If I Were Standing In the Legal Line

I'd Want My Money Back...


Does anyone but me find it sort of weird that we're having to have a DEBATE about the topic of ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION?

I mean, what is there to not understand about this issue?

Either you're born in Alabama with your banjo on your knee...and you're an American citizen...

Else…You're born in Ethiopia or Mexico City or Rio and you’re not an American citizen—at least you’re not without jumping through some legal hurdles.

(Notice that I didn’t say jumping across a fence or the Rio Grande)

If you meet the second criteria, you shouldn't be too surprised to find out that you’re a resident of an impoverished African country or that of Mexico or Brazil--at least until you get a passport and Visa and/or apply for immigration privileges and future US citizenship.

It all seems simple enough to me.

Both sides of my family did it (immigrated) a couple hundred years ago when things were a bit simpler, but they paid the price and I'm proud to be here today in spite of the sorry state of the mentality and morals of much of our population.

Most of us (my family) have also followed the laws and paid our own freight to maintain our existence since then. Some of us have even become wealthy along the path of following the American dream.

So what the hell is going on when a half MILLION Mexicans take to the streets downtown in an AMERICAN city to protest the proposed change in US law making entering our country illegally a felony

Again I ask, what is there to not understand?

Break the law, pay the price...

What I want to know is—why didn't the police and armed forces just walk in, fly a few helicopters overhead, and arrest everyone in sight that couldn't produce proof of citizenship?

OH…Nooooooooo…..can’t have that…German Gestapo tactics….ooohhhhh aaaaahhhh

Of course, as is usual with the liberal media when covering these type events, the estimates of attendance varied widely. I've heard 500,000 in the LA streets from the AP reports, and at the same time I heard that the number was closer to 100,000. I’ve found that the AP tends to overstate attendance when it fits their agenda, while at the same time understating the numbers when it advances a cause they don't agree with (the number of red state voters comes to mind in this instance.)

Any way…

Rumor has it that there are somewhere near 11,000,000 illegal immigrants here in the United-by-God-States of America today.

I suspect that that number to be a bit low.

How the hell can anyone in the government keep a straight face while talking about that number of infiltrators?

11 illegals is a non-issue.

110 is worth having a meeting every now and then.

1,100 is a real issue.

11,000 is a serious situation.

110,000 is more than a bit of a problem.

1,100,000 means someone in the government needs firing.

11,000,000 is in fact a...well...it's a NATIONAL DISGRACE.

I don't give a tinkers damn what Julio and Migael and Virgillio and Pablo say about their rights and intentions, ELEVEN MILLION people that don't belong here is ELEVEN MILLION too many.

Let me tell you, I've spent my fair share of time working with and around Mexican “immigrants” and I say that they all basically fall into three categories.

The first category is rather obvious...what I call the “poster boy/girl” immigrant. They’re industrious, honest, sincere people that are looking for a better life and fully intend to integrate themselves into most of the American lifestyle. Of course I can't blame them if they avoid a big piece of our culture like Hollywood and some of the other pop culture crap that has developed here in the last fifty years.

The second group is the real problem...criminal immigrants that would be considered a pestilence in any country and any culture. These people are mean, dishonest, greedy, robbing, thieving, drug dealing, scumbags that Mexican Presidente Vincennes Fox is happy to be rid of.

Finally, there is a third category that burns my ass, but there isn’t much that we can do about them until the government gets their collective heads out of their asses and stops the flood influx.

These people are here illegally and they know that there is nothing that the average citizen like me and you can do about it.

THEY’RE LAUGHING AT US, AS THEY TAKE OUR MONEY AND SEND IT BACK HOME TO MEXICO.

These people have no intention of assimilating into our country and our culture, they just want to stay here and start Mexico North.

Or is it North Mexico?

They are just as surely a problem as the outright criminal immigrants are, because they intend to take over the country by gaining citizenship and a vote, even as they subvert our immigration laws.

All I know is that I’m glad that I’m 46 and not 26 or 16 because the America I was born in is rapidly disappearing and the one I die in is likely to be a place I don’t recognize.

Belize...here I come...

Have I Got Memory?

200 Gigabytes Worth…


There was a time when I was always on the cutting edge of PC computer technology at work and at home.

I lived and breathed computers--it was both a hobby and a business tool. I even had a subscription to “Byte” magazine, the ultimate computer nerd magazine of the 1980’s.

I was always head computer nerd everywhere I worked, so as a result I got to make the purchase decisions and I generally had one of the fastest PC sitting on MY desk.

My tastes in computers trickled over to my home PC equipment also.

I had an 80 Mb SCSI hard drive when everyone else suffered along with 40 Meg IDE drives. I had a HP laser printer while my friends waited on noisy old Epson dot matrix printers to print their letters home to mom or “honey.”

I had a Dell notebook PC back in 1993 in the days before every other seat on an airplane featured some bored executive pounding away on the keyboard of one. I could barely get any work done because people kept stopping to ask “hey, isn’t that one of those new Dell’s?”

Darn it was fun, but it was EXPENSIVE buying a new computer every two years or so, particularly when I was spending an average of $3000 on each new platform.

Things have changed a good deal for me today, as my computer needs have been drastically reduced and my computer budget has fallen along with them. While I used to run AutoCAD every day and spend hours in Excel Spreadsheets and running custom programs that I had written, today my computer use consists primarily of writing Word Documents, editing photos in Photoshop, and surfing the internet.

I haven't read a computer magazine in years, and today I resort to invesitgating our technology needs as they arise, sort of on a "need to know" basis rather than sitting around lusting all the time over things that I don't need and/or can't justify the cost of owning.

Today I don’t really need screaming processor speed, the standard resolution of most monitors and LCD displays is more than adequate, but what I do need is LOTS of hard disk space on which to store my photographs.

The problem became critical last week when I realized that one of our machines’ hard drive was 98% full. This explained while the performance was crawling. The older laptop which I use primarily was in the same situation.

I hate to admit that I didn't have a clue what our options were, so I called my former college roommate Andy to ask for an opinion. Andy still lives on the cutting edge when it comes to information and computer technology as an executive at a division of Intergraph Corporation.

When Andy turns on his computer system, the lights in all of western North Carolina dim slightly. Andy's computer storage capacities are in the three TERRABYTE range...at HOME.

Andy suggested that as a solution to our storage woes that I forget looking at USB flash drives or replacement internal hard drives and instead consider the inexpensive USB external drives.

Saturday afternoon we wandered across the Torras Causeway--back to the real world to do some shoping. Pat went to Bed Bath and Beyond while I visited Staples and Circuit City.

When we left the parking lot on our way back home to our little island, I was so excited that I almost wet my pants.

No…I’m really not that simple minded…it’s just that I realize how amazing it is today when it comes to where we are with computer hardware.

We paid the clerk at Staples for a Maxtor 200 Gigabyte USB Drive ($119.00 plus tax), brought our purchase home, opened the package, plugged it into the computer’s USB port, plugged the AC adapter into the wall, rebooted the computer and….

instead of 40 Gig, Pat’s little Dell computer now had 240 Gig!

No driver installation from floppy disks or CD’s.

No special extra cost cabling or adapters.

No extra trips to the computer store

No e-mails to support websites.

No phone calls to tech support.

No bitching and complaining and shouting and scratching my head and/or ass, wondering what I’d done wrong.

There weren’t even any instructions in the packaging—just a reference to a website to answer questions to anyone unlucky enough to not know which end of an AC adaptor to plug into the wall outlet.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING HERE?

I guess maybe not--particularly if you are under the age of 35. Let me tell you kids something…things haven’t always been this way.

I remember back about 1985 when I managed to talk my boss into letting me buy a new hard drive for my IBM PC-XT.

You see, the old PC-XT’s originally came with a giant…get ready…10 megabyte hard drive.

My co-workers used to hang around my desk and gawk in envy because I didn’t need a stack of floppy disks to run spell check on Wordstar.

We paid nearly $300, as I recall, to double my capacity to 20 meg, and I had to replace the existing 10 meg drive to do it because “half height” drives hadn’t been invented yet and the old PC-XT chassis only had two drive bays—we needed to save one bay for a 5-1/4” floppy drive in order to install new programs and exchange data with other users on floppies.

Back then, adding or replacing a hard disk involved…gasp…OPENING UP THE CABINET of the PC, exposing sensitive things like the power supply and “mother board.” Then there was the inevitable extra trip back to the computer store to buy the cable that you really needed rather than the cable that they already sold you or that came with the new hard drive.

As I said earlier, today you plug the darn things in, turn them on, and start computing.

How easy is that?

Also, consider this statistic. Two Hundred Gigabytes in my new drive is 10,000 times larger than the 20 Megabyte capacity of that first drive that I installed 21 years ago.

Ten thousand times the storage capacity for less than half the 1985 price…

Sorry, but I'm still excited and I’ve got to go pee now…

(then I'm going to save some new pictures on our new hard drive)

Dead Computer

Film At Eleven...


I hope that it isn't really dead because I have a bunch of photos that aren't on the other machine...but...she wouldn't boot up this morning.

Thus the lack of words, pictures, and commentary.

Stay tuned to this station, if you will.

An Exclusive Revelation

I've Identified The Seventy-Two Virgins...


Did anyone but me see the antics of the whitehouse press corps this week when President Bush held his "open" news conference? What a truely stupid bunch of partisan idiots most of these elitist morons showed themselves to be.

Particulary rancid was the behavior of Helen Thomas as she delivered a rhetoric laced "non-question" that the President took a swing at and hit out of the ballpark.

Poor old Helen kept on spitting and sputtering and interrupting, forcing President Bush to interrupt her several times.

I think that she might have soiled here Depends in the process of the exchange.

I have every respect in general for people that manage to live to the ripe old age that Helen has, but she has fallen a long, long way since her days in the Kennedy White House in the early 1960's.

She's been a reporter since 1943 for God's sake. Why dosn't she just throw in the towel and find something else to do with her time rather than doddering into the White House press room only to spike her blood pressure a couple of times week.

I started thinking about ways that she could serve her country, and this idea came to mind...





Hey all you suicide bomber followers of Allah and Bin Laden...

COME AND GET 'EM!!!


(that image makes me shudder at my own creativity...)

Hospital Update

Slightly better...


On Monday I mentioned here on the blog that my beloved Grandmother was in very serious condition in the intensive care ward of a Florida Hospital.

I can report with guarded optimism that she has now been moved out of intensive care today--into a regular hospital room, but she still has a LONG way to go because she's developed a new condition as of the result of her bed confinement and we're still awaiting an actual diagnosis of what is wrong with her, if anything, besides her advanced age.

I am humbled by the the widespread response of support from my fellow bloggers and many total strangers here on the internet.

Of particular note is that my blog idol Steve H. over at Hog On Ice noticed my Prayer Request and referenced my family's situation with this link in his blog.

Thanks a zillion Mr. H. (BTW, you blasted my hit count up six fold today.)

Several other of my fellow bloggers including Val Prieto over at Babalu blog took the time to comment and offer support. I also noticed that my blogfriend Richthofin at Blind Chick Racing tossed me a link also.

This is the first time I've ever asked for anything on my blog other than the patience of anyone that happens by in enduring my ranting and sometimes irrational ravings.

I am overwhelmed with this outpouring of concern and kind words, and on behalf of my family and myself I offer a hearty

THANK YOU!

Leg Of Lamb...Anyone?

Where's My Mint Jelly...


It would seem that strange things are happening in Meeuwen-Gruitrode, Belgium these days, as evidenced by this photograph (no, I didn't Photoshop it...)

This little critter was born there recently and has caused quite a stir in the local farming community.

I wonder if I could buy a franchise on ranching and distrubuting my own herd (or is it flock.)



Based on a 50% increase in the number of legs of lamb for sale, I'd say it could be a profitable (ad)venture.

Say A Little Prayer, Please

A Personal Request...


If you're inclined to pray, please pray for this little lady that is very dear to my family and I.

My Father's mother was born in 1913 and has resided the past week in intensive care down in Florida. She'd be 93 years old if she makes it to December.

Thing's don't look that good for that to happen.

The driving and time spent at the hospital yesterday has caused the posting to be rather light as a result.

I'll try to do better later today...

Freedom OF Religion

Not Freedom FROM Religion


I actually have what I think is a valid point to make here, so bear with me while I ramble along mentally to get us to it...

If you are a non-blogger and/or causal internet user, you might not realize how far reaching Google’s influence has become. Besides making its co-founders famous and wealthy, it has also become a powerful guardian to the internet and internet access that can make or break blogs and commercial websites alike.

As I understand things today, Blogger.com, the company that hosts my blogs (for free by the way) is owned by Google. Recently I've learned that several prominent blogs have had trouble with their content being removed or otherwise censored for unexplained reasons, and the only recourse was for the blogger to go somewhere else for hosting.

I've thus far managed to stay out of that situation, but...hey...I'm always just one good rant away from insanity...

They (Google) spend a good deal of their time working on your and my behalf and they are the number one search engine on the internet.

I find their services to be indispensable in regard to my own web usage. They constantly refine search algorithms in order to ensure that the results you get when you peck in a topic in the search box are the best possible, but sometimes problems ensue

For instance, last year I found that doing a Google search for my name resulted in seeing me come up number one on their listing.

Woooo, hoooo, yeeeee, haaaa, with that and a buck I can get a cup of thermonuclear coffee at Waffle House.

But then, mysteriously, shortly after I discovered that ego enhancing fact, I also found that my ranking had virtually disappeared, falling down in the second or third page of search results.

It was no big deal for me commercially, but I have to admit that it hurt my feelings a little.

Not to worry, because today the sun is shining and the birds are singing, and my name again sits atop Google’s search results.

But do you know what else I just found out this morning?

Something sort of cool, but yet sort of strange at the same time.

One of my postings was prominently quoted in an article on the website about.com. What really caught my eye was that the category in which this article was published was Agnosticism/Atheism.

You can go here to read the text of the November 15, 2005 article entitled “Conservatives mobilizing against Atheists.

“What the heck” I first thought to myself. “Am I supposed to be flattered or outraged…”

It turns out that I just have to sit back and chuckle, because the posting that Mr. Austin Cline made was referencing my own blog rant entitled “Newdow, Old Tricks.”

I really thought that title was quite cleaver.

I was writing at the time about the meddling California Atheist father Michael Newdow that sued in court to stop his daughter for having to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in the classrooms in public schools.

Mr. Austin takes umbrage with my simplistic reasoning, but he missed my point entirely in the process. I actually wasn’t trying to be that serious, I was just venting my feelings—one of the primary reasons that I write a blog.

Here is what he said (the text in green is quoted from me):

At least Doug Hagin mentions a couple of genuine issues. Virgil Rogers dispenses with such niceties and goes straight for the personal attack:

"In my opinion, Mr. Newdow is a truly bored, egotistical, useless moron. I wish I had the spare time and energy that Mike has, because I’d probably have solved some critical problem like finding a cure for the common cold or producing a vaccine for Avian flue or something USEFUL by now. I bet Newdow spent his twelve years in public schools with the other boys and most of the girls kicking his butt and wiping the floor with him."

Notice any attempt to argue that Newdow is wrong? Neither do I. Virgil Rogers insists that Newdow is “screwing” with his rights and civil liberties, but he doesn’t explain what “rights” or “liberties” would be overturned if the government ceased to officially endorse, support, or encourage particular religious beliefs. Do Hindus have fewer rights and liberties because their religious beliefs aren’t endorsed by the state? Do Shintos have fewer rights and liberties because their religious beliefs aren’t promoted by the state? Hardly. Yet so many Christians are certain that it would be a form of discrimination if the government ceased to support and endorse their beliefs.

It’s not rights or liberties that they would be losing, it’s privilege. Christians and Christianity have, through much of America’s history, been treated with special deference as compared to other religions. When most Americans were Christian, this was accepted and enjoyed — objections by religious minorities were simply dismissed. Now that America is more religiously diverse, however, religious minorities are becoming more vocal and more successful in their challenges to traditional practices.

Well Mr. Cline, let me say THIS about THAT.

I am constantly torn between writing serious commentary versus just “letting it all hang out” here on the blog, trying to be entertaining.

Maybe you're just pointing out that I have failed at doing either or both at the same time, BUT...with regard to the issue of Michael Newdow’s lawsuit about the words “one nation under God” in the Pledge of allegiance, there is an important detail that I failed to mention, and that you apparently fail to grasp.

Let me state it as simply as I can for you and my readers.

I believe that the government can ABSOLUTLELY stop promoting the pledge of allegiance when the government also stops confiscating my property tax dollars to pay for the mind mush mills laughingly called “public schools” and REQUIRING that our citizens send their children there for twelve impressionable years of their lives.

Last time I checked, it was AGAINST THE LAW to not send your kid to school. The police will come to your house, arrest you, and put you in jail if you let your kids sit at home playing Playstation and eating Poptarts all day long.

I say that when the government starts allowing parents to have freedom of educational choice and are allowed to home school or otherwise educate their little darlin’s in the private school of their liking, then you can send your own child to a school where they say a pledge of allegiance to the Devil or Elvis or even Howdy Doody if you want.

It's all about educational choice.

The only catch is that the goverment should pony up some cash, in the form of school vouchers, to help the parents pay for the alternative (read that REAL) education. After all, it's their (our) money that the government is currently using to pay for the drivel that they are teaching between 8 AM and 3 PM.

The wording of the Pledge of Allegiance should be the LEAST of our problems.

It seems to me to be an easy choice, yet we all still sit here today with crappy, underachieving schools and endless debates on test scores.

Until such time when parents have educational choices, and only then, I say that the VOTERS, not the courts, are entitled to decide what our kids are or are not taught. This means that Michael Newdow can't use the COURTS to override the VOTERS.

It's just that simple...

Strawberry Key Lime Pie

Don’t Anyone Get Between Me And My Key Lime Juice


(An Apology: I occasionally cross post things here on this blog that I also publish over on my cooking blog, The Redneck Gourmet, and this morning I find myself in the position of not having anything original worth saying so I took the opportunity to write up this pie recipe and dump it out on both blogs. You really aught to try making one for yourself and a few friends--its really quite yummy.)


Did you know that you can make a WHOLE Key Lime Pie in less than 30 minutes?

Did you know that you can make a WHOLE Key Lime Pie for about $6.00?

Further, if you are a cheep-skate like me and you don't mind making your own pie crust, did you know that you can cut the cost down to about $4.50.

That said, does anyone but me wonder why the heck a slice of Key Lime Pie costs you $5.00 in most restaurants?

Maybe they have to send someone to fly each day down to Key West and pick their own little Key limes and escort them back to their kitchen or something. That could explain the cost.

And why are these expensive pie slices colored GREEN?

The natural color of a Key Lime Pie comes out pale yellow when I make one.

Is the green color the result of radioactivity, or possibly food coloring?

Then again, maybe the high cost is due to labor.

I know from personal experience that juicing those little suckers (key limes) requires the patience of Job. The seeds are tiny and almost impossible to pick out of the juice without a fine mesh strainer, and it takes over a dozen of the little suckers to get an entire pie’s worth of juice.

I gave up juicing little limes last year once I found out that I could drive over to the grocery store and buy a bottle of Nellie and Joe’s Famous Key West Lime Juice.

This stuff is WONDERFUL.

One 16 fluid ounce bottle is said to contain the juice of at least 26 key limes. Based on my experience, it seems more like about 4 dozen of the tiny, tart citrus fruits.

Any way, I got bored last week and started thinking about doing something a little different with Key Lime Juice, and as usual—a trip to the grocery store was the answer.

What I found was that they are practically giving away Florida strawberries right now, so I bought two big packages of berries along with some other stuff, and a new form of Key Lime Pie resulted.

This recipe is EXTREMELY simple, so don’t blink your eyes or you’ll miss it.

All you need are these Ingrediants:

½ cup of Key Lime Juice
(1) 14 oz can Eaglebrand Sweetened Condensed Milk
(3) egg yolks
(1) cup pureed strawberries (drained well)

Sliced strawberrys and/or sliced kiwi fruit for garnish
A few leafs of fresh mint for garnish

(1) 8” or 9” pie crust (I used a Nabisco “Nilla” Pie crust)


You ready to make a pie now?

Step #1...Fire up your oven and set the temperature at 350 degrees F.

Step #2...Stir everything together, dump it into the pie crust, and bake for 20 minutes.

How simple is that?

When the dust settles, all that is left is to chill your pie in the fridge for a few hours, then slice it up, put it on chilled plates, and garnish it with the sliced strawberries, kiwi, and mint sprigs.

Now grab yourself a fork and EAT!


Enjoy Y’all,

The Redneck Gourmet

Happy St. Pat's Day

I've got my green underwear on...how about you?


You just got to love a country that has a patron saint like Saint Patrick that can induce the public to drink zillions of gallons of green libations once a year.

Let's all turn in unison, face northeast across the Atlantic, and give our Irish friends a nice salute.

Meanwhile, I’d like to point out that the second largest celebration in the US outside of NY City will be happening in Savannah, Georgia, just up I-95 from us today.

They’re expecting about 300,000 revelers to attend. This, in a city of about 130,000 according the 2000 census.

Can you say Gridlock?

I last visited Savannah (only about 70 miles north of me now as I write) on St. Paddy's Day in 1983 with my college friend Randy.

I had no idea what I was getting into.

We drove down in his roommate's VW Jetta and when we got to town there wasn't a motel room to be found. Of course anyone with any sense knew that in that day the rooms were all booked up at least a year in advance.

Today I think you would be making reservations for 2010 at best.

Any way...we ended up sleeping in the car that night, parked on the curb of one of Savannah's famous "squares." Besides having street sweeper trucks driving past endlessly, we were also awakened about 2 AM by a female cop that ended up feeling sorry for us and let us sleep un-rousted until daylight. She even stopped back by a couple of times to check on us (I think she liked Randy.)

The second night was spent in an old fleabag hotel out on Tybee Island that had a shower that came preloaded with beach sand and where you picked up your black and white TV with a set of "rabbit ear" antenna in the office when you checked in.

It only cost a couple of bucks extra, so we splurged on the TV in order to be able to watch the news.

The parade, even back then, was a monstrous affair that lasted three or four hours in total, and the downtown streets were packed with participants wearing funny green hats and ties and with nubile young girls sporting body parts that they were willing to show in public in return for beads and other trinkets.

I saw the best "cat fight" I've ever seen that day. These two little 100 pound girls beat the shit out of each other, presumably over nothing, and when they got through they were both bloody and half naked...with hand full size hanks of hair laying on the ground at their feet.

The crowd was quite happy to cheer their progress on, and a couple of sideline fights erupted among some of the spectators and the "gentlemen" that were enduring the lonely task of escorting these two lovely young ladies.

In the end, we staggered up and down River Street in the crush of the crowd, bumped into a few other college friends, tried to drink all of the green beer, found ourselves to be unsuccessful, and slithered back home with a hangover the next day, never to return except for any day except St. Patrick’s day.

I’ve visited Savannah and Port Wentworth many times since, and I can actually drive around the city without needing a roadmap, but I’ve never been back for St. Paddy’s day. I feel the same way about New Orleans now, except that Katrina may have made the Big Easy endurable again as a side effect.

Any hooooo…I hope that you have a lovely day there in your green garments.

If I Were Commander In Chef Chief

My New World Map



'Nuff said, I think...

(Hat tip to Roger over at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical for the image.)

When All You Have Is A Hammer

I Guess Everything Looks Like a Nail


I’m going to start this rant at the end, and then work backwards to the beginning--where I think that the problem lies.

Please take a gander at these paragraphs from Thursday’s edition of The Brunswick News online edition:

“The eagles under her control will be turned over to the DNR, Page said, but the responsibility for placing the rest of them will lie with her.

If she is unable to find a new home for the sanctuary, Page said that federal mandates require her to place the birds with educational programs or euthanize them.”

You see that?

That is your Federal and our State Government at work, ladies and gentlemen.

Instead of allowing people like me and you to own and maintain certain animals and specifically listed birds as pets in our homes, the stupid assed idiots that we have elected (and/or the highly paid morons that have been hired by those same elected idiots) would rather that the animals be KILLED if government approved “shelter space” isn’t available.

Is this a prelude to what is going to happen when we finally give government full control of our sick citizens and our old people?

Just kill grandpa when the nursing home is full and you don't want him doddering around your back yard or climbing up in your Philodendron in the foyer looking for his wallet.

Yeah...that's a good solution...an atypical form of a government solution.

I don't know where to place the blame here--with the tree hugger socialists in general, or maybe it should go squarely on the backs of the gullible Democrats that have been responsible for passing most of the endangered feces species legislation in the first place.

I just know that this "spotted owl and snail darter fish" crap makes my head spin. How the hell can people that grew up inside concrete buildings, surrounded by miles of asphalt and concrete know one damn thing about any living being except possibly cockroaches and ants?

They can have my fair share of ants and roaches--just leave my red tailed hawks and chipmunks alone, dammit.

Now to the beginning of the story.

There is an elderly couple, Al and Emmy Minor, which are fortunate enough to own land out on Sapelo Island about ten miles from here. Sapelo is one of Georgia’s many pristine barrier islands that doesn’t have a road connecting it with the mainland.

If you go to Sapelo, you either go by boat, else you put on your bathing suit and swim a few thousand strokes.

I’d love to live there, but I hear grocery shopping is a bitch--plan on taking the day to do it.

Any way…Mr. and Mrs. Minor have, since the early 1980’s, leased 10 acres of land to a non-profit animal sanctuary operated by Nan Page.

It has cared for more than 10,000 birds, including owls, pelicans, red-tailed hawks and gulls. Small mammals such as opossums, otters, raccoons and foxes have also been cared for.

Ms. Page is lamenting her problem in losing her lease on the Minor’s land at the end of this month. She may have to close the shelter as a result.

But what is the real reason that this much needed shelter is on the verge of being shut down?

Enter the aforementioned stupid assed government idiots, stage right.

May I have a drum roll…please…

GOVERNMENT REGULATIONS are making it impossible for the shelter to continue to operate because the couple that owns the land can’t or won’t be able to meet their (the government’s) requirements.

Al and Emmy Minor, founders and former operators of the sanctuary, are not renewing the center's lease on the 10 acres that has been used for wildlife shelter and rehabilitation when it expires March 31.

"It's just become too much for us to handle, age-wise," Mrs. Minor said.

While officially removed from the sanctuary's day-to-day operations, the Minors still live close by and have remained involved in a lessened capacity.

Birds – including hawks and eagles – come to the sanctuary by way of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, the Georgia Department of Natural Resources and veterinarians' offices.

Mrs. Minor said the center currently houses about 11 birds, including a newborn bald eaglet.

In addition to the challenges involved in keeping the nonprofit center afloat financially and maintaining its facilities, Mrs. Minor said an increase in regulations has taken a toll on current director Nan Page's efforts in running the facility – challenges which, in turn, take a toll on her.

"Sometimes they just make it so difficult," she said of the rules. "To go to a school carrying a hawk, Nan needed permission from Fish and Wildlife. They said each hawk used needed to live in its own separate cage. And then she needed another cage to transport them to the school. Then she needed a big van just to hold the required cage."

What kind of crap is that?

I want to go out and kick anyone's ass that is stupid enough to force well intended people to KILL ANIMALS in the name of government regulations.

Isn't the prevention of the abuse and death the orginal reason for having laws about protected species in the first place?

What have these people been smoking?

I wish I had the money and land to take on this enterprise. Since I don’t, all I can do is point it out to YOU, my readers, and hope that someone steps forward to come to the shelter’s rescue.

I’ve heard that success is obtained when opportunity meets planning and preparation.

Government seems to simply involve idiocy and stupidity meeting tax dollars.

Almost Famous

My Head Is Spinning


OK, in fit of audacity, I packed up my church drawings and dragged them clumsily around the island today to get some quotes on making some copies for sale and to get some opinions about the quality of my work.

pinch me...please...

ALMOST EVERYBODY WANTS THEM...or at least copies thereof.

But...

In a last minute fit of self aggrandizing conniption and hyperbole, I went by the Left Bank Gallery --Thee number one, Thee most extravigant, Thee singular local that requires the lifting of one's eyebrows and the rising of one's pinkie fingers into the air while drinking tea, Thee most "Arty Farty" Art gallery on the island, and guess what?

The staff there loved my work.

Further, I have a presentation/interview on March 31st with Mrs. Wilcox--Proprieter.

Stuff sold in her establishment starts in the thousand dollar range...

Who want's to meet me in Miami--I sense a nice vacation coming on while spending the proceeds earned from my efforts?

Now where are my pens, I have to get back to my drawings???

if uyo acn raed htis

uyo'er oto admn loces


int's ti ufynn hwo het uhmna brani owrks?

thsi hpenoemna xelpiasn hwy i hvae tourlbe rwitngi wtihuto spellcheck.

Real Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

Satirical Satire


Have I ever mentioned that I’m basically a religious person?

No?

Well, I am, to varying degrees throughout my life.

That said, let me tell you that I don’t actively participate in an organized religion any more because I think that most organized religion sucks.

I find that churches are generally filled with haughty, self important morons.

If it weren’t for PEOPLE, I’d be in church every Sunday because I love the buildings.

Unfortunately, it’s many of the church members that I have a hard time stomaching—particularly the ones that caused the phrase “holier than thou” to be coined in reference thereof or thereto.

Further, I think that if you want to get yourself screwed financially or otherwise, just drop your pants and bend over anywhere near a church or the people that routinely inhabit churches and they’ll be happy to anoint your ass with a healthy dose of Vaseline and proceed to have their way with you physically and/or mentally.

Case in point…

My parents helped start a church back in the late 1960’s when the United Methodist Church lost their mind and all of the Preachers in training at Emory University in Atlanta started living with their girlfriends (and boyfriends.) I guess that the last straw was when the church doctrine started assaulting the idea of the virgin birth of Christ

…yada…yada…yada.

One thing that you don’t do is insult someone’s religion, but the worst thing you can do is insult said religion from inside the walls of the Church sanctuary. That’s what the “powers what be” up on the hill in the Methodist Church started doing in the late 60’s, and it caused an exodus of members that ran out and formed what we called “The Independent Methodist Church.”

I think that it’s still around today.

Any way, my family started one (a new church) with a few other families. We hired this wonderful, sweet old man—a retired Army Chaplin—as a minister, and it wasn’t long before there were 80 people showing up at our services held in the County library each Sunday.

Our only rules were that you were sincere about your faith in God and…BYORS

BYORS means “Bring your own Rattlesnake.”

Actually I’m just kidding about the rattlesnake part—a rattlesnake would have cleared out the building with our crowd, and I would have gotten my ass beaten for bringing a reptile into the proceedings. I did think about it, however.

Any way, it wasn’t long before they had established a building fund, bought a few acres of land out on the “Bypass”, and bricks and mortar ensued. My dad helped draw up the plans and I built a scale model of the building out of cardboard.

The members did as much work as they could to save money on the construction. We spent practically every Saturday out clearing the land before construction began or staining doors and Alter Railings in the finish process.

It’s one thing to show up in an old church building on Sunday and go through the motions of a worship service, but I’ve witnessed a special pride that is the reward that can only be gained by participating in actually building the building

The problems started when we adopted a group of professional “Holy Rollers.”

Did you know about “Professional Holy Rollers”?

These people are to churches like fleas and ticks are to a dog.

Sort of an infestation, if you will.

They wander around the community touting their wild eyed zealous beliefs and they actually embarrass and intimidate the weaker members of congregations into coming along with them. One day you’re reciting the Apostles’ Creed and singing the Doxology, and the next Sunday you’ve got people speaking in tongues and TESTIFYING FOR THE LORD…HAWH J-E-S-U-SSSSSS.

If you don’t utter words in some sort of alien gibberish or proclaim your salvation at the top of your lungs at the drop of your hat, then you are considered clearly inferior in your faith and subject to a hearty dose of fire and brimstone along with the rest of the heathens.

The only problem is, the “Professional Holy Rollers” don’t always put their money where their Holy Rolling Mouths are. They rely on other people’s money to finance the carpeted halls of religious sanctuary where they do their Holy Rolling.

The only other problem was, all of us “Non-Holy Rolling” heathens’ parents names were on the mortgage of the church building title. Further, all of us “Non-Holy Rolling” heathens’ parents were making the tithes and tossing the checks in the offering plate that had built the building and paid the monthly payments on said mortgage.

In the end it was Holy Rollers 7, Heathens Parents 0.

We walked away from our church home and never looked back, AFTER having our names removed from the mortgage.

Bastards.

After seeing the agony that my parents and our friends were put through in the name of religion, I’ve never quite been able to commit myself to another congregation since.

Don’t get me wrong here—I believe in a God and all that, but I’m not quite certain if he is some old grey haired bearded guy that spends his time creaking around somewhere out past the planet Pluto, or if the real God is embodied in the collective consciousness of all of us humans that keep the world going forward on a daily basis and take good care of the kids and dogs and cats and everything else that needs doing in spite of Congress and the Democrats.

I can understand people getting upset when the “secular world” pokes fun at religion, but if religion and religious people wouldn’t give the heathens so much material to work with, then they could rest easy at home each evening and in church on Sunday.

Religions and religious people are their own worst enemies.

Why should they be immune from the occasional lampoon when they so obviously deserve it?

Most recently, Tom Cruise’s association with L Ron Hubbard’s Scientology religion has made a few headlines. I don’t care what the women think of his butt, I think Cruise is an overpaid idiot.

If he would just stick to acting—something I think he is pretty good at—and stop proving that he’s an idiot when he opens his mouth, everything would be fine…but he can’t.

More time with his mouth closed would give him extra time to spend running around chasing young tail, something else he has a talent for.

I’m also not a regular viewer of the Comedy Central show South Park, but I’ve seen enough of it to know that Trey Parker and the gang that write it are geniuses equal opportunity insulters of religions everywhere.

The intro to every episode features a irreverent flying image of Jesus, but they balance things out with an ongoing Satin and Sadam Hussein in a Gay S&M Bondage relationship theme that cracks me up every time I see it.

One of my favorite South Park characters is the black school cafeteria cook “Chef”, based around the voice of the soul singer Isaac Hayes. I guess that I’ll have to resort to watching re-runs if I want to see Chef in the future, because Mr. Hayes has quit South Park because they did an episode poking fun at his religion….

What is his faith?

Scientology

This from a man that published a song called “Chocolate Salty Balls” that reached #1 on the chart in the UK a few years back. Here are a few of the words:

Two tablespoon's of cinnamon,
and two or three egg whites.
A half a stick of butter?.
Melted?
stick it all in a bowl baby.
Stir it with a wooden spoon.
Mix in a cup of flour,
you'll be in heaven soon.

Say everybody have you seen my balls
they're big and salty and brown.
If you ever need a quick pick me up
just stick my balls in your mouth.

Oooo suck on my chocolate salted balls
stick em in your mouth, and suck em!
Suck on my chocolate salted balls,
they're packed full of vitamins, and good for you.
So suck on my balls.

Sorry, Isaac…but I have to suggest that you remember the old problem with people living in glass houses and owning more than a few stones?

Deal...

Or No Deal

A little before 8 PM last night Pat and I wandered over to the Ritz Theater to watch the latest episode of the NBC TV show "Deal or No Deal."

They had set up a giant projection TV on stage and a crowd of fifty or so people gathered to watch my buddy, Brunswick Mayor Bryan Thompson, win $202,000 in cold hard cash.


The show is a bit lame in my opinion because it's just a matter of pure luck how much money each contestant wins, but our good Mayor managed to kill an entire hour with his smooth people skills that got him elected in the first place.

Being the civic minded guy that he is, Bryan and his lovely wife Heather will be donating most of the after tax proceeds to various charitable causes here in Glynn County.

I, personally, will be stopping by with my hand out, looking for a little cash for my tree sculpture project.

And once I make it onto the show Jeopardy I'll demand that they set up a big TV at the Ritz so everyone can watch me crash and burn in front of a national TV audience.

My Mom and Pat will be so proud...

Those That Fail To Learn From History...

Are doomed to Relive It...


"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who
comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself
to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else,
for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of
creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the
person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an
American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says
he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at
all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have
room for but one language here, and that is the English language...
and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to
the American people."

T. Roosevelt (1907)

The Roar Of The Greasepaint

The Smell Of The Crowd


Sorry, but I just don't have a damn thing worth saying right now.

Some might say that is the case most of the time here on the blog.

My brain has a bad case of vapor lock this weekend and I haven't been able to shake it off in spite of my best efforts. I've got a long rant on transportation security started but I don't have the energy to do the research to finish it right now.

This morning I did manage to finally finish a nice pen and ink rendering of the old US Coast Guard station located at East Beach here on the island. I've already cranked through this drawing once and it came out pretty good, but I've refined my techniques a little, bought some new pen sizes, and pending a few final touches on the front door of the building I think that my second effort resembles a marketable product.

I'm making a photo trip later this morning to get some close up shots of that same door, along with some of another old church that had escaped my attentions last month. Since I have only entered one piece of art in the next Art Show/Competition, I hope to get them to let me toss a couple of extras in at the last minute (the exhibit allows three per artist.)

I've been looking into having my originals scanned and a limited number of copies printed for sale locally.

Good gosh it's expensive...

As far as I can tell, if you buy something that costs under $50 you're generally buying junk made in China or somewhere. I'm facing the grim realizations of the costs of framing, matting, and reproduction (not sex), and when I toss in a little profit for the starving artist (that would be me) it's easy to cross the $100 mark for what amounts to chicken scratchings on small sheets of fancy paper.

I have a hard time figuring out how to price art. Of course I can always sell the copies mounted on foam core board and matted for a lower price. I'm only worried because I want to at least recoup the up front costs--I have enough hobbies that cost money to participate in.

I want positive cash flow from this one.

Birthday Preparations

OK...So I'm Busy Right Now...


I haven't had time to get pissed off and write about anything this evening.

Sorry.

We're in mid celebration of two memorable events this weekend.

First and foremost, we have a birthday in the house on Sunday and I'm scrambling around making last minute preparations.

In the interest of safety (my own), I won't tell you how old she is, but hopefully she'll enjoy my efforts.

In addition to getting her car detailed by your's truely, she's also eating an extensive menu of culinary delights that I have planned to serve during the ceremonies over the next couple of days.

We also hope to have our first day at the swimming pool today and start covering up the lilly white body parts we've developed over the winter.

By the way, here's a peek at the front cover of the the birthday card that I PhotoShopped for Pat last night:





She REALLY wants us to get a little miniature Dachshund as a pet and I'm constantly in trouble for resisting her efforts, so I gave her a picture of a Dachshund and hopefully it will serve as a decent (short term) substitute.

The other notable event is the acceptance of my latest entry in the Glynn Arts Association's Coastal National Exhibit that opens April 1st.

Huray for me.

I'm officially elligible to be called a "starving artist" now.

Excuse me, but I'll be right back--I've got to add that qualification to my Resume...

Billionaires

I Ain't One...Are You?


Forbes published its annual listing of world billionaires again recently.

As would be expected, Microsoft's chief computer nerd Bill Gates still leads the listing with slightly over $50,000,000,000 in his bulging wallet. Mr. Personality Warren Buffet trailed along $8,000,000,000 behind.

All in all, there were 102 new billionairs added to this year's 793 total.

Since my name didn't make the list and I'm still a few zero's short of the needed net worth totals, I guess I need to pick up my pace a little.

On second thought...maybe not...

The saddest thing to me about this survey was that Miss. Personality, the delightful Martha Stewart, fell off the Forbes billionaires list. (Couldn't have happened to a nicer person, in my opinion.)

Rumor has it that apparently Martha didn't take the news too well.

I've learned through confidential sources that, in an effort to reverse her financial fortunes, Madam Stewart is rolling out her new "Tammy Faye Baker" line of cosmetics--coming to a K-Mart near you this spring.



Here's a preview of the results...Quite a lovely improvement, don't you think???







EXTRA..EXTRA...EXCLUSIVE NEWS FLASH
(7:00 AM update to the above posting)


Apparently Martha and Tammy Faye have already had problems with their new partnership and the enterprise has been disolved before the first products hit the store shelves.




Some kind of quality control problem, apparently...

(good God I LOVE Adobe PhotoShop)

Plan B

Tempest In A Teapot?


Excuse me while I tilt my ever balding head back, look toward the heavens, and issue a hearty belly laugh--directed toward the Democrats and most of the lamestream mainstream media.

Just in case you haven't heard, DP World, the UAE company that wanted to take over the operational managment of five US ports, tossed a big old bucket of ice cold water onto the roaring flames that were surrounding them and being fanned by the media, the Democrats, and most of the lilly livered Republican Congressmen.

Instead of enduring a witch hunt Congressional hearings, DP World chose to end the growing hysteria by transfering the control and managment of the US port operations to a "US owned entity".

I can't help but wonder what this actually means.

It was unclear how the company would manage its planned divestiture, and Bilkey's statement said its announcement was "based on an understanding that DP World will not suffer economic loss."

Even critics of the deal expressed cautious optimism that DP World's move would quell the controversy surrounding that company's plan to take over some terminal leases at six major U.S. ports held by the London-based company it was purchasing.

US Tax dollars wouldn't be the balm used to smooth over this political wound and to assure that "DP World will not suffer economic loss," would it?

I'll bet you it's going to cost us something in the long run.

This sudden development that was announced late this afternoon, just as the purchase of the rest of the worldwide operations was completed in Great Britian, left Harry Reid and the rest of the Democratic Congress sputtering and blubbering.

They won't say it out loud, but what Mr. Reid and his cronies are really upset about is the loss of this total non-story that they had expected to keep flogging on CNN and on the front pages of the nation's newspapers for at least the next 45 days, if not all the way into the November mid-term elections.

I personally don't believe that this change in the terms of the deal came about accidentally.

Further, it seems to me to make good business sense because the five ports here in the US (Miami, New Orleans, New York, New Jersey, and Philidelphia) only represented about 10% of the total contract value.

I suspect that President Bush and at least a few others well known personalities in the top levels of the Federal government knew that the contract revision was coming or even asked for it to happen well before it was made public today.


Bush is probably laughing is ass off, and would be quite pleased to thumb his nose to his detractors, and possibly quote the words of this lovely lady...(SNL's Emily Latella)


"NEVER MIND"

Mission Impossible Impractical?

Ports Management Deal Gone Bad...


I guess that almost everyone over the age of forty remembers the old TV show Mission Impossible.

I used to love to tune in each week to watch the tape in actor Peter Graves' tape recorder turn to smoke after he had received his latest mission requirements.

"Good Morning...Mr. Phelps...Your mission, if you should decide to accept it, is to..."

Being the God fearing, red-white-and-blue flag waving American TV hero that he was, it seems to me that there was never a single mission that Peter Graves turned down in seven seasons of intrigue ending in 1973.


I wish that I could say the same thing about California Congressman (and so-called Republican) Jerry Lewis seen here.

I've been wondering if Representative Lewis and Peter Graves were not actually separated at birth or something--they look so much alike.

But then I think that we all just got an answer to this rhetorical question, because Congressman Lewis recently acts more like comedian Jerry Lewis than a serious defender of American Freedoms and interests.






Today Congressman Lewis stunned the Republican leadership and President Bush by attempting to outright kill the UAE port managment contract without any further investigation and discussion in the Senate or the House.

Dammit if it doesn't look like the Republican Majority is running scared of the 61% negative public opinion figures resulting from the NY Times and Associated Press demagoguary on the issue.

All I keep hearing Congressmen and pitiful ill-informed citizens say is something like "Can't have no dang foreigners running our port security..."

I've got a news flash for you, ladies and gentlemen...

There is hardly a single port here in the United-By-God-States of America that isn't already FULL OF DANG FOREIGNERS.

They are everywhere.

The ports are overrun with foreign national's, both legal and illegal, just like our construction jobsites are teaming with Mexican carpenters and brick masons.

You can't pick up a container or roll a new Mercedies Benz off of a ship's deck without tripping over a Liberian or Irishman handling the operations managment.

To the NY Times credit, a couple of weeks ago they produced this story about the common practice of foreign port managment.

HOUSTON - In the outcry over who should run America's seaport terminals, one clear trend appears to have been overlooked: American companies began withdrawing decades ago from the unglamorous business of stevedoring, ceding the now-booming industry to enterprises in Asia and the Middle East.

So it is no accident that American companies are not in the top ranks of global terminal operators, who have ridden the coattails of the explosion in world trade. That shift has transferred growing financial clout to a handful of seafaring centers in Hong Kong, Singapore and now the emirate of Dubai.

Indeed, the takeover of the Peninsular & Oriental Steam Navigation Co. of Britain came down to a battle between two foreign, state-backed companies. One of them, DP World, is owned by Dubai's Maktoum family. The other, PSA, the world's second-largest port operator, is part of the Singapore government's investment arm...

Moreover, the international shipping business has evolved in recent years to include many more containers with consumer goods, in addition to old-fashioned bulk commodities, and that has helped lift profit margins to 30 percent, from the single digits. These smartly managed foreign operators now manage about 80 percent of port terminals in the United States. That figure is 90 percent in Britain, a country that used to be the world's biggest shipping power.

Though two American companies now rank eighth and ninth among the world's top 10 operators, it would not be easy for other American companies to get into the business. The retreat began decades ago amid rising labor costs and slow growth, while foreign companies spotted opportunities.

Unfortunately, in their ongoing effort to not be "fair and balanced," the Times buried the story back in their Money/Financial section rather than putting it on the front page with the usual hysteria.

Do yourself a favor and go read the article. If you do read it in its entirety, you'll find yourself knowing more about the ports issue than practically every other American (with the possible exception of ME.)

I took the time to look up PSA international's website and I learned that they already operate nineteen ports in 11 countries--but none yet in the United States. I also learned that PSA is owned primarily by the Singapore government.

So suppose that instead of selling the port operations to Dubai based DP World, owned by the government of the UAE, we let the sale go through to a company in the middle of a region with the SECOND LARGEST MUSLIM POPULATION IN THE WORLD.

That's right, the region including SE Asia, Indonesia, and the Pacific/Indian Ocean Islands is covered up with Muslims, and some of their citizens are not immune to opening a can of "Jihadist whoop ass" every now and then on Australia and the non-Muslims in their region.

What's the difference here?

In wrapping this subject up this morning, I'd like to make two final points to those of you that didn't read the entire NY Times article.

First, the reason that there are few US companies in the business of handling port managment and cargo loading/unloading is due almost entirely to the cost of UNION LABOR. Domestic companies, forced to hire union employees, found that they couldn't make a profit so they got out of the business. Even our imperal Federal Government can't force company shareholders to lose money in the shipping business, or any other business for that matter (remember the recent government induced flu vaccine shortages?)

By the way, the five ports in question were purchased by the British in 1999 and 2000, while the philanderer-in-chief Bill Clinton was still running national security.

Finally, I believe that I have a solution to this problem--IF the media and the politicians will stop collectively slinging mud at each other, settle down, and re-bid the contract like mature adults and businessmen.

As the Times article says, private shareholder owned companies were discouraged from bidding on the contract because of the deep pockets of the UAE and Sinagapore governments.

The bad news was that they (private companies) all dropped out in the last bid solicitation early, leaving only two foreign government owned companies in the competition.

The good news was the price offered for the Peninsular & Oriental Steam Navigation Co. of Britain was about 20% higher than expected. What a nice surprise for the current British owners, but what an expensive potential negative windfall it has turned out to be for American politicians--particularly Republicans.

I say that if the project were simply rebid with the stated exclusion of everyone but privately and publicly held companies that meet Nancy Pelosi's and Harry Reid's partisan standards, we could put this issue behind us and get back to the business of running the country and fighting the war on terrorism.

But of course, as usual, nobody in Washington asked me my opinion...

THE SKY IS FALLING!!!

Much Clucking Ado About Nothing...

The usual hysterical suspects Associated Press and the World Health Organization are at it again—flapping their arms furiously, wrinkling their brows with concern, and making dire warnings about the dreaded bird flue.

The Associated Press’s experts say:

China on Wednesday reported its 10th human death from bird flu, a 9- year-old girl in the country's southeast.

The girl died Monday in the southeastern coastal province of Zhejiang, the Ministry of Health said in a statement carried by the official Xinhua News Agency. It did not immediately say whether she was confirmed to have the virulent H5N1 flu strain.

The cause of the girl's infection was under investigation, but she visited the home of relatives whose chickens died while she was there, the ministry said earlier.

The H5N1 virus has devastated poultry stocks and killed at least 95 people since 2003, mostly in Asia. Fresh outbreaks have been reported in more than a dozen countries since early February.

Most human infections have been linked to direct contact with sick poultry, but experts have warned that the virus could mutate into a form that could be easily transmitted between people, possibly sparking a global flu pandemic that could kill millions.

Why the hell does the Associated Press even bother to write stories like this if they can’t even get “the official Xinhua” people to confirm that this single death in a country with a population of 1.3 BILLION sandal clad residents actually has anything remotely to do with their headline?

The girl was probably constantly sleeping with the chickens in her room or ate a dead chicken or made a new pillow using feathers from a chicken she found laying beside the road or something.

People in China treat their chickens better than they treat their women.

Next the WHO gets in on the bird flue bandwagon with this dire prediction:

Bird flu a bigger challenge than AIDS, warns WHO

By Alexander Higgins, Geneva

THE lethal strain of bird flu poses a greater challenge to the world than any infectious disease, including AIDS, and has cost 300 million farmers over $10 billion in its spread through poultry around the world, the World Health Organisation said yesterday.

Scientists also are increasingly worried that the H5N1 strain could mutate into a form easily passed between humans, triggering a global pandemic. It already is unprecedented as an animal illness in its rapid expansion…

Dr Chan told over 30 experts in Geneva that the agency's top priority was to keep the deadly H5N1 strain of bird flu from mutating."Should this effort fail, we want to ensure that measures are in place to mitigate the high levels of morbidity, mortality and social and economic disruption that a pandemic can bring to this world," she said.

WHO says 175 people are confirmed to have caught bird flu, and 95 of them have died.Global influenza pandemics - as opposed to annual recurrences of seasonal flu - tend to strike periodically. In the 20th century, there were pandemics in 1918, 1957 and 1968.

Bird flu could potentially cause more deaths than those from the global flu pandemics. Because the H5N1 virus is airborne, it is easier to transmit and more contagious than HIV/AIDS, WHO officials said.

Yada, yada, yada…yack yack yack.

You do realize that the WHO has a vested interest in pumping this story for all it is worth, because if they can convince enough people that there is a problem then their budget will get incrementally boosted as they attack the new perceived threat.

Bigger threat than AIDS, huh?

I hope the WHO does a better job with the UN than they’re doing down in Africa fighting AIDS. It is well documented that the UN personnel spend way too much time raping or otherwise demanding sexual favors from young girls in the areas they are working right now.

Chickens everywhere are probably quaking in their little tiny boots…

A Nice Big Steaming Pile

Blogging Reruns...


I wrote this little ditty about a year ago, and my friend Wayne's concern over his little dogs going into a neighbor's yard to "do their business" this evening reminded me of my earlier ranting...

Here it is presented again...slightly edited, for your enjoyment.


Back in the late 1980's early 1990's, I had a really nice yard at my house in Marietta, Georgia.

Being a self committed yard nerd and totally into enjoying manual labor induced muscle pain, I used to spend a couple of afternoons each week and at least one weekend day doing my “yard thing.”

Mowing, aerating, pruning, planting, spreading lime, pre-emergent weed killer, fertilizer—you name it, I had a piece of equipment to accomplish the task and I did it religiously and my efforts showed in the quality of my lawn.

I’m also happen to be a cat person.

I've had a dog a few times before a long time ago when I was a kid, and I’ll have one again--when and if I move back to the farm in Alabama or buy a parcel of land larger than a postage stamp.

My problem is that I like big dogs like Rottweilers and I don’t believe in torturing a good yard dog by keeping them in the house.

Any hooooo...

Our next door neighbors in Marietta had five dogs and a small herd of cats, and a fenced back yard to keep the larger mongrels in. They also had this one little furry mixed breed beast that was an inside pet, except when he needed to visit the toilet late at night.

Then they let him go out the front door of their house unescorted, where he proceeded to walk down their driveway to the street, barked a few times at no one and nothing in particular, turned left and wandered into MY yard to do his business.

It took me a while to figure out what the yellow spots were in my grass because the owners were apparently poop-scooping the poop on a clandestine basis, but the little bastard’s urine must have had a PH of 0.1 because he could kill a 12” circle of grass with one little squirt.

It was driving me crazy because back then I had a real job and had to keep 9 to 5 hours and the sins were committed at 2:00 AM most of the time.

I thought about buying a black ski mask and hiding in the bushes, but instead I settled for quiting my job and beginning the early training required to become the night owl that I am today.

The little mutt's barking was ultimately his downfall because, once I figured out who (or what) was responsible for violating my lawn, I started staking him out with my BB gun, powered by about three or four pumps.

Don't go out calling PETA or the Humane Society here. There wasn't enough power behind the BB to cause injury and leave evidence, but let me tell you...

I could make that little 12 pound mutt do a triple axel figure skate jump or a quadruple somersault and leave my yard with amazing speed with one single shot.

That said, we now live in a very nice area here on St. Simons Island.

Not the best—that’s down at the Island Club or over on Sea Island—but the houses around our condo complex sell from the mid $300K range up to over half a million dollars each.

Although the yards are typically tropical in nature with lots of pine islands and flower beds, EVERYONE has a landscape company do their lawns and the places each look like a botanical garden most of the time.

Which brings me to my point.

Why the hell do all of these snooty homeowners take their $1000 dogs out for a walk to pee and crap all over their neighbors’ curbs, grass, and mailboxes?

Is it a mutual thing?

“Your dog does my yard and my dog does your yard,” or something?

Really, there is a daily parade of fancy dogs ambling along the streets with their owners mindlessly allowing them to ravage an area within ten feet of the curb.

And another thing...

What if I decide to buy a house in the neighborhood?

What do I do if I don’t own a dog and I am not able to reciprocate in the "Mutual Urination and Defecation ASSociation?

Can I eat a few bowls of chili Friday night, drink a six pack of beer, toss on a big ole poncho, grab the newspaper, and wander over into my neighbor’s yard to squat down and take my evening constitutional?

On Saturday morning can I drink a half pot of Café du Monde coffee, toss down a few donuts, and scramble by my neighbors place for a little “business in the bushes?”

If no one sees me, so I’m not charged with public indecency, is leaving a big steaming pile on the front lawn against the law?

Just wondering.

If Fido can, why can’t I?

Is (Almost) Everybody But Me An “Ignorant Dumb Ass”?

If the shoe fits…wear it.


I guess everyone has heard that old saying (If the shoe fits wear it…)

I also suspect that anyone that hasn’t heard this expression most certainly could fall into the category of the “Ignorant Dumb Asses” to which I’m referring.

I feel sorry for them, because…being “Ignorant” can be cured through the process of attempting to gain an education.

Being a “Dumb Ass” is a lifelong avocation, I believe.

I know people that have actually made it (being an “Ignorant Dumb Ass) into an art form.

Some of them have even earned a good deal of financial remuneration in the process.

That doesn’t matter, because they’re still “Ignorant Dumb Asses” in my book.

I know people that have apparently paid money to earn Bachelors Degrees from “Dumb Ass Tech” or some other institute of higher “Dumb Ass” learning.

Others have even spent the cash to obtain qualifications like a Masters of Arts in “Idiotic” and even a few PhD’s in “Futility.” Call it what you will, they’re still just glorified versions of “Ignorant Dumb Asses” none the less. I’m glad that I’m not responsible for paying back those student loans…

Any way, you should beware… they’re out there running around loose in the world, and those of us that have elevated ourselves above or otherwise avoided being “Ignorant Dumb Asses” all know who they are and do our best to avoid them.

Sometimes it is really hard—avoiding “ignorant Dumb Asses”—that is.

Here on St. Simons island, I’ve found that most of our “Ignorant Dumb Asses” are encountered twirling around the grocery store parking lots, so I can carefully elect when I choose to endure my “Ignorant Dumb Ass Encounters” (IDAE’s) to times when I have my maximum level of patience. I sometimes think that it would help if I brought along a handgun, but the punitive repercussions are a bit severe so I limit my responses to chewing on my fingernails when I have a trying encounter with one of our indigenous “Ignorant Dumb Asses.”

It also looks to me like many of these poor afflicted people (Ignorant Dumb Asses) have been sequestered in Washington DC and in the State Houses of all 50 states. That’s one of the reasons I decided to leave Atlanta to move out here in the sticks where the incidence of encountering an “Ignorant Dumb Ass” is much lower.


It almost seems like being an “Ignorant Dumb Ass is a prerequisite for being elected to serve in political office. Just take a look at this bill introduced into the New Jersey General Assembly:

This bill would require an operator of any interactive computer service or an Internet service provider to establish, maintain and enforce a policy requiring an information content provider who posts messages on a public forum website either to be identified by legal name and address or to register a legal name and address with the operator or provider prior to posting messages on a public forum website.

The bill requires an operator of an interactive computer service or an Internet service provider to establish and maintain reasonable procedures to enable any person to request and obtain disclosure of the legal name and address of an information content provider who posts false or defamatory information about the person on a public forum website.

In addition, the bill makes any operator or Internet service provider liable for compensatory and punitive damages as well as costs of a law suit filed by a person damaged by the posting of such messages if the operator or Internet service provider fails to establish, maintain and enforce the policy required by section 2 of the bill.

I have a SERIOUS problem with crap like this, ladies and gentlemen. It is insidious, ill-conceived legislation, and it has far-reaching ramifications when it comes to free political speech on the internet, and blogging like the kind I do here in general.

Who are these pussy footed, tepid tea drinking morons that propose legislation like this?

You see, once again, instead of enforcing existing laws against liable and slander writing and speech, this law attempts to balm and assuage the tender feeling of “Ignorant Dumb Ass” Americans by passing the blame to the innocent operators of Internet websites.

I’ve called four fifths of America “dumb asses” and various other names like closet Democrats, Feminazis, Homophobes, Homophiles, and even Georgia or Auburn football fans here on this blog over the past 18 months

So what is their point?

I also have the ability to moderate comments made here on MY website, but I usually just leave any comments by "ignorant dumb asses" laying there for everyone to see. As a matter of fact, I actually love it when some "ignorant dumb ass" or "barking moonbat' stops by and leaves some ill-conceived lunatic ranting that I can publish and dissect point by point the next day.

The bottom line here is that YOU have the right to stay away from this blog or otherwise avert your eyes and not witness my butchering of the English language and read my rantings placed here in the ether of Cyberspace.

If you don’t like what I say or otherwise disagree with me, then I offer you a hearty GET THE HELL OUT.

That's a nice simple solution, isn't it?

Yes, you…YOU…there with your panty wasted liberal thumb stuck between your pouting lips and the wet diaper…shoo…scat…get…gone…

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAY ABOUT YOU AND JOHN sKERRY and sHRILLARY CLINTON AND ALL OF THE BLACK NEGRO AFFRICAN AMERICAN RACE BAITING WARLORDS LIKE AL SHARPTON AND JESSIE JACKSON.

You don't like what I have to say?

TOUGH SHITSKEY...

BUT, we don't need a new law making it illegal for me to say that Teddy Kennedy can't get it up unless he's in the presence of three midgets, a donkey, two weedeaters, and a small flock of ckickens. (Oh...right...his fantasy involves three one legged TRANSGENDERED midgets and a FEMALE donkey...silly me...)

I guar-an-damn-tee you that this law, if it is passed, will be selectively enforced to the detriment of free speech in New Jersey. It won’t start out being used against little blogs like mine with 50 readers a day on a good day, but it will ultimately have a chilling effect on the dialogue here on the internet.

And it won’t just be used against bloggers and websites based in New Jersey either.

Just like the Porn laws, you can bet the bank that they’ll come after blogs located all over the US, if not all over the world with their torches and legal swords and speers, defending their citizens and lawmakers rights to be "IGNORANT DUMB ASSES.

If this trend were to actually catch on, each and every state will end up having special laws like this and spend infinite sums of money chasing people like me that have the audacity to say that Bill Clinton’s 4 inch penis is larger than John sKerrys pinky finger sized member.

And of course reporting things like that Nancy Pelosi has two extra breasts instead of shoulder blades and two belly buttons (making it impossible to tell if she is coming or going while her head spins around as she walks on her hairy unshaven legs down the California beaches) will be against the law.

I'm telling you, my gentle "non-ignorant non-dumb ass" readers, there are people out there that don't like the access that the internet gives private citizens like me to a large potential audience.

They want things to go back to the way they were when Walter Cronkite and ABC and the Associated Press held the keys to the information superhighway and they were in charge of all of the lies and slander news.

Don't you do it.

Don't you let it happen.

If it does, it's all your fault...because I've done all I can do to inform you.

Liquid Lava

For All Of You That Live Out There In The "Real" World


Here's what you missed a little before 7 AM this morning...



(Don't worry, I soaked it all in and used it all up myself...)

More Fuel For The Fire

Hey All You Muslims...You Listening?


I heard that they were at it again Sunday over in Turkey and Pakistan, rioting over those little bits of colored ink on paper published in Denmark last year.

Good gosh I wish that was all I had to worry about--ink on paper--that is.

Being the brutal, insensitive, ignorant, politically incorrect redneck Rocket Scientist that I am, I found myself unable to resist doing a little photoshopping this morning.

Here's a sample of the results of my efforts:

Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's our old Warner Brothers friend, Yosemite Sam, sitting right there on the top of a camel's hump.

I'm so proud of my work (it took about 20 minutes.)

But...

Allah forgive me...my mind isn't pure...and as a result of being an infidel, I was wondering...

What if Mohammed actually had a red beard rather than a black beard?

Am I guilty of blasphemey?

Or does my depiction of my friendly "Camel Jockey" in this image make a difference?

Better yet...what if I just admit that I'm a crappy artist and that I INTEND the cartoon to represent the Muslim Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him), regardless of the color of the beard?

Does what I was thinking when I drew the cartoon make me guilty of something like a hate crime here in the US?

No?

Well, Suppose I leave the "peace be upon him" (PBUH) off of my reference, something I find strange any way.

Is lightning going to come out of the heavens and strike me on my ever balding head?

Or is a herd of camels likely to over run our lawn tomorrow at dawn and chew up all the shrubs or something?

Yeah...I thought so.

And another thing--why can't all of us Christians and worldly heathens start demanding that total strangers be required to utter a phrase of words behind every written or oral reference to our name?

Sounds like a good idea to me.

Imagine if once you reached the age of 18 or 21 you could have a religous ceremony or go to court before the Magistrate Judge and have him decree your own personal salutation.

Only $29.99 plus court costs...maybe I'll start a do-it-yourself internet site.

Here's a list of words I'd suggest be used if all of us here in the center of the free world elect to adopt this form of respect:


Jack Daniels Be Upon Him (one of my personal favorites)

NASCAR Be Upon Him (for all the true southerners)

Peter O'Tool Be Upon Him (for all the Lawrence of Arabia Fans) (See Richard Simmons below)

Richard Petty Be Upon Him (for old NASCAR fans)

Jeff Gordon Be Upon Him (see Richard Simmons below)

Ted Kennedy Be Upon You (can anyone survive that injustice?)

Richard Simmons Be Upon Him (for all the fat girls and closet gay guys)

Richard Pryor Be Upon Him (for the comedians in the crowd)

Richard Burton Be Upon Her (she knows who she is)

Oprah Be Upon You (for the daytime TV fans)

Dr. Phil Be Upon Her (for everyone that also watches Oprah)

Betty Crocker Be Upon Him (for the guys learning to cook)

Martha Stewart Be Upon Him (actually a curse)

Corvette Be Upon Him (also an accident description)

Harley Davidson Be Upon Him (for all the guys in their second childhoods)

Philip Morris Be Upon Him (for the smoker in the family)

Cruise Missile Be Upon Him (for the Iranian leader)

Smith and Wesson Be Upon Him (for the NRA guys)

His Lawyer Be Upon Him (for the businessman)

Her Lawyer Be Upon Him (for the adulterous guy losing the house and kids)

Her Lawyer Be Upon Her (very Clintonesque, don't you think)

His Mama Be Upon Him (for the middle aged guy that still lives at home)


Have I ommitted any one here?

Oh well...maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.

I'm just an ignorant blogging Redneck (BBUM)

BBUM means Budweiser be upon me...

It sorta has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

What?

You don't think so?

Who asked you anyway...

So Jihad me if you don't like it, dammit.

snap, click, rack...(the sound of the clip being loaded and the bolt on my 30-06 rifle engaging a round...)

Our New Pet

(S)he's Cheep To Own and Operate


Have I mentioned that we live in a second floor condo that has one glass wall in our living room facing out into the adjacent trees?

We love the privacy not being at ground level, and we usually have two hummingbird feeders and two birdseed feeders hanging outside in the summer to attract out feathered friends.

We're having our usual spring bloom on a tree outside that has branches that extend within about five feet of our balcony railing, and here's a picture of the view out of the window most afternoons last week...




Excuse me while I go put on some clothes now...because I think that little critter's looking for some nuts...