Wednesday, June 01, 2011

When Life Gives You Lemons Jellyfish

Make Lemonade Peanut Butter & Jelly(fish) Sandwiches...

OhHHHH...where to start writing this evening???


I know...

I had a pretty productive day, when it was all said and done I guess.

I got all of the ceiling electrical wiring finished in the "Wee Pub" by about 2 PM, so now I have two separate dimmer light circuits--one over the bar area and another in the seating/dart area--which are all hooked up ready for the ceiling skin to be installed.

On the computer/computing front, the old HP laptop is still belching and farting a little but most of the problems are Internet search engine related..AutoCAD and my other technical programs all work fine.

It was blistering hot here today, with the backyard weather station indicating about 93 degrees F at 4 PM before we had a little pop-up rain shower that cooled things off a little.  The temperature was enough of an excuse to keep me from doing anything but peeking outside until it was time to run out at quitting time to do some errands and catch a couple of cocktails at happy hour.

Then left over Pizza and Grilled Boston Butt were served for dinner to clean out the Fridge.

I actually had time to do a little professional writing (don't get was a PLC Controller owners' manual) and now this evening I'm all mellow and calm and managed to wander around the Internet looking for silly stuff to write about.

To that end, my regular readers know I like to pick on a number of seasonal news stories that the Lamestream Media writers keep in their lockers or under their seat cushions (which can also be used for flotation devices) and that they trot out almost every year--on que--depending on the month and date on the calendar.

This year so far we've had "Record Winter Weather" (in spite of Owl Gore's Global Warming), then "Killer Tornadoes 'Targeting' Population Centers", and now that summer is upon us???

Get ready...

Not Hurricanes...

You Ready?

Not Shark Attacks...

Really Ready?

Not Skin Cancer from going to the beach and tanning booths...

Really, really, Really REALLY Ready?

OK, this year we we need to stay home or run back to our ocean front Condos because we already have Jellyfish Hordes Crash(ing) Florida Beach Parties.

I almost spit my wine onto the computer screen and peed my pants when I saw the headline. Here's a sample of what we all need to be "afeared of" this beach season:

Ah, summer: the lazy, hazy time when Americans adjourn to beaches in droves to soak up the sun--and this year, at least, to get stung by jellyfish.

More than 800 people at beaches along Florida's Atlantic coast were stung this weekend by the swarm of purple-colored sea creatures, which washed up on shore en masse, thanks to consistent east winds, according to Eisen Wicher, a Brevard County Ocean Rescue official.

CNN interviewed one local family, the Smiths, who said they'd driven for three quarters of an hour to get to Cocoa Beach, but left after five minutes when their daughter was stung.

The stings cause itching, burning, and rashes, similar to a bee sting, but aren't usually serious, unless the victim is allergic. Lifeguards have a vinegar solution on hand to neutralize the stinging cells.

Still, two people were taken to the hospital after suffering from respiratory problems, Witcher said.

Thousands more, understandably spooked by the jellyfish, stayed out of the water.


It's not just that they're citing the fact that when you go to the beach that you run the risk of encountering various forms of "sea life"...noooooOOOO...

this year it's "HOARDS" of Jellyfish "Crashing" Beach Parties.

That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen, if you read the headline, we are lead to believe that the Jellyfish are avoiding unpopulated and low density areas of the beach in favor of swarming the locals of "Beach Parties."

(I personally am waiting for a story about Africanized Killer Bees somehow cross breeding with Jellyfish, thereby creating giant organized swarms of intelligent pathological killer Jellyfish which attack in mass once someone inadvertently comes to their attention.)

No, seriously folks...this is such a non-story it makes me laugh at the lengths these so-called "professional" journalists will go to find something to write about.

You see, I've spent more than a few days/hours of my life participating in the sport of offshore fishing.  Primarily off of Florida's Panhandle Gulf Coast.

You think that you've seen Jellyfish laying around on the beach before?

I've gone fishing on half day trips where we stayed within a few miles of shore where the Jellyfish were so thick--and I mean Jellyfish eighteen inches to two feet in diameter--that we could troll for hours and all you saw was a sea of Jellyfish all around the boat.

The Jellyfish were so thick you had to pay attention because they would catch on the fishing line and make your fishing rod tip bounce around just like you had a strike by a 20 pound King Mackerel.

And these Jellyfish were SWIMMING with their tentacles and bodies...trying to fight the current to stay OFFSHORE since they live in the water...not dieing on the beach at a beach party.

I didn't hear any little Jellyfish conversations saying "Dude...let's paddle on in and catch a monster curl wave and then run out on the beach and pick up some human Babes...

...then we'll show them our pricks testicles tentacles"



Sorry, but my Zen-Like state was interrupted by a stupid Comcast "Internet Service Outage" starting about midnight and just now ending at 2:00 AM.

I've since been twirling around in the basement because I couldn't access some other stuff in needed to do the Owner's Manual project.

I'm going to go now before I REALLY write something I'll regret.

Regards Y'all...

No comments: