My New Dilemma Artistic Endeavor

God Help Me…


Reality has sank into my thick skull regarding the task that I’ve undertaken with my new friend “Mr. Tree,” and I’m feeling a bit of panic as I undertake outlining the project scope and writing a proposal to myself and any other interested parties covering what I’m actually trying to accomplish here.

As is usual, I’m taking this project VERY seriously.

Imagine being guilty of encasing someone you knew and loved in polyurethane and placing them in some ridiculous pose, with a retarded expression on their face, on public display for eternity (or at least thirty or forty years.)

Do YOU want to be responsible for that kind of insult and disgrace?

I certainly don’t, and my friend “Mr. Tree” definitely deserves better than that.

I have this private joke that I’ve shared with my mother and my girl Pat about my behavior in “touristy” gift shops and places like Hallmark Cards and the obsequious “Christmas Shoppes”.

I freeze my face in a teeth gritting grin and walk around saying things like “isn’t that cute…” and “uh-huh honey,” “buy two of THOSE…” while I pray for the experience to end.

That’s not how I want the public—at least anyone with any taste and judgment—to react when they see the results of my endeavor.

The south is already quite well known for tourist traps like “Gator Farms” and zoos sporting “two headed snakes” and crap like that, and we also have our fair share of what I call “Public Art.”

You know what I mean by “Public Art”, don't you?

I mean things served to the public on a silver platter--things which are so ugly or otherwise ridiculous looking that it is clear that there is no way that the artist could actually make a living and sell their artwork unless the GOVERNMENT used force to STEAL the funds from the TAXPAYERS in order to give said money to the so-called ARTIST in return for the possession and use of the so-called ARTWORK.

I just hate when that happens, and I've written about it in the past.

Now I have to put my body and energy where my mouth is and get this thing done, tastefully and with my own high standards, but without one dime of confiscated tax money other that the amount that would have otherwise been spent moving the tree from where it lies to the landfill or dump.

I’m going to by God do it…just watch…