Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Pool Nazi Speaks

Keen Insights From The Pool Deck To The Domain Of All You Land'lubbers...

OK, now I'm sorry that I didn't take a couple of pictures this past weekend to support my argument, but I have a beef this evening that most of you probably haven't thought much about once your own encounter with this form of public stupidity has passed.

Being the frustrated self proclaimed King of The Pool Nazis, a position from which I've been forced to slide kicking and screaming into retirement over the past year, you can certainly understand why I'm looking for opportunities to turn my beach and pool etiquette monitoring insights toward other areas in which all you land locked readers can benefit from.

I guess that maybe you can just call me the Professor Emeritus of Anti-Asshole Behavior (that's PE AAB from here on out).

Any way, tonight's infuriating topic...

Dumping coolers.

That's right, I'd like to inform all of the idiots out there that think that just because there is free ice in a little sweaty room full of vending machines in your hotel corridor that I (and many of my fellow hotel guests) wouldn't have a problem when you walk out the door of the hotel and dump five gallons of water on the top step of the sidewalk.

Friday afternoon's encounter with such inept behavior was the second such personally vein bursting eye-rolling event since January. At that time some inbred Moron dumped a big cooler full of water outside the Knoxville Holiday Inn Select and then drove away as his discharge froze into a bone breaking, knee scraping ice slick in the middle of the walkway within FIVE FEET OF THE BACK DOORWAY of a 300 room hotel.

In response to the January encounter with a potential Democratic voter a lovable distracted rocket scientist I asked the front desk personnel to put down some sidewalk de-icer in order to prevent a hapless injury as a result this individual's senseless behavior.

Friday's event was much less of an issue, although Missy the Turbo Pup, Pat, and I had to tip toe around the wet spot for TWO DAYS--long after this genius had returned home or moved on to torment the visitors of other lands and locals.

Am I the only one that thinks this is a problem and example of poor behavior?

What about people that like to pour drinks and/or otherwise dump various unidentified liquids out of a car while sitting in a parking space or beside a gas pump?

Should I be forced to pole vault over a puddle of coffee or gator aide or, for all I know, human urine or puppy pee, in order to exit my automobile adjacent to the front door of a retail establishment or gasoline dispensing terminal?

This whole sub-set of life's current distractions reminds me of the time on our little island when I asked the (rhetorical) question about being allowed to conduct my morning constitutional with my newspaper and a cup of strong coffee in the flower bed beside the front door of the people down the street who insisted on walking their dogs and allowing them to crap all over my lawn--just because their lovely mongrel Fifi (Fido, et. al.)is on a 20' leash and my lawn happens to also be located within 20' of the street.

Just like the dog owners, If I could I'd like to be able to find out where people like this live, mix up a giant stinky pail of slop, then show up at their front door at 4:30 in the morning on a freezing day and dump the whole thing out there for them to enjoy on their way to work and the mail box.

And don't even get me started about people that dump their auto ash trays in public places and flip their (cigarette) butts out the window in intersections...

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