Monday, May 02, 2011

My Own "Inside Edition"...Details Of Osama's Funeral

Mean Politically Incorrect Things I Think Of...

I was thinking of writing an elaborate posting here this evening addressing how I would have handled Osama Bid Laden's funeral, but I'm too busy right now to spend the time.

Here's my outline which I wrote during dinner and reserve the rights to elaborate on with more words and pictures later:

First of all, I would have dressed the dearly departed's corpse in a lovely white head dressing and prayer tunic woven from genuine American Yorkshire hog hair.

Next, I'd place him in a specially designed coffin with a lining made from slightly crisped bacon.

Inside the coffin would be gifts for Mohammad, including an assortment of hams and pork sausage from Hickory Farms.

Then, If I were Abduhl or Ishmale or St. Peter or whoever was responsible for managing Osama's trip to the Pearly Gates to meet Mohammed and his 72 virgins, I would arrange for the Pig named Arnold from Green Acres ghost to be seated beside him in the next seat, and the in flight movies would be would be the entire trillogy of the "Babe" the pink pig movies for his enjoyment.

And finally, once Mohammed presented the virgins to Osama, I would make sure that they all look like Janet Napolitano, Madaleine Allbright, sHrillary Clinton, and of course Helen Thomas (the expelled Lebonese White House Reporter.) 

And maybe there would also be a few of the flaming Islamic Gay Guys that were killed by mandate of the Peaceful Religion of Islam standing there with a few Ideas with what to do with Bid Laden's "pretty mouth" and sorry Ass when all things are said and done.

Thus, with that partial evening Rant here Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm fairly certain someone will probably stop by to comment and call me things like a mean old Redneck, semi-Christian, bigoted, racist, and possibly a homophobic insensitive bastard

And...I are...aren't I?

(and damn proud of it BTW...)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Awesome! By the way, wasn't the local fish wrapper's coverage of the event unbelievable Monday (as in not one WORD on the event)? And today it's as if they are trying to make up for it. WTH does WE WOULDN'T FORGET mean? And horrible choice of photos. Why don't they just terrorize people all over again? One word for the Brunswick snooze - LAME.