Better Send Over The Guys With The White Coats And The Net

My "Transformer" Beach Chair...


So here I am, sitting around today looking at the heat wave we have going on outside--it's up in the HIGH 20's right now on the other side of my front door--and it occurred to me that rather than fighting the inevitable weather conditions I should just go with the flow and come up with some way to enjoy the coming twenty couple of feet of snow we're going to get between now and April.

Then I started looking around for some sort of plans for a cool sled that I could build to replace the three sleds that burned up when my house burned down in 2001.

The problem I have with most sleds is that I am 6'-3" tall and now weigh about 240 to 250 pounds, depending on how much Chili and Ribs and Pizza and Liquor have been through the house in the past week.

And most commercial sleds, at least the ones you can find at Ace hardware and Toys-R-Us and the other local home improvement stores, are designed for children and midgets and women that do underwear and weight loss "system" commercials that could ride down a snow covered hill on a potato chip or a sheet of heavy duty aluminum foil.

I, on the other hand, want and NEED a real sled--a MANLY SLED--something that will take my bulk and is actually able to handle different kinds of snow and ice conditions and most of all can actually turn a little so I can avoid busting my brains out against the local oak tree or wedging myself under a Volvo SUV going 30 MPH.

Then I found this website selling this sled and I was in LOVE instantly...

Problem is, I can't really justify spending $345 plus freight for something I'm pretty sure won't work on the beach in July.

And since I'm resolute that we won't be living anywhere more than a couple miles from the beach as soon as possible i.e. NEXT WINTER I won't really need a sled unless I open a Ruby Tuesdays or Applebees Restaurant and want to hang it from the wall or ceiling in the bar area for very long.

Then I said to myself...I says...

"Virgil, you're an Injuneer, Right?"

"And you've got that new high tech workshop with all of those power tools from your previous home and investment property renovation work, Right?"

"And you, being a pack rat at heart, also have a bunch of scrap stuff--metal and lumber and pieces of old cars and washing machines--laying around your property in various boxes and bins and piles just waiting for your next invention to come along, Right?"

So...

"Why not B U I L D your own version of the ultimate adult sled, and use familiar, surplus parts and pieces to accomplish your plan."

Then instead of answering myself directly by talking to myself, I went to work this afternoon on the project, and here's a look at what's currently happening in my basement...with only a couple of hours of thought and a little bit of grinding and drilling and otherwise making sharp metal chips.

I took an old used beach chair like this (this one is still new):



And the reflector off of a cheap old Home Depot shop light that had crapped out last year, then I cut everything apart and now I'm in the final stages of the AutoCAD drawings for a suspension and steering mechanism to make this haul my lumbering Butt down my front yard or the side streets in the neighborhood the next time we get any significant frozen precipitation:





The front handles you see there will ultimately allow me to hold on for dear life and once I cut the "skis" apart into two sets in theory I'll be able to steer the silly thing around barking dogs and police cars and maybe I can get my own reality show or at least make it onto FOX news in the process.

More photos and Autopsy results to follow later...

Wish me luck