Man Wielding Earth Auger Attacks Leaf Blower Operator

Progress None The Less...


So we wandered back over to Home Depot after their courteous Driver dropped off a few thousand Tons Pounds of Pressure Treated Lumber this morning for the purpose of purchasing and borrowing what I call "Tools of Torture."

The First item was what is known as a "concrete" or "masonry" drill bit.

The latest item wasn't just any ordinary "concrete" or "masonry" bit... because I already own a fairly large assortment of those.

You see, since my house has a brick exterior finish on all four sides, resting against a wood frame sitting on a cinder block basement structure, and because the design elevation of my deck places it only 28" off the ground where the cinder blocks also reside, I needed a "concrete" or "masonry" bit...

A BIT SLIGHTLY OVER A FOOT LONG AND 5/8" IN DIAMETER.

And I was going to have to hold on to my Ryobi Hammer Drill while it punched its way through the rear wall of my house ...

SIX TIMES.

I found the expensive thirty four dollar 18" version at first, but since I didn't think even my expansive and ever growing collection of tools needed that much funding focused in such a narrow area of home improvement capability, I settled for the 13" version costing $12.

(By the way, it punched all six holes in the wall in less than 20 minutes with about 1/8" of length to spare...talk about close tolerances...)

The second item I needed I'd already owned twice before and worn out on the never ending investment property renovation in Brunswick a couple of years ago.

A Diamond Tipped "concrete" or "Masonry" saw blade designed to fit your "Skill Saw."

My recommendation is to not do this operation using your regular "Skill Saw"...buy the cheapest "Skill Saw" you can find (be it Craftsman or Ryobi" or whatever brand) and then cut your "concrete" or "masonry" and then throw the blade along with the saw in the Dumpster when you're finished because neither will be worth anything after thirty minutes to an hour spent cutting "concrete" or "Masonry" in this manner.

Any way...they only had one blade in stock which would fit my "Skill Saw" and it was clear that the package had been opened and the idiots at the Home Depot return desk had let some ingrate not only return the blade in the open package, but the blade was clearly used and the inner "insert" or "knockout" which allowed the blade to fit on various sized saw mandrels was missing.

I took a pass on that Item (see my earlier posting on home improvement store return counters.)

Finally, it was back over to the "Tool Rental" counter where Home Depot keeps all their really expensive, dangerous stuff like pressure washers, wood floor sanders, gasoline powered "concrete" or "masonry" saws, ACME head chopper-offers, and machine guns.

I needed what they laughingly call a "One Man Auger."

I was already afraid of the machine even as I asked the clerk to allow me to rent it for their minimum time period--Four Hours--because I had rented one before about this time last year when we were first installing the fence around the Turbo Pup Compund.

My point is that I'm fairly certain that if 99% of the men of my age were to actually rent one of these machines, drove home killing 15 minutes of the allotted time, and proceeded to try to hang on to it solo (remember it's a "one man" auger") while it was in operation for the entire remaining 3-1/2 hours (allowing time to return it to the HD Rental Counter) that the return trip would involve fire trucks, paramedics, and an ambulance.

I kept my "One Man Auger" for about three hours., and part of the time it was really a "one man and one woman and one Turbo Pup auger because that's what it takes to keep it under control while drilling through eastern Tennessee's dense red clay.

I ended up holding on to my "One Man Auger" for probably ONE HOUR OF THAT TOTAL TIME.

The rest of the time was spent with me sitting in a chair in the shade while I let the "One Man Auger" bake on its side on the grass or dirt in the sun.

In summary, my tools kicked my butt today, but I got all of the "one Man Augering" and "Hammer Drilling" completed by 3 PM and three new fence posts and two new deck structure posts are happily sitting in 6" diameter, 24" deep holes as I write.

In a fit of insanity I ran around the yard drilling another three or four dozen 8" deep holes for future use to plant new bulbs and Azaleas and other stuff in but that we can't afford the time or expense to worry about within the next month.

Since I had the "One Man Auger" in my hands I figured a few extra blisters and a few more minutes of torment and fatigue out of my FOUR HOUR RENTAL couldn't hurt (much.)

I guess that I have to admit that things went pretty smoothly all and all until our substitute idiot with a leaf blower "lawn maintenance technician" showed up in the middle of the proceedings and wanted to mow my grass for the third time in fourteen days.

I relented and allowed him to cut just the front yard for a reduced price, thinking that the deal would keep him and his lawn tools out of my construction area and his flying leaf blower dust and debris off my car and carport.

I WAS WRONG....

I looked up in the middle of cutting the tops on some decorative fence posts and the idiot with a leaf blower "lawn maintenance technician" was happily blowing crap all over the Chrysler 300 sitting out of the way at the top of the driveway...

WITH ALL THE WINDOWS DOWN.

If I hadn't already returned that "One Man Auger" I'd have drilled that guy a couple of new super sized bodily orifices allowing him to use the restroom once a year rather than whatever schedule he currently enjoys.

Is it just me?