Monday, March 29, 2010

Late Night TV Shopping

I'm Retiring From Working And Blogging Once UPS Gets Here...


I'm excited to report that I made the first of three "three easy payments" tonight...on four different products...for somewhere between $19.99 and $39.99 each.

First I got myself into "Winning in the Cashflow Business" and I'm sitting here on the phone waiting for all of the people out there holding all the underutilized "cash flow notes" to give me a ring.

I'm also busy planning on spending most of this week standing by the mailbox when the phone is not ringing waiting for my checks to arrive.

Then, in anticipation of collecting my first half million dollars in cold hard cash, I bought myself a membership in two hair replacement systems, ordered my free samples of Extenz, and in a last minute fit of vanity I bought the Luminess Air "airbrush" makeup system to make my buttocks and nose look good after I move down to the nudist colony sporting a six foot long penis.

(I'm also seriously thinking of Botoxing my Buttocks...but I have to wait for the "cash flow system" money to come in first)

Is there anyone out there but me that doesn't understand why almost everything sold on TV after about 3 or 4 AM is called a "system?"

There must be some kind of state or federal law or something...or maybe the United Nations has a rule that stupid people only have their money legally stolen from them over the airwaves in return for buying something with the word "System" in the name.

Let me know if you find out because it worries me a great deal, but meanwhile I've got to go now and place an order for "Your Baby Can Read" because I anticipate needing that "system" shortly after the ladies get a look at my new airbrushed, hair covered head and erection lasting longer than four hours.

(Just in case you mis-understand, this late night TV marketing crap makes me crazy when I see it for five seconds let alone five minutes, and I think Comcast should just show me this...





instead of making me endure flipping past the insanity on over half of the channels I'm paying for. Just like junk mail, I think 99.99% of it deserves to go in the garbage unopened.)

While I'm at it, the same goes for Home Shopping Networks.

Dang I'm cranky...time for a nap I guess...

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