OK…I’m CLOSE to declaring that I’ve seen EVERYTHING now, and maybe you will too after reading this Local6 story about the “rescue” of a dolphin having an “extra large” men’s Speedo bathing suit wrapped around its middle.
A bottle-nosed dolphin caught in a life-threatening extra large Speedo bathing suit off the coast of Sarasota, Fl, was found and the clothing was safely removed, according to Local 6 News.
Back in June, Marine biologist in Sarasota spotted the dolphin named Scrappy swimming around with the Speedo wrapped around his torso.
Biologist thought the swimwear would just slip off, but the Speedo was too tight.
First of all, I have to say that I think that it should be against Federal law to make “extra large” Speedo bathing suits.
Anyone else agree with me here?
The same should apply to ladies’ thongs and G-string bathing suits; and almost any other article of clothing intended to be worn in public that is both “extra large” and fits in a skin tight manner.
I think that those type of offenses should fall under a new category of what I call "impossible exposure" laws.
In addition, I think that they should hand out giant sheets of opaque plastic shrink wrap to the lifeguards so that if you are walking down the beach and you notice some 300 pound dude wandering around in a XXXL Speedo (looking like he’s got a Squirrel in there with him) or some giant pasty white chick flopping around in a size 24 G-String ensemble, you are required to point them out to the guy with the shrink wrap and the offending visage is immediately removed from the eyes of the already traumatized public.
I don’t even like looking at Speedo’s on trim little dudes competing in the Olympics or other swim competitions. Based on my own personal survey, most reasonable
God help us and protect us from the Europeans, however.
From my experience, they somehow think that a pot belly and a Speedo go nicely together.
I did a bunch of diving in the Caribbean back in the 1990’s and I always shuddered when I saw a party of Germans and French jumping on board our dive boat because you were guaranteed to see something you didn’t want to see (and often times couldn’t have previously imagined) while on board.
I personally, being of modest southern gentlemanly heritage, did own a Speedo bathing suit at that time, but it was not the bikini style and it was worn under my dive skin or wetsuit for the times when the changing of clothing was required in a semi-public venue.
On the other hand, it seemed that the dang foreigners were dead set on showing you everything that God gave them from their toes and butt crack to the top of their pointy little heads.
The Men were worse than most of the women, but it seemed that the uglier and more out of shape the woman was, the greater the odds of turning around to stow your mask and regulator and having some hideous image permanently burned into your mind and retinas that would haunt you for the rest of your life.
All I have to say is…come on people, cover that stuff up except possibly when you are in the privacy of your own bedroom, unless everyone has been warned and allowed to take a special class or sign a legal waiver of some sort.
Some of my personal experiences almost required counseling...
And while I'm at it, let me say that the same goes for all of you pudgy little teenaged and twenty something
I'm proud to state emphatically that I don't want to see a roll of fish-belly white flesh on someone old enough to be my daughter or granddaughter, and if I had a son (which I don't) and he brought you to my home (with your pierced pot belly and tattooed torso) I would personally see to it that my manchild promptly entered the military with the next 48 hours.
Talk about fates worse than death...have some modesty and dignity, for Christ’s sake....AAAAAAaaaaaaHHHHHHhhhhhh!!!
Taking
a
big
breath.....
Finally, the Speedo wearing Dolphin news story shared this little titbit:
"I want to know whose Speedo's those are," a resident said. "That person needs to come forward".
Who is THAT moron, and why did the so-called journalist bother to quote the expulsion of air from their brainless head?
No you don’t want to know, dammit, because the son of a bitch would probably show up at the police station stark
What the hell is the world coming to anyway???
1 comment:
If I had to pick one Blog article with which I wholeheartedly agree this would be it. I’m old enough to have stopped wearing Speedos long, long ago… back when I could still touch my toes without using a long stick.
Secondly don’t get me started on large women in thongs – always brings up a gagging reaction with me.
The “bare female teens” is also an issue close to my heart. I dearly love the female figure but chubby teen girls in spray-on clothing do nothing for me. This is a common sign of the Chavette – a female Chav.
The Chav is a particularly British creature and one of the reasons I chose to leave my homeland and work abroad (no tax and better weather were also deciding factors). For further information see www.chavscum.co.uk – just thank your lucky stars that they haven’t infiltrated your culture yet.
Excellent Blog – keep up the good work, Cheers, Chris.
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