Hurricane Near-Miss Elicits Whimpering

There's Still Hope For A Politically Convenient Disaster...


I've set back this week and watched with some humor the reaction of the national lamestream media and the sniveling, booger eating, tye died, patchouli stinking tree hugger eco friendly greenie weenies to this season's first real Hurricane...Earl.

These Man-made Global Warming zombies appear to me to be morbidly gleeful with the approach of this first real storm on the Atlantic Seaboard.

It's understandable that NBC's "The Weather Channel's staff is finally happy to put on a colorful raincoat and hold their hat while standing around broadcasting live on location on the Outer Banks of NC, but even FOX News can't resist sitting around offering near non-stop wild eyed coverage of what is going to end up being pretty much a non-event in spite of their best efforts.

Of course, as is usual, I feel that I can genuinely comment with this type of disdain and contempt for this current generation of government educated idiots' hysteria every time a blip forms on the radar and satellite picture...

because me and my family have been living with the effects--potential and actual--of hurricanes for the past 170 years as residents of the near gulf coast region of southern Alabama.

Long before there was anything like "The Weather Channel" and NASA's and NOAA's Weather Satellites, we were pounded every five or ten years with storms with virtually no warning, and without the demands or expectations of FEMA assistance.

Further, in my lifetime spanning 51 years as of today, my immediate family has been pounded with a half dozen storms with names like Eloise and Opal. And I, personally, have spent a half dozen years living within a mile of the coastline in Mexico Beach, Florida and on the Georgia Coast.

I absolutely for the life of me cannot understand the current mentality of the media, politicians, and general public over something which has been going on since Noah built the first wooden cruise ship and loaded it full of animals.

The only explanation I can give is that people have been raised, conditioned, and educated over the past twenty or thirty years to believe that they should be allowed to build a house--vacation or otherwise--and then under the umbrella of Federally subsidized flood insurance and political gifts like FEMA emergency housing and Debit Cards expect to be left unharmed and made whole when the inevitable happens...as it probably will several times again this season and again every year from now until long after the North Koreans and Iranians have blown up the civilized world.

Does anyone but me not understand that until the Johnson/Nixon congress passage of the National Federal flood Insurance program in 1968 THERE WAS NO INSURANCE AGAINST FLOODING?

Until then, if you wanted a house on a beach or sand dune or island, you had to be able to not only pay CASH for the structure, but then if it blew or washed away every five or ten years you had to be prepared to pay CASH again to rebuild it else enjoy your water front property sitting in a tent swatting mosquitoes and sand gnats and roasting weenies on a campfire.

Let's call government flood insurance what it is...

a taxpayer funded incentive for stupid, ill advised behavior.

I'm too lazy to Google the details right now, but I'm pretty sure that there are at LEAST four or five times as many people living on the Atlantic and Gulf Coasts of the US today than there were in 1968.

Why?

Because people want to enjoy the benefits and glamor of living there, and today they only can afford to live the lifestyle because the Federal Government is subsidizing their poor personal decisions on the backs of everyone else that lives away from the reach of Hurricanes in Atlanta and Chicago and North Dakota.

Don't get me wrong, I've also taken advantage of flood insurance when I could so I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite by writing this rant, but still...

I WISH THAT THEY WOULD GIVE IT A REST ALREADY and focus the news on things which really matter and even then do accurate and fair reporting on the lunacy happening in every State Capitol building and in Washington DC.

You know?

"ID Hell"

Dealing With the Government and Government Employees...


"Joy, Joy, Please Lord keep me from killing someone..."

My prescription "Drivers License/Government ID" which currently allows me to do things like cash a check or get on a commercial air liner under the auspices of the FAA and the so-called Homeland Security Administration's expert airport "security screeners" expires on my birthday.

That would be...

T O M O R R O W.

So this morning about 6:30 AM I'm heading over to the local Department of Motor Vehicles office to stand in line in anticipation of their opening at 7 AM, and hopefully I'll be home sometime between then and next Thursday.

Isn't it amazing that people will hand over important tasks to the state and federal government--things like retirement and medical benefits--to a group of people which can not design an infrastructure to handle a known quantity of "customers" and simply take their money?

When they have a MONOPOLY on providing the services which they are supposed to provide?

I mean...it's not like I can drive down the road the other direction and come home with a drivers license from Lowes or Home Depot or possibly Kroger...you know?

The local Rooms To Go Store doesn't have a special selling a sofa and love seat with two end tables and a coffee table with a free government recognized identification card thrown in...all purchased under a contract with "six months same as cash" terms.

So I have to go now and shave and shower and practice biting my tongue so I can come home without a felony charge of ripping someone's arm off and beating them to death with it...either some idiot standing in line with me or one of the insolent government employees I expect to encounter in the next four hours.

Regards Y'all...

Drainin' The Swamp

Cooking Gator Tail...


Well, I have Good News...and I have Bad News...

(and of course there is also just the usual blogger type blitherings)

First of all, the GOOD NEWS is that I have a fairly reasonable semblance of a functioning computer back in our Server PC position here at the Turbo Pup Compound on the Banks of the Mighty Tennessee River.

It took probably twelve or fifteen hours to accomplish over the past week and one-half, but still...

The BAD NEWS is I'm still stuck using Windows Vista as my operating system because of the scheme or schemes of collusion or contempt shown to computer users by companies like Hewlett Packard and Microsoft.

The way things work as I understand it is that Microsoft, in their efforts to continue to earn record shattering profits every single year, maintains a program of forcing computer users to buy whatever product it is that they want to sell at any given time on the calendar.

To that end, they force users that know better--people like me which have been dealing with Microsoft since the inception of DOS 1.0...

People like me that know that all Microsoft products have been flawed...intentionally or unintentionally..through the ages since the early 1980's...

People like me that know that virtually the minute you turn on a computer and boot any given Microsoft operating system the people out at Microsoft in Washington State are planning on making you download an X.1 or X.2 version of the program while at the same time ultimately planning on SELLING you yet another and Another and ANOTHER properly working version of the product which they already sold you a year or so earlier...

So any way, in late 2007 when I ordered what I call our "Server PC" from HP and had it built, the only operating system available at the time was an incarnation of Windows Vista.

"But What if I want Windows XP Professional..."

"No...its Windows Vista or nothing...you'll have to go buy some stupid crappy computer from the local computer shop smelling of exotic incense...staffed by people wearing strange clothing with red dots on their foreheads..."

So I took a big breath and bought the HP computer I wanted and closed my eyes as I clicked the little button that said "OS Windows Vista Home Premium Edition."

And so here I am almost three years later still not only suffering from the decision to let HP install the Vista Virus on my computer...

...but also finding myself WILLFULLY INSTALLING the exact same software back on my own computer because the way HP and Microsoft have it worked out...

...previous versions of Windows...

...stable operating systems like XP Professional...

...won't work on my Server PC because there are no XP compatible drivers for half of the accessories like the Lightscribe DVD/CD drive and other important crap.

So after about ten days I finally gave in and drank the Coolaid and here I am this morning happily typing away with a catatonic stare of a Vista Zombie.

I got the TV tuner card software re-installed and MS Office and AutoCAD and PhotoShop CS3 and another zillion things I use on a daily basis, and I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE because...

...I REFUSE to pay Microsoft for Windows 7 which is apparently the only way I can "Upgrade" my computer operating system.

Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...you Know?

And in other news, my back up external hard drive...the only hard drive in the/ON THE ENTIRE FREAKING PLANET which held all of the crap I lost when Vista lost it mind...

...the hard drive which also decided to stop driving or writing or reading or whatever it is that hard drives do...

...the hard drive that decided last weekend that it didn't want to talk to or listen to my Server PC any more...

...is sitting at the local computer shop getting an haircut and pedicure and possibly an enema but they tell me that the problem was in the case of the external drive unit and that the drive itself was preliminarily A-OK.

So I ran out to Staples and picked up a new 1 Terrabyte Segate external drive for the low, low price of $79.00 plus tax and later this morning they are supposed to let me have 34 months worth of photos and data and business correspondence back into my office.

I may just have to take a shower and go to bed and sleep with it...I'll be so happy to have the information back.

Needless to say, if you understood HALF of the past million words of rambling, I'm one tired but happy middle aged Redneck Injuneer this morning.

And on that note...Regards Y'all...

Up To My ASS In Alligators

Don't ask...


News continues to break here at the Turbopup Compound on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River.

The kind of news which starts out as rumors and fears about things out of my direct control, but which could end up having some aggrivating consequences if and when things come true in the next couple of weeks...

But...

In my normal devil-may-care manner, I'm forging ahead because I have no other choice.

Unfortunately the situation makes me mentally uninterested/incapable of writing a whole lot here on the blog for the time being.

I'll wander around the Internet and see what else is going on besides the liberals bashing Glenn Beck and get back to y'all later I guess.

A Year Of Living Dangerously Day Of Doing Not Much Of Anything

Successful Smoking and Cooking...


I'm pleased to report that I had a pretty good Saturday here at the Turbo Pup Compound on the Banks of the Mighty Tennessee River.

If yours was half as good as mine was you should have already had a pretty good weekend.

I was just worn out and tired and mentally out of steam and worst of all I knew that I had yet another busy week ahead of me...a week critical to the ongoing progress of building my new business enterprise...and I had to get my attitude adjusted in order to face the tasks before me.

Of course there was the obligatory trip to Home Depot to pick up some odds and ends needed to finish the installation of a new range hood vent fan over the oven in my kitchen, and for dinner there was the preparation of some Prime Beef and Sea Scallops for dinner which didn't get finished until nearly 9 PM last night.

I came up with a new recipe using, in addition to the Tenderloin and Mollusks, sliced fresh mushrooms and wilted baby spinach which ended up laying in a nice satisfying pile on a couple of plates.

I'm too lazy to write down the recipe right now, but will probably cook it again later this week and then publish it here on the blogs.

Any way...while I was sitting around outside on the deck smoking my weekend cigar, little Missy the Turbo Pup spent a couple of hours lounging around in her pool...




and resting in the shade on her personal beach...



At this point in life I'd gladly swap places with that little dog, because she is definitely spoiled rotten and doesn't have a care in the world most of the time.

I miss my old cats which have gone on to Kitty heaven over ten years ago, but as Canines go I'm blessed to have the company of such a fine little animal.

The Calendar Says It's Saturday?

So I'm Taking The Day Off


I'm just mentally worn out after living through the week I just went through.

If it could go wrong it went wrong, and as fast as I had one fire put out or a given problem fixed another half dozen things seemed to pop up and need doing.

That's when it really sucks being a one man company...you have to delegate everything to the same person...

and here at the international headquarters of Plastics Engineering Technologies, Inc. that person would be ME.

So right now I have my bathing suit on and a bandanna wrapped around my ever greying, ever balding head in anticipation of going outside and smoking a cigar and doing the past couple of days worth of newspaper crossword puzzles on the deck while little Missy the Turbo Pup floats around in her swimming pool.

And then I have about ten pounds of Beef Tenderloin to butcher down to steaks and puppy sized tid-bits before putting a couple of the aforementioned steaks on the grill along side of some bacon wrapped giant Sea Scallops. There will also probably be some asparagus spears and possibly a few new potatoes on the side for dinner.

And other than that I'm not going to do a darned thing between now and midnight.

Unless the world blows up or something, I'll talk to y'all tomorrow.

Living In Computer Hell

Where's My Really Big Hammer?


Have I mentioned that I live in a household with two adult humans, one tiny little long haired miniature Dachshund going by the alias of "Missy...the Turbo Pup", and...

FOUR COMPUTERS?

ok...six computers if you count the back up scraps laying around in various stages of construction, and EIGHT computers if you count the two PLC's (Programmable Logic Controllers) sitting in my shop right now.

Any way...

Only one of the machines is acting completely sane right now--Pat's corporate machine--on which I only handle the Internet and networking operations there of because her company does the security and VPN work remotely.

Then there is my old HP 17" laptop which has been relegated to the workshop and that's served me well over the past four or five years before I bought the "server PC" which currently occupies space in my office upstairs.

Since the "Server PC" has lost it's mind over the past couple of days and I've been wrestling with getting it converted backwards from Windows Vista to Windows XP Professional, a little Dell laptop that I rebuilt has served my needs in working a few feet from the sofa and my bedroom when I'm too lazy to walk down stairs to the shop.

So any way...with my menagerie of machines sitting around here I have more problems with computers farting and belching and barfing right now than any single human should have to put up with, and in my old age and chronological incompetence having lost the urge to stay on top of every single detail and development in the computer business (I let my subscriptions to Byte Magazine and PC World expire long ago) I'm not sure if I can weather the storm before me.

Right now I'm about ready to gather everything up, put it in a pile in my wheelbarrow, and haul it all outside to the compost heap.

I guess if it was easy everyone would be doing it, but managing a real network of computers designed to do something besides blog and goof around on Facebook and Twitter is a damn hard proposition from my perspective.

WhuaaaaaatttT?

"If Thy Right Hand Offend Thee..."


OK, Now I have Windows 2000 professional on a computer (formerly a Vista robot) that won't recognize the internal sound card to make beeping and burping sounds, and even more aggravating is that it doesn't have an Ethernet connection or any other network connections because it wants to go to the Internet to download the drivers but it needs the drivers to go to the Internet.

Or in layman's terms...

"now I can't get to the Internet without going to the Internet to get the stuff I need to go to the Internet."

Somebody better come collect my sharp knives...

...and it's a good thing I don't own a bridge or the Eiffel tower else I'd be considering jumping off of something right now.

Dangit...

"Out Damned Spot...Out I Say"

I Gave Myself A "Digital Enema?"


As my regular (and irregular) readers know by now, I've been suffering with the Cancer known as "Windows Vista" on what I laughingly call our "Server PC" since I let HP build us a custom machine in late 2007 and ship it down to our little Island on the Georgia Coast.

Giant hard drives and 22" monitors aside, the so-called Vista "operating system" delivered by Bill Gates et. al. at Microsoft, in my considered Redneck opinion...

TOTALLY SUCKS.

Not only does Vista TOTALLY SUCK, but it TOTALLY SUCKS harder than the gravitational forces of the largest black hole in the entire freaking universe/solar system/infinity.

All of that blithering aside, our so-called "server PC" finally coughed up a liver and a spleen and possibly a couple of kidneys yesterday afternoon and evening, and I ended up having to sit through doing a "restore your PC to Factory conditions" ritual complete with incense and sitting cross legged naked in the floor on the skins of a Bear and Cougar bowing down in front of a human skull with a burning candle sticking out of the top....

and when I got done with the process a week a couple of hours later I realized that AutoCAD and PhotoShop and my Microsoft Office Suite and my TV receiver card software and my Cannon Digital Camera software and EVERY F**KING THING I had installed since buying the computer was...

G O N E.

Fortunately I have an external back up copy of all of the data files, but it is a few weeks old because I was intending to move the 500 GB drive down to the laptop in the shop and never got around to it so Norton is a little behind on my archiving.

But any way...

As I set there looking at the then "restored" computer that was now dumb as a brick and asking to connect to the Internet with America On Line's free trial services, a little tiny light bulb lit up in my ever greying, ever balding head.

What began as a little trickle of thought rapidly surged to a torrent of emotion, verily a tidal wave of sparks and lightning bolts of mental electrical currents, as I had the liberating experience of realizing that I was now free to break the shackles, rend the bonds, and struggle free from the slimy mucous dripping grasp of the Microsoft Vista Home "Premium Edition" and crawl on my knees back to my beloved Windows XP Professional haven of safety and digital security.

I owned a legal copy of the Windows XP Professional 2002 edition which I had bought in my efforts to restore the little Dell laptop Pat's company abandoned in our posession when the hard drive failed back in 2006 (and on which I'm blogging right now beside the sick former Vista machine), and when I purchased a new hard drive I also bought an OEM copy of XP on E-Bay for something like $99 and I still had one legal install available.

So you know what I did?

I flushed Vista down the toilet without a second thought and within the next day or two, after a few dozen hours of work and a littany of curse words, I will hopefully have a squeeky clean Server PC running XP Professional, with AutoCAD and Photo Shop and my other programs all residing comfortably in a new and improved directory structure.

Companies producing crap like "Vista" which is so obviously flawed that they have to deliver the next generation of software and change the name (Windows 7) in hopes of keeping idiots from knowing it's the same thing slightly modified would be stoned to death in Iran/Iraq or Afghanistan, but here in the By-God United States of 'Merica their biggest fear is being called up before the Senate for a "hearing."

And on that note, I'm "hearing" my Server PC calling wanting me to push the "next" button and keep on installing software.

Regards Y'all...

Ebonics Translator Jobs?

Channeling Your Inner Negro...

This story is really too much by it's self, so I'll withhold any commentary and just let is stand here on its own.

Click on the link and see the news about the US Justice Department wanting to hire people to translate the language used in surveillance tapes:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/justice-department-seeks-ebonics-experts


I first saw the story last night on Drudge and somehow avoided writing about it, but then my blog Buddy Rodger over at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical picked up the item and went a step further, finding this on-line "Ebonics Translator" which could save the government idiots a few taxpayer dollars in the process.

Type in some phrases and sit back and laugh at the results...





I like the conversion of the phrases "Where is my calculator?" and "I forget how the toilet flushes"


Heh...

Why I Didn't They Apparently Vote Democrat

Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself...


10. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

8. I voted Democrat because Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

7. I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

5. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies through abortion so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

4. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

3. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the democrats see fit.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

1. I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.


Thanks Rodge

My Attention Deficit Disorder

Like I Don't Already Have Enough To Do...


So we were sitting around at dinner a couple of weeks ago and my neighbor told me that they wanted to add a sun room addition on the back of their house.

Then one thing lead to another and I got my tape measure out and fired up AutoCAD and the next thing you know he's going down to the Knox County building permit office later this morning with SEVEN SHEETS of drawings including these two elevations I produced...





I love doing Architecture almost as much I enjoy Injuneering, but now it's time to get back to some paying work I guess...

Y'all have a LOVELY Monday...

Cats

Good Intentions...Gone Bad...






(Thanks for the link Rodge)

Trash Talking On Sunday Morning

Read My Lips...


I've pretty much had it up to here, Ladies and Gentlemen (pointing to the top of my ever greying, ever balding head), with BS news stories about " waist waste recycling."

For instance...consider this news story about the idiots in government up in Cleveland, Ohio putting in "high tech" trash cans.

CLEVELAND, Ohio -- It would be a stretch to say that Big Brother will hang out in Clevelanders' trash cans, but the city plans to sort through curbside trash to make sure residents are recycling -- and fine them $100 if they don't.

The move is part of a high-tech collection system the city will roll out next year with new trash and recycling carts embedded with radio frequency identification chips and bar codes.

The chips will allow city workers to monitor how often residents roll carts to the curb for collection. If a chip show a recyclable cart hasn't been brought to the curb in weeks, a trash supervisor will sort through the trash for recyclables.

Yeah, I can't wait to turn in my two weeks notice to quit my job as a professional Prison Guard, Tollbooth Fee Collector, or Interstate Rest Area Toilet Maintenance Technician and apply for the position of "Trash Supervisor" in Cleveland so I can spend my days sorting around in batches of used feminine hygiene products intermixed with poopie baby diapers and banana peels looking for un-recycled plastic water bottles and diet soda cans.

Boys and Girls, shit stories like this (excuse the pun) are a PERFECT example of not only the stupidity of government "officials", but also the inability of the so-called professionals in the lamestream media to do an accurate, serious, analytical analysis (heavy on the anal) of any given story.

Therefore the task of breaking this story down to understandable terms is left up to I (as in Me and Myself), your lovely and talented Internet Blogger, to tell you how much sense this whole program makes and how the government of Cleveland ill-advisedly spends their hard earned taxpayer's money in their quest to appear to be a "Green City."

First let's look at the cost of the "high tech" garbage cans they call "carts."

Doing the math, $2,500,000.00 for 25,000 carts equals $100 per cart.

OK? So good so far.

Next, they say that the city pays $30 per ton to put trash in the landfill, where they "earn" $26 per ton for "recyclables" they collect and deposit somewhere.

They also say that the 15,000 "smart carts" last year saved 5,800 tons of material from going to the landfill.

That's 0.387 tons of recyclables per household every 12 months, yielding a savings of $10.05 per cart PER YEAR ($21.65 per year if you include the total avoided landfill costs.)

And nowhere does anyone mention the administrative costs of of managing and operating the tracking and enforcement arm of the system on a day to day basis.

I guarandamntee you that there will be at least 30 Government employees making an average of $50,000 per year involved in issuing "tickets" and "citations" and running around digging through fetid piles of used Tampons and empty beer cans...

so you have to include the $1,500,000 per year administrative costs to the program and...

Anyone else see where I'm going here?

This system is NEVER, ever, EVER going to yield a realistic return on the investment.

And by adding 25,000 new "smart carts" to the system each year it will take them until 2015 to get everybody into the program, and if Herbie Curbies "Smart Carts" follow the path of abuse that local grocer shopping carts have to live through the replacement of lost and stolen carts will further drive the program's value into the basement.

But Owl Gore and all of his sniveling, booger eating, tree hugging, tie died, patchoouli stinking, eco-friendly, Mother earth loving, Global Warming fearing commie socialistic progressive democrats will smile and nod knowingly because we're all just a little bit better off than we were yesterday as a result of the City of Clevelands good faith efforts at "going Green."

Now you will have to excuse me while I go dunk my head in a cooler full of ice water before it explodes....

Wrandom Wramblings And Curmudgeonly Cogitations...

Getting My Part-Time Bitchin' Career Out Of Moth Balls...


So I see where the President and "First Lady" are heading off on another vacation to Martha's Vineyard.

Ten days this time.

You know what?

I don't really care if Obamarama, the professional community organizer come Prezbo, is on vacation, because when he's on vacation he can't screw anything up (as long as he keeps his stupid yap closed and locks Biden in a closet in the White House for the duration), and since the US Congress is also on vacation that means that my wallet is safe for another few weeks before the idiocy and spending of other peoples' money resumes.

You know what else?

I'd be willing to let the president and the whole damn congress fly off somewhere on Air Force One and in a fleet of Gulfstreams to parts unknown and not come back until January 2nd, 2011.

I figure that would save the taxpayers two or three TRILLION DOLLARS in the process and I wouldn't have to watch the news and wipe the spittle off my chin and computer screen as a result of listening to that silly hippy bitch Nasty Pelosi talk about the "progressive" topic du jour.

On the local injuneering front, I'm in the process of firing a couple of vendors as a result of their ineptitude this week, basically costing me five days waiting on them to do nothing but delay my progress.

How can you talk on the telephone for an hour on Monday with a "Customer Support" person, fill out a "Material Return Authorization" form, and then find out on Thursday afternoon that they have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to follow up on their offer to replace the defective sensors I have in my shop?

It all defies logic, and I'm stuck dead in the water until I receive new sensors because the ones I have don't work for some reason.

I'm ready to just go buy a big bottle of Vodka, a couple of cans of Pineapple, Orange, and Cranberry juice, some Ice, and an Intravenous bottle with a large bore IV needle and go on vacation my self...

Without leaving the farm Turbo Pup Compound.

Is it just ME???

1970's Saturday Night Live Clip

Blast From My Past To YOU...


Everyone over the age of about 45 probably remembers seeing this clip of Jane Curtain and Dan Aykroyd live when it first aired in about 1976...




(and while you're at it, when you have the time...check out Dan's new "Crystal Head" Vodka bottle design...)





My local package store has several in stock...I just haven't ponyed up $50 for a half liter of clear liquor yet.


Heh...

Someone Crushed My Toilet Paper...

Middle Aged Consumer "Quality Control" Issues


OK...dangit...somebody has apparently been squeezing my Charmin Scott TP.

I've had it up to here (pointing to the top of my ever greying, ever balding head) with coming home from CVS or Eckerds or Big Lots with my monthly load of four big bails of toilet paper on sale for half price, only to find when I open the package and mount said toilet paper on the little "roller thingie" (conveniently located where I have to stand up to reach it behind my left shoulder...

when I pull on my toilet paper roll--mounted so the paper comes off OVER rather than UNDER--(because only Democrats and Georgia/LSU graduates mount toilet paper any other way...)

When I pull on my toilet paper in order to dispense it for use...

it wobbles and bangs and goes "ker-thunka-ka-thunka" or even locks up thereby only giving me a single sheet sufficient to wipe the spit from my mouth or a tear from my eye...

...because that little cardboard tube on the inside of the roll has been crushed nearly flat due to mishandling or outright vandalism.

Thus I have two solutions to this problem this afternoon ladies and gentlemen.

The first would be a steel or aluminum or possibly carbon fiber tube designed to slide inside the aforementioned crushed cardboard tube in the toilet paper roll, thereby yielding a smooth and satisfying delivery of this restroom necessity.

Heck, If I had my way I'd mount the whole thing on super lubricated ball bearings and one single tug would result in the entire roll spinning off of the roller into the floor if you weren't paying attention.

Then the second idea is this...




A roll of toilet paper designed to last at least a month which is so inherently strong that during shipment or storage on store shelves it could not possibly be damaged so as to perform in a manner in my home while not delivering any "ker-thunka-ka-thunka" type sounds.

I know many people out there are as excited as I am with these new developments, and I'll let you know as soon as possible when one or both products are available on Amazon.com.






Heh...

"Those Voices Don't Speak For The Rest Of Us..."

Where Are Men (And Women) Like President Reagan When We Need Them?





It's frightening how words spoken almost fifty years ago ring so true when listening to the "Enlightened" Progressive Democrats blitherings today.

I Want One...

Mercedes SLS Gull Wing






Unfortunately I'm a couple of dollars short of the $200,000 price tag...but still...

Hummingbirds

Nature's Little Wonders...


I have to admit that until we moved down to St. Simons Island in 2003 I didn't know much about Hummingbirds other than they were out there in exotic locations like the Bahamas and Jamaica...because I had actually seen them down there.

Then on a whim while wandering around the local Ace Hardware I bought our first "Hummingbird feeder" and within a few weeks my eyes were opened to an entire new world occupied by these little amazing flying bundles of feathers and energy.

Today we maintain two feeders--one on the front porch and one in the back yard outside the kitchen window--and we enjoy the hilarious antics of the Ruby Throated hummers and an occasional few other species from about April to October each year.

That said, take a look at this short video clip of a new film shown on PBS about Hummers:



There are infinite websites now on the Internet giving information on the different birds indigenous to North America, and I've actually caught and held in my bare hand an errant bird which got trapped in my Mom's garage a few years ago.

If you've never had a hummingbird feeder you are missing a real treat.

We constantly laugh at their antics as the rival clans of birds put on aerial shows featuring daily "dog-fights" over dominance of our feeders, and we probably use as much sugar feeding our little clan of birds as we use cooking for humans in our kitchen.

Simple things...you know?