Survival Of The Fittest

More Public Stupidity


My regular readers know that two of my favorite reoccurring themes here on this blog are those of driving autos and riding bicycles or walking as a pedestrian on the public streets and in the parking lots here on our little island.

While I’ve previously issued what I think to be the definitive mandate when it comes to traffic safety, after my trip to the grocery store today I believe that a refresher course is in order…

Today I almost killed three people accidentally, and when the two events were over with, after averting disaster caused by their own STUPIDITY, I almost went ahead and killed them anyway just to get them off the streets and out of the food chain.

Be advised that IF I ever manage to strike you with a motor vehicle, that under most circumstances, I will shift into reverse to back over your quivering carcass, thereby finishing the job of ending your miserable life.

Sue me…if you will…

Today’s first circumstance revolved around a family of four riding their shiny bicycles parallel to Frederica Road, the main north/south artery here on our little island. The problem I have with groups of bicyclists is that they seem to act like they are a freight train, connected together at the front and rear bumper of their bikes--if one does something, everybody does it regardless of safety and traffic conditions.

You see, Saint Simons has an extensive network of wide sidewalks which also serve as bike trails, and perhaps as many as one out of ten people here on the island either own or rent a bike to use on a daily basis.

The problem comes when the men and enthusiastic older children ride well ahead of the women and younger child(ren), thereby causing a 100 foot long chain of potential dead humans--all because they don‘t pay attention while crossing intersections on side streets.

Today’s adventure included what appeared to be a mid-teenaged daughter and portly dad, dragging a young boy and middle aged woman along the bike path.

When the SUV two vehicles ahead of me stopped dead on Frederica before turning right onto a side street in order to avoid the daughter/father grouping, instead of stopping, the mother son group just sped up and made six or eight vehicles wait as they caught up to the balance of the biking party.

I was almost rear ended by the car behind me in the process.

Having survived that near disaster unscathed, next came the usual adventure visiting the local grocery store parking lot, a place that twenty years ago I would have already been arrested in for assault because of the stupidity that I have witnessed or otherwise been subjected to over the past 2-½ years.

This portion of my shopping trip was relatively uneventful, the checkout lines were uncluttered, but upon returning to my vehicle everything changed. As I was backing out of my parking space, with at least 50% of the Mustang sticking out into the lane and still rolling backward, some silly bitch drove down the traffic isle--blabbing on a cellphone--and cut off not only my efforts but at least two other autos over the next fifty yards of asphalt.

I call this maneuver “the parking lot slalom course”--and all of you self-important assholes out there that do it know who you are and exactly what I’m talking about.

Stop it, dang it…it pisses me off…and it’s WRONG.

If a car is already rolling backwards and is at least half way out of a parking space, STOP.

At least YIELD.

I swear, if I manage to live into my eighties, I’m going to buy an old Studebaker or possibly a Sherman Tank and I’m going to lurk around parking lots and when I see you exhibit behavior like I saw today, when you come back out of the store with your Brie and Champaign you’re going to find your Escalade or BMW sitting there in the form of about six inches of flattened metal and plastic.

Think about it…and to all of the safe, courteous drivers out there…YOU have a nice day...