I'd alert you to this local story here in Brunswick, Georgia about the monument on the grave of Marine Corporal John Salvey (killed in a roadside blast in Iraq last October) being stolen and later found dumped in a ditch in a nearby neighborhood.
The stolen bronze monument (combat boots, helmet, and M16) was restored this week, but we're trying to raise money to catch the bastards that did it.
Here's a link to the local newspaper story:
(http://www.thebrunswicknews.com/front/302750635716606.php )
Can you add this story to your list of stupid liberal hate directed against our military, and give his family a mention on the air to assist in raising funds for the reward?
Best Regards...love your shows.
Virgil Rogers
St. Simons Island, Georgia
Let's just see what happens...
This story has been bouncing around the local newspapers and radio talk show for about a week now. Let me tell you about it.
Some stupid shit morons stole the bronze monument off of the grave of Marine Corporal John Stalvey:
A monument honoring Stalvey – a Marine sniper who died in a roadside blast in Iraq last October – has been returned to his gravesite at Chapel Park Cemetery in Brunswick.
Vandals had removed the sculpture and dumped it in a nearby neighborhood in February.Seeing the life-size rendering of a Marine's boots, helmet and M-16 rifle returned to its rightful spot Monday was gratifying, said Merillat, Stalvey's mother.
"We were really happy that what we had picked for John's grave was there again just like we meant it to be," the Glynn County resident said.
And with more concrete and sealant holding the monument in place this time, it should remain there.
In addition, Glynn County police have established regular patrols in the area.
The search for the parties responsible for the desecration – which left the monument with some broken foundation rods and damaged a small piece of the rendered rifle – goes on, however.
Detective Craig Cupp with the Glynn County Police Department said the department has received pledges for $2,000 in reward money for the arrest of the vandals, whose identities remain unknown.
A reward fund established through United Community Bank has received $465 in donations, according to Ski Vsetecka, a retired Navy veteran who established the fund.
I just sent Sean Hannity this E-mail:
Mr. Hannity,
I thought that I'd alert you to this local story here in Brunswick, Georgia about the monument on the grave of Marine Corporal John Salvey (killed in a roadside blast in Iraq last October) being stolen and later found dumped in a ditch in a nearby neighborhood.
The stolen bronze monument (combat boots, helmet, and M16) was restored this week, but we're trying to raise money to catch the bastards that did it.
Here's a link to the local newspaper story:
(http://www.thebrunswicknews.com/front/302750635716606.php )
Can you add this story to your list of stupid liberal hate directed against our military, and give his family a mention on the air to assist in raising funds for the reward?
Best Regards...love your shows.
Virgil Rogers
St. Simons Island, Georgia
Let's just see what happens...
I'm Tired Of Talking To Computers...
On The Telephone, That Is...
For those of you that don’t know me personally, let me let you in on a secret.
I use E-mail extensively.
In fact, if you don’t have E-mail, you just might never hear from me again.
Some say that would be a good thing.
Nothing pisses me off more than for someone to hand me an e-mail address, then force me to call them a week later only to have them tell me "...OH, I have e-mail...but I hardly ever check it because I really don't understand those computer thingies..."
Why the hell did they bother wasting my time?
The same thing goes for computerized answering systems—they end up pissing me off most of the time.
When I'm in a hurry or otherwise want to actually TALK to a human, I pick up the telephone handset and go through the archaic process of placing a Telephone Call.
I understand that making a call on the telephone was a significant event in the early 1900’s. Folks looked forward to it because it made them feel important. People used to have friends and neighbors over for drinks, serve little finger sandwiches with the crust cut off the bread, or kill hogs and fry whole chickens in anticipation of the event.
Not so today.
Most people these days can actually hide behind a telephone. I mean really FAT people that couldn't hide behind a Toyota can successfully hide behind a cordless telephone.
Caller ID has made things even worse, particularly for men chasing the attentions of women and for bill collectors pursuing deadbeats.
Likewise, computerized voice mail systems have put an infinite number of highly paid professionals (doctors, lawyers, et. al.) and lowly paid scumbags (the so called “customer (non)service” representatives) behind an infinite screen of zero’s, one’s, and three's that you are asked to dial on your telephone keypad.
I wish that I could invent a device that would deliver an electrical shock through the telephone to the chairs of the persons that I'm feverously attempting to reach through a computerized voice mail system.
I'd call it the Answering System Ass Phaser--or ASAP for short...
The intensity of the shock would be directly proportional to the number of rings I have to endure and the number of buttons I have to push after the initial ring of the phone call. I suspect that many telephones would be answered after the first or second ring if I were allowed to implement my new system.
In anticipation of my ASAP voicemail, I recall that last year I published a posting with a listing to a website that gave the phone numbers, often officially unpublished, to major companies like American Express or Best Buy with which you might have a beef.
By “Beef” I’m not talking sirloin here, I mean things like bitching about those pesky non-credited monthly payments on your credit card or yelling at the electronics salesperson about your DVD player that insists on shooting movie DVD’s across the room at high speed.
Yesterday my Fellow blogger Rodger over at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical posted a new link to an even better website called the “Get human database.”
It has the phone numbers and instructions on how to get to speak with an actual human instead of a computer voice mail system for 414 companies.
Click on the link and go check it out...you're gonna love me for it.
And don't make me have to call you...
For those of you that don’t know me personally, let me let you in on a secret.
I use E-mail extensively.
In fact, if you don’t have E-mail, you just might never hear from me again.
Some say that would be a good thing.
Nothing pisses me off more than for someone to hand me an e-mail address, then force me to call them a week later only to have them tell me "...OH, I have e-mail...but I hardly ever check it because I really don't understand those computer thingies..."
Why the hell did they bother wasting my time?
The same thing goes for computerized answering systems—they end up pissing me off most of the time.
When I'm in a hurry or otherwise want to actually TALK to a human, I pick up the telephone handset and go through the archaic process of placing a Telephone Call.
I understand that making a call on the telephone was a significant event in the early 1900’s. Folks looked forward to it because it made them feel important. People used to have friends and neighbors over for drinks, serve little finger sandwiches with the crust cut off the bread, or kill hogs and fry whole chickens in anticipation of the event.
Not so today.
Most people these days can actually hide behind a telephone. I mean really FAT people that couldn't hide behind a Toyota can successfully hide behind a cordless telephone.
Caller ID has made things even worse, particularly for men chasing the attentions of women and for bill collectors pursuing deadbeats.
Likewise, computerized voice mail systems have put an infinite number of highly paid professionals (doctors, lawyers, et. al.) and lowly paid scumbags (the so called “customer (non)service” representatives) behind an infinite screen of zero’s, one’s, and three's that you are asked to dial on your telephone keypad.
I wish that I could invent a device that would deliver an electrical shock through the telephone to the chairs of the persons that I'm feverously attempting to reach through a computerized voice mail system.
I'd call it the Answering System Ass Phaser--or ASAP for short...
The intensity of the shock would be directly proportional to the number of rings I have to endure and the number of buttons I have to push after the initial ring of the phone call. I suspect that many telephones would be answered after the first or second ring if I were allowed to implement my new system.
In anticipation of my ASAP voicemail, I recall that last year I published a posting with a listing to a website that gave the phone numbers, often officially unpublished, to major companies like American Express or Best Buy with which you might have a beef.
By “Beef” I’m not talking sirloin here, I mean things like bitching about those pesky non-credited monthly payments on your credit card or yelling at the electronics salesperson about your DVD player that insists on shooting movie DVD’s across the room at high speed.
Yesterday my Fellow blogger Rodger over at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical posted a new link to an even better website called the “Get human database.”
It has the phone numbers and instructions on how to get to speak with an actual human instead of a computer voice mail system for 414 companies.
Click on the link and go check it out...you're gonna love me for it.
And don't make me have to call you...
