My Take On Lebanon

I’m a MVD Weapon


To date I’ve avoided commenting on the latest goings on in the Middle East because I was too busy deconstructing the ineptitude of our local newspaper and feeling sorry for myself for ever thinking about working for said newspaper.

I also try to not talk or write about things which I know nothing about, else risk producing redundant commentary that you can find anywhere in the lamestream drive-by media or in other blogs on the internet.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for you, I’ve spent enough time reading about and watching CNN and Fox news to have a decent take on things, so now you get to hear my own opinion on what has happened to date, and my predictions on where things are going (or should be going.)

I’m going to address this situation with a simple analogy. Think about it this way…

Suppose that I and a bunch of other Methodist descendants of Veterans that fought for the south in the US Civil War got together and formed a group. We formed our group because we only wanted to associate with like minded people of similar descent, but mostly just because…

WE WERN”T HAPPY.

Being Methodist Veteran Descendants, and since the media and the government loves acronyms, they’d probably start calling us MVD’s.

The first thing we’d so is that we’d all get together and secretly infiltrate a secure area where we could hold our meetings and from which we could conduct our operations…somewhere like where I live—St. Simons Island Georgia.

St. Simons is a perfect location for our operations because it really is an island, it only has one road connecting it to the mainland, it has a marina on the Intercoastal Waterway, an old navy airport with two runways, a lighthouse for navigation, and a killer Harris Teeter grocery store with buy-one-get-one-free boneless chicken breasts on sale about 90 days out of the year.

We’d have meetings and drink good Bourbon Whiskey and walk around laughing at bus loads of old Yankee men wearing black socks and sandals. We’d go fishing and dip snuff and generally confuse everyone into thinking that we were just retirees or on vacation like everyone else, but then…

On Tuesday after the Labor Day holiday, after all the families with kids had gone back home and before the winter hoards of Canadians and (smile when you say that) "New Englanders" have arrived, we make our move.

At 4:30 AM on the chosen day we’d close the Torras Causeway in both directions, keeping all of the Mexican maids, construction crews and day laborers on the mainland, and bringing the infrastructure of St. Simons Island to a virtual standstill.

We’d take over the house of our local talk radio show host, and do our own broadcast from his home studio with propaganda announcements.

“After 12:00PM—No one in, and no one but us out, with a 24 hour curfew enforced by the MVD brigade.”

“Everyone that isn’t with us is against us, so get out, unless you are one of the aforementioned Yankees.”

We’d check car tags and ID’s on the bridge going off the island, and if you were from NY or Canada or worst of all—New Jersey—you were a “guest” of the MVD’s until further notice.

The final test for any suspicious individuals would involve having to say “y’all” correctly, and the really sneaky females might have to cook some grits. The men in that category would be served a bowl of grits and if they tried to eat them plain without a big gob of butter and salt or put sugar on them they would be arrested on sight.

Having gained control of our island, now suppose that all of us MVD’s suddenly started lobbing home made explosives across the state line into Florida; aiming specifically at Jewish, Catholic, Mormon and Jehovah’s Witness churches and neighborhoods in Jacksonville. (I’m not sure exactly how many people of those religions exist in Jacksonville, Florida, but bear with me here…I’m trying to write humor…)

Just for good measure, suppose that a group of us MVD’s decided to go out on I-75, I-85, and I-95 and start capturing Yankees heading on vacation down to Miami and Panama City (or anyone else unfortunate enough to be driving a car with a tag from a state north of the Mason Dixon line), holding them hostage, and forcing them to endlessly watch reruns of the Jeff Foxworthy Show and The Dukes of Hazard.

Our reasoning for such acts?

Why isn’t it obvious?

Religious and cultural differences.

That, and we’re pissed off that Alabama doesn’t have a pro football or basketball franchise and we have to take our shotguns and deer rifles out of our pickup truck gun racks if we ever were unfortunate enough to try to drive through New York on our way to Connecticut on vacation.

Then there is that little issue regarding our desire to reclaim the state of Florida from the carpetbaggers and other invaders that have arrived over the past 140 years since that famous Yankee, General William Tecumseh Sherman, marched through Georgia from Chattanooga to Savannah, raping and pillaging and burning virtually everything in his path.

(Imagine CNN and the NY Times covering that little trip today.)

By the way, wasn’t Sherman a Presbyterian? But I digress…

How long do you think that it would take for the Imperial Federal Government of the By-God United States of America to come down here and start lobbing tear gas and “flash bang” grenades into our individual houses and onto our little communal compound that we’d built out here on St. Simons Island Georgia.

How long do you think that it would take for Georgia to call out the National Guard against our collective Redneck MVD butts?

Five Minutes?

Twenty four hours?

There’d be hell to pay, wouldn’t there?

There’d be a bombed airport, a broken bridge, and dead MVD’s all over the place. All the time the Yankees would still be scrambling around, parking illegally on the curb and in handicapped spots at Harris Teeter, looking for black socks, the cheep chicken, and Brie Cheese specials, so they’d be suffering collateral damage at massive rates.

By the way, what happens when you cross a MVD with a SUV?

“Four Wheeling“

NOW…

Remember David Koresh and the Branch Davidians out in Waco Texas?

Remember the ATF, under order of President Bill Clinton and then Attorney General Janet Reno, placing the Branch Davidian compound under a 51 day long siege and in the end, killing eighty people, including seventeen children under the age of 12?

In the ensuing assault, while trying to arrest one man—David Koresh—THE WOODEN COMPOUND BURNED TO THE GROUND.

All of that death and destruction in TEXAS, dammit.

Not Syria or Cuba or Nigeria or Russia...I said T-E-X-A-S.

I think that President Bush was the governor at the time (I'm too lazy to Google the fact), but who ever was governor...had to be losing his mind.

Where was the NY Times on that little "police action"?

Where was CNN on that "unfortunate case of collateral damage"?

Where was the UN and where were all the "talking heads" and the stupid assed "pundits" and human rights "activists" while Miss Reno's giant adams apple bobbed up in down in press conferences?

Yeah, I know, I know...they (The Branch Davidians) were a "cult" and they were "white people" living in the state of Texas and all, but what if had been Sammy Davis Jr. and a building full of black Jews in Kew Gardens, NY?

What if it had been a bunch of Transvestite organic Avacado farmers wearing crotchless overalls (from the Frederics of Hooterville collection) outside San Francisco, California holding the local Goose liver Pate and Veal farmers hostage?

Where would the NY Times and CNN and the government have been then?

You see, it is my opinion that one (wo)man's "Excessive force" isn't always real excessive force.

Like I like to say...don't take a knife to a gun fight...

In light of those type of domestic government actions, regardless of whether there is a "D" or a "R" behind the name of the president and the other officials, I say that condemnation of Israel and the US support thereof pales in comparison to other things happening in the world.

Fact: Israel wouldn't be where they are today if the elected Lebanese government had "called out the national guard" and used their own police power against the Hezbollah terrorists.

Fact: Israel wouldn't be bombing the shit out of southern Lebanon if the feckless United Nations had enforced their own resolutions.

Fact: The US has since 1947 supplied Israel with financial support and sold them weapons systems to support their own self defense.

So what's the big damn doodling deal today?

Yeah...I thought so...there isn't really one, and I hope that Israel kicks the shit out of them until some real closure on this issue is obtained...screw the collateral damage and the liberal media hand wringing.

As I've said so many times before here on this blog:

WAR INVOLVES BREAKING THINGS AND KILLING PEOPLE!!!

What is there to not understand?

Moving along, now let me get my final MVD political statement in here and say that, just in case you haven’t noticed, if we here in the United States were of like mind to the liberal's beloved peaceful muslim arabs, we'd really be setting up a MVD camp out here on our little island.

There would be other people setting up camps in other places, and by "other people" I don't mean ignoramuses like the KKK and the "skinheads." I mean smart, educated people like my friend Tripp and I, people that you don't want to be building things and aiming things at your head and your house and your car.

But we aren't, because we're happy just living out our lives in what has to be, in spite of what the media says, the greatest country that has ever existed.

That, and Tripp and I know that the south really did “Rise Again.”

Some of our fellow southerners and most of you Yankees just don't know it or haven't realized it yet.

Why do I say that?

Because there is hardly a Yankee out there that doesn’t lust after the opportunity of retiring here in the south, and in the end, when it’s all said and done, we’ve all ended up winning the old battle that some people here in the US still refuse to stop fighting.

We all generally get along.

I can call you a Yankee if you live up north, but I really don't hate you.

And you’re welcome to call me a “Redneck”, as long as you smile when you say it, and allow me to celebrate the glorious southern heritage of which I am so proud.

Unfortunately, the middle east isn’t that way, and probably will never be as we have it here, at least without constant military and political pressure.

Instead of 230 years of existence and of 140 years of reconciliation, the middle east has endured thousands of years of hatred and division and roughly 60 years of non-imperialistic existence. The area was divided up after WWI and WWII with little or no regard to the current ethnic divisions with which we are all so aware of today (thank you France and Great Britain.)

Anyone ever heard of a Suni or Shite or Kurd, unless you were getting your PHD in "Middle Eastern Studies", before 1990 or possibly the 1979 Iranian Revolution?

Not me...

Finally, in closing, I have to ask you, would you really want the US to take the pre WWII Neville Chamberlain approach, or wouldn't you rather see the Winston Churchill approach?

I choose the latter, rather than the former, and that's what I think that president Bush is doing.

AND I KNOW THAT I'M RIGGGGGGHHHHHTTT...

Because I own this blog. If you don't agree, then go away...dang it