This Crap Makes My Head Spin

Let’s Start Our Own Airline…


Will somebody please tell me…Is this malady genetic?

Or is it an environmental condition—a case of people being raised by wolves or baboons?

I was doing my normal perusal of the news this morning and I was stopped in my proverbial tracks by this Time Magazine article about the shooting of the guy down at the Miami airport yesterday:

At least one passenger aboard American Airlines Flight 924 maintains the federal air marshals were a little too quick on the draw when they shot and killed Rigoberto Alpizar as he frantically attempted to run off the airplane shortly before take-off.

"I don't think they needed to use deadly force with the guy," says John McAlhany, a 44-year-old construction worker from Sebastian, Fla. "He was getting off the plane." McAlhany also maintains that Alpizar never mentioned having a bomb.

"I never heard the word 'bomb' on the plane," McAlhany told TIME in a telephone interview. "I never heard the word bomb until the FBI asked me did you hear the word bomb. That is ridiculous." Even the authorities didn't come out and say bomb, McAlhany says. "They asked, 'Did you hear anything about the b-word?'" he says. "That's what they called it."

So I guess that in their defense you could say that Time printed this story because they think that they have scooped the rest of the liberal media.

You know the template…

USA = bad.

Federal Authorities (under Republican Administration) = Nazi Death Goons.

The Air Marshals should have Tasered the guy…GUNS = bad…

Etc., etc., etc…

Maybe they just want to get out front in criticizing the Bush administration and the TSA for the success of our anti-terrorism efforts, but they fail to tell us what substitute measures they believe should be employed in a situation like the one that developed on Wednesday on that Boeing Airliner .

I think that their motives are most likely partisan, and the writer and the editors are just plain STUPID if you ask me.

I stopped reading Time, Newsweek, and US News and World Report twenty years ago when I realized that I might as well be reading People Magazine or Teen Magazine when it came to the quality of their news reporting.

They’re partisan liberal editorial rags—one and all—and I never ever see one unless it’s a six month old copy like you find lying around a doctor’s or dentist’s office.

The good news is that the Time Magazine article has given me an idea.

Let’s take the liberal media at their word and stop the use of any and all oppressive security measures for all of flights on most of the existing airliners. You know, the big airplanes that currently are used to haul all of our domestic liberal peace-nicks, pacifists, communists, and socialists.

For good measure, let's throw in most of the Democratic politicians like Ted Kennedy, John sKerry, Howard Dean, and Nancy Pelosi--no more private Gulfstream jets and chartered flights for them--they get to ride in tourist class with all of the unwashed masses they want us to deal with on a day-by-day basis. And the future journalists need a good education also--let's let all of the Columbia Journalism School students and the balance of their college campus activists with minds full of mush that are running around glorifying Ward Churchill and Cindy Sheehan have their own special seating section.

Let them put their butts where their mouths are (excuse the mental picture) and contribute to ending their perceived oppression and injustice. Then when things don't go as planned, let them talk and negotiate their way into having a safe air transportation system.

Now here's the fun part...As to the rest of us mean old oppressive Libertarians, “Conservatives”, and Republicans that are the considered to be the root of all of the injustice and Arab hatred...

WE'LL take care of OURSELVES.

We'll take the remnants of Delta Airlines and US Air out of bankruptcy, get a group of new investors, and form a new secure airline just for Redneck’s like me and every other red blooded card carrying patriot that wants to travel safely by air.

Call it “USA Airlines” or “Patriot Air” or “Friends and Family of Angry White Men Air” or maybe “Air Oppression”--whatever.

We’ll sell annual season tickets for unlimited travel inside the contiguous 48 states, and we’ll require that every potential passenger submit to an extensive background check and pass a very politically incorrect test of our knowledge.

If you can’t speak the king’s English or you don’t know basic American history; if you don’t know who Babe Ruth is and you don’t know the words to the National Anthem and the Pledge of Allegiance (with “under God”); or if you insist on wearing bath linens and table linens on your head, then we will invite you...no, we will insist that you not subject yourselves to the hideous insensitivity of our security screening and in flight entertainment.

We’ll serve baked pork chops and apple pie for the in-flight meals (buttered biscuits made with lard for breakfast) and show Jimmy Stewart movies and old episodes of Andy Griffith for the in-flight entertainment, and we’ll say a short prayer and recite the Pledge of Allegiance before the airplane pushes back from the gate, ON EVERY SINGLE FLIGHT.

Your participation will be MANDATORY.

The seat covers will be red, white, and blue and the flight attendants will conduct a weapons screening when you board the airplane. If you DON’T bring your own gun with you when you board the flight, the airline will supply you with one for a nominal charge. After all, SECURITY IS A TOP PRIORITY with USA Airlines.

We’ll have the best on time schedule and the lowest accident statistics in the industry because our state-of-the-art American made aircraft, highly trained American pilots, and top flight management will not be burdened with all of the current union bullshit, inane government meddling, and political correctness that currently encumbers our present air transportation system.

There will even be a smoking section, conviently located in the REAR of the airplane, and possibly a "Gentleman's only" cigar/pipe smoking, farting and belching section featuring scantly clad cocktail waitresses serving tankards of beer and paper cups full of single malt scotch...

No, wait a minute...somebody has already done that...they call it Hooters Air.

Oh well, I’d still pay extra for a seat on a flight like that…