Are You Nuts???

I KNOW That I Am...And Proud Of It


Most "Sane" people bother me.

You know the type--people like cops and judges, many lawyers, and airline pilots--people that never laugh at anything and just stare at you blankly when you tell them your best jokes.

I guess that brain surgeons fit into this category also because the last thing you want to see as the anaesthesiologist puts the mask over your nose and mouth is some guy wielding a scalpel or drill and wearing a lampshade on his head or Groucho Marx glasses with the big nose and bushy eyebrows.

That said, take a look at this story about the Pentagon considering dropping their mental health questions when considering people for a security Clearance.

WASHINGTON - U.S. troops would no longer be asked to reveal previous mental health treatment when applying for security clearances under a proposal being considered by the Pentagon.

The idea stems from the finding that service members avoid needed counseling because they believe that getting it — and acknowledging it — could cost them their clearance as well as do other harm to their careers, The Associated Press has learned.

"This is just one of several items under review by the Department of Defense and the services in an effort to remove the stigma associated with mental health issues," said Air Force Maj. Patrick Ryder.

Stigma associated with mental health issues?

What's up wit' 'dat?

I say that if any given employer, including the government, is handing out jobs and the associated paychecks that they have the right to ask any damn questions that they want.

If they don't like my answers to the questions: "Mr. Rogers, have you ever had sexual fantasies involving a midget, two chickens, and a Weed Eater," "have you ever driven a tractor wearing nothing but crotchless overalls," or "did you once purchase edible underwear that was flavored like biscuits and gravy" that they be allowed to refuse my employment at the local bait shop or boat dealership.

No lawsuits with ACLU backing and sensational appearances on the TV talk shows, I'd just have to look elsewhere for employment else keep my mouth shut in the future.

I've actually had a Secret Security Clearance for a number of years back in the 1970's and early 1980's when I worked at the US Army Aeromedical Research Laboratory at Ft. Rucker, Alabama and again when I was in the Navy Reserve at Georgia Tech.

Having a Clearance isn't any big deal really because they don't actually TELL you any secrets, they just use the clearance to find out if you are sane enough to be trusted around sharp objects and while walking up and down stairs and stuff like that.

My dad had a Top Secret clearance for most of his career as a Test Pilot and engineer for the Army and it just meant that he couldn't come home and bitch at the dinner table about the latest "magneto-hydro-dynamic-pulse-doppler-laser-nippleometer" (actually a device of my own design which can in theory determine the ambient air temperature by remotely bouncing a laser beam off of a woman's breast--I'm still doing field trials while working on the patent...) or whatever else he was working on mounting and flying around in a Chinook or Cobra helicopter.

I'm sure that Dad took some pretty interesting stories with him to his grave, but that's OK.

I had a couple of ex-wives that shouldn't have been allowed to have a security clearance because those bitches were Websters definition of CRAZY and neither one of them ever admitted it to me or actually sought any mental health counseling--they just told me everything was my fault and left it at that.

My college buddy up in South Carolina is in the process of getting rid of his own Prozac inhaling she devil soon to be ex-bride and she never admitted any culpability in her contribution to his insanity osmosis.

Regarding the proposed Pentagon policy, I say let them keep asking the same questions, and let them have a quota of crazy people that they let in the Army because we need crazy people and mean people in the military to be in charge of breaking things and killing people.

After all, isn't that what war is all about?

Breaking things and killing people?

Otherwise they'd just call it a Tea Party or a game of Tag or something instead of WAR.

"In international news, a keg party broke out in the Gaza Strip today between Palestinian factions...the last man standing will be considered the winner and the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity members are considered the favorite at this time..."

While we're on the subject of military admissions standards, what ever happened to letting people join the Army or Marine Corps in lieu of going to the county jail for assault?

It's the same thing the way I see it, since guys that like punching their bartender or their wife fit quite nicely in the "breaking things and killing people" category.

Maybe we could just eliminate the death penalty for murder and start having special platoons of guys, lead by General Charles Manson, that we would send out to Iran or Lybia to take care of business without any inbedded TV reporters around to cry in their milk and cry foul every time a limb is severed or a head is blown off.

They'd save a good deal of effort and money by having a lifetime deployment bouncing around the world dealing with thug dictators and communist agitators.

Seems like a plan to me...what do YOU think?