Strap Me In Mommy

I’m Going Home To Jesus…


Take a look at this AP news article talking about most infant car seats miserably failing a recent Consumer Report’s crash test:

YONKERS, N.Y. - Most of the infant car seats tested by Consumer Reports "failed disastrously" in crashes at speeds as low as 35 mph, the magazine reported Thursday.

The seats came off their bases or twisted in place, the report said. In one case, a test dummy was hurled 30 feet.

Of the 12 car seats tested, Consumer Reports said it could recommend only two, and it urged a federal recall of the poorest performing seat, the Evenflo Discovery.

Evenflo issued a statement disputing the tests' validity, saying, "The magazine's test conditions and protocols appear to conflict with the collective experience of car seat manufacturers, NHTSA (the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) and the scientific community."

To be sold in the United States, an infant seat must perform adequately in a 30 mph frontal crash, and Consumer Reports found that all but the Discovery did so. But it noted that NHTSA crash tests most cars at higher speeds — 35 mph for frontal crashes and 38 mph for side crashes — so the magazine tested the seats at those speeds.

Is anyone else but me not surprised at this revalation?

Leave it to the government to demand that cars pass tests at 35 MPH, while seats designed to hold the next generation of citizens are tested at only 30 MPH--and even the passing results of those tests are now suspect.

Heck, I grew up traveling to California and Utah on extended summer vacations LAYING ON A BLANKET IN THE BACK OF A 1968 CHEVY NOMAD STATION WAGON (with all of the luggage lieing unrestrained in a carefully constructed pile behind me.)

In the event of a head on collision, I would have been crushed between the luggage and the rear passenger seats. I didn't worry, because I call that kind of travel a real adventure. Who needed DVD's and video games back then any way?

I honestly believe that the key to my longevity was the fact that my test pilot father didn’t drive like a maniac. No fancy air bags and car booster seats could have defended me from the other idiots on the road that my dad couldn't avoid. In fact, my dad never had an accident in his entire driving career (if you don’t count the time the Brahma Bull ran into the side of that same Nomad station wagon--don’t ask…)

Remember a few years back when everyone was apparently strapping their little bundles of joy into an infant car seat in the front passenger position and having the airbag snap their limber little necks?

Government intervention ensued and the media crapped their pants and had written conniption fits about the hazards of technology, but in the end I think that only a few dozen kids and short adults were killed by the “mutant homicidal airbag phenomena.”

I find it incredibly stupid that you and I can get a ticket for driving around without wearing our seatbelt/shoulder harness, yet every single school day in America almost 100 percent of the school aged kids that ride public school busses sit on metal framed seats in a giant metal box which hurtles down the road at 55 MPH, only occasionally stopping for RR crossings and liquor stores...without seatbelts?

And another thing...

What about all of the families traveling on commercial airliners?

How many times have you had to sit a seat or row or two from somebody’s sweet little drooling darlin’, with the parent choosing to SAVE MONEY BY HOLDING THE LITTLE TURD FACTORY IN THEIR LAP RATHER THAN SPRINGING FOR THE COST OF AN EXTRA SEAT in which they can strap the little bugger down in?

Let’s see, 30 MPH in a car is illegal unless you use an approved device, but 500 MPH at 30,000 feet is just fine with the public, the media, and the government because, like school busses, it’s an expedient solution that the Volvo- driving, tree-hugging , kum-ba-yah singing crowd can deal with.

I personally, have my own unique solution to the problem, and you can acquire the materials to build your own version of my “child restraint system” at your local UPS store or U-haul dealer.

The good news is that it works on planes, trains, and automobiles, and it’s cheep!

Ready?

Duct tape and bubble wrap…three layers of each. Just cut a hole near face level for a straw or sippie cup, and then hose the whole thing out when you get to your destination…no diaper changes in route.

I know, I know, I know...It's so simple, the government would never approve it.

(Dang I’m insensitive, aren’t I?)