Everyone that knows me or that reads this blog regularly knows that I'm what I call a "grocerystoreaholic."
You see, I find it hard to pass a grocery store without going inside to look at the produce section and the meat counter.
I admit that I'll often go into the grocery store under the guise of only buying a newspaper and a loaf of bread and come out with a $150 whole beef tenderloin that was on sale for $100 and ten cans of beef and chicken broth (also on sale), and possibly some kind of kitchen gadget that was sitting by the checkout in a clearance rack.
I just can't help myself, and I'm NOT sorry for my affliction.
On Monday I ran into our local Harris Teeter on just such an excursion--needing a newspaper and a few other things--while Pat and Missy "the Turbo Pup" sat outside in the car enjoying the air conditioning. On this particular trip I actually managed to stay within the boundaries of my shopping list with a singular exception...
Instead of buying real Half & Half for my coffee, I just noticed that I managed to come home with something called Harris Teeter's Brand "Fat Free" Half and Half.
What the heck?
The label touts that the little pint carton contains "63% less calories than original Half & Half."
But wait a minute here...
I actually WANT liquid with lots of fat in it... THAT'S WHY I WANTED TO BUY "HALF & HALF" in the first place.
I guess that you could say that I've acquired something akin to the cubic zirconium of the dairy isle. I can hardly wait for them to come out with "Chicken Free" chicken, "Fish Free" fish, "Pork Free" pork, and "Beef Free" beef.
Wait another minute...they already have those products and they call it...
Get ready...
TOFU!!!
Taking a big breath...
Upon further investigation I found the US Food and Drug Administration Section 138-180 Half-and-Half description of what REAL "Half & Half" should be:
Subpart B--Requirements for Specific Standardized Milk and Cream
Sec. 131.180 Half-and-half.
(a) Description. Half-and-half is the food consisting of a mixture of milk and cream which contains not less than 10.5 percent but less than 18 percent
(b) Optional ingredients. The following safe and suitable optional ingredients may be used:
(1) Emulsifiers.
(2) Stabilizers.
(3) Nutritive sweeteners.
(4) Characterizing flavoring ingredients (with or without coloring) as follows:
(i) Fruit and fruit juice (including concentrated fruit and fruit juice).
(ii) Natural and artificial food flavoring.
Get that?
Now here is what my errant purchase--my "Fat Free" Half & Half contains--according to the label:
Nonfat Milk Cream
Sugar
Corn Syrup
Sodium Caseinate
Artificial Color
Artificial flavor
Dipotassium Phosphate
Carrageenan
Vitamin A
Palimitate
I most definitely have a deficiency of Carrageenan and Palimitate in my diet and I didn't even know that I needed any in the first place.
Lucky me.
And I guess that the really good news is that my "Fat Free" Half & Half is "Ultra-Pasteurized."
Pause...(Que the the sounds of crickets chirping)
AaaaaaahhhhhhHHHHHHHH.....Why the heck would ANYONE buy this stuff in the first place?
Why not just buy 1/2% milk and be done with the decision making process. After all, it's much cheaper per ounce, and while you're at it, take home a carton of fake eggs and some fake butter, if you will.
As I've said over and over and over in the past...I WILL DIE OF SOMETHING one day!
I demand that I be allowed to determine the cause of my death myself, and it will probably be red meat and various forms of fat.
I just threw my little unopened carton of "Fat Free" Half & Half into the kitchen trashcan.
I guess that, in the future, I need to start reading the labels a little more closely, no matter how exasperated my fellow shoppers make me in the process.
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