If Assholes Were Airplanes…

This Place Would Need A Control Tower


Aaaaahhhhhhh, another weekend in paradise. I can hardly stand it.

If the weather got any better we’d probably have to start paying taxes on it—highs in the eighty’s, and LOW humidity.

What’s up with that? After all, it’s June for God’s sake…In Georgia…within inches of the beach.

I should have drops of sweat stinging my eyes and forming a puddle in my bellybutton while lying on a lounge chair poolside by now. OK, too much information…but I digress…

The Condo Nazis homeowners had their little poolside soirée Saturday afternoon and we wandered by for a few minutes.

Can you say B-O-R-I-N-G?

What kills me is how the very same people that have kicked and screamed for the past 27 months every single time that I complained about conditions at the swimming pool can move heaven and earth when they decide to have a party.

For instance, last week about ten new chairs suddenly showed up poolside. I was quite happy with their appearance, but I also realize that we’ve needed new chairs for two summers now. Isn’t it funny how when the mean old Condo Nazis my lovely neighbors decide to drag their wrinkled bodies themselves out of their thick curtain enshrouded bedrooms into the sunshine, improvements are made for their benefit?

What about both all of us regulars that continuously live hang around poolside the other 364 days out of the year?

And then there was all of the cleaning and polishing and overall sprucing up that was done in anticipation of the most boring party ever held their little soirée.

While I’m happy for the improvements, I was also pissed off that only when the “powers what be” decided that they wanted to use the pool that the funds were made available for improvements.

That’s when the bad Karma took over.

Well, possibly bad Karma, assisted by a little sabotage.

Does anyone but me know that an algae bloom in the pool water can be accurately simulated with a quart of dark green latex paint?

Well, it does…

Does anyone but me know that a piece of paper clip, inserted in a restroom door lock, can temporarily cause the ladies room to be unaccessable?

Well, it will…

And finally, does anyone one but me know that a can of Bushes Chili Starter, a half can of corn, and three giant Baby Ruth candy bars will stop up a men’s room toilet, thereby forcing the soirée attendees to “walk back to their condos to use the restrooms”—a solution that was insisted on being employed by the condo Nazis my lovely neighbors for the past two summers until I got them to reopen the facilities?

Well, it did…

Good God it was a pleasure watching them spinning around in circles all afternoon when they found the pool green, the restroom locked, and the other toilet stopped up.

I just sat back and enjoyed the festivities.

Gee, I sure hope that they catch those mischievous teenagers that messed with the restrooms...