I Guess That I've Acted Myself "OUT"

And Thereby Built My Own Purgatory


I’m getting all antsy these days—wanting to get back up on stage and do some entertaining.

The only problem is, my harmonicas sit around the condo in what was once a hard plastic case for my pistols, and almost everyone that I’ve met down here in the “community theater” business is either a total lazy asshole of a man, else they are a big giant sweating overweight woman going though menopause that thinks that they can act, sing, and dance—and regardless of their ability, they (the aforementioned hairy assholes and psychopathic sets of mammary glands) exercise control over most of the theater stages around this part of the Georgia coast.

I’ve learned to not get in their way over the past couple of years, doing things the hard way.

My problem is that I know that I can’t dance and have no intention of learning, but that I want to learn more about acting and want to have the opportunity to do same, and I guarna-damn-tee you that I can out sing virtually every single body that shows up at an theater audition with men’s sized shoes, bearing a set of Testicles somewhere between their knees.

Doesn't matter...you got to PAY to get up there on stage.

You got to be willing to put up with INSANITY.

In my experience, it's worse than being married to a half dozen crazy women, and possibly a couple of "straight" guys.

I say "straight" because if the guys were GAY, at least they would smell good (and they could definitely dance and possibly sing while they're at it...)

But I digress...

I also screwed up the pre established, yet hyper-ineffective, pecking order a couple of years ago with my efforts in the theater set construction department.

Therein lies my current problem.

See, if you actually know SOMETHING about what you're talking about or are attempting to do most of the time, you get into trouble around here. I, on the other hand tend to avoid interjecting myself into the process when I know beforehand that I'm totally USELESS.

Everyone else seems to not know ANYTHING about the proceedings, but though the process of knowing all of the correct PEOPLE and endlessly hanging around the building; running all of the other much more qualified persons away, they manage to get their ill-fated opportunities…BY DEFAULT

Thus, my dilemma...I sit here at home for most of the theater season, wasting away hiding my talent(s) under a bushel basket, while our local theater companies stage musical plays featuring a boat load of untalented idiots that can’t act nor sing nor dance.

Isn’t the world a strange place to live in?

So sorry…I was just suffering from a moment of weakness and self pity…