More Fun With Spammers

I didn’t come up with this idea on my own. I used to either ignore these type E-mails or write a nasty reply and forget about the spammer. Steve over at Hog On Ice has an elaborate soap opera going with some financial spammers that features several characters he made up and the outcome is hilarious.

I decided to start my own spammer soap opera and see if I can out spam the spammers. I got this gem yesterday…

FROM THE DESK OF THE PROMOTIONS MANAGER,
INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS AWARD DEPARTMENT,

Date: 02/01/05,
Ref: 474061725/04,
Batch: 7056490902/188,
Winning No: GB8701/LPRC

CONGRATULATIONS

Sir/Madam,

We are delighted to inform you of your prize release on the 2nd January
2005 from the Australian International Lottery program.

Your name "email address" was attached to ticket number; 47061725
07056490902 serial number 7741137002 09/06/2004 This batch draws the
lucky numbers as follows 2-9-22-23-24-30 bonus number 5, which consequently
won the lottery in the second category.

You hereby have been approved lump sum pay of US$500,000.00 (FIVE
HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS) in cash credit file ref: ILP/HW 474061725/04 from the
total cash prize of US16, 000,000.00 shared amongst sixteen lucky winners,
based on their category.

All participants "email address" were selected through a computer
balloting system drawn form Nine hundred thousand names from Canada, Australia,
United States, Asia, Europe, Middle East, Africa and Oceanic as part of our
international promotions program which is conducted annually.

This Lottery was promoted and sponsored by some multinational companies
as part of their social responsibility to the citizens in the communities
where they have operational base.

Further more your "email address" falls within our European
Representative office in Amsterdam, Holland. As indicated in your play coupon and your
prize of US$500,000.00 will be released to you from this regional
branch office in Amsterdam.

We hope with part of your prize, you will participate in our end of
year high stakes for US$1.3 Billion international draw.

Please do contact: Mr.wilson dube for the processing of your file and
also before send any mail please do call him for notification first and
please do not disclose any of your information to any body to avoid double
claim until the money finally get into your bank account good luck.

MR. WILSON DUBE
ALB MUTUAL LOTTERY ORGANISATION
Phone: 27-73-179- 0425.
Fax: +27-11-507- 5811
Email:wilsondube_1234@yahoo.com

ALB MUTUAL ORGANISATION
UNIVERSAL BUILDING,176-180 PARK HURST
BALFOUR-UNITE 1440
GAUTENG 2001.

Please quote your reference, batch and winning number which can be
found on the top left corner of this notification as well as your full names and
address to help locate your file easily.

For security reasons, we advice all winners to keep this information
confidential from the public until your claim is processed and your
prize released to you.

This is part of our security protocol to avoid dual claiming and
unwarranted taking advantage of this program by non-participant or unofficial
personnel.

Note, all winnings MUST be claimed with a specified date; otherwise
YOUR PRIZE will be returned as UNCLAIMED and eventually donated to charity.

Congratulations once again on your winnings!

Best Regards

Mrs.SUZAN DAVIES.
(Co-ordinator).

Assuming the idenity of a thirty two year old single mother of seven, here is what I wrote back…

My Dear Mr Dube,

I am excitedly contacting you at the request of Mrs. Suzan Davies regarding winning number GB8701/LPRC.

Is it really true that I have won?

Oh, please, please tell me that it's so as me and my family needs this money so very badly. Things are not going well for us here in Glynn County Georgia. You see, my father and brother are both in the county jail, falsely accused of running an internet child pornography distribution network and my poor mother is in the hospital recovering from a stroke she had when the police broke into her trailer to arrest my fourteen year old sister for running a meth lab in the basement.

My kids are also driving me crazy and costing me tons of money. My two older boys (Josh is 12 and Mikey is 11) were kicked out of middle school for operating a cock fighting operation in the vo-ag building and my oldest girl Missy (13) went and got herself pregnant by that awful Lester Biggins that runs the Septic Tank Pump-out service. My other four little angels are too young to be incarcerated but the costs of day-care and sitters eats up almost everything I earn on working my second job on the paper route.

It is all I can do to collect myself to go to work each afternoon at the truck stop and I just don't earn enough money as a waitress to pay all of these lawyers and doctors bills. I keep trying to win extra money at wet T-shirt competitions and amateur night at the local strip club, but I'm afraid that my appeal to men has been slightly reduced as a result of the double mastectomy I had last year. Men are such short sighted pigs, you know. Maybe I'll use some of my winnings to buy some implants and new nipples so I can win some of them contests.

Any way, I could certainly use this lottery money and I promise to put it to good use. I look forward to hearing from you about how I can claim my winnings.

Your Friend,

Vaginanal Rogers

P.S. If I send you some money, can you get me some of them wooden shoes you wear there in Holland?