Someone Crushed My Toilet Paper...

Middle Aged Consumer "Quality Control" Issues


OK...dangit...somebody has apparently been squeezing my Charmin Scott TP.

I've had it up to here (pointing to the top of my ever greying, ever balding head) with coming home from CVS or Eckerds or Big Lots with my monthly load of four big bails of toilet paper on sale for half price, only to find when I open the package and mount said toilet paper on the little "roller thingie" (conveniently located where I have to stand up to reach it behind my left shoulder...

when I pull on my toilet paper roll--mounted so the paper comes off OVER rather than UNDER--(because only Democrats and Georgia/LSU graduates mount toilet paper any other way...)

When I pull on my toilet paper in order to dispense it for use...

it wobbles and bangs and goes "ker-thunka-ka-thunka" or even locks up thereby only giving me a single sheet sufficient to wipe the spit from my mouth or a tear from my eye...

...because that little cardboard tube on the inside of the roll has been crushed nearly flat due to mishandling or outright vandalism.

Thus I have two solutions to this problem this afternoon ladies and gentlemen.

The first would be a steel or aluminum or possibly carbon fiber tube designed to slide inside the aforementioned crushed cardboard tube in the toilet paper roll, thereby yielding a smooth and satisfying delivery of this restroom necessity.

Heck, If I had my way I'd mount the whole thing on super lubricated ball bearings and one single tug would result in the entire roll spinning off of the roller into the floor if you weren't paying attention.

Then the second idea is this...




A roll of toilet paper designed to last at least a month which is so inherently strong that during shipment or storage on store shelves it could not possibly be damaged so as to perform in a manner in my home while not delivering any "ker-thunka-ka-thunka" type sounds.

I know many people out there are as excited as I am with these new developments, and I'll let you know as soon as possible when one or both products are available on Amazon.com.






Heh...