The Big "Five Oh"

Reflections On The Past Half Century...Resolutions For The Next...


Oh...I don't knowwww...

Where to start writing this morning. There's so much to say.

(And even more to keep to myself...I might add.)

I guess you could say that my life thus far has fallen into more or less four very distinct phases. As a matter of public record, I feel like enumerating them for you this morning before I forget any more of the details.

All of this stuff leads up to a little after midnight here on the morning of September 3rd, 2009 when the calendar says I've been breathing air for FIFTY YEARS.

So lets get down to details...To begin with, the first 17 years of my life we'll call my "Embryonic phase."

The characteristics of this phase of my personality and antics were shaped and moulded under the stern hand of my dear Mother and evil eye of my departed Father.

A solid dose of primary education in the southern part of George Wallace's 1960's/1970's Alabama delivered with a generous portion of "fire and brimstone" at the local Methodist Church should have had me well prepared to go forth into the world as a sold American citizen and moral example for generations to come.

If you think that...you'd be pretty much WRONG by many peoples' standards.

Not only did I corrupt myself and aid and abet in the corruption of those around me, but in moving from LA to Atlanta under the guise of attending college at Georgia Tech and start an engineering career, I have to admit that the next 16 years represent what I today call my "wild buck phase."

Roaming the streets and interstates of Hotlanta in a Firethorn Red Chevy Camaro in the days when the City was still really a giant small town on steroids, I hate to admit that my education suffered under the stresses of making time to throw Frisbee in Piedmont Park and attend various sporting events and concerts.

Sleeping took up a good deal of my time also...usually during the day rather than at night. There was also a two year stint in the part time Navy Reserve where I got to ride a Helicopter Carrier around the South China Sea and the Philippines---but that's another whole story for another day.

I somehow managed to survive all that and finally stumble through getting a degree and by late in the 1980's I found myself with a wife and a mortgage and two car payments and a couple of cats and God knows what other stuff the American Dream causes you to think you have to have.

I was working for the owner of an OEM company in Buckhead which I had helped triple in size of to over $3 million in annual revenue, but then he went and hired his son...fresh out of college with a "Communications Degree"...to come into the "Engineering" business, and miraculously there went my VP of Engineering promotion (The son is still president of that company today.)

So I walked out the door shortly thereafter never to return.

Thus, reaching some level of full blown raging insanity self-assured ego mania, after taking a year off and working as an independent consultant, I entered my "staggering entrepreneur phase" in the fall/winter of 1990/1991 as I filed my first Articles of Incorporation documents with the state of Georgia and bought my own Desk, Giant barrel assed leather "Executive" chair and first Laptop Computer. (I paid near $4K for that set-up and saw the value climb to over $100K when my business partner got through screwing me....but I did keep the chair when we dissolved the Corporation)

That first independent businessman "staggering entrepreneur" phase (there's a second one...just wait a minute) lasted for another eight and one half years with the formation of yet another company...until late 1998/early 1999 when I had the misfortune to have to abandon ship to bankruptcy when a couple of people decided they needed my money to pay their vendors and employees more than I needed it to pay mine.

For some reason the Federal Bankruptcy courts agreed. Of course the wife went away some time before the money did so she could take her fair share of my earnings.

I pretty sure that I must be some kind of bankruptcy expert by now if anyone wants to hire me--having personally set through the paperwork of no less than five different firms and individuals including my own...

All of that mish mash finally brings us up to the late 1990's/early 2000's, where you'd find me beginning my first of ten years of what I call my second childhood phase "Pirate Phase."

I unabashedly report that the "Pirate Phase" is the ultimate culmination of and implementation of years of research conducted in taverns, bars, restaurants, jails, boat stores, marinas, whore housesstrip clubs, churches, shopping malls, courtrooms, and water front properties all over the planet from The Philippines to the Caribbean.

Don't get all up tight about some of those listings, I say you got to see everything before you can say you've seen everything and I probably have a shorter to-do list in that avenue of intellectual endeavor than most people these days.

That said, it's hard to explain to people exactly what my job description was during that period and continuing almost to this very moment.

Some might call it "unemployed" which has actually been true for short segments of that time...BUT...generally it's been VOLUNTARY UNEMPLOYMENT i.e. "semi-retired" as I like to call it.

I have developed the unique theory that when there's no paying work, simply find the closest large body of water, pack a suitcase, and then do this...

Go on VACATION.

Works quite well for me.

Oops...I forgot to mention earlier my idea of instead of just going on VACATION, of actually moving to the Beach and putting most of my money in a piece of coastal property...nothing fancy...just whatever can be afforded for safe keeping of the funds. I did that for about a year back in 2002(unfortunately the investment was better in 2002 than it is today.)

It worked for me...you should try it when things turn around in the real estate market.

The bottom lines for me is to say "Why sit around worrying," as long as your resume is hanging out there on the Internet and in a bunch of Head Hunter/Recruiter's hands.

Another idea I've tried is to take a giant chunk of my last liquid dollars, fly to South Florida, then buy a big old boat with a kitchen and a head (bathroom for all you Land Lubbers), THEN JUST LEAVE for a while.

But Virgil..You ask: "As opposed to VACATION, how is LEAVING different?"

And further "Just WHERE would I leave to if I were so inclined?"

The answer is to simply leave where ever you are right now and go ANYWHERE else.

You don't have to know where you're going or make any reservations that way. It's really pretty simple. On a boat you just end up where ever you are when the sun sets and as long as there is water under your hull(a very fundamental detail on a boat) you toss out our anchor and fire up the blender.

I tried it for a while in the Florida Keys, and it worked reasonably well when my engines weren't malfunctioning (for all you land lubbers...boat engines are always malfunctioning), but then some assholes decided they needed my boat more than I did and made it disappear while a was back visiting Atlanta.

Fortunately I didn't spend everything I had on the boat but I did have to come back to the real world again and attempt to try to figure out what to do with myself...

AGAIN.

I knew I hated the traffic and what Atlanta had grown into...and I had to get back to the water in order to be a Pirate...I know...I'll MOVE TO AN ISLAND, they can't STEAL and entire island.

So I did...

But this time I didn't go solo. I managed to con my girl Pat into going along with me. We packed everything up in a truck and had it hauled south to the Georgia Coast, and while she flew back and forth to Chicago and telecommuted from our Condo on a Golf course (I don't play golf) I spent my time wandering the Island on a bicycle and wondering If I shouldn't get back into the engineering business again.

One thing led to another, and after nearly five fabulous years on our little Island I was ready to come back to my chosen profession. Thus the beginning of my "Second Coming as an Entrepreneur" Phase.

After a false start with a company that moved us away from the Atlantic to the banks of the mighty Tennessee River, today finds Pat retired after 28 years with the same company and me scrapping and marketing and managing to sell enough of my time to keep the financial engine of our household running. Some weeks I make enough to last three months and some months I don't make a penny, but that's the way things are when you're in business for yourself and that's something people like our Politicians refuse to understand.

We're still looking at trial starting a Tailgate Catering business this fall to test some concepts and the menu, and I've also got another couple of irons in the fire with old college friends' companies and looking into incorporating a specialty company serving a unique manufacturing enterprise I've been asked to serve.

Things aren't perfect, but each day brings improved health (I'm avoiding talking about several near death medical experiences here this morning), a reasonably stable emotional and financial existence in spite of "the economy" and the current political climate, and most importantly I'm surrounded by the women in my life that love me...My Mom, my partner of eight years Patricia, my Sister Virginia, and my Little Missy the Turbo Pup.

I guess the main thing I've learned in my research over the past 50 years is that when a man has a family like mine, he's wealthy no matter what the balance sheet says when it's all said and done.

I am truly blessed and I know it.

That said, it's time to go take a nap I guess.

Regards Y'all