Hey...YOU There With The Frozen Bird Bath...

Taking Responsible Care Of Our Fine Feathered Friends...


Once we moved down to St. Simons Island, quite by accident we developed an affinity for taking care of the needs of a variety of the local avian population which was easily attracted to our doorstep and locations outside our windows with the offering of food or water or in the case of this posting a "bird bath."

Before that time I pretty much could care less about any bird which wasn't battered and fried else breaded and sauteed and served in the "Piccata" style as in "Chicken Piccata" over angel hair pasta with Capers in a rich Lemon/Butter sauce.

Fast forward to today and I find myself filling various substances into not only two hummingbird feeders each summer, but one Thistle Seed feeder for the little birds and one Safflower Seed feeder for the bigger birds and then something new we hadn't had to manage before came with this old house...

a 1960's vintage ornamental concrete birdbath.

If you don't have one you've missed the antics that occurs in one when it is the only water source within a 1/4 mile of your property.

The point of this story this afternoon, however, in the middle of this Arctic blast of weather is this...

Check your feeders first, then...

IF you DO have a birdbath, be sure to boil some water on the stove and go out a couple of times a day and thaw that sucker out, because like us you most likely have a couple of generations of little feathered guys and gals that have grown up only knowing your feeders and birdbath as their primary source of food and water, and with the ground iced and snowed over they will appreciate your attention to helping them get through OWL GORE's latest bout of GLOBAL WARMING.

That will be all...for now...

I'm A Ramblin' Wreck From Georgia Tech

Once Again Wrecked This Morning...


What can I say?

Iowa 24...GT 14... another season down the crapper with season ending losses to the University of Georgia and now Iowa in the Orange bowl.

Did I mention Georgia also beating us in Basketball in Athens last night also?

Sigh...

Oh well, I guess that it's time to get back to Injuneering and leave the football and basketball games--and the winning thereof--to the youngsters...

Saving Private Ryan Screening Grandmas' Privates

Government Pictures Of Trusses, Pubic Hair and Stretch Marks...


I had a couple of cocktails with my lunch today, so I'm sure you will excuse me if I offer these semi-profane sentiments after listening on Fox News to our Community Organizer President's new take on efficient methods of keeping the next wild eyed idiot Jihadist off an airliner here on America's sovereign soil...

You know, little idiots surviving in life like tapeworms or a brown stain on a few slices of toilet paper like our "pantie bomber Christmas Terrorist" Alg Umar Abdulmutallab:

Or the imminently feared rocket scientists with the fuses in their shoes like Richard Ried a.k.a. the "Shoe Bomber" that caused the government to make me buy a couple of drawers of new socks that actually match to wear when I'm forced to walk through the airport in my stocking feet.

Using that same logic they applied after Reid's shoes didn't explode I expect to now have to buy new underwear that actually fits, is clear and free of "skid marks", and doesn't have the elastic bands alternately showing in around the legs and in the waist because of that idiot



Then of course there's those stupid Muslim/Islamic Jihadist Camel/Goat Loving Bastards (MIJCGLB for short) that pulled the original 9/11 attack on PA and DC and NY City.

Assholes like this Guy is who they should be be looking for:

Khalid Shaikh "I'd Like to Buy a Vowel" Mohammed who was convicted of planning the NY City bombing:



Or this giant piece of Camel Dung that flew one of the planes into one of the twin towers:



But NooooooOOOOOOO...

The government still is worried about people like this and looking at their Girdle and inspecting their oxygen bottles,



or this lady's Gopher Gravy, Pickled Buzzard eggs, Possum Stew and "Rumatiz Medicine"...



YOUR government (not mine) is spending inordinate amounts of their time worrying about what people like Clara Peller and Granny have in their Gel soles in their shoes, the size of their Deodorant and Shampoo Bottles, and now what they are carrying in their underwear.

And Obama's crowd still can't stop worrying about cute little suckers like this doing stock trading commercials and their Mother's containers of breast milk and breast pumps and God knows what else they haul around in their carry on diaper bags to annoy me (but not kill me) on any given flight...





I say that you are a beyond stupid if you feel in any shape form or fashion to be safer with the implementation of this latest Government Crappola.

Further, if people like me keep getting pissed off more and more...when we've finally reached our breaking point...

YOU run the risk that we'll all just agree to avoid the Obama administrations "anti Terrorism" initiatives and start a club or fraternity or franchise designed for the single purpose of going around running IN the OUT doors at every single airport every single day of the year and you know what?

It won't matter if anything ever explodes...if anyone ever is wounded or is ever killed...

with that mental attitude and approach to "security", all of the Soccer Moms and idiots that watch CNN will be too afraid to fly and the rest of you will be permanently be stuck in a giant "terrorism induced" traffic jam at the airports and...

in my book, when it's all said and done, the TERRORISTS will have won the battle, if not the WAR as a result of our Government and a population of sheepish idiots...

Their Terrorism campaign can AND will succeed without ever claiming another life if we continue along this path...

because they changed our way of life and so many people set around trembling in their boots stocking feet in the process.

...and that's just WRONG, in my considered Redneck Opinion...

Dammit

Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Dang It's Cold Up Here.....


It was 13 degrees F when the sun came up this morning, and now it's all the way back up to 16 degrees with a 30% chance of snow.

Problem is, who in the heck can use snow when it's this cold?

Even with bibs and a parka and other Ski gear I say that you can't enjoy it.

At least I can't.

Of course everyone in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan; Erie,Pennsylvania; and Buffalo, New York are probably laughing at me right now if they're reading this, but regardless I sure wish I could have afforded the time and expense to get out of the cold and go down to Miami tonight to watch Georgia Tech play in the Orange Bowl.

The Weather Nerds say that it will ONLY be 52 degrees F at kickoff time, but that's about 35 degrees warmer than it's supposed to be here and I have enough of my own warm personal memories of that city to get me back up to about 85 or 95 degrees in my mind in the process.

Time to go install insulation I guess...

Playing A Game Of Technology "Twister"

I'm COLD And My Brain Hurts...


You might have noticed the absence of ranting and raving here on Monday.

That's because, besides being extremely busy in my basement shop where it almost feels like I'm working in Antarctica, pretty much anything I would have had to say over most of the past 24 hours would have melted MY computer keyboard before it made it onto YOUR computer monitor.

If it can go wrong, it's pretty much gone wrong over the past few weeks with components being out of stock and back-ordered and then yesterday realizing that the power supply company shipped me a 15 Volt DC supply rather than the 24 Volt DC supply I ordered for the first panel.

And now with the temperature not getting above freezing here at the Turbo Pup Compound for the past two days, and snow flurry's and similar temperatures predicted for the foreseeable future I had to stop and go to Home Depot yesterday afternoon to buy another space heater for Pat's new basement office and a couple of rolls of insulation to put in the walls of the new shop to keep things warm.

Seriously, last winter we might have had two or three days with temperatures running between the low teens and freezing daytime highs--and I wasn't living in the basement working at that time--and now our neighbors are telling us that this is more like normal winter weather for Knoxtown so the old uninsulated 1963 concrete block basement walls are going to have to have some help to make things habitable.

Of course the central heat pump system also has duct work vents in the basement but last winter we had some THREE HUNDRED DOLLAR electric bills which we really don't want to repeat this year so while I'm not busy playing the part of "Chief Electrical Engineer" I also have to do an encore performance as our "Chief Mechanical Engineer" and get some improvement in the thermodynamic performance of our building envelope.

...wait a minute...

...I just checked my fancy wireless weather station and outside my house it's 16 degrees F right now (and it didn't make it above 25 degrees F yesterday or the day before.)

...and they're predicting winds up to 25 MPH on Thursday so with the wind chill we're looking at numbers near ZERO going into the weekend.

...and checking the Internet it's going to be in the mid 50's on St. Simons this weekend.

...all I want to know is...

WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS---MOVING UP HERE---ANY WAY?

Christmas Decorations Stored Away

Time For Reality To Set Back In...



I don't know about you, but I had a pretty darn good holiday season this year in spite of living in a household were both of the adults were "officially unemployed" for most of 2009.

Yes, I did manage to get a a little consulting work along the way and sold a piece of property in the late summer that gave us funding to keep from starving and missing house payments, but the funny thing is that in spite of all of the doom and gloom on TV telling me the world was ending and it was George Bush's and Carl Rove's fault; and unless we gave the Democrats total control of everything from our bank accounts to our toilet paper supplies we were all going to hell in a hand basket; I'm approaching 2010 on an upbeat note and planning on hitting the ground running full speed tomorrow morning.

I have work to do and phone calls to make and I don't need the government to come over to my house and help me do it or offer me mental health counseling to get through the month (after all, everyone that knows me knows I'm closer to stark raving mad than I am to textbook sane and sober and I actually pride myself in my special form of carefully crafted insanity.)

That said, the other good news we learned over the holidays before everyone went home to eat Turkey and Ham and watch football bowl games was that Pat's company where she worked for almost 24 years before merging and closing her office in Chicago was offering to hire her back.

She'll be telecommuting from here at home in Knoxville with a Product Implementation Team that is spread all over the US. There's a little travel involved but with my flexibility the Turbo Pup and I can go along if it's longer than a few days and it will be nice to rack up the frequent flyer miles and rewards nights in hotels because we've pretty much used up everything we had over the past couple of years.

Not only does she start work again on January 11th, but they restored her to full seniority including an ENTIRE month of paid vacation and of all things a RAISE in pay from her last salary.

You can imagine the weight that takes off of our shoulders as we attempt to continue to grow Plastics Engineering Technologies in our second quarter of operations. It also allows me to be able to fund our operations and build some lines of credit because if things go as planned we see some really nice revenue projections in the next couple of quarters and it takes money to make money and now we're in a position to grow steadily as we build our customer base.

So here's wishing everyone a good New Year of self reliance and profitable endeavors in spite of our meddling government and pandering politicians. If they will just get our of our wallets and out of our way I say everything and most everyone is going to be just fine in 2010.

What about you?

Who You Gonna Am I Gonna Call?

Ghost Busters???


Apparently I know nothing about computers and computer software.

At least that would be the case if you judged my skills based on the progress we made this weekend.

As my blog title says, I think we're haunted and need an Exorcist or a Witch Doctor or someone else skilled in the occult and/or goblins and spirits and such to get things moving again.

My laptop seems to have lost it's mind and no longer wants to talk to our fancy expensive infrared temperature probes, and Vince's computer--running Windows 7-- won't properly install any of the software for the Programmable logic control OR the IR sensors so our holiday business pow wow is most likely going to end a marginal success at best.

And when they get on the airplane to head back home to Missouri this morning that leaves me alone here in Knoxtown to put the final touches on the software and the panel hardware--something I can be considered barely competent at at best.

I know that it will get done one way or the other, I just wanted a good deal less drama in the process but now it seems that there is no way around it being a nail biting theatrical event as the deadlines approach this week.

I guess it were easy everyone would do it and make money in the process, so on that note it's time to head back to my basement shop and beat on the machines a little more.

Wish me luck, If you will...

Everybody Have a Flabby Happy New Year

My Kitchen Jihad...Grown Men Quiver In Their Boots


What's going on in my kitchen right now probably could be against the law in many states.

I give the idiots in Washington DC another ten years and it probably will be.

No "trans-fats" and artificial sweeteners mind you, I'm talking REAL fat from pork and Turkey and Cows here in my world.

Did I mention a whole POUND of butter spread around in different places?

First there's the pot of black eyed peas which have been soaking all day and now have a smoked ham hock laying in the middle of the pot as I slowly heat things up.

Next there's the giant five gallon pot of mustard and Collard Greens, with not only a smoked Ham Hock but also a Turkey leg--bone in--wallowing around in there for flavor.

That pot of greens is just getting started on the stove top in anticipation of being available with the black eyed peas, a big pone of home made corn bread, mashed potatoes, sauerkraut, beer bratwurst, and a giant stuffed pork tenderloin which I as yet have to go slice and fill with fruit and breadcrumbs and tie it all up with butcher's twine.

Then there's the breakfast casserole of bread and eggs and sausage and colored bell peppers and onions and bacon and cheddar cheese that's already put together, sitting in the basement fridge, and just needs to slide into the oven tomorrow morning for breakfast.

There's a half stick of of REAL, unsalted butter in that dish.

Then Saturday for dinner there's my soon to be famous White "Green Butt" Pork Tenderloin Chili which is still in the raw component phase.

And Pancakes and link sausage for breakfast Saturday and Huevos Rancheros (Mexican Eggs) for Sunday morning Brunch and I figure the ambulance will be arriving around noon to take me to the Cardiac Recovery Unit at Fort Sanders Medical Center.

If you don't hear from me here on the blog, somebody send up a flare....

2010?

What Ever Happened To 2000?


The way "Time is Flying", I find myself thrashing around this morning trying to get focused and organized, but then again since we're bumping up against YET ANOTHER holiday on the calendar I realize that everything's going to pretty much come to a screeching stop until next Monday morning.

I'm sort of looking at this "holiday" as a nussiance rather than a benefit because it's costing me money to stop and celebrate something that doesn't really matter in the big picture.

Because most everyone has the day off on Friday I had to beat some suppliers into shipping stuff I ordered last week, with one causing me to have to pay for over night FedEX because they were sitting on the shipment for apparently no good reason.

We've got guests in town for the extended weekend starting tomorrow evening so I have to get cooking later this morning to prep the New Years luncheon meal and plan Saturday Dinner and Sunday Brunch.

Sometimes I wonder why the heck I always end up putting myself in the position of making everybody's gastrointestinal satisfaction and needs a top priority on my personal time line, but I do and I did for this weekend so it's time to go consider the last minute grocery list and the details of getting things done on time.

In the mean time I'm fairly sure something in the news will piss me off and give me some additional blog fodder, but until then...

...regards Y'all

I Can't Win For Losing

Silly Crap That Makes Me Crazy...


So I wander up to Staples yesterday to buy my end of the year load of office supply crap, and when we get up to the checkout with the cart full of paper and divider tabs and .5 mm pencils and Desk Lamps and all the other stuff we think we need I ask the rocket scientist girl at the counter this:

"I know that I left my Staples "Rewards Card" here last week, can you check and see if you have it?"

She then proceeds to drag us over to the "service desk" (there was no one else in line at the time) and we watched while she fumbled around in a bunch of bags under the counter...then she gayly announced that she didn't have a single "Staples Reward Card", just a couple of cell phones and a WalMart card in their lost and found.

Isn't that amazing, that the store which insists on assaulting you every time you walk in the door with a sales pitch to make you take one of their "affinity" cards has exactly ZERO cards left behind by customers?

In a place where they want every single customer to have their card, and where their employees are brainwashed to deliver a sales pitch over and Over and OVER again until in capitulation (and to shut them the heck up) you finally take it?

I'll tell you what's going on at Staples these days.

Once you finally succumb to their sales pitch, those son's-of-guns are throwing your cards away if you leave them at the checkout so that you can't retrieve the "rewards credits" you've earned over all of your purchases.

According to the website, we spent nearly $800 at Staples in 2009 and it really does add up when you include recycling printer ink and all the other stuff we buy, so I know a good thing when I see it.

And I, being a self proclaimed "Super Genius", had gone online prior to our visit when I realized that the last rocket scientist sales clerk had failed to return my "Rewards Card" to me (I have to ask for it back almost every time) and found my "Rewards Number" and had it written down on the back of one of my business cards for future reference.

This visit being in "the future", after five minutes fumbling around and not finding the card in the store I then presented the rocket scientist lovely woman with my business card bearing the number on the reverse (BCBNR for short.)

Do you know what that silly bitch rocket scientist lovely female sales clerk did?

SHE COMPLETED MY TRANSACTION AND FAILED TO GIVE ME CREDIT FOR MY $100 PLUS PURCHASE ON MY "STAPLES REWARDS CARD."

WTF?

Yep...She smiled as she told me about how to get my online rebates for some stuff I had bought and mentioned in passing that she had had a "brain fart" and that I also needed to call the 1-800 number she wrote on my receipt so I could have them add the purchase to my "Rewards Card" account.

I exited the facility with Pat pinning my hands together behind my back in order to keep me from spending New Years Eve in jail for assault.

Is it just me?

It's Almost New Years

Where's My Limo?


I have to say that I'm already tired of all of the "retrospective" stories on the TV and in the Newspaper rehashing everything we were forced to live through in 2009.

Of course a little bit of nostalgia goes a long way with me anyway.

I think the people that made the least contributions to the goings on in our country and in the world--those with the most minimal of actual accomplishments--by virtue of having nothing of consequence or responsibility to do are the ones which most enjoy reveling in and reminiscing about the death of people like Michael Jackson and the inauguration of our impostor professional poser President Obama.

I, on the other hand, have "bigger fish to fry," and I prefer to spend my time looking forward on the calendar rather than backward.

I'm just happy to have made it through 2009 after my company closed down last December 19th without missing a house payment, while at the same time managing to earn some semblance of a living and minimally maintaining my professional beach bum lifestyle.

In spite of the cash flow crunch, in 2009 I still managed to spend about two weeks back on our little Island of St. Simons (in April my team won second place, "People's Choice" in the 2009 Chili Cookoff using my recipe), spent time on another Island--Cedar Key-- last summer, and finished the summer off on Santa Rosa Island Labor Day weekend.

Not bad for someone who was "officially" "unemployed."

The key (excuse the pun), in my considered Redneck opinion, is just keeping your priorities in order.

Any way, the New Years' celebrations this year here in Knoxtown at the Turbo Pup Compound on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River will be somewhat subdued, with family guests (my new business partners) arriving New Years eve in time to eat a blended southern northern feast of Pork, Wurst, Sauerkraut, Greens, and Black Eyed Peas with Cornbread.

We're basically keeping a low profile and trying to get the second PLC panel put together so we can open the year with a shipment of new product in anticipation of rolling out a couple of new control panels and actually making some good money in 2010.

No limos, no funny hats and no staying out in a club until midnight, I doubt if I'm even awake at 12:00AM so riding around in something like this like we did last year in Kansas City between Christmas/New Years is out of the question:



I don't know about you, but I'm not waiting on the government to stimulate my personal economy, I just want them to get the hell out of my way and let me do what I know how to do.

The Imperial Federal Government of the By-God United States of 'Merica and all of the other "do-gooder" busy bodies can just go somewhere else and help someone that thinks that they need it...

...and I wish everyone the best of luck in 2010.

(I'm afraid we're gonna need it)

Old Enough To Remember Seeing This Image On TV?

Then You Know It Means This Blog Is "Off The Air" Right Now...






If you're bored, scroll down and re-read the insanity I wrote yesterday and I'll talk to y'all later.

I'm Starting al Qaeda Airlines

Nobody Move...Everybody Has a Bomb!!!


Isn't that a brilliant idea?

The Government Idiots in Washington DC could take all of the Taxpayer dollars they waste on fake, useless Airline security measures and just start an airline or charter service for Arabs.

If you have "al" or "el" or any name with more than twenty four syllables that requires extra phlegm to say, or you insist on wearing table and bath linens on your head, you could fly for free from any destination inside the united states to any destination in the middle east.

One way, on the taxpayer dollar.

And before you get on board a government employee would pat you down and run you a couple of times through the metal detector, and then if they couldn't find anything they'd loan you a box cutter, strap a load of plastics explosives around your waist, and shove a stick of dynamite up your ass before putting you on the airplane.

Then once everyone was on board and they were taxing for take off the cabin steward, a big wild eyed hairy sucker with a turban, a bandoleer full of ammunition, and a machine gun would come out and deliver the "preflight briefing" which would go something like this:

"cuickkkkkk (the sound of a microphone opening)

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and welcome on board el al Qaeda Airlines flight 666 to Mecca.

In order to ensure your safety and that of the passengers around you we ask that you remain on your prayer rug, with your Velcro knee pads and palm pads securely fastened to the carpet until the captain has turned off the "Velcro knee pad sign."

This Ismail Industries Allah 705 "Virgin Buster" Jet has four emergency exits...two over the wings and two behind the flight deck, although according to TSA and FAA regulations they have been welded shut from the outside prior to departure.

Although smoking is allowed on board once we reach our cruising altitude, we ask that you resist the urge to blow yourself up until we are safely over the Arabian Peninsula.

During our in flight cabin service refreshments will be available including goats milk, Camel Urine, olives, and crackers with feta cheese. Fermented sheep's milk would be available along with various wines and malt beverages for $5 each, but then we will have to slit your throat if you consume them because alcohol is forbidden in the Koran.

The in flight movie will be the 2009 remake of "Lawrence of Arabia" starring Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as Peter O'Toole, Lybia's Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi as Omar Sharif, and Yasser Arafat as the Ghost of Christmas Future....er...wait a minute...that's a different film.

any way...

The operation of cell phone bomb detonators, satellite phones, laptop computers, and other portable electronic devices is strictly prohibited (but we know you don't care what activities are allowed in flight so go ahead and do as you please...we won't stop you.)

On behalf of Captain Mohammed and First Officer Abdul and your Detroit based el al Qaeda cabin crew, we ask that you kneel down, relax and enjoy our flight as we head directly toward Mecca and your 100 virgins.

We know that you have a choice when making your air travel arrangements and we appreciate you choosing el al Qaeda Airlines

We hope you enjoy your flight.

...click...(the sound of the microphone going off)"



Heh...I wrote that myself...I amaze even me with my insensitivity sometimes...

Terrorism For Dummies

An Open Letter From An Angry Redneck...


Hello Mr. Terrorist,

I hope you're having a lovely afternoon there kneeling facing Mecca, chanting Allah, and visualizing your 100 Virgins out there in the after life.

Seriously, I'm starting to agree with you that some of the "Infidels" over here in the US need to have an industrial strength sized can of WhoopAss opened on their heads enjoy a little personal Jihadist terrorism, and here's my ten cents worth of advice on how you can totally screw up America and large portions of the "civilized" Western world--sometimes without even killing yourself by blowing up the first tennis shoe or lighting the first fuse on the bottles of liquid and powder you have strapped to your scrotum and shoved into your rectum, but I digress...

FIRST, you really have to understand that MANY of the people in charge of security here in the US are at best mentally retarded, and the ones that aren't are either too stupid to prevent any serious threats from occurring else they actually hate America and Americans enough that they don't care what happens and what the effects of their actions or in-actions are in the process. The rest of the people I haven't identified are too politically correct to risk offending you so feel free to run amok around the "enhanced" security measures they're putting in place this week.

SECOND, you need to realize that the American people are too interested in watching Reality Shows and American Idol or College Sports to actually get up off of their asses and elect anyone with any real capability to defend themselves and our country at large.

THIRD, you can sleep peacefully knowing that even the most inept members of your rag tag band of Muslim Missionaries can strike terror in the hearts and minds of our leaders and most of the population just by showing up and doing something to get yourself arrested--even if it actually never really posed a serious threat to anyone but yourself. The US Congress will pass a new law at the drop of a hat and the Obama Administration has a spoken policy of "never wasting a crisis..." so I think that you get my drift here.

FOURTH, you can count on our lamestream media--NY Times, CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC and the ASSociated Press et. al.--to tell you our every move and leak classified information from "confidential sources" and other people that should know better but "decline to be identified" or "spoke on condition of anonymity" because things like Treason are against the law here but unless you're driving DUI or speeding the laws are mostly not enforced these days.

So, with that groundwork laid out for you to see, lets talk about how you and a couple of dozen of your swarthy, bearded, Allah loving associates can totally F**K up the American way of life in a single 24 hour period.

First of all, each of you needs to fly somewhere wearing obvious Arabic/Islamic/Muslim cultural garb and act as strange as possible. That will start shutting things down and make all of Soccer Moms wet their panties right off of the bat. Some people will go home and some will take the next flight, but isn't that what terrorism is really all about--attacking our civilization and our way of life?

Further, the night before your flight and at the airport you need to eat two or three bowls of Applebys or Ruby Tuesday Chili, then, traveling in pairs on airline flights at least two hours long, in the the last hour of the flight jump up and yell "Oh Allah my colon's going to explode" and run up the isle and try to use the restroom on the flight.

When they refuse, and after the five fellow passengers finish duct taping you to your seat, just smile and soil your pants leaving a giant stain that Ajax won't remove.

I mean something which will require the replacement of the tray table, seat back (in the upright and locked position), and the seat cushion/flotation device when you're done with it.

Then once you arrive at your destination, have spent your seven hours in interrogation, and have changed into your free Government issued underwear, go out to the rental car counter and ask for the largest truck/van they will rent you.

Be sure to load a couple of packages of radical Muslim propaganda into the trunk and glove box and leave it there for the company to find at the end of the day, then drive to the local fireworks stand off the interstate at the state line and buy $1,000 worth of roman candles, bottle rockets, and Cherry bombs.

Go to your motel room (leaving more fake radical Muslim propaganda on the desk) and pack the fireworks into two or three suitcases fused together, then go to the local mall, go inside, and light the fuse.

Step back and watch the fun.

You'll be arrested, but you'll be out of jail in less than a year, still alive, and will in fact have accomplished almost the exact same result as if you had driven into the building with a 1000 pound bomb.

You see Mr. Terrorist, in addition to being stupid, many Americans are Chicken Shit Cowards, and their reaction is only mirrored in the actions of their leaders, so by doing what I just described six times in a single day, you will have paralyzed the American Air transportation system and shut down the American retail sales system for weeks if not months in the future.

You see, our leaders won't just stop Terrorists with Turbans and poop stains on their flowing robes from coming into malls and getting on airplanes.

NooooOOO Sir.

They will want to force EVERY SINGLE PERSON to use the restroom at the airport at gun point prior to boarding. Heck, because it will become so difficult to fly, many airlines will go out of business else many low volume routes will be eliminated.

Instead of flying non stop from LA to NYC, they'll close the restrooms on planes and chain everyone to their seats and you'll be forced to "hopscotch" your way across the country in one hour segments with mandatory restroom stops along the way.

And all of the Malls will also probably close down and everyone will have to do their shopping on the Internet because you can forget carrying a bag of packages into the Mall to make a return for at least six months to a year without going through a metal detector and playing with a bomb sniffing dog.

Yes Mr. Terrorist Jihadist, many things are possible through Allah's will, and it's the LITTLE things that really get under peoples' and the government's skin...so why not give up the 9/11/2010 plan and just wear everyone down with crap like you did this past week?

Makes sense to me, although I'm just a silly middle aged Redneck. Think about it and get back to me if you have any questions, and until then...


Peace Be To Allah,


Virgil Rogers



Heh...

TSA = Transportation Security Administration TSA = Try...Something...Anything

More Government Induced Stupidity


Would somebody help me get the issue of "Airport/Airline Security" straight in my mind this morning?

You see, I'm a little confused.

Here's what I know so far.

In the time since we got the idiots to stop hijacking airliners to Cuba back in the 1960's and early 70's, we've pretty much not had much problem here domestically except with the occasional mental case or drunk on a domestic commercial flight.

Then on September 11th, 2001 a half dozen shit heads of middle eastern/Muslim descent decided that it would be a good idea after taking some flying lessons to go out and bring some Ace hardware box cutters on board in their carry on luggage and take control of four airliners full of people and crash them into things.

In response to that event the idiots in our government decided to start strip searching pregnant women and elderly grandmothers, then as a follow up performance after another European bastard terrorist wanna-be A.K.A Richard Reid caused them to start making everyone take off their shoes and belts and stagger through the metal detectors with little two ounce bottles of shampoo and toothpaste.

All of that applied to every single person going through the airport while at the same time handling people wearing turbans kneeling on prayer rugs and chanting Allah Akbar etc. etc. with kid gloves as they cruise right through with no additional screening than that given to me, your average Redneck traveler.

That brings us up to this week when some Northern African follower of the Peaceful religion of Islam managed...

In spite of being on the "Terror Watch List"...

and in spite of not having a passport...

and in spite of apparently having to go through screening in Amsterdam (a FOREIGN COUNTRY IF YOU HADN'T NOTICED) and boarding a airline bound for Detroit (AN AMERICAN CITY, IF YOU HADN'T NOTICED)...

Managed to set himself and a few other passengers on fire in a failed attempt to bring the aircraft down.

Before I continue, let me point out that the guy was an idiot for waiting until the aircraft was ten minutes from the airport because any engineer and most people walking around having watched the 1970's "Airport" movies know that the best time to try to explode a Boeing and do the most damage is while it is at altitude--something like 35,000 or 40,000 on a transcontinental flight--not when it's down at 6,000 feet and the air pressure differential between the cabin and the atmosphere is minimal.

Now back to my original point.

I'm hearing and reading this morning that in response to this latest incident the so-called "Homeland Security Secretary" Janet Napolitano and her band of inept government boobies are going to start making everyone stay in their seats for the last hour of the flight and not allow people to have blankets or pillows or Computers or Video Games OR EVEN BOOKS in their laps or hands during that 60 minute period.

I guess that means that if you take the flight from our little Island of St. Simons to Atlanta and the scheduled time is 53 minutes that they're going to lock the bathroom door and make you keep all of your carry on luggage in the overhead bins and under the seat for the duration.

And what about the idiots that travel with their babies and toddlers flopping around in their laps (many times screaming and crying and annoying everyone else on the flight)?

Are these same people which are required by law to strap their kids down in special car seats while DRIVING to the airport at 65 MPH going to finally be FORCED to buy a ticket and lash their little darlin's down while traveling at 500 MPH and 30,000 above the ground?

Probably not, but our idiot government thinks nothing of going through an endless list--yes a veritable plethora...a Cornucopia of FECKLESS, INANE, INEPT processes and procedures designed to do nothing but fail their purpose and further annoy and inconvenience the traveling public.

Unless you wear a rag on your head and have a weird Beard hanging off of your chin, I don't feel one damn bit safer when you and and your Grandmother are forced to walk around in your socks and stockings and be groped by some GED wielding pervert wearing a badge that says TSA.

And if they really enforce that "last hour in your seat rule" they better start buying a few million drums of Clorox and Lysol else start handing out "Depends" adult diapers at the ticket counter because many men and most women can't make it on a three hour flight (particularly the ones that can't resist spending $8 at the Concourse Starbucks on a Latte Grande low fat Soy with Splenda...) without visiting the phone booth sized boxes they call "lavatories."

I guess that on a three hour flight you can forget getting your free micro glass of Coke and tiny bag full of eight peanuts and just expect to sit with someone's butt in your face because for the first TWO HOURS the line to the "lavatory" is going to stretch the entire length of the plane and the stewardesses flight attendants won't be able to trundle that little cart down the isle to get to you.

And not once has anyone at a senior government level offered to do the obvious...SEARCH THE CRAP OUT OF EVERY YOUNG MUSLIM BETWEEN THE AGES OF 12 AND 100, and tell the airlines that if they don't follow the existing rules--the ones enacted after 9/11--their airlines will forbidden from flying to the US or the offending airport will be banned from originating flights to the US.

Forget making God fearing Americans jump through an ever growing list of BS in the name of "security" when the THREAT to security is more than likely coming from OUTSIDE our borders. And the crap going on inside our borders could be reduced or virtually eliminated if these same Government Bureaucrats would control access and entry through the borders...but they won't.

Somebody tell me that I am not right here?

I'm waiting...

I'm telling you people, this is all just another shovel full of stinky, dollar bill encrusted, Grade A, un-homogenized Government Bullshit.

Not only that, but once again they've advertised their intentions so "Yehaa al Abdul" and "Yusha al Ismail" and all their wild eyed Virgin seeking co-horts will do is watch Fox NEWS/CNN and go change their tactics.

I'm sorry, but I have to go now and get a towel to wipe the spit off my monitor and try to think about something else before my head explodes.

That will be all...for now...

Two Down. One To Go.

Better Enjoy It All While It Lasts...


I usually have mixed emotions about the "Holiday Season", and I guess thinking back it generally follows the path of whether I'm an "employee" or a "business owner" when late November rolls around on the calendar each year.

As an "employee" working for someone else and paid with someone else's dollars, the holidays are pretty much a fun break from the 9-5 routine, except on the occasion when as an "employee" I have been responsible for some important aspect of a project (or even the entire project) and the deadline falls during the period from the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Years or shortly thereafter when the holidays and end of the year vacations often times cause me to find myself under staffed and overworked in my efforts to meet the deadline.

As a past and present business owner I can tell you, unless you are in the retail consumer goods business were you count on holiday spending as a significant portion of your annual sales, that as a provider of products and services to the industrial market it VERY hard to make a DIME between mid November and January 2nd because everyone that's not already staying home on vacation has their mind somewhere else most of the days they do show up at their desks and in the past I've had some hellish experiences in product production and delivery as a result.

It's hard to not be like Scrooge this time of year because almost everything stops and you can't find anyone in technical support and your component shipments are delayed because they're caught up in the seasonal rush of packages and mail.

And of course the people in accounts payable responsible for processing vendor invoices and cutting checks and getting you PAID...the original reason you went into business in the first place...are either on vacation or the department is otherwise short handed so basically if you haven't been paid BEFORE CHRISTMAS, in my experience you might as well walk away from the mailbox and not come back until some time after January 1st.

So any way, I've managed to live through Thanksgiving and now Christmas, and all I really want this morning is for this week to fly by and for Monday morning, January 3rd, 2010 to roll around so that....

EVERYONE CAN GET BACK TO WORK!!!

Yes...YOU there...

YOU reading this posting.

Go...Shoo...close this browser window and GET BACK TO WORK SO I CAN GET SOMETHING DONE MYSELF.

Please?

OK, that will be all...for now...

An Important Technical Question

Somebody Has To Ask...


Hey Ladies, if you gave your Husband the new Tiger Woods PGA Tour game for Christmas...

Is your marriage still safe?

And what kinds of entertainment does the game give the "players" between "practice rounds" or after winning the Tournament?

Just wondering...

BTW, the URL is sort of Ironic: http://tigerwoodspgatour.com/home/action

Instead for "/home/action", shouldn't it be "/away/action"???


Heh...

BurpHeading North Again

Hotlanta Here We Come...


It's with a certain degree of reluctance that we leave Lower Alabama this morning because other than cooking and eating I basically didn't get crap done because another 2" of rain was added to the twenty feet foot or so of water that's come down out of the sky here in the past month.

The parts of the land that aren't standing in water are mostly a spongy, soft muddy bog incapable of supporting ladders or vehicles or even the weight of human feet beyond ten feet off the driveway or sidewalks.

Any way, we're again dividing the trip into two segments with the first ending in north Atlanta at my good friend John the Architect's house (I worked for the man almost 30 years ago) for dinner and a little catching up, then on back to Knoxtown midday Sunday to check on things at the Turbo Pup Compound.

Honestly folks, this professional beach bum is ready to get back to my new Company making some money, although I realize nothing much is really going to happen in the business world until January 2nd.

Still there's things that can be done at home in the international headquarters of PET working on software and hardware for delivery in January and UPS should have loaded up my carport with boxes of goodies to support my latest efforts.

That said, time to do a little Internet research on some stuff, a little packing and cleaning up in the kitchen, and then do my usual morning nap in anticipation of 4 hours of insanity on I-85.

Regards Y'all...

My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Stomach Everyone's Stomachs

Sale Prices Yield Massive Over-Cooking...


Burp...

Going into the Holiday season, I swore that this year I'd take it easy and not cook an giant elaborate feast of appetizers, multiple meats, and a half dozen side dishes.

The idea sounded good at first, but then they put big turkeys on sale for $0.69 a pound before Thanksgiving and I couldn't resist grabbing a 14 pounder and shoving it in my freezer for future use.

I made it though Thanksgiving keeping my "minimalist cooking" pledge by accepting an invitation for lunch with my neighbors and their large family--only doing a couple of appetizers which only took a couple of hours to produce.

Then when we finally made our Christmas plans and I realized that there was an opportunity to cook Christmas Dinner and...while suffering for Alzheimer's...I offered to cook my NINE POUND turkey for Pat and Mom and I (remember it was 14, not 9 pounds.)

Further, in keeping with my pledge, the meal would consist of just the Turkey, dressing, and two sides with cranberry.

"Really simple."

SIMPLE, I promised myself.

And remembering the old saying "bird in hand (or freezer)...etc., etc.", I decided it didn't matter that a 14 pound bird will serve ten to twelve, so I just threw that sucker in the cooler and carted it to Lower Alabama.

By the way, the good news is that with a rock solid frozen 14 pound bird anchoring the proceeding in the Cooler we didn't need any ice over our day and one half journey south to support keeping cool itself and the beef tenderloin, fresh vegetables and other stuff we raided from our freezer and fridge.

That turkey was still hard as a rock when I cleaned out the cooler and then put it back into a couple of four gallons of brine solution.

So then after cooking a Fillet/Baked Potato dinner Wednesday night and fresh Pork and Chicken Tamale's with Salsa Verde for lunch yesterday...

burp...

at 1:30 PM Thursday afternoon my assault on turkey, Sage Sausage Dressing, Broccoli/Cauliflower Casserole, and a Baked Mashed Potato dish ensued.

Turns out that the other thing I forgot (besides the size of the bird), was that most of my recipes had been developed to serve a dozen people (scaling toward 30 diners a couple of times in recent memory) so when the dust settled at 6 PM last night, besides being too tired to eat, I had what was probably the BIGGEST PILE OF FOOD ever set in front of three people in south eastern Alabama.

burp...

So just now, after a nap, I got through ripping the tin foil and saran wrap off the top and processing the left overs--read that carving the rest of the Turkey off of the bone--so now it's time to scan the cooking blogs for something to make besides "Turkey Sandwiches."

burp...

In the mean time, If anyone has any good ideas, I'll let you have a couple of pounds of free bird....just stop by...

burp...

Oh, and by the way, just in case I missed you "Merry Christmas"...

M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S ! ! !

Here's Hoping You Get What You Wished For...


My request was pretty simple this year...

I just hope it doesn't end up under the tree.


Heh...


(Shamelessly stolen from here )

Jack Webb Schools Obama

All I Can Say Is...A M E N...

Live from Smyrna Vinings Smynings Georgia

Back In Cobb County...


Well, we knocked the first three hours off the interstate portion of our Christmas journey mid-day Monday and then spent the afternoon in Suburban Atlanta between shopping destinations and the Hotel and restaurant for dinner.

Being back in town less than 24 hours, it's still easy to remember why I felt this "Little Big City" I learned to love in the late 1970's changed so much as it grew that it forced me to want to relocate in 2002. (Even today when we visit the traffic still makes my liver, spleen, and colon spasm uncontrollably.)

Now early this morning, before the traffic jam gets going full force, we're sneaking heading south on I-85 toward Auburn and then cross country to the farm.

Wish us a safe journey, avoiding the cell phone texting morons, and not being jailed for killing someone in an adjacent car with my bare hands while traveling at 75 MPH...if you will...

Holiday Travels

We're Headin' Back South...Praise The Lord...


Once again I have to warn everyone that my blogging efforts are going to be sporadic and hit or miss for a bit---whenever, where ever and what ever--this week as we pack and move south for the next 5 to 10 days.

If it were up to me we would head to Atlanta tomorrow around noon and then on to south Alabama on Tuesday morning, and then after Christmas if I wanted to really get crazy we'd spend next weekend in Cedar Key Florida and a couple of nights back on our little island of St. Simons, but Pat's worried about the cost and the length of time on the road so we may just do Lower Alabama and call it quits after four or five nights.

I'm still working on her psychologically and we'll pretty much know by tomorrow night the final travel itinerary. Of course the weather forecast will also have a lot to do with our plans because we can stay home for free versus sitting in a motel for $150 a night watching it rain.

Wish us luck and safe travels (avoiding the texting while driving cell phone morons) one way or the other...if you will...

Virgil's Pajamagram Pajamaham Company

Forget Lingerie...Give Her Something She Really Wants/Needs


As I wrote back last February in my posting called Virgil's Valentine Bear Company, I enjoy lambasting the seasonal TV commercials that drive me crazy selling stuff to Men that are apparently too lazy to go shopping before February 13th or December 24th and/or pay any attention to what their wife or girl friends (or wives AND girl friends...wink wink...) would like to receive as a gift.

Now it's Christmas 2009, and once again I find myself frequently assaulted with the Pajamagram commercials that come on every 15 minutes no matter what channel you watch on TV.

"when she opens your package, she'll think you've been planning for months..."

Yeah...R I G H T...

You ignorant Dumbass...


But (but not Boston Butt)...

Gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce that in the course of my normal entrepreneurial spirit, and as a public service, that it's time for me to roll out my own personal offering in the market of last minute Christmas Gifts for the ladies on your shopping list.

I think that it's something that's really needed...something that both YOU, the Man giving the gift, AND HER, the woman receiving the gift can enjoy--particularly if your little lady is a real life regular woman rather than some exotic anorexic bitchy fashion model like the girls they show on these ads...



when you may be coming home from work and looking at this every night...



I say forget images like this of you and the little Missus lounging around Christmas afternoon...



Not at my house...NooooOOOO...and you can have it too...

Just e-mail me with your credit card or Paypal account number and for the low, Low, LOW price of $109.99 (or three easy payments of $36.66) you can get a beautiful package that looks like this:



And Inside that fashionable box?

Not just two pairs of Funky flannel pajamas with weird logos and images sprinkled randomly over the strange dry-cleaning only friendly fabric...I'm going to include one of these at no extra COST:



Imagine the look on her face Christmas morning when she opens your package from "PajamaHam."

Order now, and while supplies last by December 21st we'll provide free shipping by Pony Express and our famous limited Botulism poisoning warning.



Heh...

Nerdy Christmas Re-Runs

I Thought That This Was Cool Last Year...

...so here it is again for your enjoyment (crank up the volume):




(Somebody's out there's got Wayyyyyy too much time on their hands...)

Here's Your Obama Osama Christmas Greeting

Somebody Thank Reid And Pelosi For Me...






"Infidels..."

Our Turbo Pup Turns Three Years Old Today

"That's One Darn Fine Dog We Got There..."


It's our little Missy "The Turbo Pup's" Birthday today, and I thought I'd publish a photo montage of all the stuff she's done since she was born in coastal Mississippi back on December 19th, 2006.

Since being from the Gulf coast and having made a trip on Delta airlines to come to our house on our little island on the Georgia coast when she was two months old and weighed TWO POUNDS, she's become quite the experienced world traveler and professional beach/pool dog just like her Dad.

Here she is at about three months and three pounds...the nose and body gets longer as she matures...



A glamor photo in the yard of the condo about a month later...



Hanging out on the pool deck with her Cousin "Olive" down in Orlando that spring:



Impersonating Bugs Bunny...



You need to understand that our little miniature long haired Dachshund has her own luggage, and she knows when we're going out of town and she insists on supervising the preparations to make sure her Valet (that would be me) doesn't forget anything (including the puppy.) When we start packing and moving stuff around she can't sit still and will try to get into the car every time we open the doors to load something up. Here she is trying to hide and blend in the stuff as I load the trunk...



In addition to clothes and luggage, she also has her own furniture.

Here she is testing out her new beach chair on St. Simons when she was about 9 months old...(we had to get her that chair so we had a place to sit on the beach because she will take all of the towels and chairs if you don't make a dedicated place for her to sit.)





Swimming with a friend in Grandma's pool down in Alabama a few summers ago...



Wrestling with her dad sporting her Georgia Tech collar...



St. Simons this past spring without her chair (on my towel)



And earlier on that same trip hanging out on the beach and on a restaurant deck with her Dad on Cedar Key, Florida...






Last Christmas sitting under the Christmas Tree looking for more presents and puppy snacks in Kansas City



Hosting another friend and leading the inaugural ceremonies of the new and improved back yard Turbo Pup Pool and Recreational Complex (TPPRC for short) last summer here in Eastern Tennessee on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River...


As I've written several times before, I've spent most of my life living with cats beginning before the age 12 and ending with the passing of two wonderful fellows--Patches and Hoover back in the late 1990's.

With their loss due to old age I swore I would never have another pet, but today I can honestly tell you that I wouldn't know what to do without our little Missy 'The Turbo Pup" who never ceases to amaze me with her intelligence and her ability to use every ounce of her little 11 pound body and spirit to help keep me sane and grounded as I wrestle with life in my later middle age.

As my subtitle said..."that's one darn fine dog we got there..."

In closing, Missy would like to say thanks to everyone for taking the time to look at her pictures and for all your well wishes on this special day, and if you didn't like looking her photos, all she has to say is...






GO WRITE YOUR OWN BLOG and leave my Dad alone...

Christmas Cards

Expensive Social Frivolities...


There was a time, back a hundred years ago about the late 1980's when I was freshly married the first time and full of energy and each Holiday Season found me being responsible for putting out somewhere around 75 or 80 Christmas cards each year.

Then in the late 1990's and early 2000's time my life's circumstances got the best of me, and I became all pissed off and lost my mind and my ass financially and went out of business and for a few years I didn't even call anyone just to say hello let alone send them a Christmas card.

Being that way is harder than it looks, emotionally and spiritually, SO...

here I am today living in a foreign town in a foreign state... WaaAAAAAyyyyyYYYY north of where I really want to be living, licking envelopes and putting on self sticky stamps to the tune of $0.44 each and when the dust settled I realized we were back up to FORTY ONE CARDS THIS YEAR.

And that didn't include my cousins and Pat's extended family beyond grandchildren that had moved out of their parent's houses and didn't rate a card for various reasons including lethargy.

And I was too lazy to make my own custom cards this year.

I used to do stuff like this on a PDA sitting in the airport and then clean it up with Photoshop.






But this year, because I'd run out of art work that everyone hadn't already seen, instead $60 in postage and paper later I finally find my seasonal duties completed.

All the shopping.

All the wrapping.

All the shipments.

And now all of the cards.

You'll have to excuse me for saying that all I want for Christmas is for someone to spike me a giant glass of eggnog with 100 proof rum and let me just sit around and chant "Bah Humbug" from now until the 25th.

Is that an unreasonable request?

Holiday Lethargy

I'm Falling Behind By Getting Ahead...


It's really weird, but I have to admit that I'm having trouble getting motivated the last couple of days after starting the week off like a Jet fighter on full afterburner.

I guess you could say that for some reason I can't help staying out of "fire drill" mode due to some quirk in my DNA or something.

Accomplishment leads to Procrastination.

I got a ton of stuff done on Monday and Tuesday including finishing all of my Christmas shopping online (you got to love those "Free Freight Deals") and getting to the 75% point on my PLC project, then yesterday at mid-week I found myself just sort of sitting around spinning my wheels doing nothing.

I went back to bed mid morning and didn't get up until 3 PM...getting some of the best sleep I've had in weeks while the thermometer hovered around 40 degrees.

Aahhhhhh...the luxury of being unemployed being self employed.

Then I got up and tossed the last couple of strings of Christmas lights on the railings and bushes out on the front lawn.

I also finally managed to finish slow cooking the pork and chicken and beef for my current Tamale efforts, but only tonight did I get the Manudo spice blend put together and the Tomatillo's roasted and run through the food processor for the Salsa Verde.

I've learned that the thing about Tamales is that if you're going to make four of them, you might as well make FOUR DOZEN because it's a huge effort getting everything together, and unless you're from Jaurez or Mexico City things don't come naturally, especially for people from Lower Alabama.

Don't get me wrong, it's not hard, it's just a different cooking process and order and the way I've figured out how to do things I have to do a little more thinking because I've only cooked them a couple of times and those events have been spread out over four or five years.

As usual, each time I make notes and try to improve on the process. Two of the three previous efforts have come out really nice, with the third being a little dry and under cooked for some reason.

The first time I cooked them--the second time ever--for public consumption I had over 40 people try my pork and beef recipe out and if I had been in the catering business I could have made a little money off the offers I received that day--but thus far I cook for pleasure, not profit.

The good news is that the balance of the week can be spent fine tuning the PLC software, completing the user's manual, and getting ready to travel to my Mother's home on the Family Farm in lower Alabama for four or five days extending over Christmas.

After standing on the roof cleaning gutters and and doing other maintenance chores, I hope to be able to spend some time wandering around the property visiting my Great Grandmother's house lost in the woods and built in the late 1800's, and possibly get out my guns and blast some tree limbs off the trees across the lake with 22 magnum and 30-06 rounds.

The older I grow, the closer I seem to become to my family's ancestrial lands--parts of which go back to somewhere around the 1830's--the only problem thus far being always living four to seven hours away since the late 1970's.

Aromas from the oven in the kitchen call me now, so if you will excuse me I'll go see what's going on and hopefully not need a fire extinguisher.

I Want My YOUR Money Back

Since I Didn't Vote 'em In, Can I At Least Complain?


Check this ASSocaited Press story out and come back to me when your head stops spinning...


Unwitting tourists attend White House breakfast
By BEN EVANS (AP) – 7 hours ago

WASHINGTON — The White House is once again explaining how uninvited guests wound up shaking hands with President Barack Obama.

This time, a Georgia couple hoping to tour the White House ended up at an invitation-only Veterans Day breakfast.

White House officials say the couple mistakenly showed up a day early and were allowed into the breakfast because there were no public tours available. They say the couple, Harvey and Paula Darden of Hogansville, Ga., were properly screened for security.

Harvey Darden, however, said there appeared to be a mix-up. No one told them about the breakfast, he said, and the Dardens thought they were starting their tour until they were ushered into the East Room and offered a buffet.

Copyright © 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.


I couldn't really give a crap what goes on at the white house these days. I assume it looks pretty much like a third world country most of the time with the Obama's in charge.

What bothers me is all of the important stuff they're responsible for--things like national security and monetary policy and little details like keeping me from waking up with a boat load of Cubans or Koreans or Iranians or Russians standing on my front lawn waving machine guns.

People can sit around and laugh and high five each other every time the Obamamaniacs pass some new stupid liberal/progressive/socialistic policy, but when the feces finally ends up hitting the rotating impeller ("the shit hits the fan"... for those of you that went to the University of Georgia)I'm going to close my front door and save my ammunition to fend off the hoards coming through my moat and over the ramparts.

Just call me selfish I guess...

I'm In Training To Be A "Motivational Speaker"

I'm Moving To A Van Down By The River...




(I saw this live on Saturday Night Live back when I watched the show regularly as a younger man...don't make me come over to your house and deliver my own speech...)

Go Christmas Shopping At Big Lots...Or Just Commit Suicide?

Take My Guns and Steak Knives Away From Me...


I went to Big Lots today looking for some Christmas Cards.

I'm happy to report that I didn't have to kill anyone including myself, and I didn't have a heart attack although my blood pressure is a few points higher on both ends of the scale after returning home.

Who ARE these people, and why do they lose their minds just because the calendar says "December?"?

Is it just ME?

That will be all...for now...

Seven Simple Home Remedies For Men

My Own Version Of Reader's Digest Tips...

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.


Heh...

Thanks for the ideas goes out to Rodger over at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical Blog

Basement Blogging

I'm The Emperor Of All I Survey....


I'm just finishing up a successful session of programming this evening...something that was mandatory if I'm going to get this contraption out the door and into my customer' hands this week.

In the past five hours I've managed to re-write a substantial portion of the front end of my PLC program and really cleaned things up--in the process jumping across a couple of logical hurdles I've been wrestling with for a few weeks now.

I've had to tear out a bunch of optional "gee whiz" stuff which wasn't in the original specifications or the purchase order and concentrate on the core program code and making the thing sing and dance in the manner it was sold.

It's not really Rocket Science, but realize that it's been nearly thirty years since I last worked with PLC's and it's been nearly 20 years since I spent time writing software on any substantial basis.

Today finds me back on a ladder cleaning gutters and hanging Christmas lights and doing other home owner stuff...then there's still three or four pounds of Boston Butt that needs pulling and further processed into ...get ready...

T A M A L E S.

With real Masa dough wrapped in corn husks and steamed to perfection.

My stomach is growling just writing about them (the Tamales.)

My Butt's Been Brined & Seared

And Now It (A Boston Butt) Is Sitting In The Oven...


I love writing about cooking a Boston Butt almost as much as I love slow cooking a Boston Butt, because I get to write the word "Butt" and nobody can take offence to my content.

See, I just wrote the word "Butt" three times in one sentence.

Now I've written "Butt" five times in three sentences, but (but not "Butt") it doesn't stop there.

Even though it's a Sunday, I'll probably end up SAYING the word "Butt" several dozen times and not once be making reference to any politician or ex-wife or former business partner.

How can one person be allowed to have so much simple fun?

I say that you need to get off your Butt, get yourself a Butt, start by Brining it, and find out...

Stuff That Blows My Mind

Positive Thinking & Blogging...


I've found myself sitting here this morning wide awake, when I should probably be asleep, checking the FedEX website following the "tracking numbers" on a couple of boxes worth a couple of thousand dollars to me in the next month if they get to their destination safely and perform as intended/specified.

Being somewhat of a hopeless romantic, I can't help but think about how far the business world has come since my first days in my first job--as an idiot intern after high school graduation at the United States Army Aeromedical Research Lab (USAARL) at Ft. Rucker, Alabama.

Back then these guys, being on the forefront of technology...while still using carbon paper in some of the typewriters...had these fancy clunky dedicated IBM "word processors."

I thought that it was pretty cool and couldn't keep my hands of them when the Secretaries were at lunch. (the Word Processors...not the Secretaries...OK maybe one of them...)

In 1978 a "word processor" was basically a typewriter with memory...a machine with something the size of a bar/dorm room refrigerator attached to it that could spit out letters and forms while you filled in the blanks with the answers to "Dear..." and "Sincerely..." being the only variables in the equation.

Fast forward to yesterday morning and I wrote three purchase orders, one invoice, and a couple of packing slips and printed them out in color, in triplicate, without a shred of carbon paper in sight.

Then as to communicating with my customer and keeping them up to date?

In 1983, in my first real Engineering job, with a company located off Peachtree Street, we still had the carbon paper in Miss Eller's Typewriter and we were just converting from rotary to touch tone telephones in Atlanta, but only Robert Wagner and Stefanie Powers on the TV show "Hart to Hart had cell phones--and those were the size of a cinder block and were mounted in the trunk of their Mercedes Benz 450 SL Convertibles.

At that time people still used telex and telegraph machines in their offices, and we would have two or three weeks to do a proposal because you had to allow for the US Post office or UPS to deliver the package across the country.

Today everybody wants to ask for a proposal in the morning and expects to have a price by 5 PM regardless of the circumstances or quality of the efforts involved.

I think we all end up paying more for the speed of the answer rather than the end result of the overall efforts involved in producing the product...better to err high than low on the price and lose money.

The first time I used a FAX machine was sometime about 1986 and it was a borrowed transmission at my old GT roommates' company to get a proposal out the door before the deadline.

Today almost everyone has fax machines or fax capability on their computers but let's face it...

other than the idiots in GOVERNMENT OFFICES, fax transmissions have pretty much been rendered obsolete by E-mail attachments of MS Word documents or PDF copies of same.

And that brings me back to my current freight shipments this past week, and the technology that allows me to follow my packages across the country from Knoxville to Kansas City.

I know my stuff was in Nashville yesterday, and I know it continues westward this morning.

And I know all of that by simply pecking on a computer keyboard and entering a few numbers.

I can do the same thing from my Web enabled Verizon LG Dare Touch Screen Cell Phone.

Sometimes I guess it makes sense to stop complaining, especially during the holiday season, and acknowledge how good things have been in 2009.

Not perfect, but it could have been a lot worse...

Anybody But Me Want To Slap That Moustache Off Geraldo Rivera's Face???

I'm Just Wondering...


Anybody else feel that way...because I personally can't STAND that SOB (Geraldo).

I've never have liked him.

Ever.

I guess my dislike actually goes way back in history, back to a time even before his stupid
Al Capone'sVault BS Special aired back in the mid 1980's.

Many of you are too young to remember that sad saga in his limited broadcast career, and many of us are old enough to wish that we could forget.

But we can't, and then again you know what?

At least the idiot's presence on the Fox News channel gives them further credibility to being "Fair and Balanced' because the guy is pro illegal immigrant and "anti" about everything else I stand for in my own life.

Sorry if I appear cranky...I've been up since 1 AM writing Ladder Logic program code while watching the cold rain fall here in Eastern Tennessee.

I guess that it's time now for a nap before resuming my programming duties (and there's a Boston Butt to Brine and cook between now and dinner.)