I'm Starting al Qaeda Airlines

Nobody Move...Everybody Has a Bomb!!!


Isn't that a brilliant idea?

The Government Idiots in Washington DC could take all of the Taxpayer dollars they waste on fake, useless Airline security measures and just start an airline or charter service for Arabs.

If you have "al" or "el" or any name with more than twenty four syllables that requires extra phlegm to say, or you insist on wearing table and bath linens on your head, you could fly for free from any destination inside the united states to any destination in the middle east.

One way, on the taxpayer dollar.

And before you get on board a government employee would pat you down and run you a couple of times through the metal detector, and then if they couldn't find anything they'd loan you a box cutter, strap a load of plastics explosives around your waist, and shove a stick of dynamite up your ass before putting you on the airplane.

Then once everyone was on board and they were taxing for take off the cabin steward, a big wild eyed hairy sucker with a turban, a bandoleer full of ammunition, and a machine gun would come out and deliver the "preflight briefing" which would go something like this:

"cuickkkkkk (the sound of a microphone opening)

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and welcome on board el al Qaeda Airlines flight 666 to Mecca.

In order to ensure your safety and that of the passengers around you we ask that you remain on your prayer rug, with your Velcro knee pads and palm pads securely fastened to the carpet until the captain has turned off the "Velcro knee pad sign."

This Ismail Industries Allah 705 "Virgin Buster" Jet has four emergency exits...two over the wings and two behind the flight deck, although according to TSA and FAA regulations they have been welded shut from the outside prior to departure.

Although smoking is allowed on board once we reach our cruising altitude, we ask that you resist the urge to blow yourself up until we are safely over the Arabian Peninsula.

During our in flight cabin service refreshments will be available including goats milk, Camel Urine, olives, and crackers with feta cheese. Fermented sheep's milk would be available along with various wines and malt beverages for $5 each, but then we will have to slit your throat if you consume them because alcohol is forbidden in the Koran.

The in flight movie will be the 2009 remake of "Lawrence of Arabia" starring Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as Peter O'Toole, Lybia's Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi as Omar Sharif, and Yasser Arafat as the Ghost of Christmas Future....er...wait a minute...that's a different film.

any way...

The operation of cell phone bomb detonators, satellite phones, laptop computers, and other portable electronic devices is strictly prohibited (but we know you don't care what activities are allowed in flight so go ahead and do as you please...we won't stop you.)

On behalf of Captain Mohammed and First Officer Abdul and your Detroit based el al Qaeda cabin crew, we ask that you kneel down, relax and enjoy our flight as we head directly toward Mecca and your 100 virgins.

We know that you have a choice when making your air travel arrangements and we appreciate you choosing el al Qaeda Airlines

We hope you enjoy your flight.

...click...(the sound of the microphone going off)"



Heh...I wrote that myself...I amaze even me with my insensitivity sometimes...