The Torture Continues

Incompetence Squared…


If I give you a baseball bat, will someone out there promise to beat some sense into me?

If I hand you a pointy stick, will you attempt to prod me into ending my self induced suffering?

Please?

Pretty Please?

My latest adventures in self abuse culminated in my acceptance of an invitation to attend the quarterly meeting of the Condo Nazi’s Condominium Board of Directors held late yesterday afternoon.

Let me preface this discussion of my adventures with the following summary:

WHAT A TOTAL %&$#@* WASTE OF TIME.

At the request of the old fart retired pawn shop owner Association President, I spent part of the last two weeks soliciting pricing on metal roofing alternatives to replace the piece of shit, improperly installed, worn out roof twenty year old asphalt shingle roof currently serving as a barrier between my artwork and the next rainstorm.

I also investigated the available alternatives for sealing the expansion joints in the concrete deck surrounding our swimming pool.

I was quite enthused with the options which I had come up with and looked forward to presenting the information to the incompetent group of ancient morons Condo Board.

I knew that I was in trouble when my host didn’t bother to tell the assembled board members that he had demanded my presence asked me to attend the meeting.

Actually, I knew that I was wasting my time when he accosted me in the parking lot and , upon looking at the metal roofing samples I brought with me, he said “let’s not bring that up in the meeting.”

WTF?

I had spent two weeks working on the internet, E-mailing specifications and talking to vendors on the phone long distance (at my expense), and having manufacturers sending me packages of literature and samples of their products, in addition to submitting budget pricing; and now this asshole gentleman announces that “we won’t bring that up in the meeting?”

WHY THE %^$#*& AM I HERE THEN?

I ended up sitting through 75 minutes of mindless babbling about spending thousands of dollars planting Sago Palm Trees, followed by an inane layman’s discussion of attempts to improve drainage and hire a consulting Civil engineer to do a drainage plan.

At the 60 minute mark, one of the drunken sots board members looked at his watch and said “let’s hurry up people…it’s happy hour."

In my experience, this same philandering womanizer gentleman makes this same announcement at every meeting that he doesn’t miss. (I find it impossible to conduct business on a 60 minute time clock, especially when half the time is spent listing to the attendees discuss the health of their spleens or colons and the demise of former residents that moved to assisted living or were recently buried.)

Every single time I attempted to open my mouth I was cut off by the stupid asshole Board President, even when he asked me not once but TWICE if I had any comments.

After the aforementioned 75 minutes had elapsed, I was “excused” from the meeting so that they could conduct some additional clandestine cogitations.

I should have expected nothing less from such a self important group of ignorant ingrates. While I’m sure that each of the board members are wonderful people with friends and families and successful careers in their past, in their capacity as managers of the ongoing health and success of 48 condominium units in a property with a market value of $13 to $15 million dollars, they are effectively “rearranging the furniture on the deck of the Titanic.”

They choose to spend their time worrying about pressure washing sidewalks and planting palm trees while the site rainwater drainage system and the 50,000 square foot area of roofing is on the verge of collapse.

I’ve officially had it up to here (pointing to the top of my ever balding, ever graying head.)

And, having successfully conducted a two year long campaign to update and improve the swimming pool and pool house, the prospects of spending further substantial portions of my time addressing issues that do not directly impact my own life here in our little slice of Paradise are virtually NONEXISTANT.

Yet again I’ve learned the hard lesson that my efforts are worth exactly what I charge for them.

In this case, that would be NOTHING.