Brain Surgeon...Or Fry Cook?

What Will I End Up Doing When I Grow Up?


I hate to admit it, but these days I feel a little like Max Baer’s character Jethro Bodine on the Beverly Hillbillies.

For those of you who have been living in a cave for the past forty years or otherwise can’t bear to watch the adventures of the Clampetts et. al., let me remind you that Jethro—a graduate of the sixth grade—was constantly plagued with indecision as he pondered his employment options.

In addition to Brain Surgeon and Fry Cook, I seem to recall Mr. Bodine investigating other careers like…

Rocket Scientist
A “Double naught” Secret Agent Spy
Movie Producer
International Playboy
Rock and Roll Star
Airline Pilot
Frogman i.e. Navy Seal

Any way, I’ve been spinning around here on our little island for over two years and other than a little engineering consulting work here or there and some property rental income, my money making ability has basically sucked.

Yeah, I know, I know, I appear to be the ultimate philanthropist with my work with the community theaters and our neighborhood association, and we adopted a foster grandfather to look after for a year or two, but I’m basically bored out of my skull much of the time and writing blogs ain’t putting no bacon on the table and chicken in the freezer.

Thinking about the parallels between Jethro and I, I just realized that I’ve worked my way through most of his list of professions, and found most to be financial loss leaders when it’s all said and done.

I did twenty years of highly technical work as a Mechanical engineer. Those jobs paid really well and I guess that you could say that I was close to being a “Rocket Scientist.”

I spent a couple of months spying on the sexual antics of a soon to be ex-wife before she moved out, threatened to have me killed, and put a restraining order on me. Not much of what I’d call a success, but all in all a good learning experience. I’m most definitely not private investigator or spy material, in my estimation.

I've never had much interest in movie production. In fact, I’ve never owned a video or movie camera and I haven’t been to a movie in a movie theater since the last Lord of the Rings film came out.

As far as being an International Playboy, I once took three different women to the same Jamaican resort in a twelve month period back in the mid-nineties. I was quite famous with the resort staff and I guess that I was trying to play the ladies man back then. I'm proud to report that for the past five years I’ve settled down with a wonderful woman that puts up with my quirks and obsessions.

As a rock and roll star, I did about a year in the late 90’s as a harmonica player and back up vocalist with a local Atlanta band that had a good deal of potential until the inevitable infighting, wife/girlfriend issues, insanity, and job relocations broke our little gang up. But then again. there's always karaoke...

As to being an Airline pilot, I never came close.

My navy flying career ended when my vision took a turn for the worse in college and my private pilot career ended when the FAA refused to give me a Third Class Medical certificate because of my hypercoagulative blood condition. I did manage to have the thrill of renting an airplane and flying around the planet by myself, and I'll never forget the day I flew my first solo flight and got my "shirt tail cut off." (All the pilots out there know what I'm talking about...)

Navy Seal?

Nope, the Seals would have killed me and used me for fish bait, but I did a short stint in the Navy Reserve back in the late 1970’s and I have spent a hundred or so hours underwater as a NASDS certified scuba diver.

That just leaves Brain Surgeon and Fry Cook, and I feel too old to go back to medical school now, although I could probably make it if I wanted to.

Finally I have to look at Jethro's Fry cook ambitions, and that’s another story entirely. I’d love to go to culinary school, but I don’t want to spend the time and money at this point in my life, so I’m thinking about doing the next best thing.

You see, I had an interview last week with the executive chef of the best damn restaurant here on our island. He didn't make me any promises of employment because he had just started the interview process, and he thought that someone of my age and experience was crazy to want to start at the bottom in the restaurant business, but I think that the interview went quite well and I know that I’d love the experience.

In addition to having the opportunity to improve my cooking skills and recipe knowledge, my Redneck Gourmet cooking blog would benefit and the cookbook would finally get done.

AAAAAHHHHH…WHAT HAVE I DONE?

THEY MIGHT SAY YES, THEN I’D HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

Maybe I should start comparing myself to Samuel Clemmons…

Let’s see...

Author
River boat captain
Newspaper reporter

Yeah, that's the ticket...

I haven’t done any of that stuff yet.