Internet One Liners

Twenty Things I wish I'd Said...


1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak...

2. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a few payments...

3. We live in a Society where Pizza gets to your house before the Police...

4. We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

5. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

6. The Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" and then proceed to tell you why it isn't...

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...

10. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

11. You spend the first 2 years of your kids' lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next 16 years trying to get them to sit down and shut up.

12. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

13. 4 out of 5 people suffer from Diarrhea...does that mean that ONE enjoys it?

14. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

15. The main difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.

16. I didn't say that it was your fault...I said I was blaming you.

17. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas...

20. The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it's still on my list.

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