I Are “The Pool Nazi”

Careful what you ask for…


This morning, for the second time in a week, I found someone sleeping in a vehicle or otherwise clandestinely using our parking lot without permission.

Earlier in the week I found a contractor that I knew was supposed to be working in a condo in our building sleeping in his Ford Van, with the drivers’ door open and the inside cockpit lights on.

After much consideration, I decided to cut him a break and not call the police since I knew that he belonged here and hadn’t caused any trouble thus far, and when I woke him he respectfully jumped up and removed himself from the public venue.

Tonight things were a little different, however.

I wandered outside about 4:30 AM for my morning swim, and to my surprise I found that there was a pickup truck sitting parked in front of the pool house with the engine running and the parking lights on.

Having been young once myself a few hundred years ago, I was willing to give the occupants the benefit of the doubt as I made myself and my presence in the pool area painfully obvious.

Silence.

Next I started feeling nervous, and the presence of the pickup and its occupant(s) or pants-less occupant(s) began to interfear with my morning ritual.

So I rattled around again like I was supposed to be there and was unaware of their presence.

Finally, I heard doors slamming and muffled voices and after a few minutes a young twenty something guy appeared, proceeded to ignore me while he darted into the men’s restroom in the pool house. He grunted something unintelligible as he answered my greeting and slammed the door.

A few moments later, upon his exit, I said “You’re welcome to use our facilities, but if you don’t belong here you need to leave NOW.

His answer?

"F**k you...."

"OOOOhhh Keeeee Dhooooo Keyyyyyy…Mr. personality" ran through my own head...

"You obviously don’t know who (or whom…I can never get that phrase straight) you are dealing with. "

I, being the self proclaimed “Condo Pool Nazi”, simply collected my posessions, saundered back to the condo, placed a non-emergency call to the Glynn County Police Department, and within about twenty minutes he (that would be “Mr. personality”) and his girlfriend were surrounded by two police cruisers, having police officers' flashlights illuminating their un-suntanned lily-white derieres as they tried to reinstall their underwear and other clothing.

Surprisingly enough, everyone was released without further incident as the embarrassed young female (I’m pretty sure I know who it was, and she weren’t where or with who (or whom) she was supposed to be with) sprinted back to her condo and the so-called 'gentleman" hurriedly drove away.

I guess that no one was drunk or had any other legal problems because the officers left empty handed. I watched, with a certain amount of mirth and satisfaction, the entire episode from the safety of my front patio.

Here's the moral of the Story (for those that don't know me or are otherwise not paying attention):

I'm normally a pretty understanding, cool guy, BUT...

don’t be coming to my neighborhood directing the “F” word at me, unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences...

After all, this is.........Mr. ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD