Anyone but me tired of watching the antics of the three stripper chicks on the Vermont Teddy Bear commercials?
On the late night version...I swear to God...the bimbo recipient says this line:
"...it's so much bigger than I thought...(other girls squealing in the background)...I could just kiss it and kiss it..."
Pluuuueeeeeeaaaassssseeeee...Spare me the innuendo.
UPDATE: I found the long ad in YouTube here:
As an equal opportunity insulter, the guys featured in the ad certainly look like losers that would buy the bears based on the appearance of the girls and the rhetoric delivered in the process of opening a box of goods that virtually everyone in America has heard "will make her think you spent days coming up with..."
No...you saw the ad, googled "Vermont Valentine Bear," gave them your credit card number, and hung up the phone on your way to go buy condoms and cheep wine.
Any way...I checked out the web site and wrote about this same subject tongue and cheek (excuse the pun) a few years ago.
This morning I thought I'd revisit the subject again because looking at the site I see that they're somewhat insensitive and exclusionary in their selection and obvious exploitation of certain societal and racial stereotypes of men this Valentines day.
If I were running my own competing "Virgil's Valentine Bear Company" I'd expect to be forced by government equality mandate to include products based on a WIDE cross section of our ever broadening melting pot society.
Not just white people or black people or construction workers or PHD's like Vermont Bear does.
I've taken a preliminary look this evening in some other places and come up with a few pretty good ideas I think.
As a tribute to the undervalued and oft overlooked American Sanitation Engineer, I'd do something using this guy as the model:
Pretty good...huh. After all, everyone doesn't want a CEO Bear or a Donald Trump Bear because it might hurt an ego or two.
Then, while looking through the Vermont Bear offerings I noticed a lack of "diversity" when it came to products aimed at the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgendered) market and I immediately thought of these guys:
That covers a lot of ground in my book, how about you?
And not to leave out the angry lesbian part of the LGBT equation I thought of this lovely woman...
That particular model would definitely have to be fully clothed and offered in a extra heavy, extra large cardboard box so the price would put it in a different category from say...the Skinny Gay "Brokeback Mountain" Cowboy Bear or the "Indian Chief with the vibrating tommahawk Caricature Bear."
And finally, I noticed lots of "blue collar" offerings on the Vermont site, but they were all mostly based on "Caucasian" Americans. How about a Bear based on one of the hard working guys from another land country that supports our glorious American way of life?
Someone like this "Taxi Driver Bear" guy from the middle east?
...or this cuddly little fellow, "Construction Worker Bear on His Day Off" from south of the border?
I know, I know, I know..you're probably all excited about the idea by now, and I'm hard at work in my spare time working on my bear prototypes but I'm afraid my products won't be making it to market by February 14th.
Bear with me here (no pun intended) as I get organized, and please keep me in mind for next year. I'll keep you informed as things develop.
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