Boldly Going Where No Man Few Have Gone Before

Bang...zoom…to the moon…Alice

I just heard about James Doohan’s remains being shipped into Earth orbit later this year.

What an interesting idea.

Being an original “Trekkie,” I wrote about the death of Star Trek’s “Mr. Scott” when Doohan passed away this past July. At first glance it seems fitting that Doohan’s family would honor his request by placing his remains in orbit, but upon viewing The Space Services Website, I hate to tell you that it would appear that ALL of Mr. Scott won’t be orbiting the earth in a single container.

Maybe they made special arrangments to supersize their order or something.

You see, Space Services, which specializes in launching the cremated remains of your dearly departed loved ones into orbit, seems to be set up to send only a small part of a person’s remains into orbit or beyond.

My question is: “exactly what part of your body is being launched?”

Further: “Can I choose which part?” “If no, why not?”

Most people would pick their heart and/or brain, I guess.

Space Services charges $995 to launch one GRAM of your ashes into orbit. They charge $5,300 to launch 7 grams of remains, including a slightly expanded list of accutriments like scattering the rest of the remains at sea near the launch site.

Shouldn't they call this option the Space Shuttle Challenger option? (sorry…a crude reference, but I just couldn’t resist…)

Any way, if they are launching only one gram or seven grams of my remains, I want to know how much my butt would weigh after cremation because if I chose to employ Space Services, I want them to launch my entire lumbering ASS into orbit and have the unique opportunity to add yet another “MOON” to Earth orbit.

What a truely universal gesture of good will. I'll publish orbital tables and charts and school children can take astronomy class and look at the remains of MY REAR END in orbit from now on. Maybe I should wax....never mind.

I'll finally be famous...

For the slightly more money Space Services will allow you to buy the following services:

The $12,500 Lunar Service:

Launches a 1g sample of the cremated remains to either lunar orbit or to the lunar surface, and is deemed complete upon insertion into the moon’s gravitational influence. Includes:

The participant’s name is inscribed on a special plaque included in the spacecraft

Family, friends, and loved ones are invited to attend the launch and to participated in the on site memorial service;

A professionally produced video or DVD of the launch and associated activities is delivered after the launch event;

A biography and photo of the participant are posted on the website as a permanent virtual memorial;

A commemorative plaque suitable for use as a keepsake urn includes a launch photo, launch date and time information, and a replica of the flown Flight Module complete with participant’s name and flight message;

For the $12,500 Voyager Service:

Places 1 gram of cremated remains into deep space. Includes:

The participant’s name is inscribed on a special plaque included in the spacecraft

Family, friends, and loved ones are invited to attend the launch and to participated in the on site memorial service;

A professionally produced video or DVD of the launch and associated activities is delivered after the launch event;

A biography and photo of the participant are posted on the website as a permanent virtual memorial;

A commemorative plaque suitable for use as a keepsake urn includes a launch photo, launch date and time information, and a replica of the flown Flight Module complete with participant’s name and flight message;

* Performance assurance means that in the event the orbit is not reached, you will have the option for a priority re-flight, at no additional cost, on the next scheduled Space Services Inc. launch.

I, personally, have been considering another unique option for burial once my days on this planet are over with. Being a former scuba diver, I like the program offered by Eternal Reefs.

For a couple of thousand dollars they will cast ALL of your ashes into a concrete artifical reef module and place the module in a known location in the Atlantic ocean or the Gulf of Mexico. They then publish the GPS coordinates of your remains and YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY CAN COME VISIT YOU--IF THEY ARE SCUBA DIVERS.

I like the idea, myself. It seems very practical since it doesn't require taking up any real estate and hey--with all of the fish swimming around you can have pets from now on.

Do you have a better idea?