I bought my first house when I was 25 years old. I put a chunk of cash down, and rode out a mortgage at 9.5% for a few years before I sold the house and upgraded to the lovely home that I ended up giving to my ex-wife in our divorce. Never mind that I designed it and had it built to MY specifications, it was her house because that’s the way the law works in Georgia.
Next I bought a “fixer-upper” and, after renting it for a while and watching the owner and the owner’s agent go bankrupt, I got a great deal—two story, brick on all four sides, tongue and groove decking instead of plywood, solid as a rock, and I busted my ass working part time renovating it. New roof, rebuilt soffits and facias, kitchen cabinet doors, new paint inside and out, you know the story.
Then it burned down in 2001.
A total loss of building and 99% of the contents.
All I got out of it was some smoke stained books and files, and a six figure insurance check. I took the money and ran away from Atlanta, Georgia because by that time I’d had it up to here (pointing to the top of my ever graying, ever balding head…)
Since that day I have to admit that the real estate business has been of secondary importance to me, but that I have made a little money investing in vacant land in Florida and most recently I’ve been the proud owner of a duplex and three adjacent vacant lots in downtown Brunswick.
I say proud in a tongue in cheek manner, because where my property lies you wouldn’t want to walk down the street at night with a hundred dollars in your pocket. Heck, I suspect that fifty cents would be enough to get you cut if not killed.
I had to run one of my tenants out of the duplex a couple of summers ago due to non-payment of the rent, and the other one’s, a man in his mid 30’s, mother moved him into the home of a relative (because she was paying his rent) that passed away thereby ending my first stint as a official “slumlord.”
Since I hate having to go around banging on doors to collect rent money, I’ve just let the property sit there and fester unoccupied, and therein lies my problem today.
It seems that for some reason, people like to inspect it and open it up and look inside, without my permission. At least three different times now before this week someone has kicked the side door in and just did a tour.
You know wander around and look at the rooms, comment on the paint colors (or lack thereof), rummage through the empty kitchen cabinets…stuff like that.
What blew my mind was that last fall they broke in and they actually STOLE THE ENTIRE KITCHEN SINK AND CABINET from the right hand unit.
You heard me right…they STOLE MY KITCHEN SINK.
W.T.F?
Well, today I learned that again someone has taken yet another unauthorized tour, and apparently they’ve started hanging out in some manner because Ozzie, my agent, told me that when he stopped by the front door was unlocked and all of the windows were open.
Just Damn….
I didn’t find out until about 4 PM yesterday so I didn’t have the energy to drive over there from the island, but I guess I’ll go over tomorrow, turn on the water, flush whatever the hell is in the toilet down the drain, and try to lock everything back up and fix whatever is broken.
Dammit, but why can’t people just leave other people’s stuff alone?
I just called the police about 3 AM this morning, told them about the situation, and asked them to send an officer by to check out who or whomever might be using the place as a crack house or a crash pad. I figure that if someone is there, that by this late hour they’ve probably got all settled in and if the police will do their job they will have an early, rude awakening.
Can you say charges for possession of drugs?
Can you say charges for solicitation of prostitution?
Can you say charges for weapons possession?
Can you say charges for trespassing?
Can you say arrest for outstanding warrants?
I sure hope so...
Any way, there’s no water, no electricity, no furniture, and the whole place is made of concrete blocks inside and out so they can’t really hurt it, but it was relatively clean the last time I was over there and I’m afraid that they are going to crap it up one way or another so it will cost more to fix when and if I get back into the slumlord business.
I’m thinking about adding an addition onto to the back of it or possibly adding a second story level to it because it is so small and cramped right now, but the neighborhood has a ways to go before any self-respecting families are going to want to move in so I have to watch my level of investment.
The good news is that a builder built a new house about two blocks away, so things are turning around and my idea of building three or four new townhouses across the street might not be so hair brained after all.
Stay tuned to this station for yet another episode of...
“Slum Lord of Arabia…Houser of the Crack Head Infadels…”
Here's my new logo:
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